Dodds Sells Grass

by Doperbo on Mar 27, 2009 12:18 PM CDT in Texas Longhorns and Other Football

In the 'I should no longer be surprised by the ways DeLoss Dodds can make money but somehow still am. Surprised.' category, UT will be selling off the field after the scrimmage next week.

They've got to feed the monkey, I mean uh... hasn't that ever occurred to you, man? Sir?

Statesman Article

Fans can buy a 12-inch by 12-inch square of grass for $20. There will be 57,600 available for purchase, and the sod squares will be distributed starting an hour after the scrimmage concludes. Fans specifically requesting the Longhorn thingy in the center will be tased if they become unruly.

I kid. That's actually cheaper than you can buy grass on South Congress, and it's a great idea for several reasons.

2. I'm putting part of the endzone in my bedroom for a more authentic celebration dance.

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Comments

“I’m putting part of the endzone in my bedroom for a more authentic celebration dance.”

Along with all the penalty flags your wife has thrown at you for false starts.

by HenryJames on Mar 27, 2009 12:39 PM CDT reply actions

Not to mention illegal block from behind

by hot stove steve on Mar 27, 2009 12:49 PM CDT reply actions

Here we go…

by Sailor Ripley on Mar 27, 2009 12:53 PM CDT reply actions

Delay of Game?

by BatesHorn on Mar 27, 2009 12:58 PM CDT reply actions

Thank you, Barking Carnival…I feel so much more at home here than at all of those ‘other’ Longhorn sites.

Do you think we can get Billy Mays as a pitch man for BC?

Hook ’em!

by uthookem on Mar 27, 2009 12:59 PM CDT reply actions

What does one do with the grass? Won’t it die? Does one have to buy a pot and keep watering it, and clipping (“mowing”) it? I fail to see the longivity in this momento.

by AeroHorn on Mar 27, 2009 1:02 PM CDT reply actions

It’s not grass. It’s Prescription Athletic Turf.

That means you can smoke it.

by The General on Mar 27, 2009 1:04 PM CDT reply actions

Does he ever stuff the runs by blowing them up with backside penetration?

Don’t fight it, Sailor. It’s best to just let it go until it’s worn out… like an un-snipped spaniel.

by LonghornScott on Mar 27, 2009 1:05 PM CDT reply actions

Aah! I see. After seeing chunks of it coming off during the game, I thought it was the real stuff.

by AeroHorn on Mar 27, 2009 1:10 PM CDT reply actions

“Do you think we can get Billy Mays as a pitch man for BC?”

My vote is for Vince from the ShamWow commercials.

He has the same gravitas we admire in Scipio’s posts.

by Parlin Hall on Mar 27, 2009 1:11 PM CDT reply actions

Sorry, Gents. I’m buying the whole lot, and a hookah the size of the Eiffel Tower.

by Matthew Mcconaughey on Mar 27, 2009 1:15 PM CDT reply actions

“This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.”

I can’t believe I’m first with this qoute.

by BatesHorn on Mar 27, 2009 1:16 PM CDT reply actions

by Sailor Ripley on Mar 27, 2009 1:22 PM CDT reply actions

I just piggyback off Sailor Ripley’s prescription from the state of California.

by Vasherized on Mar 27, 2009 1:22 PM CDT reply actions

“What does one do with the grass?… I fail to see the longivity in this momento.”

I’m laying a patch down in the doorway of my office and asking my Aggie Coworker to respectfully stay off it.

by Ohio State - Miami Pass Interference Call on Mar 27, 2009 1:23 PM CDT reply actions

by Sailor Ripley on Mar 27, 2009 1:28 PM CDT reply actions

I can’t believe I’m first with this qoute.

Sometimes it is more fun to sit back and see how long it takes.

by The General on Mar 27, 2009 1:34 PM CDT reply actions

There’s a market for everything.

by whoopspat on Mar 27, 2009 1:36 PM CDT reply actions

I’m buying one square and I’m going to wear it like a bandana. Knot in the front, you know, Tupac style.

by Chooky on Mar 27, 2009 1:46 PM CDT reply actions

I’m going to paint yard lines, hash marks, etc. on mine, and fashion little tiny goal posts, and decorate it with little mini Vince Young action figures. It’s going to be nice and disturbing.

by Nordberg on Mar 27, 2009 1:50 PM CDT reply actions

I’m going to use mine to fashion my dog into a chia pet.

by HenryJames on Mar 27, 2009 2:06 PM CDT reply actions

I’m going to extract DNA samples from mine and clone Texas football players because there’s no fucking way I’m going to get many more blue chip Texas boys after this year.

by Bob Stoops on Mar 27, 2009 2:51 PM CDT reply actions

What is it with you Barkers and inaccurate Lebowski quote-picture pairings? Try this:

http://dudespaper.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/dudeinlimo2.jpg

by BrickHorn on Mar 27, 2009 3:13 PM CDT reply actions

I think wifey just got herself a new Merkin.

by Vasherized on Mar 27, 2009 3:35 PM CDT reply actions

Aaaand we’re done here. Lock thread.

by Black Scholes on Mar 27, 2009 4:36 PM CDT reply actions

Parlin — check out your boy Vince.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0327092sham1.html

by Rick Barnes on Mar 27, 2009 5:08 PM CDT reply actions

I’m gonna wait for DeLoss’ successor to sell off pieces of Field Turf after they discover it causes cancer in lab rats.

by JDLooneyII on Mar 27, 2009 5:22 PM CDT reply actions

You know that it’s a real party when a cut of Joe Don Looney’s lineage arrives.

by Chooky on Mar 27, 2009 6:27 PM CDT reply actions

“Yeah, that ’Nam grass will fuck anyone up, man!”

by Brian Combs on Mar 27, 2009 6:49 PM CDT reply actions

This was on a RRS (a premium site), but too funny not to share:

Edward Britton did not participate in today’s practice. He was held out for academic reasons, and came onto the field with a member of the academic support staff in street clothes during team period. After approaching the huddle, he was quickly sent to the sidelines to sit in a school desk that had been sitting on the sidelines throughout practice.

After practice ended, head coach Mike Leach summoned Britton (and his desk) to the huddle.

by dedfischer on Mar 27, 2009 9:11 PM CDT reply actions

Apparently, Leach made him sit in the desk on the sidelines during practice and do homework.

by dedfischer on Mar 27, 2009 9:12 PM CDT reply actions

Pssst. Don’t tell anyone, but grass is a gateway drug to foundation membership.

by DeLoss Dodds on Mar 27, 2009 10:21 PM CDT reply actions

If anyone needs me to fertilize their patch, give me a holler.

by SizzleChest on Mar 28, 2009 12:05 AM CDT reply actions

I’ll be fertilizing my own patch, thank you.

by Chooky on Mar 28, 2009 4:36 AM CDT reply actions

The St. Louis Cardinals sold urinals from the old Busch Stadium. Maybe Dodds can develop a “toiletry line” of products to add to his outdoor offerings

by Pitchin Paul on Mar 28, 2009 9:15 AM CDT reply actions

It works out to about $1.15 mil, in case you wonder…

by Bob in Houston on Mar 28, 2009 9:22 AM CDT reply actions

I think the PAT cost 1 million originally. Only Deloss Dodds can make 15% on 15 year old grass.

by The General on Mar 28, 2009 11:45 AM CDT reply actions

Dope, you are crazy, dude. You don’t care what people think!

by KENDRA on Mar 28, 2009 1:57 PM CDT reply actions

Are you “trying” to turn people off? I think you are.

by KENDRA on Mar 28, 2009 1:59 PM CDT reply actions

What about Princeton tiger sod?

by Another Alum on Mar 28, 2009 2:00 PM CDT reply actions

Is that “Victory Dance” called “Peace & Love Incorporated” by “Information Society”? I know you always used to dance to that song back in 1991.

by Princeton Tigress on Mar 28, 2009 2:10 PM CDT reply actions

The old pr0n theater on South Congress sold its chairs when it went out of business a few years back. The one I have has this strange stain that spells out “HenryJames” in cursive. Weird.

by ponderos on Mar 28, 2009 3:34 PM CDT reply actions

Cinema West on South Congress. Did you hear the one about the guy who always went to the XXX movies? Until Viagra and the Internets, the only way he could get it up was by popping buttered popcorn at home.

by absolut on Mar 28, 2009 8:22 PM CDT reply actions

Speaking of buttered popcorn… I did not know of this until I changed jobs and relocated about a year and a half ago, but there is a trick you can play on your friends by cutting a hole in the bottom of a popcorn bucket and inserting your “sheep pleaser” (still don’t know what the boys mean by that) through the hole and wait for your movie watching, popcorn eating pal to get the surprise of his life! Oh my, the good natured jocularity that ensues leads to much laughter, popcorn fights and a real sense of bonding. We like it so much that we’ve incorporated ‘movie night’ as a staple when we have recruits in for a visit. One must stay ahead of the pack in this fast paced, modern, recruiting world we live in. Lane Kiffen and Pete Carroll have barebacked, homoerotic, tribal chanting. I have the popcorn trick… Scoreboard me!

by Sherm on Mar 28, 2009 9:35 PM CDT reply actions

You need to change my water.

by Sherm's Bong on Mar 28, 2009 9:58 PM CDT reply actions

We just stopped Ramonce Taylor outside of Belton for speeding, and he had a duffel bag full of this stuff.

by Bell County Sheriff on Mar 29, 2009 1:47 PM CDT reply actions

Doperbo has a great ass and chin. I saw you shaking your trunk with an Eli look alike at Woodys! Whats this about Doperbo being a cannibal? You like to eat roasted Barker? I don’t fly the friendly skies, northern boy.

by Keep it in the closet, red head on Mar 29, 2009 4:46 PM CDT reply actions

Good thing Doperbo doesn’t sing-he sounds way too much like Stevie Nicks singing about the Lone Ranger.

by Clarissa's back on Mar 29, 2009 4:56 PM CDT reply actions

Doperbo has an incredible trunk! He’s Barking Carnival"s version of JLO.You shake that rump Doperbo-and don’t you ever stop! You shake it like its 1981!

by I want to humanize Doperbo on Mar 30, 2009 3:07 PM CDT reply actions

Soooo many people (and animals) love and care about you, Doperbo. More than you’ll ever, ever know. You have absolutely no idea. Just pause and smell the roses, won’t you, love?

by Chris on Mar 30, 2009 3:55 PM CDT reply actions