Leach Harrell Gameplan
by Scipio Tex on Oct 29, 2008 11:15 PM CDT
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Graham Harrell to see you, Coach Leach.
mumble
Coach?
...
Coach! - Graham Harrell: your QB, Heisman contender, school record holder and -
Gotta keep it brief. I've got an appointment at 4:00.
Yes. With Graham Harrell.
mumble
Should I send him in, Coach?
OK....ummmm....Penelope.
It's Julie Ann! I've been your admin for seven years.
Eh?
It's Julie Ann, Coach.
OK, send her in with Graham as well. We'll kill two birds...uhhh...with the...rock.
Hey, Cooooach! What's up?
Graham Harrell!
Whatcha workin' on there? Pirate stuff?
How did they get this magnificent privateer frigate into this bottle? It's a physical impossibility.
I don't know. Maybe it's really small when they put it in and then it inflates...THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!
...
That's a joke, Coach. When someone says something that could be about like, sex or sexy things, then you say THAT's WHAT SHE SAID!
Uh, yeah...no...I get it. Ahhmmmm. Ahhh. It's just that...why would...any lady want...I dunno...a pirate ship...in her? That's outrageous Graham. And I'm from Wyoming. The crow's nest alone would create issues for the cervix that -
No, not the ship specifically. I take it to mean it's like someone's big johnson or something. A general johnson. And the girl is all, "That feels real nice! Thank you!"
Did you attempt to penetrate Penelope with a Viking longship, Graham? Level with me. The oars alone would...
I have not. Who is Penelope?!
She was in the lobby with you. (fixated on the ship in the bottle again)
...
I don't see....any sort of....apparatus. For intake of air type matter there. So couldn't inflate it.
- Maybe it's an infant type situation where they put it in as a baby and then they feed it jelly beans to make it grow?
...
Hi!
Hey, Graham.
So you did ask me in, Coach!
Wednesday afternoon is always buccaneer arts and crafts. So did I?
Hi!
Fine. Graham, the idea of our offense is real simple. If their guys run up close, we throw it behind them. If they back off, we throw it in front of them.
Word. I will do that.
Good. Time to go. See ya Harrell.
Wait - I just want to say something - Coach, we're going to mess up Texas.
Who is that now?
Texas.
Why would you mess up Texas? No....ummmm......uhhh......state pride there Harrell.
Coach, the college football team.
...
We play them this Saturday! Black out. Tortillas. Molatov cocktails. Some dudes are going to dress Cavalier King Charles Spaniel puppies in Colt McCoy jerseys and throw them off of the top ramp. ESPN Gameday. This is bigger than when Lubbock got Olive Garden. I will drop the downwards Horns the first TD I throw. I will downwards Horns each one of my sixes and blow their minds with my display of bravado. I will thoroughly shocker their defense and mark their sideline pre-game with my urine while...
Uhh....yeah, no. I have an idea.
Give it to #6, Rain Man! I love new plays.
What if the ship is actually very tiny but the bottle is....like a magnifying glass....so it just creates the illusion of size? Uhhh....I imagine that you could....uhh....make it work like that. Funhouse mirror. Harry Caray's spectacles...uhhhh.
Jesus.
Graham, I'm going to look at it from this angle, but I want you to peek through the opening of the bottle and then tell me the size of the mighty galleon. From two perspectives. Like a second opinion deal. We'll make it sort of a science hypothesis thing. If it's actually small we will....uhhmmmm....take it out with tweezers and grape jelly.
I have no response to that.
OK, what do you see?
Coach, I'm sad to say it's the same size from any angle.
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!
I see what you did there.
Good. Now begone. I grow weary of this ruse. I must finish my submission for the Fields Medal in mathematics and redouble my irradiation experiments on musk oxen to synthesize a new bovine evolutionary model. If further distracted by your tomfoolery I'll end up creating another Brandon Carter. Thank God those experiments left him sterile. After, I shall play WarCraft with Steve Hawking.
Coach, the game!
A tertiary consideration. You're a senior, it's time you knew. I'm here guised as an eccentric football coach to perform the real work required to save humanity from itself and to avoid assassination at the hands of The Trilateral Commission. My time is best spent on matters of consequence. Enough jackanapery. Leave my domain lest I release a stinging cloud of nanotechnology to bore into your flawless pores and attack your pituitary gland as I did once to Eric Morris when he was 12. Now the stunted gnome clings to me like an infant bonobo and demands I incorporate him into my offense as recompense. He suckles at my teat like Bobby Knight on a soda fountain of vindictiveness. Now, shoo. Off to your gridiron bread and circuses while I save - nay - create a Brave New World!
I got no clue what you just said, but you just got #6 real fired up! Guns Up!
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Comments
You’re just too much. Thanks man. Who will be shadowing Crabtee for this game again?
Hook’Em
by UTfan1 on Oct 29, 2008 11:30 PM CDT reply actions
The biggest laugh I got was when I saw the first picture (of Julie Ann) and supposed it to be your representation of Harrell. The rest was pretty damned funny though.
by Soldier of Orange on Oct 30, 2008 7:37 AM CDT reply actions
God I love UT fans and bloggers, it just makes wins that much better when you can do it against arrogant, disrespectful, pieces of shit.
by Tim on Oct 30, 2008 8:46 AM CDT reply actions
Spacing out those wins every 5 or 6 years also makes them sweeter, on an individual basis at least.
by Stuck in MN on Oct 30, 2008 8:51 AM CDT reply actions
“God I love UT fans and bloggers, it just makes wins that much better when you can do it against arrogant, disrespectful, pieces of shit.”
Probably even more so, because of the rarity factor.
by Nordberg on Oct 30, 2008 8:52 AM CDT reply actions
I love Texas best of all. To all haters go back to that hellhole where you all belong.
by God on Oct 30, 2008 8:53 AM CDT reply actions
There is very little better in life than being a Texas fan when the football team is undefeated.
by Texasholdem on Oct 30, 2008 9:01 AM CDT reply actions
God I love UT fans and bloggers, it just makes wins that much better when you can do it against arrogant, disrespectful, pieces of shit.
Given the average time between such occasions and the average amount of alcohol required to make life in Lubbock tolerable, I find it hard to believe you can actually remember how much better it is.
For crying out loud, our all-time winning percentage against Tech is higher than ours against Baylor. BAYLOR!
by Huckleberry on Oct 30, 2008 9:15 AM CDT reply actions
“God I love UT fans and bloggers, it just makes wins that much better when you can do it against arrogant, disrespectful, pieces of shit.”
Tim I totally agree. While this blogger has posted several topics in which he’s shown the utmost respect for your team and coach this lapse into light hearted parity is completely unacceptable. Only the most solemn reverence for every aspect of your program should be tolerated from opposing fans on game week and I applaud your vigilance.
by Minnesotahorn on Oct 30, 2008 9:21 AM CDT reply actions
Your fascination with Cavalier King Charles Spaniels concerns me.
At least that’s what she said.
by Horncasting on Oct 30, 2008 10:37 AM CDT reply actions
And with tinkling and marking spots and such. Definitely a canine bent there.
by Dude on Oct 30, 2008 10:42 AM CDT reply actions
When Graham Harrell walked in, I am surprised that Coach Leach did not notice his big head stuck inside the helmet and wondered how it got there.
by AeroHorn on Oct 30, 2008 11:10 AM CDT reply actions
OK, here is Graham Harrell signing Jessie’s jersey (which happens to be a Crabtree Jersey) Oh Well, He signed all of the kids shirts, including Dad’s. The really classy thing that he did, was he stuck around and gave autographs to every kid who wanted one…including the BIG Kids. Most of the players signed a few and then left. He stuck around until everyone was taken care of. I know that he was exhausted after the game and ready to go relax, but he took care of his fans first. Way to go Graham, you are our hero !!
Yeah, real terrible person you guys are poking fun at.
by Tim on Oct 30, 2008 11:17 AM CDT reply actions
Dude, our quarterback won’t even drink soda water. There’s no way you win this one.
by kevwun on Oct 30, 2008 11:38 AM CDT reply actions
Scip: What manner of man are you that you can completely miss the point of a parody without flint or tinder?
Tim: I… am a Red Raider.
Scip: By what name are you known?
Tim: There are some who call me… ‘Tim’…?
Scip: …greetings, Tim the Red Raider.
by Stuck in MN on Oct 30, 2008 11:42 AM CDT reply actions
Tim> Did Harrell sign those jerseys before or after he mocked an injured referee on national TV?
by Dunstan Pearl on Oct 30, 2008 12:08 PM CDT reply actions
Tim,
Is felatio involved in your relationship with Graham?
Regards,
TG
by The General on Oct 30, 2008 12:13 PM CDT reply actions
“he stuck around and gave autographs to every kid who wanted one…including the BIG Kids.”
glad to see Harrell doesn’t discriminate based on weight. that would be cruel.
by Dunstan Pearl on Oct 30, 2008 12:20 PM CDT reply actions
OK, send her in with Graham as well. We’ll kill two birds…uhhh…with the…rock.
This whole thing was funny. It even inspired a Tim&Eric response.
The tender sensibilities on the series of tubes that we call the interwebz amazes me.
by Chooky on Oct 30, 2008 12:25 PM CDT reply actions
Ok, here is Hitler signing Indiana Jones’ book.
Are we not allowed to poke fun at Hitler?! Tim?!
/for teh (God)win
by HenryJames on Oct 30, 2008 12:27 PM CDT reply actions
“Ok, here is Hitler signing Indiana Jones’ book.
Are we not allowed to poke fun at Hitler?! Tim?!"
That is ridiculous. Everyone knows Hitler is funnier than fart jokes.
by The General on Oct 30, 2008 12:34 PM CDT reply actions
Alright Henry you got me; Since you dug up an actual picture of Hitler autographing a book, for a non-fictional person, I suppose you should continue your unabated rant on Harrell.
Nice analogy by the way, I mean Harrell and sick children; and Hitler and Indiana Jones, spot on bro.
I would be careful using any Hitler references, during the same year Aggie Nation is struggling, dangerous waters you are treading.
by Tim on Oct 30, 2008 1:12 PM CDT reply actions
Alright Henry you got me; Since you dug up an actual picture of Hitler autographing a book, for a non-fictional person, I suppose you should continue your unabated rant on Harrell.
Uh-oh. And before you even try, those are images of Hitler signing his autograph for fans, not signing treaties or other legal documents. You should keep worrying about the trivial stuff, you’re doing a bang-up job so far.
by Huckleberry on Oct 30, 2008 1:26 PM CDT reply actions
Its a joke. You laugh at jokes. like this, ha ha.
by bighornfan32 on Oct 30, 2008 1:31 PM CDT reply actions
Tim – I want to thank you deeply for your contributions here. Haven’t lived in Texas for a number of years and I couldn’t quite recall that specific something that defines the Tech fan who is entirely intolerable to anyone with a topography that hasn’t flatlined.
Thanks for helping to set the table.
by Black Scholes on Oct 30, 2008 1:32 PM CDT reply actions
“anyone with a topography that hasn’t flatlined.”
Does that mean chicks without boobs?
by PatronSaint on Oct 30, 2008 1:59 PM CDT reply actions
Will someone please shove a tampon in me?
by Tim's Bleeding Vagina on Oct 30, 2008 2:12 PM CDT reply actions
Maybe Tim IS Graham Harrell. He certainly whines enough…
by Sasha_Is_A_Longhorn_Dog on Oct 30, 2008 7:37 PM CDT reply actions
Huckle fucking Berry. Who else would find a picture of Hitler signing a book for a nun. That deserves a slow clap.
Welcome to Tech *rivalry week everyone.
*not valid in all 50 states
by Doperbo on Oct 30, 2008 7:46 PM CDT reply actions
Welcome to Tech *rivalry week everyone.
*not valid in all 50 states
Well played.
by dedfischer on Oct 30, 2008 8:08 PM CDT reply actions
Tim reminds me of that classic old joke…
Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb.
A: THAT’S NOT FUNNY.
by CrazyJoeDavola on Oct 30, 2008 9:54 PM CDT reply actions
So far more daming than my initial gaffe of writing ‘parity’ when I meant ‘parody’ is the fact that I realized it at 2:45 this morning while trying to go back to sleep. This damned blog is apparently haunting my dreams.
by Minnesotahorn on Oct 31, 2008 7:27 AM CDT reply actions
It’s “damning”, you’ll probably realize that tonight.
by Stuck in MN on Oct 31, 2008 7:55 AM CDT reply actions
Tim is the perfect Tceh fan. And they are the reason why on one weekend a year I root for tu.
Gig’em. Tim go get drunk and pick on old ladies and “small” kids wearing orange.
by Already forgot on Oct 31, 2008 1:02 PM CDT reply actions
The online poker room is everywhere and along with it a powerful attraction. My first visit to an online poker room 5 years ago did not impress me much. Changes in technology coupled with the increased availability of the internet made a huge impact on the gaming industry. As a result of innovation and forward thinking, the online poker room grew tremendously. From the comfort of my living room sofa, or office desk I can play any type of poker game at virtually any skill level I choose.
by Lillian Benincasa on May 18, 2010 4:02 AM CDT reply actions
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