Recapping Sooner Hell Week

by Barking Carnival Staff on Sep 9, 2009 4:20 PM CDT in Texas Longhorns and Other Football

I know CTJ has a great thread going here, but I wanted to provide a recap of how the OU program has fallen so far so fast in a week's time. Plus I figured holding off on my Barking Bets would save some people some coin. That said...

Yep, Oklahoma is now officially circling the drain. Let's recap the week the Devil called in his chits.

-Their all world tight end Jermain Gresham is rumored to be out for the season before the season starts. Bob Stoops lies about it.

-Oklahoma's season is dashed by guys getting cardio from riding bikes in Chile and annoying suburbia in the lower 48. These peculiarly clad white shirted dudes do the deed by outgaining the vaunted sooners by 100 yards, despite turning the ball over 4 times. Sam Braford leaves the game with a sprained shoulder.

-At halftime of this game in Jerry's World, not one Sooner player steps up in the lockerroom to rally the troops. Instead, Paul Blart look-a-like Kevin Wilson tries to cheer up his charges by reminding them they're up 3 points on a team that refuses to recruit black people.

-A dozen or so of OU's top recruits proceed to watch the abortion unfold.

-Post game, their Heisman QB is rumored to be out for the season. Bob Stoops lies about it.

-Two days later Bob Stoops texts the Tulsa World News to counter their story that Gresham is out for the year. A mere 30 minutes after Stoops declares Gresham has but a flesh wound, the star TE has season ending surgery.

-News breaks that Kevin Wilson and James Patton have been thrown under the bus and privately dressed down by Stoops. Ostensibly for rolling out an unprepared TE at center, getting his star QB obliterated, and sucking in general on offense.

-Brodey Eldridge, that same tight end the offensive coordinator moved to center shortly after calling him the best blocker he's ever coached, a mere month after proclaiming the current left tackle Trent Williams was the best lineman he's ever coached, breaks his hand in practice days later. Of course all of this occuring after being moved back to TE for, umm, well, sucking at center and not being Tim Krumrie. Ironically Trent Williams, the original best blocker there ever was according to Wilson, is the coloring book challenged jackoff that allowed a proselytizing 4.9 forty linebacker to Jimmy Superfly Snuka said gecko eyed Heisman QB in the first place. How's that for full circle?

And now, there are whispers that original starting center Ben Habern is hurt again. With an injury that has kept him out of most practices and all games to date. Which begs the question in my rattling head, how is he hurt "again" if he's never been healed in the first place?

And one final tidbit, wideout Jameel Owens is transferring because coaches realized they overestimated his speed. Yeah. No shit, guys? He wasn't as fast as you claimed? I'm flummoxed.

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The Tulsa paper says Eldridge’s hand is ‘slightly broken.’

Allsome.

by HenryJames on Sep 9, 2009 4:45 PM CDT reply actions

I don’t understand why he would let it leak that he dressed down Wilson. That hurts Wilson’s reputation. Now he has two coordinators nobody wants to hire away.

by TaylorTRoom on Sep 9, 2009 4:49 PM CDT reply actions

I’m sure Stoops will text the Tulsa paper saying that their information is inaccurate.

by misterserious7 on Sep 9, 2009 4:49 PM CDT reply actions

Ironically Trent Williams, the original best blocker there ever was according to Wilson, is the coloring book challenged jackoff that allowed a proselytizing 4.9 forty linebacker to Jimmy Superfly Snuka said gecko eyed Heisman QB in the first place.

This single sentence is, perhaps, the Interwebs high water mark.

by Ag_in_TX on Sep 9, 2009 4:55 PM CDT reply actions

Prize for the best approximation of Stoops’s text message.

by parlinhall on Sep 9, 2009 5:15 PM CDT reply actions

I’d like this in a cool timeline graphic. Now, ummkay?

by The General on Sep 9, 2009 5:15 PM CDT reply actions

Happy Birthday Bob Stoops!

by hookem625 on Sep 9, 2009 5:39 PM CDT reply actions

What’s the prize?

“he goodhand at oklahoma freakshow, not that he breaks hand in oklahoma and i am the idiot”

by CloseToJumping on Sep 9, 2009 5:47 PM CDT reply actions

Winner.

by nordberg on Sep 9, 2009 5:58 PM CDT reply actions

Ohhhh so close CTJ, but we’ll have to deduct points for the misspelling of “idoit”.

by Flamingmonkey on Sep 9, 2009 6:08 PM CDT reply actions

Great writeup, but your tags need work.

by sydneycarton on Sep 9, 2009 6:08 PM CDT reply actions

“Sam Braford leaves the game with a sprained shoulder”

Isn’t a Braford the result of a Brahman (Brammer) bull making sweet love to a Hereford cow. Help me out aggys, I know I’m right..

by doback on Sep 9, 2009 6:13 PM CDT reply actions

I said it a day or so ago, and I’ll say it again. I sense this is the beginning of the end for the Stoops era. This season has FUBAR written all over it.

by texoz on Sep 9, 2009 6:50 PM CDT reply actions

You think he leaves?

Because he ain’t getting fired unless he seduces Bevo and catches for him on the fifty during the RRS.

by The General on Sep 9, 2009 8:58 PM CDT reply actions

Recruitingwise, the Sooners have been in downward trajectory for the last few seasons. It’s just that RIVALS and SCOUT have yet to catch on.

The loss of Josh Jarboe before he ever even got a chance to unholster his Glock in Norman appears to be increasingly important for the Sooners.

by horniusemeritus on Sep 9, 2009 9:23 PM CDT reply actions

general, yes. Just a gut feeling. No info from any source. But imagine a Michigan team searching for a new coach, one that has roots in the Midwest. One that has crystal trophy experience and understands tradition. One that wants to get the fuck outta Oklahoma. Again, no info. Just hypothetical.

The wind may be out of the south here in Austin tonight, but I can detect a decaying odor from BlowU. The game against Tulsa will be very interesting to watch. Maybe someone here who knows Tulsa well could prognosticate on that match-up the week prior?

by texoz on Sep 9, 2009 9:28 PM CDT reply actions