Post ULM, Pre Wyoming Thoughts Extravaganza Jamboree Off

Of the many things I love about college football, one is that no one (that is a fan) thinks it's utterly absurd to constantly rehash the minutiae of a game between a Texas and a ULM. I am sure that are jean-shorted-Tebow-is-the-messiah (Should messiah be capitalized? Divinity grad students, please answer) breaking their game against Northwestern Charleston St Tech, or whoever the hell they played, down to its nuts and bolts right now, and enjoying every minute of it. So, here are some other things that I love about college foosball compiled into the laziest quasi-journalistic device known to man, the list, because I am the laziest quasi-journalist known to man.

There are other post-pre game thingys by Huck here, by Eyes here, by Vasherized here, and by CallKevin aqui. You may opine that we suck, but not that we don't flog a deceased ungulate like no other.

1. I love watching athletes make the leap to football player. I did a whole lot of Curtis Brown and John Chiles watching because of this fetish. Curtis Brown was unrecognizable against ULM. He played with aggression, instinct, and looked like a football player instead of a skinny fast guy trying not to get his butt chewed. I loved everything I saw from him. Texas will really need a good year from him with Deon Beasley spending the off season not going to class.
2. John Chiles also played like a football player. He caught the ball with his hands, ran precise routes, got in and out of his cuts quickly, and just looked like a wide receiver. I didn't expect that from either one.
3. The other player I spent a lot of time watching was Kheeston Randall since he is the linchpin of our defensive greatness. The other reason I watched him is because he is the once a decade talent from my alma mater that is Texas good. Big Baby (his unoriginal high school nickname) is going to be a monster, especially when we line up in the 3-4 (which we did every time E. Acho was in the game). He is that rarest of defensive line beasts, a natural 5 technique. He looked fast as hell against ULM and played in their backfield quite a bit, though it did not show up in the box score because they rarely ran the ball inside. He does need to work on fighting against pressure instead of taking the easy up field route, but that takes time and practice. I would be worried about him being a trap victim if Lamar Houston was not the other D tackle, but his quickness is likely to negate the ability of teams to use his guard to trap away.
4. Kheeston's ability to play the 5 is going to make him a lot of money. Just ask Tyson Jackson.
5. It has been said before here and elsewhere, but I'll say it again. The co-ed talent on the 40 acres is beyond ridiculous. It took me a couple of years post undergrad to adjust my relative hotness standards simply because of the magnificence on game day. I wish my morals had deteriorated to their present level by the time I was 18, and I wasn't exactly riding the white horse of chivalry back then.
6. Mal Williams must have taken a greasy beer and migas morning dump in Greg Davis's Irish Breakfast Tea. I do have to say that some kids would pout, but I didn't see any lack of effort from Williams on special teams.
7. Kenny Vaccaro, who knew?
8. I saw Brooks Kieschnick and Calvin Murray tailgating pregame. They gave each other a nineteen step handshake hug. One of them looked ready to play for the Horns tomorrow and one of them looked ready to annihilate an all you can eat buffet after 20 red and whites. You figure it out.
9. If everyone treated people like people treat strangers during a tailgate, then there would be no war. There would be a plethora of beer stealing dickfers wearing tight t-shirts with dragons though, so all in all it's a push.
10. Some day, Duane Akina will die tragically by a special teams coverage induced arterial explosion of the noggin.
11. I hope Hunter Lawrence doesn't pull something kicking fake field goals into the net 143,622 times each time we cross the 50.
12. There is a warm blanket and a chunky gal to keep you warm at night, and there is also having John effing Gold as your punter.
13. Colt to Ship is just unfair.
14. I hope CTJ doesn't suffer a Grade 3 AC Strain patting himself on the back after each of Baylor's eight wins, because I know that Sailor will give him the Stoops treatment and buy off all the physicians in the Greater Houston Area.
15. Is it ridiculous that Colt looked rusty and out of synch while completing 72% of his passes?
16. While I love a good tight end nearly as much as the Sailor, I will take Dan Buckner in the flex all night long.
17. If the Fake Ken Tremendous is this good, then I shudder to think what the Real Ken Tremendous is capable of.
18. I will end a sentence with a preposition whenever I damn well please.
19. Altitude, a long flight, the bleak Wyoming landscape, and Dave Christensen in clashing school colors all scare me. Because of my obsession with standing in a river and waving a stick, I know people in Wyoming. They expect a raucous crowd at the most engaging evening entertainment in Laramie that doesn't include livestock. Well, except for Bevo.
20. I would be much more worried pre-Muschamp. He is probably worth a ten point blood pressure drop for most Texas fans.
21. None of the above scare me as much as the image of ending up on a list written in lipstick in CloseToJumping's garage while he does the Buffalo Bill dance just because I mocked his fantasy of ending up in a five way with Art Briles, the Baylor Bears Judge and Bruiser, and Phil Taylor.
22. You will get no funny pictures and like it. I am lazy.