The Heck do ya Mean?!

by Barking Carnival Staff on Jun 10, 2009 2:14 PM CDT

Reports have surfaced indicating that Texas is in negotiations with the University of Minnesota for a home and home and Barking Carnival's exclusive sources* indicate that talks may be coming to a head. For obvious reasons this appeals to me personally but it's also a continuation of a trend in our scheduling that I think is worth exploring.

*My aunt Sandra who works in U of M admissions, has nothing to do with and little knowledge of sports tells us, "Oh wow. That would sure be neat,".

First let's take a closer look at the Gophers. After almost thirty years in the soulless Metrodome the Gophers are moving back outside this season into their new TCF Bank Stadium, built to conjure up memories of Minnesota's old Memorial Stadium, nicknamed "The Brick House".

36-24-36

Minnesota is coached by Tim Brewster, famous to Texas fans as the man most responsible for Vince Young's signing. Brewster is also notable for his adherence to the new trend in young coaches of outrageous hubris without the slightest bit of accomplishment. Normally megalomania is preceded by at least a modicum of success but who am I to argue with progress? We here at Barking Carnival completely support guys that watch themselves in the mirror during sex. You know, whatever.

Now the new stadium looks great and the Twin Cities are absolutely gorgeous in September but the U of M hardly meets the widely circulated intentions of Deloss Dodds' to schedule teams roughly in UT's same academic and athletic stratosphere. In fact, the last few scheduling decisions seem more aimed at the enjoyment of Texas fans in their travel destinations than anything else. Let's take a look at some recent and future out of conference opponents, particularly those with whom we scheduled return trips.

2007

Central Florida was the sole OOC road game and if you can come up with a reason our athletic department allowed such a thing without including the words Magic Kingdom, Epcot Center or Goofy you've got me beat.

2008

We traveled to El Paso to play the UTEP Minors. I personally enjoyed the trip and I know many other fans did as well but I'd have to chalk this one up more to a hole in our scheduling than anything else, or perhaps an attempt to return Mike Price to his previous job writing online pornography reviews.

2009

Wyoming.

A beautiful destination at a perfect time of year. An absolute treat for anyone who loves the outdoors and... an opponent whose quality will get us roundly mocked.

2010

We start our series with UCLA (with the return trip coming in 2011) and this match-up comes closer than anything else to the academic/athletic equivalency criteria. Oh, it also happens to be in Pasadena where Longhorn fans are accustomed to dropping oodles of cash and already have relationships with the staff of their favorite hotels.

2012

Ah Ole Miss. Tailgating at The Grove. The Walk of Champions. Hotty Toddy. Who gives a shit.

I think we all understand what this trip's really about. This is the mingling of the two fan bases with the hottest coeds in college sports. The attractiveness quotient will be unholy and the state's going to stink like sex until the next time Tennessee visits and makes everyone forget all about such an enterprise. Basically the opposite of a Michigan Wisconsin game. So once again we have a great trip and perhaps a decent on-field opponent. Perhaps.

Minnesota seems like another in this line of opponents where the primary consideration is a pleasant destination for our fans with level of competition being a secondary concern and comparable academics being almost completely disregarded. Now I really could care less about playing teams in our academic realm but this was one of the scheduling criteria only recently offered up by the Athletic Department and it doesn't take long to start salivating over the teams it would include. Here are a few schools that share the top tier of US News' rankings with UT: Notre Dame, Michigan, Southern Cal, Penn State, Florida. See anybody in there you'd like to play?

Now I fully understand that the system as it's now set up discourages the scheduling of teams of this calibre (us included) and I also get that one of the jobs and joys of the athletic department is to piss down my back and tell me it's raining. Still, I can't say it doesn't frustrate me to have them pay lip service to the idea of 'similar athletic and academic status' and then just buy us off with nice vacations.

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Comments

I think Minny is a great add. Would be a worthwhile road trip.

by Black Scholes on Jun 10, 2009 2:27 PM CDT reply actions

I suggest that we bring along Roger Staubach and Drew Pearson for the ceremonial coin toss.

by srr50 on Jun 10, 2009 2:32 PM CDT reply actions

Minnesota’s fine; better than a directional school or a I-AA. Bottom line is we make or break our season against OU and, some years, a solid to even real good Tech or Nebraska or A&M.

Non-conference opponents matter only as a way to prepare for the real deal. I’m fine with Oklahoma State, Notre Dame and Ohio State knocking themselves out of the national title game with losses in September.

by ed on Jun 10, 2009 2:43 PM CDT reply actions

That’s just mean srr50. Why would you want to see Nate Wright trip on a blade of grass and stumble to the ground?

by Huckleberry on Jun 10, 2009 2:44 PM CDT reply actions

i want to go there

by liz lemon on Jun 10, 2009 2:53 PM CDT reply actions

We traveled to El Paso to play the UTEP Minors.

By “El Paso,” so you mean the city that hugs the border between New Mexico and Texas, as well as the international juxtaposition of the United States and the Republic of Mexico?

by Bill Little on Jun 10, 2009 2:55 PM CDT reply actions

Srr50 and Huck, you two fucksticks are going to discover the finer points of ‘pass interference’. In Oxford.

by Minnesotahorn on Jun 10, 2009 3:00 PM CDT reply actions

El Paso is spanish for “the paso”.

by echeese on Jun 10, 2009 3:28 PM CDT reply actions

I’m fine with Oklahoma State, Notre Dame and Ohio State knocking themselves out of the national title game with losses in September.

You lost me with “Oklahoma State” and “national title game” in the same sentence.

by ponderos on Jun 10, 2009 3:29 PM CDT reply actions

MNhorn, aren’t you being pretty unfair in re the U of Minnesota’s academics? I’m not an alum, but according to the US News (which you cite yourself) UT is #15 and the U of MN is #22. That sounds very much like “comparable academics” to this neutral party…

http://colleges.usnews.rankingsandreviews.com/college/national-top-public

by Ojnab Bob on Jun 10, 2009 3:30 PM CDT reply actions

I take exception with your claim that a trip to Minnesota might add to the enjoyment of Texas fans. Unless you want to go fishing in July or August, there is no reason anyone should visit this state- ever.

And Ojnab is most certainly not a Gopher alum. He went to some school in Boston, but he rarely brings that fact up in casual conversation.

by Stuck in MN on Jun 10, 2009 3:42 PM CDT reply actions

Ojnab Bob-

I was using US News’ overall list, not just public universities and on that UT is top tier and U of M is second. Also while U of M has always been a top notch research institution, only recently have its overall academics improved to a better than average level.

Stuck in MN-

There are plenty of great things to do on a single late August, early September weekend: The State Fair, Hiawatha Falls, Fort Snelling, Lake Minnetonka and more parks than I could list, all set against the background of the brilliant change of seasons.

Ha! You can tell who lives there and who lives in Austin by which one of us speaks of Minneapolis in whimsical tones. Still, while I won’t be choosing to live there again I do disagree that it’s a terrible place to visit, particularly at that time of year.

by Minnesotahorn on Jun 10, 2009 3:56 PM CDT reply actions

You could play basketball with Prince.

by HenryJames on Jun 10, 2009 4:07 PM CDT reply actions

I give this website two boners down. I just went from midnight to six. As did my stripper. First, the website name, “Barking Carnival,” implies some sort of animal-based lewd acts. Other than the occasional picture of a gelding in a field, I see none of that. Completely misleading. Second, the website does feature pictures of old guys holding balls. If I wanted to see an old guy holding balls, I would watch myself having sex in the mirror.

by Mike Price on Jun 10, 2009 4:08 PM CDT reply actions

I did enjoy the references to the Horned Frogs.

by Mike Price on Jun 10, 2009 4:09 PM CDT reply actions

I like the Twin Cities becuase its the home of Prince. There is also a thriving arts district in the Twin Cities. What about Mall of America? Its bigger than King of Prussia Mall. Its clean. Lots of fresh air. Nothing wrong with Minnesota.

by Fish or Steak on Jun 10, 2009 4:10 PM CDT reply actions

I went to Minneapolis once with one of my favourite people (Gia Carangi). This was way back when(before she passed). We went into this restaurant specialising in Swedish food. You don’t normally think and ponder about Swedish cuisine the way you would with French cuisine or Mexican cuisine. Its so different. Think red, sweet and sour, fish-and glee! That is the best way I can describe it. They even served some Minnesota regional dishes.

by Fish or Steak on Jun 10, 2009 4:20 PM CDT reply actions

“Think red, sweet and sour, fish-and glee!”

So, you mean… Swedish Fish, right?

by TXinDC on Jun 10, 2009 4:43 PM CDT reply actions

I would knock the back out?

by Mysterious Package on Jun 10, 2009 4:58 PM CDT reply actions

I’m all for this, if only to get the chance to have Tommy Stinson serving me a corn-dog from one of the concession stands.

by CrazyJoeDavola66 on Jun 10, 2009 5:15 PM CDT reply actions

I think Fish or Steak believes he is on the Barking Traveler site. Or maybe Rick Steves’ ‘Minnesota Through the Back Door’. (Write your own jokes on that one.)

by Black Scholes on Jun 10, 2009 5:19 PM CDT reply actions

“I suggest that we bring along Roger Staubach and Drew Pearson for the ceremonial coin toss.”

Look for Nate Wright to nudge Pearson out of the way and grab the coin…

by Bob in Houston on Jun 10, 2009 5:23 PM CDT reply actions

Monthly average high temperature Minneapolis in September = 71 degrees

Monthly average high temperature Austin in September = Eleventy Billion degrees

Good enough for me.

by The General on Jun 10, 2009 7:12 PM CDT reply actions

Meh.

Until the BCS emphasizes strength of schedule more, this is the trend, and it’s a really bad one for college football.

by The Clapper on Jun 10, 2009 8:50 PM CDT reply actions

“I take exception with your claim that a trip to Minnesota might add to the enjoyment of Texas fans. Unless you want to go fishing in July or August, there is no reason anyone should visit this state- ever.”

Golfing in Minnesota in September is one of the most enjoyable things one can do in this country.

by Newy25 on Jun 11, 2009 6:27 AM CDT reply actions

Well, there’s the ought to be, and the is. And this is an improvement in the “is”.

My future co-parents in law are in Minneapolis and I want to digust them with this event.

by NBMisha on Jun 11, 2009 6:32 AM CDT reply actions

It’s better than Sam Houston State or sitting on the East side during a Day game in Early September, watching us beat the piss out of Northwest Missouri Sisters of the Poor Tech.

And FWIW, while not hot like girls in Oxford, upper midwest girls are verrrrry vigorous in the bedroom.

by BatesHorn on Jun 11, 2009 8:59 AM CDT reply actions

…until you marry them.

by Stuck in MN on Jun 11, 2009 10:41 AM CDT reply actions

Huh. My ex wife from Maine was the same way. Funny that.

by BatesHorn on Jun 11, 2009 12:53 PM CDT reply actions

No use. I’m trying to educate the masses on the delights of Swedish cuisine and your making fun of my experience.

by Steak or Fish on Jun 11, 2009 4:10 PM CDT reply actions

Steak or Fish or Fish or Steak:Your too damn pompous! Do you come from a wealthy home?

by Horned Up on Jun 11, 2009 4:15 PM CDT reply actions

Dear Horned Up whore-I’m a poor fuckin’ slob.

by Steak or Fish on Jun 11, 2009 4:18 PM CDT reply actions

Yes, I remember now I had lasagne.

by Minnesotahorn on Jun 11, 2009 4:59 PM CDT reply actions

Delete thread, ban user.

by Watcher on Jun 12, 2009 5:23 AM CDT reply actions

Hey, without the trip to El Paso, we would have missed the handjob on the hill.

by Blueshorn on Jun 12, 2009 10:09 AM CDT reply actions

“Until the BCS emphasizes strength of schedule more, this is the trend, and it’s a really bad one for college football.”

Well ND has made a nice career out of playing all the Service Academies which includes even the Boy Scouts of America & a future game against the mighty Guys & Girls of The Yale Glee Club. I don’t see where that has hurt ND with it’s coverage on ESPN?

by DougNTexas on Jun 14, 2009 2:29 AM CDT reply actions

If Tommy Stinson is flingin’ corndogs, I’m there.

by jimmyjazz on Jun 14, 2009 9:02 AM CDT reply actions

I’m up for the Bash & Pop reunion tour.

by Sailor Ripley on Jun 15, 2009 11:46 AM CDT reply actions

Unlike the squeamish cunts in College Station, that girl on the hill in El Paso was very helpful.

by Tate Pittman on Jun 15, 2009 12:02 PM CDT reply actions

DougNTex, your brrain? is fried w/the insane temps in that shithole called Texas. NOT a ND fan, but they’ve never scheduled teams like,ULM, FAU, ArSt,NTx, SamHouston, as your beloved “Horns” have. As for the ladies to compare Oxford, to the Honies in LA, is preposperous!! I’ll take a little snow over 100 degrees any day! Fuck Bush & Texas.

by NoStar7 on Jul 21, 2009 6:53 AM CDT reply actions

That’s funny. A month and a half later dude somehow finds this thread and drops that reply. Come back NoStar7! I get the impression you’ve got more laughs for us in you!

by Minnesotahorn on Aug 7, 2009 7:23 PM CDT reply actions