Jerry's World

by Barking Carnival Staff on Sep 21, 2009 4:35 PM CDT in Texas Longhorns and Other Football

So, as a Cowboy fan I'm interested in seeing the 'Boys validate their big road win over Tampa Bay by beating a divisional rival at home. I flip on the TV and 3 hours, 18 bad bounces and a half dozen Tony Romo turnovers later, Lawrence Tynes is kicking a game winning field goal in a game in which the Pokes had dominated . Seriously, the game should have been a 31 to 14 trouncing. But then it hit me like a Vasherized bar tab. Upon rewatching the game on my DVR I noticed that Captain Botox has added Cage Dancers to his red neck riviera in Arlington.

Ask anybody that knows me, cage dancers or any other occupant of Phylum Stripperdom don't bode well for me from a luck standpoint. The best legal example of which was the time I lost 10 blackjack hands in a row just after the Luxor converted the blackjack pit I was sitting at, into a pseudo-strip club. Scipio can vouch. He was so mesmerized he was hitting hard 13's against 6's. Which is ironic considering Tony Romo played similarly by pissing away winning football hands drive after miserable drive with his incomparable ability to look 2nd and 2 in the mouth and somehow fuck things up. With a bunch of scantily clad blondes dancing around, this should come as a surprise to no one.

Cage dancers? Seriously? With Tony Romo in the building? Somewhere Tom Landry is covering his eyes with his fedora. And somewhere Lance Rentzel and Rafael Septien are showing their approval.

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The best illegal example is when he slid bare-assed down the marble foyer of the Venetian leaving a streak of baby oil, goose feathers, and counterfeit $1000 chips.

Trips stays at Caesar’s now.

by Vasherized on Sep 21, 2009 4:45 PM CDT reply actions

I kept waiting for Joe Bauer and Beef Supreme to drive their phallus adorned vehicles onto the field..

by Idiocracy on Sep 21, 2009 4:53 PM CDT reply actions

It’s like watching a game at Abratto’s.

by HenryJames on Sep 21, 2009 4:54 PM CDT reply actions

The best legal example of which was the time I lost 10 blackjack hands in a row just after the Luxor converted the blackjack pit I was sitting at, into a pseudo-strip club.

I was at Planet Hollywood in August, and they have a similar pit. I thought I had been dropped into some kind of time warp and was an extra on the old Angie Dickinson TV show “Police Woman.”

by srr50 on Sep 21, 2009 5:05 PM CDT reply actions

Outstanding. We don’t just give out Fuck Lion tags willy nilly either.

by Sailor Ripley on Sep 21, 2009 6:42 PM CDT reply actions

“Police Woman”?

Srr50, it was more evocative of MacMillan and Wife, if you ask me.

I was in Vegas a couple of weeks ago, saw said hoochie-choochie at the Luxor, and decided to just stare intently, mouth agape. Fuck Criss Angel, I am the Mindfreak.

by sizzlechest on Sep 21, 2009 10:11 PM CDT reply actions

How many of these are there? And who can actually see them except for the camera men? It’s either watch the football game you paid $300 to come see, or crane your neck backwards to watch Deja Vu Dallas girls at their second and less titillating job.