Exciting times up in...(Googles 'Big 12 Media Days')...Irving. Kansas State Bill Snyder is back coaching again after spending three years in retirement. Three years?! Can anyone even remember that long ago?
It's pretty cool seeing Snyder at these type of events. It's rare that you get to see him publicly exhibit human personality.
Q. Have you considered there's a danger you're going to kill yourself trying to get back to where you were when you left?
Wait. What? Did he show up looking like Hugh Hefner?
"That's a good question. I don't think there's a great deal of danger. My doctor says things are on go, says I'm doing okay. You know, it's a demanding thing no matter how you look at it. I think it is for every coach regardless of what their age happens to be."
He then puffed out his cheeks and stuck his arms out in front of his stomach imitating Mangino.
Q. Bill, some of your former assistants have regaled us with legendary stories of the hours that they put in in those early days. Do you sense that you will be as demanding as perhaps you were 20 years ago?
Snyder says he’s not as demanding now that he eats dinner at 4:30 and has the prostate the size of a grapefruit.
"Again, I'm a little slower than most. I don't quite -- it takes me a little longer to get things done. So therein lies the need for extra hours, I guess, so to speak."
He's also slow. Physically, I assume.
"Not that I'm not cognizant of family…I missed out on mine to a certain degree. I want to make sure that I still have time to
spend with our eight grandchildren..."
During his retirement he came home one day to find out that he had eight grandchildren. He had thought they were stray cats that he had been feeding all these years so they’re mostly feral.
Q. Several people have tried this, gone back to a school where they were very successful, really hasn't worked all that well most of the time. Why do you think it's going to be different this time for you?
"Well, I don't know whether it will be different or not, Barry. By the way, I don't know if I ever told you face to face: You wrote one of my most famous articles ever that I really appreciate. It's the only one I've ever given to my children."
He presented it to his children with a note that said 'Fuck you. Dad.' But that’s what Christmas was like in the Snyder home.
Q. Bill, do you think the game itself has changed much in the few years you've been away?
Because Bill is an old man, and old men don't like change.
"I think outside of on-the-field activities, certainly cyberspace has kind of taken command of a lot of different things, particularly recruiting."
Snyder thinks NASA is sending astronauts into cyberspace.
"You know, I get up every morning early in the morning, and you get this BlackBerry thing out..."
Does Jitterbug even make a Blackberry? Snyder taught himself to use email during his time away, and now his offensive coordinator spends most of his time on Snopes debunking the emails that Bill forwards him.
But let me fill you in with what happened while you were away, Bill. Texas and Oklahoma are still good. Missouri and Kansas have gotten better. Mike Gundy entered manhood. When you and Mike Sherman trade film, make sure it isn't 'Cocoon.' Not even your grandkids can translate what Mike Leach says. And that's pretty much it.