Blind Sided
by Scipio Tex on Aug 5, 2009 12:22 AM CDT
in Texas Longhorns and Other Football
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Printh/t EDSBS
Good news! The movie trailer for The Blind Side is on its way to theaters.
Bad news! The movie trailer for The Blind Side suggests that it will be focused on the person commanding the premium salary - Sandra Bullock - and that her agent, having not read the book, or any books, but only a "treatment" had it pitched in the following way:
(Note: Hollywood people talk in All Caps and are incapable of making appropriate analogies)
OK - PICTURE THIS - WEBSTER MEETS HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS!
BUT WITH EDGY STAND AND DELIVER UNDERTONES!
ONLY THERE ARE NO MEXICANS AND EDWARD JAMES OLMOS IS A BLONDE WITH TITS, THERE'S NO MATH -
AND - GET THIS - THE SASQUATCH IS THE ADOPTED SON!
IT'S BLACK-WHITE!
IT'S HEARTSTRINGS!
IT HITS BRANSON NASCAR DOLLAR!
IT'S SANDY BULLOCK LIGHT COMEDY!
CRASH MEETS E.T AND TRADING PLACES!
SO IS THIS A GO OR IS THIS A GO?
It's a go.
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Oh well, at least I’ll be able to join that group of people that I hate so much: those that say “The book was so much better than the movie” at any opportunity to prove … what? That they are literate?
by PatronSaint on Aug 5, 2009 1:12 AM CDT reply actions
Do you realize they have Michael Oher fist bumping both the little kid and the grandmother? And dancing like an idiot to what can only be mainstream music. Watching Fresh Prince reruns was not adequate research for this movie.
Also, nice job by Bullock’s agent of getting her all those kick ass lines.
by BOC on Aug 5, 2009 1:25 AM CDT reply actions
The English language is so woefully limited to express the range of emotions I felt watching that trailer. The wardens diseased wife in “The Green Mile” yelling Pigfuckers!!!! is the only expression I could come up with.
by uncle teardrop on Aug 5, 2009 5:46 AM CDT reply actions
Yikes. Spend the money you would have used on this film to go see Big Fan in September.
I promise it’s awesome!
by Patton Oswalt on Aug 5, 2009 5:55 AM CDT reply actions
Oh my. It’s the definition of sadfunny.
By the way, any of you who didn’t roll your eyes while perfectly mouthing the last two lines of the trailer along with it take a zero for the day.
by Minnesotahorn on Aug 5, 2009 8:04 AM CDT reply actions
The trailer follows the generic codes of the “dog adoption movie.”
I haven’t read the book, but if he gets hit by a car after tugging the little boy off the freeway, I’m not paying to see this.
by Parlin Hall on Aug 5, 2009 8:10 AM CDT reply actions
This is so terrible that I’m at a total loss for snark in this situation.
by BatesHorn on Aug 5, 2009 8:23 AM CDT reply actions
“No, he’s changing mine.”
Tear, slowly rolling down my cheek…the expression, oh, how it sounds so sweet…
by uthookem on Aug 5, 2009 9:18 AM CDT reply actions
That trailer made me as nauseous as the food at sandy’s restaurant.
by Vasherized on Aug 5, 2009 9:41 AM CDT reply actions
Well would you like some ketchup packets to make you feel better? Too bad, we ration those out like gas in Mad Max.
by Sandy's on Aug 5, 2009 11:12 AM CDT reply actions
While You Were Sleeping meets Green Mile.
They could at least have McConaughey play the father and steer the kid toward his beloved alma mater, which of course would be Texas for this movie. All in good faith, of course, whatever is best for the kid.
by Stuck in MN on Aug 5, 2009 11:13 AM CDT reply actions
The director’s cut DVD version will show Sandra giving Michael a sponge bath, upon which he introduces her to his Oher-face.
by Texoz on Aug 5, 2009 12:05 PM CDT reply actions
The marketing not-withstanding, my initial reaction was to give them the benefit of the doubt. However, John Lee Hancock writes and directs. His resume includes The Alamo & The Rookie. Now he adds THE Blind Side.
by Eskimohorn on Aug 5, 2009 12:09 PM CDT reply actions
“They could at least have McConaughey play the father”
Geez, man, this looks bad enough as it is.
by Woody Bombay on Aug 5, 2009 12:10 PM CDT reply actions
Is McConaughey still an ‘actor’? As opposed to a guy who shows up in stupid chick flicks playing the same character over and over (sans shirt).
by Nordberg on Aug 5, 2009 12:38 PM CDT reply actions
The book was white-washed enough as is (pardon the expression). The movie looks so clean you could eat off of it.
by jonestopten on Aug 5, 2009 12:52 PM CDT reply actions
What you dont realize is that this rendition is due to the Mack Brown curse – or did you forget the part in the book where Lewis claims Oher had offers from every major school but Penn State.
You do not diss Mack Brown like that
Suckitude was inevitable
by Hornin Hong Kong on Aug 6, 2009 7:18 AM CDT reply actions
Who wants to bet that the opening song of the trailer is “I Feel Good”, by James Brown?
by MIA on Aug 6, 2009 11:56 AM CDT reply actions
This trailer makes me thank God for the existence of white people to make the lives of minorities better.
by The Tres Leches on Aug 7, 2009 8:52 PM CDT reply actions
I like it when Sandy talks tough to the gangbangers. Legit!
by Sailor Ripley on Aug 16, 2009 12:35 AM CDT reply actions
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