Marques Slocum: Michigan Football Intellectual, ventures Inside The Actor's Studio

Reporter
Go Blue.

First, Jim Harbaugh was right. Let's see your facebook, Mike Hart.

Second, you must read this amazing arcania unearthed by the guys at EDSBS

Marques Slocum & His F*ck Lion that they acquired from Michigan football player Marques Slocum's facebook.
Now that Marques Slocum has conquered facebook, he now faces the famous Proustian questionnaire devised by Bernard Pivot and utilized by James Lipton, host of Bravo's Inside The Actor's Studio, to conclude every one of his interviews. Marques?

Marques, what is your favorite word?

rockwyla, ez credick, hell 2 dat vicar val ant

What is your least favorite word?

po-lice, wot is u? lol

What turns you on [creatively, spiritually or emotionally]?

creativenosity? da geto boyz, da mothafuckin real

spiritualness? ripple or col' fortify! naw baby jesus

emotionalz? big marques all up in dem bitches

What turns you off?

questionz- now git a nigga sum milk and cookies! 4 real itz when certain persons won 2 test me an try 2 talk dis and dat, step 2 me, run dey jibba jaw, don be dat person

What sound or noise do you love?

my fortz

What sound or noise do you hate?

soun' of cat - i thank do he bite?

What is your favorite curse word?

i woot say.....................voodoo

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

rock dem pitz, fuck halle all nite, pimp fuck lion

What profession would you not like to attempt?

axe questionz, thank & read all day...tho nigga got 2 eat?

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

if heaven zist! If hev zist!? my aunty name PEARLY she da realest ho up in da plannit but she called slocum, not gates so wot da fuck u say bout gates, she wit microsoff! i thank god say "s'up marques here iz hot bitch 4 u, git up innit," im all ai'ght

Thank you for joining us Marques. We are all in awe of Michigan's alternate degree programs

For those of you from the Midwest or the Dallas suburbs, I have a translation below:

1. I have three favorite words actually: rottweiler, easy credit, Hail To The Victor Valiant

2. The constabulary. Tell me, are you a member of law enforcement? I jest.

3. Creatively, I'm inspired by the inner city Houston artists, The Ghetto Boys. Extraordinary performers. Spirits? Why, I enjoy wine and malted liquor. No, I'm being rather glib, I live for Christ, my savior. Emotionally, I'm inspired by making gentle love to a beautiful woman.

4. Your question turns me off, frankly. I am famished, perhaps a light repast? No, I shall address your interrogative: I dislike the persistent negativity of vociferous critics. I implore you: don't be those fellows.

5. Passing wind.

6. The sound of a feline in anguish. Would the beast visit its torments upon me?

7. Technically, voodoo is a "curse word." How droll.

8. I would raise purebred dogs, be a companion to Halle Berry, or initiate a Big Cat breeding conservation program.

9. The life of a public intellectual would try me. That said, one must provide, mustn't one?

10. If Heavens exists? Oh dear Lipton, of course it does! My beloved Aunt Pearly is an extraordinary woman, but her last name is Slocum, not Gates. Are you suggesting that she is married to Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft? Enough of my quippery, I'll answer your question: I believe God would welcome me warmly and offer me the love of a wonderful companion. It would suffice.

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