Why does going to a late Horns game always make me feel like I just went 3 rounds in the octagon? I have throbbing pane in my right knee, lower back, left knee, both ankles and feet, and a headache. I have a pulsating blister under my left big toe. I keep telling my chafed undercarriage lies like, "I swear I'll never forget to baby powder up pregame again. Seriously this time." My liver is taking a standing 8 count and my bowels are telling me not to sleep to soundly. I am sitting here staring at a near empty Lunchable box wondering why I forgot to eat the Butterfinger.
Someday, I'll realize I can't drink from my nooning until the bars close without dire consequences. Thankfully that day was not today cause I needed the booze.
Thoughts from Darrell K. Royal Texas Memorial Stadium (I feel like there should be a comma in there. Should there be a comma in there?) with Joe Jamail Field and the Red McCombs Red Zone:
1) Between the tail gates and the 101,297 there had to be 150,000 people in the general vicinity of the stadium. It felt like 3 million standing on my foot and breathing my air.
2) The North End Zone Club section is really, really nice. I realized this when I was eating my penne ala vodka with shrimp and capers and sipping my bourbon pregame. I continued to realize this as I ran up to buy beer, soak in air conditioning, or eat a hot dog whenever I pleased during the game. The Club is like having a box but not paying for it.
3) We can break this down one hundred different ways, argue, and obsess incessantly (and we will do all of this until OU), but the bottom line is that our offensive line is doing a really bad job.
4) Speaking of OU,we won't win if our offense does not gel in the next two weeks. I think we forget that it took a near perfect performance to beat them last year.
5) I don't know what is wrong with Colt, but I think we should tell him that the design of the offense is based him completing roughly 8 out of every 10 passes, and his current merely mortal play will just not get it done.
6) Vaya con dios Mal Williams. See you in November.
7) It appears that the coaching staff also thinks Tre Newton is the right fit for this offense.
8. (Damn Smiley. Die Emoticons, DIE!) By the way, every time I read the title of the article linked just above, I think this is going to be about Ex-girlfriend/Ex-wife porn. So, I keep clicking on it only to be disappointed. I think this says alot more about me than about anything else. Help.
9) Muschamp coaches linebackers. Muschamp devises schemes to put pressure on the quarterback. We are better at these two things than we have been since the late 80's.
10) Pornstache Akina coaches defensive backs. Just sayin'.
11) I want to congratulate Greg Davis on the little hurry up wrinkle we saw in the second half. We run a positive pass play, then we hurry to the line and run the Indy Colts zone stretch play, which should be more effective against a defense hurrying to align and is gloriously downhill.
12) I want to go Endo from Lethal Weapon on Greg Davis for not calling the play action counter for this play when we ran it for the third time on a single drive. GD got Tre Newton lit up in the backfield BY THE SAFETY and killed the drive in the process. When we were running up to the line to quicksnap it, all of section 14C was muttering "Play action, play action, play action dear sweet baby jeebus make it be play action." Even the guy behind me that was in a carrot cake, soft serve, and booze induced comma was begging for play action.
13) We did not get play action.
13) On second thought don't tell Colt about #5. Either he already knows, and that is the problem, or he doesn't know and we don't want him to realize the full enormity that is his role on the team. Some things you can't unsee.
13) One of the guys sitting behind us mentioned that Colt looked like Peter Gardere playing anyone besides OU. I threw up in my mouth.
14) If someone that is computer savvy can get a close up slow motion shot of Taylor Pott's helmet flying high into the night and landing with a thud, Longhorn Nation will owe you a debt of gratitude.
15) I have a lot of respect for Potts after last nights game. That kid is tough. Alot of players would have packed it in after Kindle's hit.
16) Good job by Leach of going quick pass horizontal WR screen after that play. That went a long way towards bringing Potts back from the dead.
17) The personal foul calls on Muck and Kheeston were horseshit.
18) This defense will feel the loss of Muckleroy after the season.
19) Scholz's chopped beef sandwiches might have saved my life last night.
20) Finding the bar tender that would serve a single person more than the two drink limit at one time was the Miller Lite Clutch Move of the Game sponsored by Coors. Good job AC.
21) How was Moistberger and Herbstreit's commentary, folks?
22) A special shout out goes to the defunct corporation that owns the seats to our right that have been empty both games this year. It is nice to have 12 seats for four guys especially when a group of seat stealing co-eds takes advantage of the situation.
23) I love going to games at DKR. I really, really enjoy going to games with three old friends that I have seen alot of Horns football with. Thanks for the bid and a good game go out to AC, Mikey, and The Maestro. Maestro, I hope that the Four Seasons run turned out well, by which I mean I hope you did not get arrested.
24) There are three number 13's in this list, and I can't fix it because I killed that part of my brain last night. So, one burnt orange Barking Carnival jock strap to the person that can hump it into submission for me. Thanks.