BC Turns Two

by Vasherized on Aug 4, 2009 12:35 PM CDT

Two years ago today, a few alumni of UT’s fledgling graduate school of improv comedy – Sailor Ripley, HenryJames, and Scipio Tex – started posting on this strange new frontier known as Barking Carnival.

Stick with us ... it gets better

For the first post on this blog, HenryJames bared his soul to an audience of one, sharing some private recollections from his f Simms, Major Rulz! diary written the day after the Rose Bowl. I’d like to think he peaked with that story but that would just be my innate desire to see him fail miserably at everything he attempts. I probably need to let that go. The next post took a riveting stance (only HJ can do this) against the recent string of Longhorns arrests: Is Mack Brown gonna have to choke a bitch?

Scipio’s first entries indulged the hither-to unexplored realm of Violent Suburban Pseudo Sports, the genius that is Flight of the Conchords, and the legendary Al Jazeera Broadcasts the 2006 Rose Bowl.

Meanwhile, Sailor Ripley -- the Ahab of this ill-fated space vessel – was hard at work in his Palo Alto basement practicing a controversial new form of shock therapy on some Stanford grad students in what we now celebrate as The Birth of WordPress.

Thus our motto: By Any Means Unnecessary. I’d say it was worth it, no?

He later admitted that it also helped close the book on our loss to Stanford in 2000 whilst Tiger Woods roamed the sidelines like a smug Golf Prick. He also admitted the original name for this site was Sailor Ripley's Believe It or Die!

Believe me when I say there are more truths yet to be told.

In the past two years, many triumphant States of the Union later, we’ve made some friends and embraced our enemies. (f tim. All hail ipowers.) Now, as a promising cyber toddler, we’re approaching basic speech capabilities and the ability to fill a diaper on command. It’s all upside from here.

Enjoy the cake.

Happy Berfday To Us!

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Comments

Speaking of ‘State of the Union’, when can we expect the first one of the new season? I’ve been eagerly awaiting it like a diabetic fat kid waiting for his next piece of chocolate cake.

Oh…and Happy Birthday, btw BC.

by Mister Mike on Aug 4, 2009 12:46 PM CDT reply actions

Here is my favorite post of yesteryear. You’ll see how far we’ve come… and see my favorite opening line of all Scipio’s posts. http://barkingcarnival.fantake.com/scipio-tex/texas-football-quick-impressions-of-arkansas-st-game

by Orangechip on Aug 4, 2009 12:47 PM CDT reply actions

Offering us safe harbor from the insular circle-jerk that is Hornfans.com for two whole years now…

Keep up the good work, fellas.

by Levander Williams on Aug 4, 2009 12:49 PM CDT reply actions

damn, i read the subject line and thought, ‘oh, boy, looks like boston college has the mob in its crosshairs.’

congrats, bcboys, you’ve crafted the best sport stalk — err . . . sports talk — site in the known universe.

by glenn on Aug 4, 2009 12:51 PM CDT reply actions

you had me at baboon shit…

by huge on Aug 4, 2009 12:58 PM CDT reply actions

You guys do a great job. Thanks for writing.

by mikey4 on Aug 4, 2009 1:01 PM CDT reply actions

I thought this was going to be about baseball.

by ponderos on Aug 4, 2009 1:06 PM CDT reply actions

I’d forgotten just how ugly that Arkansas St. game was.

by Nordberg on Aug 4, 2009 1:08 PM CDT reply actions

I’d also (blissfully) forgotten about Larry MacDuff.

by BEHorn on Aug 4, 2009 1:19 PM CDT reply actions

Strong stuff, gentlemen. Well done.

Now fix your links.

by BatesHorn on Aug 4, 2009 1:22 PM CDT reply actions

I love you guys so much! Only after a lonely night staked out in the bushes outside of Scipio’s house with a machete, a jar of Vaseline, and a thermos of Black Velvet whiskey can my feelings be adequately expressed.

by t1climb1 on Aug 4, 2009 1:25 PM CDT reply actions

Bates,

3/7 is the success rate we strive for.

by Vasherized on Aug 4, 2009 1:27 PM CDT reply actions

That’s because I just fixed three of them, you walking package of fail.

Happy Birthday.

by Scipio Tex on Aug 4, 2009 1:31 PM CDT reply actions

Ha.

by Vasherized on Aug 4, 2009 1:32 PM CDT reply actions

Anniversary? Leave it to our resident femme to remember something like that.

by HenryJames on Aug 4, 2009 1:33 PM CDT reply actions

Seriously. Now I have to run get a card at a gas station, rip out some flowers from a neighbor’s flower bed, and steal a balloon from a gym grand opening.

by Scipio Tex on Aug 4, 2009 1:36 PM CDT reply actions

Okay, I will not post a tribute to the fifth anniversary of your gay marriage next week.

by Vasherized on Aug 4, 2009 1:38 PM CDT reply actions

Are we potty trained yet?

by Trips Right on Aug 4, 2009 1:38 PM CDT reply actions

Apparently not.

by Vasherized on Aug 4, 2009 1:39 PM CDT reply actions

Is Vasherized seriously a female? I am probably walking into something on that.

Congrats, fellas. Well done.

by CloseToJumping on Aug 4, 2009 1:49 PM CDT reply actions

Depends what you mean by “female.” Do you posit, for instance, that gender identity is physical or mental?

by Scipio Tex on Aug 4, 2009 1:51 PM CDT reply actions

Happy Birthday! I stop by here several times a day to read the truth. Well done, sirs.

by Austin180 on Aug 4, 2009 1:52 PM CDT reply actions

Fortunately I passed Sailor’s hernia check.

Can’t say the same for some of you geriatrics that piss in bags.

by Vasherized on Aug 4, 2009 1:53 PM CDT reply actions

Two years.

Now can I get my parking ticket validated?

by srr50 on Aug 4, 2009 2:15 PM CDT reply actions

Well done, guys. Can’t get through a day without BC!

by Nik on Aug 4, 2009 2:25 PM CDT reply actions

Sorry srr50, Scipio spent all that was left in the transportion budget on mimosas and foot massages in Vegas.

by Trips Right on Aug 4, 2009 2:26 PM CDT reply actions

BC rocks. Sadly, this is my first source for all Longhorn knowledge. You guys bottled the best part of another un-named Longhorn blog before it was de-nutted.

…and many more, on channel 4

by jinx on Aug 4, 2009 2:31 PM CDT reply actions

Good job fellas. You have succeeded in entertaining me thoroughly, when I know that I’d surely hate you all in real life.

by bighornfan32 on Aug 4, 2009 2:46 PM CDT reply actions

“Good job fellas. You have succeeded in entertaining me thoroughly, when I know that I’d surely hate you all in real life.”

These are internet people. They do not actually exist in real life.

by Nordberg on Aug 4, 2009 2:49 PM CDT reply actions

just read the Al Jazeera at the Rose Bowl piece… can’t decide which is my favorite part. The top two contenders:

Ibn Mukar: … Tell me Al-Haziz, have you observed the Texas Pom Squad? The women wear chaps.
Al-Haziz: Observed? Ha, brother. You underestimate me. My eyes are as a falcon’s. I am as rigid as Sha’ria right now.

OR:

Al-Haziz: He (Mack Brown after a halftime interview) rejected the Prophet and will suffer torments in Hell. (shrugs) It is the way of things.

Ibn Mukar: You speak truly, Brother.

(pause)

Al-Haziz: Super nice guy though.

Ibn-Mukar: Totally.

by the Bobs on Aug 4, 2009 2:55 PM CDT reply actions

These are internet people. They do not actually exist in real life.

We exist only as thoughts in the mind of Sailor Ripley’s MacBook Air.

by BrickHorn on Aug 4, 2009 2:56 PM CDT reply actions

great work!

Keep it up… please

by the Bobs on Aug 4, 2009 2:56 PM CDT reply actions

Hats off to the BC gang. My nomination for best sentence:

“Beating a bad Nebraska football team is the college football equivalent of winning Best Anal.” —Scipio Tex

If you have several hours to kill, the following are some of my favorites, in no particular order. Apologies to Trips that I don’t follow basketball more—his writing is quite good. And with apologies to the other fine writers on the board, my recommendations of some of the finest writing here are Scipio heavy.

Some of the best writing actually came out of the Tech game, both before and after. I can’t locate the story with the still photograph of the facemask and holding, but that, as they say, was worth a thousand words. Here goes:

closetojumping/why-texas-stomps-a-mudhole-in-texas-techs-ass

henryjames/this-one-hurt

chrisapplewhite/which-was-worse

huckleberry/college-baseball-and-manufacturing-runs

doperbo/colt-mccoy-epic

scipio-tex/the-etymology-of-the-golf-prick —>
dedfischer/the-golf-prick/

scipio-tex/mike-sherman-lashes-out

scipio-tex/mike-leach-mourns-pirate-slayings-loss-of-somali-recruiting-pipeline

scipio-tex/texas-am-preview

vasherized/muschamp-unplugged-mother

scipio-tex/my-longhorn-turkey-day

scipio-tex/today-in-t-boones-office

scipio-tex/texas-football-nebraska-post-mortem

barking-carnivals-kansas-state-football-state-of-the-union

by Parlin Hall on Aug 4, 2009 3:11 PM CDT reply actions

Happy Birthday! I stop by here several times a day to read the truth. Well done, sirs.

Dude, you can totally read those side bar ads anywhere, but Sailor Ripley’s local rub and tug says, “Thanks!” for reading them here.

by The General on Aug 4, 2009 3:27 PM CDT reply actions

I’ve been reading BC blogs daily for almost a year now. Thanks for the great insight and laughs!

by UTomlinson on Aug 4, 2009 3:31 PM CDT reply actions

Okay I think all 30 of our readers have been accounted for.

by Vasherized on Aug 4, 2009 3:34 PM CDT reply actions

31. Keep up the great, high paying work. What I can’t offer you in cash I can offer in thanks. It is a hell of a blog.

by Bartoncreek on Aug 4, 2009 3:47 PM CDT reply actions

Happy Birthday!! I just spent two hours catching up after 2 weeks in the Colorado Rockies.

Barking Carnival is my own virtual Burnt Orange version of Entourage. Apologies if I leave some key players out or offend:

Vincent Chase: Scipio
Eric Murphy: Sailor Ripley
Johnny Drama: Henry James
Turtle: Vasherized
Ari Gold: Trips Right

Billy Walsh: CloseToJumping
Lloyd: ChrisApplewhite (sorry CA…. Lloyd is training to be an agent though)
Marvin: srr50

Dedfischer: Seth Green
Nick Rubenstein: Doperbo

by Art Vandelay on Aug 4, 2009 3:59 PM CDT reply actions

32. Norman delenda est.

by Burnt Orange Wookie on Aug 4, 2009 4:00 PM CDT reply actions

Art Vandelay, that was one of the best backhanded compliments I have ever seen.

by The General on Aug 4, 2009 4:09 PM CDT reply actions

This blog has the same birthday as Barack Obama?

Huh.

Know what? Just to be safe, let’s see the birth certificate, OK?

by Orly Taitz on Aug 4, 2009 4:12 PM CDT reply actions

You’ve been publishing for two years?

BFD.

Call me when there’s a BC in every hotel room bedside drawer.

by Texoz on Aug 4, 2009 4:24 PM CDT reply actions

In honor of the two year mark, I am working on the release of something even cooler than my second post on BC. I know, you say that’s not possible. I beg to differ. Look for it later this month!

by Huckleberry on Aug 4, 2009 4:53 PM CDT reply actions

I hope it’s a suicide letter.

by HenryJames on Aug 4, 2009 4:55 PM CDT reply actions

I JUST GOT STOMPED!

But, no, it’s not that cool.

by Huckleberry on Aug 4, 2009 4:59 PM CDT reply actions

Thanks, HJ, for pointing me to this site. Even more thanks to the stable of regular barkers who make a regular visit worthwhile.

by NBMisha on Aug 4, 2009 5:18 PM CDT reply actions

HJ has trouble staying regular.

by LonghornScott on Aug 4, 2009 5:19 PM CDT reply actions

Lloyd!?

by ChrisApplewhite on Aug 4, 2009 6:02 PM CDT reply actions

The anniversary party invitation Sailer sent me says it’s at a Show Biz Pizza in Southwest Fresno. I can’t wait to see you all there!

by Minnesotahorn on Aug 4, 2009 6:07 PM CDT reply actions

You can still get in the ball pit.

by HenryJames on Aug 4, 2009 6:10 PM CDT reply actions

This post brought a tear to my eye just like whenever Derek Bell came to bat in the Astrodome and they played “Ring My Bell”. Tear. Squirt.

by SizzleChest on Aug 4, 2009 6:17 PM CDT reply actions

Great stuff, gents. Keep ’em coming requisite gay innuendo

by Nobis60 on Aug 4, 2009 7:38 PM CDT reply actions

This blog is so essential to my daily fiber that a successful BM requires BC on my BB.

by Horn In Exile on Aug 4, 2009 7:58 PM CDT reply actions

Thanks for making this place even better than the old 360 board (back when i was known as Sherlock Horns). It’s good to have an intelligent place to dicuss Longhorn sports. I’m just glad I can do my part to bring many of those discussions down to the lowest common denominator. You’re welcome.

by Flamingmonkeyass on Aug 4, 2009 8:19 PM CDT reply actions

Happy Birthday guys! Thanks for the fun and insightful reading. You help this girl impress all her guy friends with “knowledge” that I’ve really stolen from y’all.

This probably means I owe you something but since you don’t know who I am, tough cookies.

by Sasha_Is_A_Longhorn_Dog on Aug 4, 2009 8:37 PM CDT reply actions

You help this girl impress all her guy friends with "knowledge" that I’ve really stolen from y’all.

I know exactly what you mean. Just mentioning the Log 5 Method or Binomial Distribution Function has gotten me more ass than the Kardashian sisters’ tandem bike.

So, I guess what I’m saying is that this knowledge has gotten me, like, more than three fairly big asses.

by BrickHorn on Aug 4, 2009 9:27 PM CDT reply actions

Happy B-day BC! Great work.

How about a game of guess the barkers in the picture above (I know it’s not really them).

Henry James – The guy with purple tie and turq

by sunset87 on Aug 5, 2009 9:48 AM CDT reply actions

Oops!
Continued:
Henry James – The guy with the purple tie and turquoise jacket…playing the ole “pull my finger game” with himself.
Sailor Ripley – Back middle…sporting the metrosexual look, and that might be too generous of a description.
Scipio – Professor pornstache on the stool… his wife told him that tie reeeally looks sharp.

Thanks barkers for the entertainment and good info.

by sunset87 on Aug 5, 2009 10:20 AM CDT reply actions

There is no way in hell I would get into something called “the ball pit” that is associated with this website. Save me some pizza though.

by coach callahan on Aug 5, 2009 10:29 AM CDT reply actions

I just read ST’s (I doubt that is his real name)first blog. I really enjoyed the part about BJ and the Bear. That brought back some memories as I remember watching it every day (I think it came on on TBS every afternoon).

Anywho, ST left out the greatest part of BJ and the Bear. BJ and B fathered a show even more awesome than itself . . . wait for it . . . Sheriff Lobo.

by ScoobySanchezJr. on Aug 5, 2009 11:06 AM CDT reply actions

Speaking of old classics. One of my favorites was that strange incident with the Baylor Bear and “teh bowie knife.”

by Burnt Orange Wookie on Aug 5, 2009 12:19 PM CDT reply actions

The Baylor Bear/bowie knife one morphs into the Mike-Sherman-speaking-Klingon one.

Scipio: he do the police in different voices.

by Parlin Hall on Aug 5, 2009 12:50 PM CDT reply actions

That Aggie State of the Union from 07 was dated August 9th. Do we have some of those to look forward to in the next week? This is a long month we have left.

by shockthenation on Aug 5, 2009 4:05 PM CDT reply actions

I forgot to add something important.

Cunt.

by SizzleChest on Aug 5, 2009 4:59 PM CDT reply actions

Lobo, lobo, bring back Sheriff Lobo.

by Stuck in MN on Aug 5, 2009 5:02 PM CDT reply actions

Sizzle,

Some friends of mine got bored in a Bolivian salt flat and sent me this picture. I still don’t quite know what to make of it …

by Vasherized on Aug 5, 2009 5:23 PM CDT reply actions

Feliz Cumpleanos, boys. The banter is fun, and usually intelligent, sometimes even respectful. Keep it going. Even the other guys enjoy….

by NorthDallasSooner on Aug 5, 2009 9:37 PM CDT reply actions

Vasherized,

I think it’s a tribute to former Penn State and Seattle Seahawks tailback Curt Warner, however the dude forming the “r” seems to have thrown his back out and collapsed temporarily.