Pat Forde is the New Scipio Tex

It's early October, which means it's time for the national media to pen uninteresting pieces about the Texas-OU rivalry. As expected, Pat Forde doesn't disappoint on that front.

You might recall that fans spent good money last year renting airplanes to fly snide signs in each other's air space. When Oklahoma played at Oklahoma State last season with the Big 12 South title on the line, a plane circled with a banner reminding everyone of the Longhorns' 45-35 victory in Dallas. A few days later, a plane circled Texas' campus encouraging coach Mack Brown (4) to "quit whining."."

Some 2009 airplane signs The Dash would like to see:."

Texas sign: "Forget big games, Bob Stoops (5) doesn't even win the medium-sized ones anymore -- see BYU, Miami."

God. Oh man. That's killer stuff. Killer! Citing examples at the end of an awkwardly verbose joke just gets me every time. I'm in tears already.

Oklahoma sign: "The computers still hate the Horns -- see Sagarin."

Genius! He pulled out the "See ________" joke again! Hey, when something's working, stick with it. This guy's slayin' me.

Texas sign: "When your best win is over Baylor, you aren't very good."."

Oklahoma sign: "When your best nonconference win is over Louisiana-Monroe, you're chicken."

"Chicken." Ha! That's gold. It's almost as funny as telling someone "you aren't very good." Can you imagine actually saying that to someone? So absurd. This is envelope-pushing comedy at its finest.

Texas sign: "What BCS stands for in Oklahoma: Bowl Catastrophe Series."

BWUAHAHAHAH! Do you see what he did there?!? Bowls have been a "catastrophe" for Oklahoma lately, and just like the word "championship," catastrophe starts with a C. So it works perfectly in the acronym "BCS."

I think I just peed myself! This stuff is classic.

Oklahoma sign: "Michael Crabtree is still open."

Oh no he di'int! Wow! "Still open?" Do you know what else is still open? My gut! Because it just burst from me laughing so hard!

Texas sign: "Mobilehoma."

Aw, SNAP! Take that, Oklahomans - or should I say Mobilehomans? This stuff is so fresh and original. Pat Forde is like the Carlos Mencia of sports jokes. Or maybe Dane Cook. Either way, it's funny, funny stuff!

Oklahoma sign: "Landry Jones' mustache > Colt McCoy's."

Yes! YEESSS! Mustache joke! And framed as a mathematical inequality? Good gravy! I'm not going to quit laughing about that for a long time.

Mustaches and comedy go together like one-legged tramps and middle-aged Beatles. Richard Pryor had a mustache. Peter Sellers had a mustache. Tom Selleck had a mustache. Even yours truly attempted to switch to the pen name "Bushy Moustache" in order to distract his readers from the fact that he's just doing a poor impression of Michael Schur. Mustaches make people funny. Just compare mustachioed Groucho Marx (funny) to the bearded Karl Marx (not funny). QED.

Anyway, Pat Forde is funny. I mean he's Tom Selleck (with mustache) funny. So, look out Scipio, HenryJames and Minnesota Horn. If Pat Forde keeps writing about Texas, you hacks will be out of a job. That is, if writing blog entries in exchange for coupons for 15% off wicker baskets at Hobby Lobby can be considered a "job."

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