A Longhorn's Guide on Miner Fan

I’ve driven to LA from Houston more times than I can count and whenever I get to El Paso I feel like I’m home free. That’s how big this freaking state is.

Word to the wise, Las Cruces has the last Whataburger until you get to Phoenix. Phoenix is also home to the first In-N-Out. FYI.

The first In-n-Out was in Baldwin Park, CA, a suburb of Los Angeles. Confirmed also by the In-n-Out website.

He means the first In-N-Out you reach if you drive west.

As a reminder, states do not have flagship universities – university systems do.

htmfh

And Chico’s Tacos rcosk – rocks real hard.

Don’t: Knock the McRib.

Do: Check your yahoo account moose knuckle.

Not to forfeit my Texan card, but Whataburger is a sad display next to In-N-Out. There’s really no comparison.

Great read, Trips.

I forfeited my Californian card long ago. Whataburger is much better in my opinion. The double is much bigger than the 4×4. Although I do love the onions at In-N-Out. Go Animal Style.

Whataburger was the first meal I ever had in this great state. It was a Spring day with a slight westerly breeze. What a way to be welcomed.

Eskimohorn, we shall check sales reciepts from the Phoenix locations as they engage in their turf war.

“Did you know that El paso is closer to Los Angeles, CA than it is to Beaumont.”

Indeed I do. As proof, I offer the following… when we left Van Horn for the second day of our drive home from the Michigan-Texas Rose Bowl, I turned on the AM radio early in the morning, and heard the traffic report in LA on KFI like the traffic was on my bumper… which it wasn’t… ’cause it was Van Horn…

Trips will be sporting a special facial hair arrangement for this game, slicked down with mutton and motor oil. You can also detect a restrained internal celebration everytime UTEP scores.

It’s in his blood, mang.

This won’t be the first time in his life that Trips Right has had to come up with an excuse for a fast food hickey.

The McRib is a lot like the BCS. I don’t know anyone that likes it, but every year they keeping bringing it back.

Chomp!

Good stuff. As a visitor of New Mexico thanks to business, the whole red chili/green chili thing flummoxed me, especially when TexMex “chili” is a little thing called ahellofalotofmeltedcheese.

“DON’T ask Miner fan to give you a handjob. At least not after one beer and a sandwich "

2 beer minimum?

I used to eat Whataburger all the time as a kid. Stopped for about 15 years. When I finally moved back to Texas the first thing I did was go to Whataburger.

Very disappointed. It sucks. The “meat” in WB is like cardboard. A tasteless, gritty mass of grade F meat. Five Guys is much better if you’re looking for a fast food ‘burger. Next time I’m trying Top Notch to see how they are.

I didn’t know Trips was from El Paso. My entire perspective on that city might have to shift after this discovery.

Pure gold Trips. The colic bit made my hernia act up and contuse my colon. Quality work again my friend…

I too finished public schooling in El Paso, at Coronado in ‘94. And after only having lived there for a year and a half, I quicly embraced tequila – thanks to the pliable age laws south of the santa fe bridge – basketball and Chico’s. That’s good shite.

I recall fondly back the availibility of cheap drugs an stolen wooden pallettes from the back of WalMart on Mesa which would then be shuttled out to the New Mexican desert and tossed aflame into the dry desert night, all to enhance the effect of said cheap drugs…

DO… Extoll the greatness that is peyote induced ritual fire dance orgies in the adjacent desert. Or White Sands and Ruidoso.

Wait, El Paso has both a Whataburger and a Wal-Mart? El Paso > San Francisco. (May be teh only place on the web you’ll find that sentence.)

In ‘n Out is overrated, but it’s pretty much all we got. I can’t get behind any burger place which is unable to offer jalapenos as a condiment.

I bet t1climb1 is a whole lot of fun at parties.

Scholes,

Is your name homage to Paul? If it is, GO GUNNERS!!!

Also, what town do you live in? I spent about 13 years of my life in the Bay. Hayward, Dublin, San Ramon, and a little Benicia.

El Paso is all the natural beauty of Las Vegas, without any of the entertainment.

“I bet t1climb1 is a whole lot of fun at parties.”

Hey, how come Huckleberry never gets these kind of shots? I get invited a lot because I’m in the booze business so I got that goin for me.

BTW Blackscholes, are you in the 415 or 510? I just moved back to TX from Marin county. Lived there the past 5 years. I thought there was a Wal Mart somewhere in the east bay no?

Pshaw! The East Bay Ain’t San Francisco.

Dat be Oaktown.

“Pshaw! The East Bay Ain’t San Francisco.”

Exactly why I figured if there was a Wal Mart, it would be in the east bay.

It’s “chile,” not “chili.”

And El Paso women put out. They want that baby early.

“And El Paso women put out.”

Whatever gave you that idea Bookman? I mean, it’s not like you see El Paso women jackin their boyfriends off on TV or anything. I think…wait…what’s that you say?

Well, they need that baby early. Those gardens don’t grow themselves.

DO talk Texas Longhorn football with Miner Fan. Miner fan is secretly, or sometimes not so secretly, a Longhorn fan. He roots for the University of Texas like he roots for the Dallas Cowboys. It’s ingrained. Hell, Miner fan has his own Aggies to make fun of.

Having traveled there frequently during football season and discussed the issue with the natives, I surmise the favorite football teams in El Paso, in order, are:
1) Dallas Cowboys
2) Miners
2a) ‘Horns
4) Our Lady’s Fighting Catholics de South Bend, IN
The only Aggies you can find there are of the Las Cruces variety—although the team colors are similar to our own home-grown version, which can be confusing at first glance until you realize that the NMSU grads/fans don’t have that superiority/inferiority chip on their shoulder that quickly identifies most ATM’ers.

Stopped at a McDonalds once while driving through El Paso. Saw mostly tall piles of rock from the highway though, nothing that looked like a “Downtown”. Was in and out of the place fast, so must be a small city, right?

BTW Hilarious article. Props, guys.

I dated two Latina women the two years I was in EP. The first one was the hottest woman I have ever gone on a date with, ever. It was a blind date set up by another girl at Thomason. I had cotton mouth and palpitations from go. She was Grace Kelly, but Mexican. It ended the same night when I unwittingly said hi to the woman who fucked her over with her last boyfriend – a woman who also was getting fucked by Oscar de la Hoya, evidently. The second Latina was the most bat shit crazy woman I have ever dated. It took three months to wake up, and three months to get out. In that town, having a brick thrown through my window for ending it was getting off easy.

“Well, they need that baby early. Those gardens don’t grow themselves.”

And that citrus don’t pick itself, either..

Didn’t think I would get to hear Dave Lapham today. Awesome!

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