Anatomy of a Barking Carnival Post

So often I'm asked, "Minnesotahorn, how is it you guys at BC are able to provide consistently informative, insightful and witty commentary?" Often this is by my cardboard cutout of Colt McCoy. Well Colt, since you set a single season completion percentage record and because you let me fill in your half of the conversation, I'll tell you. Let me walk you through the process of how the magic happens.

8:15: Close office door. Use full length mirror to admire Kenneth Cole paisley suspenders.

8:20 - 8:38: Gaze serenely at framed desk photo of self with chin resting on fist.

8:40: Open Wordpress. Hit 'new post' and cast aspersions towards Henry James' sexual proclivities.

8:50: Hear Boss coming. Look busy.

8:51: Helpfully suggest to Boss that office morale could be greatly improved by magazine rack in men's room along with subscriptions to MAD magazine, Teen People and Juggs.

8:55: Marvel at Boss's shortsightedness. Close door. Un-minimize Hulu episode of TJ Hooker. Take pants back off.

9:30: Compare Tim Tebow to Lorena Bobbit.

9:45: Invite Hindu tech guy to lunch at Fuddruckers. Laugh uproariously while extending high five invitations to silent, unsmiling coworkers.

10:00: Peruse Ain't it Cool News, M Go Blog and Lolcats for easily plagiarized material.

Half way there.

10:55: Contemplate cheating on diet with bag of Cheetos from vending machine. Forego as we all know how that game ends: waking up in the bathtub of a strange motel next to three empty absinthe botlles, a half dozen whip-it cartridges and some severed non-matching prostitute fingers. Or as we call it, Tuesday.

11:00: Ask mail room intern for some hip, edgy slang terms. Yes he's on summer break from Rice after attending Phillips Andover Academy but he's still black right?

11:10: Scowl bitterly when Tech Guy declines invitation to split take out vegetarian platter from Thai Kitchen. Uppity curry-jigaboo.

11:15: Worry about reply count. Throw in gratuitous OU slam.

11:45: Decline spell checker.

What's the worst that could happen?

12:00: Hit 'post' . Nod smugly while contemplating Webby acceptance speech.

12:15: Watch Tech Guy and coworkers leave for Fuddruckers. They have chicken fingers now?

So as you can see it's a pretty complex and labor intensive process which I think demonstrates the diligence and cleverness of us Barkers. You're welcome.

Oh and Bob Stoops tells children there's no Santa Claus and wears cancer pajamas.

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