Barking Carnival’s Rx for Bye Week Blues

No Paxil involved.

As disappointed as we all are that Texas doesn't have a directional school from a dubious conference to pummel this weekend, you don't have to fall prey to the Bye Week Blues.

You can do something productive like clean out your attic, take up the lute, or learn conversational Farsi...

Or you could just watch a bunch of of other teams play football. Yeah, that's what I thought.

I'll let you decide if the Thursday West Virginia-Colorado matchup is worth your time. I watched Colorado at Toledo two weeks ago and it proved immensely entertaining, similar to a homemade squirrel catapult. If you watch Friday's Pittsburgh-Louisville game, your relationship with college football is probably an abusive one.

As a Pacific Standard Time type, I'm used to waking up on a Saturday to execrable Big 10 football. As much as I enjoy a conference where consonant heavy draft horses battle in pouring rain under gray skies in early October to see who can score the decisive safety in a 13-13 game and trigger celebratory riots in a Rust Belt apocalypse, I'm going to recommend that you get in a work out, walk the dogs, do something outside, grab some brunch in a place where people judge you, and then prepare yourself for game watching. However, if you need that morning taste and you possess the right cable package, I give you my blessing to watch:

12:00 PM ET No. 22 Michigan at Michigan State Big 10 Network

Michigan is a highly entertaining football team. They're just good enough to be exciting, just bad enough to make every game an adventure. Think Texas in 1998. If you haven't seen freshman Tate Forcier play yet, do so. Michigan State lives to play and lose close games. I'm pulling for the Athenians from Ann Arbor.

You'll probably want to jump back and forth with:

12:21 PM ET No. 3 Alabama at Kentucky Gameplan/ESPN 360

See Greg McElroy, Trent "Street Agent" Richardson, Julio Jones and Alabama's new-found offensive glory. UK will contest this game more tightly than last week's Gator effort, but the Tide will rise. Keep an eye on this Bama team.

Enough, let's move on to the main course.

3:30 PM ET No. 4 LSU at No. 18 Georgia CBS

Yes. Yes this will do nicely. LSU has struggled with every team they've played and they appear to be a loose affiliation of great athletes running around randomly. Richt desperately needs this win and the Dawgs have won their last three with some fortunate breaks. Richt isn't on the hot seat, but there's a weird hysteria amongst Dawg fans right now that he needs to quell before it escalates. Should be a classic SEC game with urgency in both camps. I'm pulling for Georgia in this one.

Sadly, you're going to have to make some choices now:

7:30 PM ET Texas A&M vs. Arkansas* ESPN2

The first of three games in which Texas fans will be deeply conflicted. Do you pull for the vile Razorbacks and serial liar Bobby Petrino or do you pull for that deeply secure bunch in College Station? I'll be pulling for a meteor strike. Of course it would bounce harmlessly off of Jerry World's adamantine retractable dome: aka Bill Byrne's head. Like a Big 10 game in October, this game will be played in the 30s. Points, not degrees. It's perfectly fine to pull for the Aggies as a win will elevate their expectations to Dutch Tulip Bubble frenzy levels. Seeing it pop later would be good fun.

7:45 PM ET Auburn at Tennessee ESPN

Longhorn fan conflict #2. I would like to immerse both Gene Chizik and Lane Kiffin in a briny vat of Portugese Man O' Wars. Each knows how to self-promote shamelessly, hire a staff, and pay off a recruit. The real battle will happen between Tennessee's D led by Papa Kiffin and Auburn's creative OC Gus Malzhan. That's a chess match worth watching. There's a lot of pressure for Kiffin to win in Neyland. As a general rule, I also make it a point to watch Eric Berry whenever possible.

8:00 PM ET No. 7 USC at No. 24 California ABC

Cal's retched performance in Autzen last week seemingly renders this an odd game of interest, but if you know a bit about Cal's wilting road history and how they rebound at home, they're fully capable of giving USC problems. Tedford may want to communicate to his defense that TEs are receiver eligible and QB Kevin Riley needs to stop ingesting pregame mushrooms. Check in here in the 2nd quarter and see where the game stands. My USC hate will be full on.

8:00 PM ET No. 8 Oklahoma at No. 17 Miami (FL)

Longhorn fan dilemma #3. The Unsavory Bowl. A city of tropical degenerates that Sao Paulo mocks for its corruption and depravity hosts a collision of high culture unseen since the Venetians traded with ancient China. Will I pull for the Miami Hurricanes? Yes, I will. I also vow that during the length of the broadcast I will greet all females by exclaiming, "Oy mami I got sometin' for you real nice" while pointing at my crotch. If they win, I will snort nine packets of Sweet N Low.

Your turn...what games you going to watch and who are you pulling for?

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