Fun With GameDay Texting
by Scipio Tex on Sep 24, 2009 3:47 PM CDT
in Texas Longhorns and Other Football
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PrintThe AgAssist text system is one of Bill Byrne's brilliant brainstorms developed to deal with Kyle Field's Old Testament critter plagues (crickets, bats, ear mites, otters, mastodons...
) general stadium complaints (quality of Aggie football) or safety issues (Bill Byrne within 50 yards of an elementary school).
Witness its ease of use and monetized fee structure!
Guests who wish to report issues and concerns, or call for assistance in a fast, easy and convenient way can do so by texting our AgASSIST text message service. Send your text to 97178 with the word AgASSIST followed by your issue and location. Stadium personnel will respond quickly and accordingly. Standard text messaging rates apply.
I can't speak to its efficacy as it was devised by a man who can't create a hyperlink and writes at a 6th grade level, but if my Longhorn, Big 12, and college football brethren don't ritually abuse this system on Saturday, then my faith in Man has been inexorably shaken.
Some suggested gameday texts:
this jim ed...am releasing so many scorpionz to kill cricketz - your welcome
aggie band member violated me w/ piccolo in south concourse men's bathroom...ok to smoke there?
I WILL FIGHT ANY WOMAN @ KYLE FIELD FOR INTERGENDER WORLD TITLE, WHO WANTS HER CROTCH KICKED?
question: anthrax would kill bats, right? just asking. no real reason. hahaha!
85 scholarships. One cup.
Coach Sherman, this is Todd from Arp! I have an awesome play idea! Meet me in nine minutes on the railroad tracks.
I JUST SAW LEE GRIMES CLOG A TOILET IN THE WOMEN's BATHROOM HIS TURD WRAPPED THE BOWL LIKE A COBRA BUT THERE IS NO FLUTE THAT WILL MAKE IT RISE
person in sec 41, row 18 not swaying w Ag spirit - will stab her in liver w housekey unless you say otherwise - CB: 281-445-1099
MR BYRNE NO THIS IS NOT THE BEST CORN DOG I HAVE EVER HAD YOUR SIGN ASSURES ME THAT IT WOULD BE I WISH FOR RECOMPENSE
hi...lol...wut r u doin? cum over ltr? u r hot...i drunk...who this...lol
11122221212122 skynet @ agassist initiatehumaneradicationsequence 1111221212212212122122
Jerrod Johnson here. On 24 X Flow Z Cross, is my first key the strong safety after the TE drags? It's 3rd and Goal and you've got like twenty seconds to get back to me...
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SpiderAg gonna be FILLIN’ Dollar Bill’s text system
by BEHorn on Sep 24, 2009 3:52 PM CDT reply actions
“There is a sheep being slaughtered on tier 2, and they say we need to use the blood to mark our door frames so the angel of death will pass over and not kill our first born sons. Shouldn’t that be announced on the jumbotron?”
by TaylorTRoom on Sep 24, 2009 4:05 PM CDT reply actions
Good one Taylor.
I demand more. nordberg should be good for at least three good ones.
by Scipio Tex on Sep 24, 2009 4:07 PM CDT reply actions
wuzzaaaaaaapppp? lol. this is fran. call me.
There’s like twenty guys wearing trash bags for pants in our section. Are the aliens or somethin?
hey i found a sick bat on my seat. can i keep it?
Trapped in middle of aisle and too fat to escape. Require immediate sustenance. Send 2 Cokes and a basket of delicious new First-and-Ten Nachos post haste or will die of hunger.
Can you help me with this?
by BrickHorn on Sep 24, 2009 4:19 PM CDT reply actions
That last one should read “Hey. It’s Tate. Can u help me with this?”
by BrickHorn on Sep 24, 2009 4:20 PM CDT reply actions
hey i found a sick bat on my seat. can i keep it?
-—
Nicely done sir. And the trash bag pants never gets old.
by Scipio Tex on Sep 24, 2009 4:21 PM CDT reply actions
“we r at the club where r u clpper is here an hes tot hoping to c u he broke up w that skank brook he needs suport”
“mr byrne pleas enter my vote for Kris he’s a good christin and so cute unlike that fag gaywad adam”
“there is a man in a truck in the parking lot and hes talking about how much he liked the movie Little Man Tate and he has no pants on pls send corps”
by CrazyJoeDavola on Sep 24, 2009 4:27 PM CDT reply actions
“If the bats eat the crickets, then we’re supposed to eat the bats, right?”
“Lost in bowels of stadium. Please call Barbara. -GHWB”
by nordberg on Sep 24, 2009 4:30 PM CDT reply actions
moths r eating my sweater. it tickles. shoulda worn wool undies. lmao!
by BrickHorn on Sep 24, 2009 4:39 PM CDT reply actions
“We have situation in sec 23. 2%er refuses to uncover.”
“An elderly fellow needs ‘squeeze ags’ assistance”
by bighornfan32 on Sep 24, 2009 4:39 PM CDT reply actions
“If I kiss my cousin after a touchdown then immediately drink bourbon, does that wash off the incest?”
by Nik on Sep 24, 2009 4:41 PM CDT reply actions
“if u feel bad bout kissin ur 3rd cousin, then stop countin them”
“Where do i pay Perry for my Regents position?”
“I just got teboned in the end zone!”
by eskimohorn on Sep 24, 2009 4:49 PM CDT reply actions
“I think I squeezed too hard, need clean up here…k thx bai”
by Fake Army of One on Sep 24, 2009 4:50 PM CDT reply actions
Have these asshats ever tried to send a text during a football game? Who came up with this system? I would have better luck with smoke signals.
by Capt. Obvious on Sep 24, 2009 4:55 PM CDT reply actions
Sup gurl, this is Sean Salisbury. What do u think of my junk?
by Sean Salisbury's iPhone on Sep 24, 2009 4:56 PM CDT reply actions
“Heey i heard the party was here lol good to be back! nattyism: need more natty lite lol… now where are those fucking keys….” -BCG
by nordberg on Sep 24, 2009 5:18 PM CDT reply actions
sec 313 row 21. bat stuck in mullet. need mayo.
hey billy. it’s javorskie. need a hanky and bucket o wings in sec. 110. can u hook it up?
does this chick in front of me qaulify 4 obstructed view? discount appreciated.
does nazi rally constitute safety hazard? sec. 102, 103, 104, 107, and half of 109. all rows. they all look same, you’ll know when you get here. strangely, some have musical instruments. extreme caution suggested.
If you can’t make fun of yourself…
Gig ’em.
by TxAgswin on Sep 24, 2009 5:18 PM CDT reply actions
All natural male enhancement, your girlfriend rike!
by ponderos on Sep 24, 2009 5:33 PM CDT reply actions
uab fans in s. end zone look reddy to jump on field. i happy 2 help. pls advise. tnx, greg hood
by Woody Bombay on Sep 24, 2009 5:33 PM CDT reply actions
Got hardware? Sincerely, Aggie Archery, Bassfishing, and Women’s Track Teams. Triple Hahahahahaaa!!
Sherm here. Take the under and UAB cover parlay. 5 units. Direct deposit with performance review bonus.
Reveille VII’s bodyguard here. Need to piss real bad. Game is out of hand…dog doesn’t give a shit. Permission to urinate?
yagsisemajyrneh
We went to the Delta this weekend. It’s in the South.
by Vasherized on Sep 24, 2009 5:33 PM CDT reply actions
A gay rock band just ran onto the field. I think they are a Village People coverband but they’re all dressed like ice cream men. I thought the SA stormtroopers would stop them but they appear to only be encouraged. Send help!
A giant cricket in knee-high boots is brandishing a weapon at a UAB cheerleader!
by Corps N-1 '04 on Sep 24, 2009 5:34 PM CDT reply actions
bats have covered the scoreboard of our beloved fallen mascots in guano, will display the score with hand signals until help can be sent
by kevwun on Sep 24, 2009 6:32 PM CDT reply actions
Byrne: Found your Special Olympics medal- at Kid’s Yell Practice. I won’t warn you again about being around there, you sick fuck.
by SKiNny G on Sep 24, 2009 6:38 PM CDT reply actions
wtd: nu prez. No xperens nssre. Must B wiln 2 e@ sht, giv cmplmnts on gbnor’s gud hair.
by parlin on Sep 24, 2009 6:42 PM CDT reply actions
There appears to be a light-skinned Negro in Section 26 Row 14 Seat 5 STOP Possible quadroon STOP Will attempt to measure his head with calipers then report back FULL STOP
by goofybevo on Sep 24, 2009 7:03 PM CDT reply actions
Jamar T sighted with a goup of recruits and a bag of funions pls advise.
Dollar bill in stall next to mine. Tapping his foot. Does we want tp?
crickets in nachos. Act of god or new recipe?
Section 23, row 8, guy next to me refuses to admit J.J. is better than VY. Must be a t-sip. Please eject.
by Flamingmonkey on Sep 24, 2009 7:50 PM CDT reply actions
BULLHORN GUY SPOTTED IN SECTION 30, ROW 12. HAVE CLEAR SHOT ON TARGET. DO NOT LOOK FOR ME, I AM IN MAROON GHILLIE SUIT AND INVISIBLE TO THE UNTRAINED EYE. AWAIT AUTHORIZATION.
by ace68 on Sep 24, 2009 8:20 PM CDT reply actions
texting from friend’s phone. Listeater is now iPhoneater.
by texoz on Sep 24, 2009 11:13 PM CDT reply actions
Hey dollabill do you think you could wake the sleeping giant already?
by Tim on Sep 24, 2009 11:31 PM CDT reply actions
We have an almost identical system… saw it on a sign under the scoreboard at the tech game.
by txkj on Sep 25, 2009 3:09 AM CDT reply actions
I’m an Ag and I support this thread.
Gig ’em.
by coloradoag on Sep 25, 2009 7:15 AM CDT reply actions
This might be the best thread in the history of the internets. Whoop!
by dedfischer on Sep 25, 2009 7:32 AM CDT reply actions
Very funny. It is probably worth noting, however, that DKR utilizes the “text in case of emergency” service.
by ex68mustang on Sep 25, 2009 7:44 AM CDT reply actions
“Hey Deloss, it’s now 66-3 UCLA. fire Mackovic, already. Have text messages been invented yet?”
by eskimohorn on Sep 25, 2009 7:50 AM CDT reply actions
OMG r these bats the ones that make you into a vampire? Cuz I soooooo want to be in the next Twilight movie
by jinx on Sep 25, 2009 8:07 AM CDT reply actions
I’m not ozzie. is okay to eat bat heads anyway?
dilema, kill sheep for blood for door, or keep girlfrnd?
by Marshall Dillon on Sep 25, 2009 9:30 AM CDT reply actions
Because of CAC I can’t stop refferring to people as skanks. Thanks.
by magnusbleuveigner on Sep 25, 2009 10:25 AM CDT reply actions
eskimohorn that is the funniest thing i’ve read in a while
by txtxtxtx on Sep 25, 2009 10:27 AM CDT reply actions
“DD, I just took my cellular phone out of it’s carrying case. I’m trying this new technology in hopes it reaches you some day over Southwestern Bell’s analog network. As I type, whack! what a shot by Westbrook! All we have to do is run the clock out and JB & the gang will ice victory over the fightin Irish. D’oh! intercepted. Tyson King’s slow-footed”
What? Too soon?
by eskimohorn on Sep 25, 2009 11:15 AM CDT reply actions
HenryJames said:
September 24th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
"A bonfire fell on me."
/too soon?
OMG AND LOL
ps – I wish i wouldnt have stumbled on BC so I could keep hating all UT fans. you stupid UT guys on this site make me laugh every day. To that I say thank you. quadroon ? Oh man, you got me with that. literally misty eyed
by mikecrabtree on Sep 25, 2009 11:16 AM CDT reply actions
bb, best method for removing nacho cheese from carpenter jorts?
by dedfischer on Sep 25, 2009 11:20 AM CDT reply actions
“Billy, OMG! I was takin a dump and tapped the dude next to me with my foot. Nube didn’t know what it meant. Virge!”
by eskimohorn on Sep 25, 2009 12:50 PM CDT reply actions
Some of these are awesome. If you can’t have a sense of humor about yourself, you’re wound too tight.
HOWEVER, To HenryJames: College student death is HISTERICAL right?? I mean I laughed my fucking HEAD off when those VT students got shot. They were just ASKING for it! Am I right??? What a bunch of fucking losers!
Seriously, you’re a fucking abysmal waste of oxygen for that comment. Fuck off and die.
by South '06 on Sep 25, 2009 5:46 PM CDT reply actions
“I really wish my parents hand’t broken up, if someone doesn’t help me soon I am going to start shooting from the Tower… xoxo C. Whitman”
by TxHegemon on Sep 25, 2009 6:01 PM CDT reply actions
Agree with above. Some of these have made me almost die of laughter, but the tragic death of a college student is never funny. I assure you if you were a UT student at that time you would have never made such a comment. As an Ag, I thought the UT fans and students conducted themselves with TREMENDOUS class at that difficult time, and it showed what the rivalry between A&M and Texas really is. But saying things like that means you don’t deserve to be part of either great institution and it ruins fun threads like this one is supposed to be. To be honest it wouldn’t surprise me if you didn’t ever once set foot on the 40 acres in your life.
Thanks and Gig’em
by tj on Sep 25, 2009 6:08 PM CDT reply actions
What TJ said. Loss of life in this manner (A&M, Virginia Tech, UT, Marshall plane crash, etc.) was tragic much in the same way as it is in any accident. I’m sure their families and friends don’t find your laughter at the loss of their loved ones to be humorous in any way. As a matter of fact, I’m sure they find it appalling, rude, crude, and classless.
by Steve on Sep 25, 2009 6:56 PM CDT reply actions
I think HJ just wanted to use that famous “too soon” line. I’m fairly certain he was just as upset as the rest of us on that November morning.
Also, that Whitman line was a good retort, and no that one wasn’t too soon.
by magnusbleuveigner on Sep 25, 2009 7:22 PM CDT reply actions
People do know that HenryJames and CloseToJumping grew up drinking from the same water source, right?
by dedfischer on Sep 25, 2009 7:36 PM CDT reply actions
South ‘06, you’re right as long as the Ags honor the dead by not starting up the bonfire again. If TAMU starts building a bonfire again, I think we can assume that TAMU has stopped respecting the incident, and the victims of it.
by TaylorTRoom on Sep 25, 2009 10:25 PM CDT reply actions
TTR,
You’ll have to explain that logic to me someday. Does that mean we can now bring up the Whitman shooting because kids are now going to class again? Why would having Bonfire again “stopped respecting the incident”?
BTW – it’s a moot point – the lawyers will never let Bonfire happen on campus again – no matter what the Governor says.
by Ag_in_TX on Sep 28, 2009 8:51 AM CDT reply actions
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