Pat Forde is the New Scipio Tex
by Fake Ken Tremendous on Oct 13, 2009 2:01 PM CDT
in Texas Longhorns and Other Football
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PrintIt's early October, which means it's time for the national media to pen uninteresting pieces about the Texas-OU rivalry. As expected, Pat Forde doesn't disappoint on that front.
You might recall that fans spent good money last year renting airplanes to fly snide signs in each other's air space. When Oklahoma played at Oklahoma State last season with the Big 12 South title on the line, a plane circled with a banner reminding everyone of the Longhorns' 45-35 victory in Dallas. A few days later, a plane circled Texas' campus encouraging coach Mack Brown (4) to "quit whining."."
Some 2009 airplane signs The Dash would like to see:."
Texas sign: "Forget big games, Bob Stoops (5) doesn't even win the medium-sized ones anymore -- see BYU, Miami."
God. Oh man. That's killer stuff. Killer! Citing examples at the end of an awkwardly verbose joke just gets me every time. I'm in tears already.
Oklahoma sign: "The computers still hate the Horns -- see Sagarin."
Genius! He pulled out the "See ________" joke again! Hey, when something's working, stick with it. This guy's slayin' me.
Texas sign: "When your best win is over Baylor, you aren't very good."."
Oklahoma sign: "When your best nonconference win is over Louisiana-Monroe, you're chicken."
"Chicken." Ha! That's gold. It's almost as funny as telling someone "you aren't very good." Can you imagine actually saying that to someone? So absurd. This is envelope-pushing comedy at its finest.
Texas sign: "What BCS stands for in Oklahoma: Bowl Catastrophe Series."
BWUAHAHAHAH! Do you see what he did there?!? Bowls have been a "catastrophe" for Oklahoma lately, and just like the word "championship," catastrophe starts with a C. So it works perfectly in the acronym "BCS."
I think I just peed myself! This stuff is classic.
Oklahoma sign: "Michael Crabtree is still open."
Oh no he di'int! Wow! "Still open?" Do you know what else is still open? My gut! Because it just burst from me laughing so hard!
Texas sign: "Mobilehoma."
Aw, SNAP! Take that, Oklahomans - or should I say Mobilehomans? This stuff is so fresh and original. Pat Forde is like the Carlos Mencia of sports jokes. Or maybe Dane Cook. Either way, it's funny, funny stuff!
Oklahoma sign: "Landry Jones' mustache > Colt McCoy's."
Yes! YEESSS! Mustache joke! And framed as a mathematical inequality? Good gravy! I'm not going to quit laughing about that for a long time.
Mustaches and comedy go together like one-legged tramps and middle-aged Beatles. Richard Pryor had a mustache. Peter Sellers had a mustache. Tom Selleck had a mustache. Even yours truly attempted to switch to the pen name "Bushy Moustache" in order to distract his readers from the fact that he's just doing a poor impression of Michael Schur. Mustaches make people funny. Just compare mustachioed Groucho Marx (funny) to the bearded Karl Marx (not funny). QED.
Anyway, Pat Forde is funny. I mean he's Tom Selleck (with mustache) funny. So, look out Scipio, HenryJames and Minnesota Horn. If Pat Forde keeps writing about Texas, you hacks will be out of a job. That is, if writing blog entries in exchange for coupons for 15% off wicker baskets at Hobby Lobby can be considered a "job."
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I will pay any of you $150.00 to knock me out right now and resuscitate me @ about 9 a.m. Saturday morning.
by nordberg on Oct 13, 2009 2:09 PM CDT reply actions
HenryJames knows several individuals of ambiguous gender who will do exactly that for $70.
by Fake Ken Tremendous on Oct 13, 2009 2:11 PM CDT reply actions
Leslie, Ponderos, or Henry James’ Ambiguites?
by The General on Oct 13, 2009 2:47 PM CDT reply actions
“Well, the jerk store just called, they’re running out of you!”
by George Costanza on Oct 13, 2009 2:47 PM CDT reply actions
Word is that Leslie had a stroke.
parlin probably thinks he’s gonna scoop me on that nugget, too.
by ponderos on Oct 13, 2009 4:02 PM CDT reply actions
I still laugh when I think of him dressing up in a longhorn cheerleader outfit for the Ricky Williams parade in downtown Austin (Leslie, not Scip or Pat Forde, thought they may have done that too).
by stuckinmn on Oct 13, 2009 4:23 PM CDT reply actions
“That is, if writing blog entries in exchange for coupons for 15% off wicker baskets at Hobby Lobby can be considered a "job."”
Dey drill hole in bottom of basekett . My bobo hurt much…
by Thai Boy Toy on Oct 13, 2009 5:19 PM CDT reply actions
Reading this is like opening a matryoshka doll of unfunniness.
by SL Xpress on Oct 13, 2009 6:19 PM CDT reply actions
Forde’s writing was uncomfortably unfunny.
Why did you have to go after the wicker baskets? You know I collect.
by Scipio Tex on Oct 13, 2009 10:39 PM CDT reply actions
I’ve always thought of Chooky as the new William Sanderson.
by uncle cracker on Oct 13, 2009 11:33 PM CDT reply actions
Pat Forde is on the scene, you know what I mean. I feel the robot coming out of me right now.
by Cincohorn on Oct 14, 2009 6:04 AM CDT reply actions
UT and OU fans just aren’t interested in humor this week.
by Bob in Houston on Oct 14, 2009 7:45 AM CDT reply actions
A prerequisite for good sarcasm is correct spelling. Paul McCartney was a middle-aged Beatle.
Carry on.
by TxTower on Oct 14, 2009 9:12 AM CDT reply actions
Is anyone else wondering if clipper is attending the RRR?….skanks
by mikecrabtree on Oct 14, 2009 1:00 PM CDT reply actions
Unfortunately for us Mikey, writers work on their own timeline. Ask their editors.
Maybe Scipios muse has gone astray, lost in the bowels of an underground garment warehouse in Chinatown.
by magnusbleuveigner on Oct 14, 2009 5:11 PM CDT reply actions
Is this Pat Forde guy for real:
http://barkingcarnival.fantake.com/forums/topic.php?id=215
Sure, let’s just assume Bradford would have won this game. That makes sense. With his outstanding o line, run game and fantastic receiving corps, it’s a given. Meanwhile, Florida gets gifted a fucking Vegas 30 yard gain but Tebow is gritty!
Fuck the medias.
by raoulduke on Oct 18, 2009 2:29 PM CDT reply actions
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by kado geboorte on Aug 19, 2011 7:41 AM CDT reply actions
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