The 2009 Texas Fan OU Timeline
by Scipio Tex on Oct 13, 2009 2:00 AM CDT
in Texas Longhorns and Other Football
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Print1-1-09 The Sooners play for the national title in 7 days. I feel ill.
1-2-09 Just saw an ESPN Orange Bowl preview. No, I'm not crying. Don't be silly. You're probably crying. That's why you're accusing me of crying. Anyway, I have allergies.
1-3-09 Pulled down all of the rankings and in all of them, UT is clearly the superior academic school in all facets. Just FYI.
1-4-09 Furthermore, our state economy is not based on copper wiring theft, meth labs, and personal injury lawsuits.
1-4-09 We have a very robust GDP! Dozens of Fortune 500 companies, innovative technology, a prosperous citizenry, and we export considerable amounts of sorghum.
1-4-09 I feel better.
1-4-09 Fiesta ain't the Rose, but it will do. Phoenix is cool. (OU fan walks by with Horns down wearing a Boz jersey) YOU SIR - COME BACK HERE AND I WILL FISTFUCK YOU HARDER THAN YOUR UNCLE DID WHEN HE WAS YOUR SCOUTMASTER.
1-5-09 Quan! I'll miss that tough little guy. Oh well, at least we got the Fiesta win. We had a really good year.
1-6-09 Great year for our guys. What can you do? You have to be philosophical about it. In the big picture, college football mean nothing.
1-6-09 OU is going to win tomorrow. I RENOUNCE ALL BELIEF IN A JUST HIGHER POWER! THE HINDUS CONSISTENTLY GET IT RIGHT!
1-6-09 I'm absolutely confident that Florida will win. Tebow is money. Christ gives him powers, just like Colt.
1-7-09 Sooners lose! HA HA HA HA. Big Game Bob, you ass. They lost by 10 on a neutral field. Nice touch Lady Fate, you cruel masochistic bitch.
1-8-09 Could we have beaten Florida? Not sure.
1-9-09 It's silly to even ask yourself that.
1-10-09 Ha ha ha.
1-11-09 Yes.
1-12-09 Probably not.
1-15-09 Can't believe I'm still thinking about this.
1-24-09 Maybe.
2-4-09 Jamarkus McFarland, you shall feel the power of the Mack Brown curse. I invoke it NOW.
2-5-09 Now I will hibernate...
5-28-09 Justin Chaisson. Typical Sooner. SCREW 'EM.
6-6-09 Oh, look - an Athlon magazine! Should I buy that piece of shit? Yes.
7-09-09 Phil Steele thinks we roll OU. That dude is smart. He owns lots of TVs, uses acronyms, and he writes with exclamation points.
7-26-09 7 Sooners on the 1st Team All-Big 12 team. Uh oh.
7-27-09 On second thought, forget the media. Why do I care about the opinions of people that used to dangle off of locker hooks in high school?
8-12-09 This is the year Christian Scott makes his move. Impact playa.
8-18-09 Team looked awesome in open practice. We flat out roll OU.
8-19-09 Lethargic today. I can't believe we're going to blow this season.
8-25-09 Can't wait for October 17th. Both teams will be undefeated and the winner will supplant Florida at #1 after LSU upsets them in Baton Rouge. Mark it down.
8-27-09 Bradford, Gresham, Beal vs. McCoy, Shipley, Kindle. Let's do this. I think we win a tight one. 34-31. I know our offense will carry us, just hope the D can come along. Special teams will be bleh as usual.
8-28-09 Damn. Kevin Wilson and Stoops are really confident about their OL.
8-30-09 Made Texas-OU hotel reservations. $550 a night for a Hilton Garden Inn is a bargain, IMHO. The drive over from Lewisville will be a pleasure.
9-1-09 Is Gresham really out?
9-2-09 Gresham's out! Fuck those guys. We win by 20.
9-3-09 I do feel bad for the kid. Seriously. He's a good player. Wish him the best.
9-4-09 Fuck Gresham and his weak joint composition.
9-4-09 OU rolls BYU tomorrow in Dallas by 30 and shows off to all of the DFW recruits. Assholes.
9-5-09 Glorious. HA HA HA! OU just lost to a team of guys who walk around in half sleeve dress shirts, clip-on ties, and bicycle helmets. Bradford is hurt. We will beat OU by 40.
9-6-09 Bradford isn't hurt that bad apparently. He'll be back in two weeks. Still, that OL is putrid. We should win by 14.
9-7-09 Bradford will never throw a ball again. They're talking amputation. Read it on Orangebloods. Keep it on the down low.
9-8-09 OU will go 5-7 and Sooner fans will buy out Bob Stoops' contract with their fraudulent worker's compensation claims.
9-13-09 Big Idaho St win - whatever.
9-20-09 Beat Tulsa 45-0. Huh. Well, we'll still win.
10-3-09 Sooners up 10-0 on Miami. They're going to blow the Hurricanes out!
10-3-09 Miami wins. OU sucks. We will roll them.
10-7-09 No way that Bradford plays. And if he does, he'll throw the ball like George Will.
10-10-09 OK, Bradford looked pretty good, but we'll still win. I'll say 27-17.
10-10-09 Jesus, our running game sucks. I can't believe Colorado is giving us trouble.
10-10-09 ^%^^&&^#@#!@#$#$%^% Greg Davis. Same old shit from you.
10-11-09 I can't believe we're going to lose to OU.
10-12-09 Brian Simmons is out. No way Broyles plays. We'll beat them in a tight defensive contest. 17-14.
10-13-09 I think we were holding back on O. Don't you? I think so. I really do.
10-14-09 Muschamp is going to skullviolate the OU O. Kindle! Acho! Earl Thomas!
10-15-09 Can't sleep. Are we going to lose? I have a bad feeling.
10-16-09 We destroy them. If they cross midfield against our defense, it will be a Hoylian miracle. Texas - 34, OU - 3.
10-17-09 11:00am kickoffs are worse than spoken word poetry.
10-17-09 I just saw a Sooner wearing crimson overalls and a Larry the Cable guy camo hat. These people are rubes.
10-17-09 Hey, look they're deep frying lard and then sprinkling powdered sugar on it. Nom nom nom. I will top it off with Jim Beam.
10-17-09 We will destroy them, take their women, and sell them to Algerian slavers for trinkets.
10-17-09 I'm going to throw up.
10-17-09 No, I'm not. This is the greatest day of my life.
10-17-09 Threw up. Just a little.
10-17-09 Games about to start - half orange, half crimson, adrenaline coursing, deafening noise, hate rising from the crowd like heat on August pavement.
10-17-09 I can't believe they're kicking it off to Shipley...
***REDACTED***
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Don’t you redact shit, i can’t sleep either
And i prefer to top it off with Turkey
by UT wildcatter on Oct 13, 2009 2:22 AM CDT reply actions
“And if he does, he’ll throw the ball like George Will.”
holy shit
by parlin on Oct 13, 2009 2:33 AM CDT reply actions
Goddammit, now I have to figure out where all the bugs are…
by EyesOfTX on Oct 13, 2009 7:15 AM CDT reply actions
Nicely played, sir.
Now get out of my head.
by Levander Williams on Oct 13, 2009 8:00 AM CDT reply actions
There are times when I’d like to be that big of a fan.
by Bob in Houston on Oct 13, 2009 8:00 AM CDT reply actions
Good stuff, scipio. My timeline will incllude the following:
10-17-09 11am Coach my son’s soccer game while blurting expletives. Other soccer parents wonder who the new kid, Greg, is and why coach is yelling at him.
10-17-09 11:30am Notice batteries fading in pocket radio. Frantically search sidelines for another doting/crazy dad with a radio that gave up God-given right to watch OU vs UT to watch their Minnie Me play real “football.”
10-17-09 1PM Travel to daughter’s soccer game. Wonder why on earth I thought having kids was a good idea.
10-17-09 1:05PM Take “bathroom break.” Sneak off to car to listen to game on radio.
10-17-09 2:05PM Tell daughter & wife that I had explosive diarrehea and spent the entire time in port-o-potty. Watch their faces as they know I’m a lying dog. Definitely know I’m lying when they get in car and see hole punched through dashboard.
by texoz on Oct 13, 2009 8:06 AM CDT reply actions
This post made me relive the BCS title game. As a UF grad student with a Gator for a wife (and having bought tickets to the game before we lost to Tech – yes the handle is accurate) we made the trip down to Miami.
40% of me wanted the Gators to win, the other 60% wanted the Sooners to lose. As I consumed more beer, these numbers moved more towards a Sooner beat down. By game time, I was showing my Longhorn T-shirt (like Superman under my Gator polo) to any Sooner who dared talk to me.
My wife must have felt pity for me, since I got away with loudly yelling Fuck OU and OU sucks. The night capper was a typical OU fan leaving our section and bowing up at some old man as he left. I shouted a well timed OU sucks at which point he took off his shirt and bowed up at the whole section. This went on for a few minutes until his girlfriend (sister?) was able to escort him out. I’m sure she paid for that later.
A bittersweet, but very fun night.
by jinx on Oct 13, 2009 8:07 AM CDT reply actions
Well played. And on target for many of the silent thoughts and emotions we all go through for this game.
by beowulf on Oct 13, 2009 8:12 AM CDT reply actions
Jesus Texoz. Two soccer games between 11 and 1? You have to go with the “DVR the game and attempt to avoid the score” tactic there, I believe.
by nordberg on Oct 13, 2009 8:19 AM CDT reply actions
Scipio,
That was awesome. I’m a Sooner and still found it funny as hell. I have to admit, I get embarrassed every time the TV pans over some of our fans in the stands (especially those retards with capes and “Super Sooner” T Shirts).
Agreed that every fan on both sides goes through a wave of emotions around this game (except Nate, he is been consistantly predicting a loss for us)
OU 24 – TX 20
That prediction will change in about 2 hours.
by phi gam90 on Oct 13, 2009 8:49 AM CDT reply actions
It is eerie how many similar thoughts I’ve had at identical points in the timeline.
Great work as usual.
by Kosciuszko on Oct 13, 2009 9:04 AM CDT reply actions
That’s funny, jinx. I know an A&M grad with a ewe for a wife.
by Horn In Exile on Oct 13, 2009 9:47 AM CDT reply actions
texoz,
I’ve got an 11:30am soccer game for my son this Saturday. Same situation as last year with soccer conflict. You have to go with radio and DVR. If you try and go no communicado invariably some Tech dad will dick with you and call out fake scores and “Colt has a broken leg”.
by Art Vandelay on Oct 13, 2009 10:03 AM CDT reply actions
Thats when you have your kid kick his kid in the throat. Hard to be a goalie when he’s bleeding from the jugular. They call the game on account of the helicopter landing on the field to take the kid to Hermann, which means you get to go home and watch the game earlier than later. Its a win-win.
by kriess on Oct 13, 2009 10:17 AM CDT reply actions
Art, your namesake would think of a way to watch the game live.
by nordberg on Oct 13, 2009 10:33 AM CDT reply actions
good point nordberg. I feel a case of Uromysitisis poisoning coming on.
by Art Vandelay on Oct 13, 2009 10:52 AM CDT reply actions
“UT is clearly the superior academic school in all facets. Just FYI.”
Not in meteorology. Remember to thank us for advanced weather modeling every time you hear a tornado siren. Bitch.
“our state economy is not based on copper wiring theft, meth labs, and personal injury lawsuits.”
No, your state economy is based on the exploitation of illegal laborers, profiteering off of oil obtained from the Louisiana coastline, and Halliburton/KBR.
(tongue planted firmly in cheek, of course)
In all seriousness, I absolutely loved this because it reflects the varying justifications, rationalizations, and pontifications that go through a fan’s mind.
by NateHeupel on Oct 13, 2009 11:01 AM CDT reply actions
My little girl’s baseball team (yep, she’s playing fall baseball) is scheduled to play at 2:15, meaning I’ll be able to watch most of the game but will miss most or all of the 4th quarter. Now hopefully, Texas will be up big and there won’t be any last-minute drama, but with our offensive performance last week I’m not about to count on that.
And of course, after weeks and weeks of rain in the Metroplex, Saturday is supposed to be cool and clear. No hope the baseball game gets rained out. I’ll be smuggling the portable radio into the dugout.
No doubt, fans on both sides obsess over this game year-round. It’s the only game I start thinking about well before the season starts (haven’t felt that way about the aggy game in years). This game is something special and is one of the handful of games I think fans nationwide look forward to eagerly every season. It wasn’t that way for a horrific, bleak stretch in the 80s-90s but it is again now and should remain so for the forseeable future.
by burnt orange outrage on Oct 13, 2009 11:09 AM CDT reply actions
Look at all of you putting your children’s activities before the Texas/OU game. This kind of prioritizing is stunning…
And a little disappointing.
by Hiphopopotamus on Oct 13, 2009 11:30 AM CDT reply actions
For you parents of young athletes , a few sentences to practice for Red River Saturday:
a) “The OU-trained meteorologists are all predicting a nice day, so it’s going to rain.”
b) “The Governor has taxed your sport—this weekend only—and the family just can’t afford it.”
c) “Can’t you drive yourself if Timmy pushes the pedals?”
d) “If we don’t watch the UT game as a family, all kittens everywhere will get kitty cancer.”
by parlin on Oct 13, 2009 11:32 AM CDT reply actions
nordberg & art,
I’ve been scoping out portable TV’s on amazon.com. there’s a sweet 7-inch for $100, but I don’t know if the soccer moms will appreciate it if I whip out my 7-inch during the soccer match.
by texoz on Oct 13, 2009 11:35 AM CDT reply actions
>but I don’t know if the soccer moms will appreciate it if I whip out my 7-inch during the soccer match.
I live with this fear.
by sinless1 on Oct 13, 2009 11:52 AM CDT reply actions
Every activity in Texas on Texas/OU weekend should be canceled. Is that really too much to ask?
by nordberg on Oct 13, 2009 11:53 AM CDT reply actions
@EyesOfTexas
When did CU ever load the box? I’m watching the replay right now and I have only counted 2 times where they put more than 6 in the box. They were daring us to run the ball with 2 LBs and 4 linemen, and we couldn’t.
Six in the box is a favorable match up to run on. Texas Tech checks down to a run when they see only 6.
by Huh? on Oct 13, 2009 12:19 PM CDT reply actions
I missed last years game due to a Pop Warner conflict. I was coaching and there was no way I could get out of it. Luckily they moved the games this year to Sunday for Texas/ou weekend so my ass will be in the Cotton Bowl with my sons next to me as it should be.
I have to say there is not a chance in hell that I would miss Texas/ou for a soccer game. Either mom takes them or the kids miss, no way I’d be there. You are either better parents than I, or worse fans. Probably both, which is likely a good thing for you.
by Bartoncreek on Oct 13, 2009 12:41 PM CDT reply actions
Scipio: On a different note, heard any news on how Jordan Hicks visit went this past weekend?
by H1N1StoopsVariant on Oct 13, 2009 12:52 PM CDT reply actions
My kids soccer game is at a smoooooth 9:30, done by 11. I’m even bringing the laptop home so they can watch movies on it while I watch the game.
Yeah, it’s all good.
by BatesHorn on Oct 13, 2009 1:14 PM CDT reply actions
10-17-09 As I glide into my crusty Explorer, and mosey on down I-45 to La Porte, Texas after the game for my grandmother’s 80th birthday, with Dora The Explorer blowing up my back seat and a sea of brake lights in my path, I feel as though I’m going to be violently ill. And then, a glorious ray of smoky white light protrudes from an ominous black thundercloud, and I’m again reminded of what happened just minutes ago—we won by 17.
Oh Lord, let it be so.
by ArmTackler on Oct 13, 2009 1:32 PM CDT reply actions
10-17-09 As I glide into my Cheerios®-infested Explorer, and mosey on down I-45 to La Porte, Texas after the game for my grandmother’s 80th birthday, with Dora The Explorer blowing up my back seat and a sea of brake lights in my path, I feel as though I’m going to be violently ill. And then, a glorious ray of smoky white light protrudes from an ominous black thundercloud, and I’m again reminded of what happened just minutes ago—we won by 17.
Oh Lord, let it be so.
by ArmTackler on Oct 13, 2009 1:34 PM CDT reply actions
You should put some of that on an airplane banner.
by ponderos on Oct 13, 2009 1:56 PM CDT reply actions
Great portrayal of what goes through a fans mind, Scip. People that don’t understand the rivalry would think you have a multiple personality disorder.
by UTomlinson on Oct 13, 2009 2:08 PM CDT reply actions
Hey when are we gonna hear from Clipper Cooper again? Are we not even gonna get his thoughts on this weekend’s game?
by What's up Skanks? on Oct 13, 2009 2:14 PM CDT reply actions
texoz -
dude we don’t do soccer, don’t acknowledge soccer, don’t even say the word soccer. forfeit or sell your kids now.
Horns by six!
no make that ou by 7… redirect. Horns in a blow out!
Scipo – I love you… No I just like you a whole lot. we are breaking up? – i despise you!!! no, i’m just kidding… take me back, I’m soooo lonely without you… Pleeeease – You bastard. How can you do this to me…. please, no, ok… yes, of course. NOW!!, of course i said. Love you sweetie, I will cherish you always… ahhhhh good to be home.
by tree on Oct 13, 2009 2:29 PM CDT reply actions
It is posts (and following comments) like this that make this blog so worthwhile. Clever rendering of the roller-coaster from euphoria to despair that all hard-core fans ride. You hear it in all fan bases. The local entertainment along that line is listening to Texan fan on the Sunday night call-in shows. After a win the team has finally turned the corner and are playoff bound. After a loss they all want to fire the coach and the players are all gutless, no-character dump artists.
One of the points of all this discussion for me is to try to understand the game well enough to smooth out that roller-coaster a bit by making expectations more realistic. Then the Horns go and blow those carefully constructed expectations right out of the water last season. I’m still in the process of reeling that back in.
My new mantras are: Greg Davis isn’t going anywhere, Our running game is what it is…….
Ah, the hell with it, Mudhole! Mudhole! Mudhole! Arrrrggghhh!
by hopefulhorn on Oct 13, 2009 3:02 PM CDT reply actions
The only good thing about the 11:00 start is the fact that I’ll remember the entire game. I forgot most of the Tech game until the Gideon drop sobered me up like flashing lights on a cop car.
31, no kids, no wfe, by design. I love soccer, truly love it. My kids would be missing their game. If anybody gave me crap about teaching my kids commitment, I’d tell them to fuck off, and that’s what I’m doing.
by magnusbleuveigner on Oct 13, 2009 4:24 PM CDT reply actions
Best website and writing since Blackie Sherrod retired, bar none. Well done as always.
by Hooked4Life on Oct 13, 2009 9:46 PM CDT reply actions
This just in (well, sorta):
Oklahoma enacts law that publicizes a woman’s abortions (and costs the taxpayers upwards of $275K annually):
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/11/us/11abort.html?partner=permalink&exprod=perm
http://feministsforchoice.com/new-oklahoma-abortion-law-being-challenged.htm
This is sure to mean that they will no longer have to come to Texas for recruiting. Just think of all those abortions that could have won Heismans for Big Game Bob.
by K. Trout on Oct 13, 2009 10:51 PM CDT reply actions
“In all seriousness, I absolutely loved this because it reflects the varying justifications, rationalizations, and pontifications that go through a fan’s mind.”
Then take a shot at a Sooner fans timeline on Boomer Sooner (with all due credit to Scipio Tex of course) . I wonder just how different it would be?
by TxTower on Oct 14, 2009 9:28 AM CDT reply actions
Clipper’s busy travel schedule is giving the G4 a nice workout but he should be able to squeeze in some thoughts between his hot rock massage, salt scrub, and croquet tourney.
Oh, and he needs tickets. 50 yard line obviously.
by Vasherized on Oct 14, 2009 9:31 AM CDT reply actions
“Best website and writing since Blackie Sherrod retired, bar none.”
I used to love Blackie Sherrod’s website. I believe it was scattersurfing.com. When you clicked on his stories they emitted a smell of Marlboro Reds and Ben-Gay.
by Art Vandelay on Oct 14, 2009 10:14 AM CDT reply actions
you had me at “ou sucks”. even if you didn’t say it., it was implied. Just me and my oldest son making fools of ourselves in front of the tube in his man cave. Glad Bradford will be back. I want as few excuses as possible. We owe them a few ass whuppings and this may be one of them. I will settle for 1 point.
by bullittx on Oct 14, 2009 10:26 AM CDT reply actions
“Then take a shot at a Sooner fans timeline on Boomer Sooner (with all due credit to Scipio Tex of course) . I wonder just how different it would be?”
Awesome idea. I’m going to guess it involves a lot of penicillin shots and dodging the landlord at the trailerpark.
by texoz on Oct 14, 2009 10:36 AM CDT reply actions
As a Wed Waider, I am envious of the rivalry that you guys have with blowu….the only place the mooners have an edge on y’all is the cheerleaders…..I think their bloated, bowling league chicks would stomp the shit out your bulimic, soy eating wannabe Dallas divas….we have our own little war going in Lincoln on Saturday……and somewhat of a QB controversy……Taylor(truckdriver)Potts or Stephen(pool cleaner)Sheffield…..either way, we lost our chance in Austin last month(but we did win the drinking contest for the 26th consecutive year)…..thank god we can now purchase booze in Lubbock proper…..I was getting tired of driving my John Deere STS Combine down to the strip and getting laughed at because I wasn’t in a more chic New Holland CX 860…..anyway, the eyes(bloodshot) of Texas will be open you…..don’t let us down…..Go Red Raiders……
by fightingterrorismsince1492 on Oct 14, 2009 11:54 AM CDT reply actions
….open you?….what the hell does that mean?….upon…..that’s what a Tech education will get you….
by fightingterrorismsince1492 on Oct 14, 2009 1:01 PM CDT reply actions
At noon Saturday, while her Superstars teammates are soccering their little hearts out in all their lavendar-and-gray splendor, my 7-year-old will be in her orange #12 in Section 17 next to her 11-year-old volleyball-practice-skipping sister, their lovely mother and their father, whose priorities are perfectly aligned. BOOMER this!
by HomeSlice on Oct 14, 2009 10:33 PM CDT reply actions
My only parenting puzzler for Saturday: With my little girls in tow, do I shout OU Sucks, Make ’em Eat Shiznit, or Go Horns Go?
by HomeSlice on Oct 14, 2009 10:37 PM CDT reply actions
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