Order has been restored to the universe

Eff.

by Dunstan Pearl on Nov 5, 2009 10:28 AM CST reply actions

Fuck you.

by BatesHorn on Nov 5, 2009 10:35 AM CST reply actions

Your triumphs mean nothing. You can sit on it and rotate.

by bigdukesix on Nov 5, 2009 10:38 AM CST reply actions

ok so you won at baseball…
yay?

by e on Nov 5, 2009 10:38 AM CST reply actions

With the Clipper Cooper laugh, no less. Awesome.

by Scipio Tex on Nov 5, 2009 10:40 AM CST reply actions

Clipper Cooper seems like the type to be a Yankee fan. Arsenal too I’d bet.

by bigdukesix on Nov 5, 2009 10:43 AM CST reply actions

f matsui.

by Vasherized on Nov 5, 2009 10:44 AM CST reply actions

If there is a God, Clipper went to a World Series game, and Scipio will share his thoughts with us.

by nordberg on Nov 5, 2009 10:49 AM CST reply actions

Let me put this amazing accomplishment into perspective:

Yankees : 1 World Series Championship this decade :: Texas : 1 conference championship under Mack Brown

by BrickHorn on Nov 5, 2009 10:50 AM CST reply actions

Greatest sports franchise in history.

by HenryJames on Nov 5, 2009 10:50 AM CST reply actions

Worst fans in sports history, evidenced by one HenryJames texting me in Japanese all night:

Matsui! (homerun)
Matsui! (single)
Hiroshima’d!
Matsui! (double)

At least you spared us the 27th Heaven! headline every paper in the northeast ran with this morning.

by Vasherized on Nov 5, 2009 10:56 AM CST reply actions

How much wood can a Japanese wood chuck chuck if that wood chuck has 55,000 porn videos and is swinging a 31 ounce bat? Apparently enough wood for an MVP.

by texoz on Nov 5, 2009 11:01 AM CST reply actions

$208,097,414 apparently well spent.

by Magnificent Bastard on Nov 5, 2009 11:04 AM CST reply actions

But what is that in yen?

by HenryJames on Nov 5, 2009 11:06 AM CST reply actions

Settle down, people. You need some context.

Among the other things HenryJames likes:

Fauxhawks
Sleeveless shirts
Biodegradable paper towels
‘Microbrews’ by Annheiser-Busch
The Luke and Laura episodes of General Hospital
Dodge Caravans
Scattergories
Al Capone Cognac-Dipped Cigarillos
Re-runs of Blossom.
Whoaaah!
Ewok fan-fiction
Pina Coladas
Bowling on television
Parachute pants
and
Bell Biv DeVoe

by Doperbo on Nov 5, 2009 11:07 AM CST reply actions

HenryJames is the George Steinbrenner of Barking Carnival. Feared by some, mocked by many, loathed by all.

by Vasherized on Nov 5, 2009 11:07 AM CST reply actions

But, the real question is, of the seven runs the Yankees scored last night, how many would have been charted as “consistent” runs?

by uthookem on Nov 5, 2009 11:08 AM CST reply actions

¥18,852,818,800 give or take…

by Magnificent Bastard on Nov 5, 2009 11:16 AM CST reply actions

The Statesman went with the politically correct “Godzilla” headline over a picture of Matsui.

Waited in vain for the Pedro = Mothra analogy.

by parlin on Nov 5, 2009 11:20 AM CST reply actions

Game 6 was like watching an old Godzilla movie where Tokyo is replaced by Philadelphia. I assume Matsui’s imaginary wife will be quite pleased when Matsui brings newspaper clippings of the game into her dungeon and reads them aloud.

Go Yankees!

by Meekrob on Nov 5, 2009 11:26 AM CST reply actions

Godzilla? That’s pretty offensive. It’s “Godzirra,” thank you.

by Chooky on Nov 5, 2009 11:40 AM CST reply actions

…And Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature, Asian-American, please…

by scagnetti on Nov 5, 2009 11:48 AM CST reply actions

Easily the greatest franchise in the history of all professional sports. Though I say that without confidence when I think about obscure, Arab polo leagues that play with the severed heads of the unclean. I mean, do those guys get paid? Is one severed head polo league particularly dominant like the Yankees? I can’t say with certainty. I just don’t know.

Has anyone ever won a noodling title 27 times? I don’t want to speak out and sound absurd.

by Chooky on Nov 5, 2009 11:52 AM CST reply actions

Nine years. 1.6 billion in payroll. One championship. Yaaawwwwnn…..

Now with the end drawing near and another championship in hand, George should wheel himself out on the terrace of his highrise, shit his pants, and execute a beautiful swan dive. My only prayer is that he lands on the fucking ‘Donald’…

by JP on Nov 5, 2009 11:52 AM CST reply actions

Yankees, live long and prosper -
Congrats from the crew of the Enterprise.

by texoz on Nov 5, 2009 11:53 AM CST reply actions

HenryJames has high regard for Hideki Matsui’s baseball acumen. He has even higher regard for Matsui’s accomplishments as a collector of pornographic material.

by BrickHorn on Nov 5, 2009 11:55 AM CST reply actions

Congrats…the Evil Empire was finally able to purchase a championship.

by Tex on Nov 5, 2009 11:55 AM CST reply actions

by HenryJames on Nov 5, 2009 12:00 PM CST reply actions

Always the complaints about payroll.

Yeah, it’s so unamerican to cycle funds into your product in order to overcome competitors. Clearly they were willing to sacrifice the Underpaid, Yet Admirably Gritty and Continued to Fight in Spite of a Flailing Organization Title for a well executed dedication to winning AL pennants and championships.

Perhaps they should go bankrupt in order to garner real respect.

by Chooky on Nov 5, 2009 12:10 PM CST reply actions

Congratulations to your…….

World Champions… Cobra Kai!
World CHampions… Prison Guards from the Longest Yard!
World Champions… Decepticons!
World Champions… Judge Smails!
World Champions… Omega House!
World Champions… Cruella DeVille
World Champions… Yankees!

Same thing.

by Actual Reality on Nov 5, 2009 12:18 PM CST reply actions

You know how much money they make? They’d be crucified if they didn’t spend it to put a good product on the field.

by nordberg on Nov 5, 2009 12:33 PM CST reply actions

“Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for the house when you’re in a casino. Yeah! 22! You’re bust, motherfucker! My dealer owns you.” — Doug Stanhope

by Chooky on Nov 5, 2009 12:34 PM CST reply actions

I paid like $11 for this Miller Lite at Yankee Stadium, and I don’t even like Miller Lite. But it was either that or give the money to a homeless guy.

by HenryJames on Nov 5, 2009 12:44 PM CST reply actions

Your hand looks like a monkey’s foot.

by Chooky on Nov 5, 2009 12:47 PM CST reply actions

Quite a crowd that day.

by BrickHorn on Nov 5, 2009 12:54 PM CST reply actions

It was a decent crowd but everyone in that area cleared out in fear of monkey foot hand guy.

by Chooky on Nov 5, 2009 12:55 PM CST reply actions

Yeah, the guy wearing the $4000 suit is going to let the guy who doesn’t make that in four months sit near him. Come on!

by HenryJames on Nov 5, 2009 12:59 PM CST reply actions

he needs some of those glove shoe thingy’s that helped chrisapplewhite learn to dunk.

by Doperbo on Nov 5, 2009 1:00 PM CST reply actions

If I’m licking my screen does that mean I have a problem?

by nordberg on Nov 5, 2009 1:01 PM CST reply actions

There was a one-armed guy sitting to the left, but it wasn’t Jim Abbott.

by HenryJames on Nov 5, 2009 1:03 PM CST reply actions

Always the complaints about payroll.

And why not? It’s easy to win when you can just go out, open the checkbook and make all of the big name stars offers they can’t refuse. The joy of following sports is witnessing the triumph of strategy, discipline and tactics. That’s the reason so many fans are drawn to stories like Moneyball. It’s also the reason many of us have little to no respect for Greg Davis. There’s nothing interesting about a collection of superior athletes simply out-muscling a group of inferior athletes. The real intrigue in sports comes from evenly matched opponents (or underdogs) winning on the strength of superior intellect and training.

by BrickHorn on Nov 5, 2009 1:05 PM CST reply actions

Top 5 Sports hates, in order of significance:

Oklahoma Sooners
Notre Dame
Texas A&M
Washington Redskins
New York Yankees

F ’em all.

Hook ’em!!!

by EyesOfTX on Nov 5, 2009 1:07 PM CST reply actions

“Oklahoma Sooners
Notre Dame
Texas A&M
Washington Redskins
New York Yankees”

One of these teams is not like the others.

by nordberg on Nov 5, 2009 1:09 PM CST reply actions

If I’m licking my screen does that mean I have a problem?

Yes. It means you have a chimpfoot fetish.

by BrickHorn on Nov 5, 2009 1:10 PM CST reply actions

On further inspection, I’m pretty sure that’s a picture of Mila Kunis holding a beer. With her foot.

http://cm1.theinsider.com/media/0/65/55/mila_kunis_7.0.0.0×0.420×560.jpeg

by BrickHorn on Nov 5, 2009 1:15 PM CST reply actions

I burned it. Down to the ground.

There was money in that banana stand.

Well, it’s all gone now.

There was $250,000 lining the inside walls of the banana stand.

What?

Cash, Michael. What the hell did you think I meant when I said…
There is money… in… the banana stand.

by Chooky on Nov 5, 2009 1:26 PM CST reply actions

“Yes. It means you have a chimpfoot fetish.”

DON’T JUDGE ME. I WAS BORN THIS WAY

by nordberg on Nov 5, 2009 1:31 PM CST reply actions

We’re not judging you but you need to show some self restraint and stop licking the monkey foot hand. Geez.

by Chooky on Nov 5, 2009 1:35 PM CST reply actions

Hi!

by Lakers on Nov 5, 2009 1:47 PM CST reply actions

Not even close, Lakers. Now go get your fucking shine box.

by Chooky on Nov 5, 2009 1:58 PM CST reply actions

Now HJ just has to see about his other two favorites, the IRS and Breast Cancer.

by Minnesotahorn on Nov 5, 2009 2:25 PM CST reply actions

When HJ role plays with his partner which one is Billy Martin and which one plays Steinbrenner?

by Trips Right on Nov 5, 2009 3:33 PM CST reply actions

Yankee = opposite of all things Texas.

If you are a fan of anything yankee related, and you live in, were born in, or are a fan of the Great State of Texas, then you sir, are broken.

by lazer2280 on Nov 5, 2009 3:38 PM CST reply actions

no head rolling in thte middle east. not even a child camel jockey to be found any longer:

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/justin-huggler/news/article.cfm?a_id=102&objectid=10415482

by EnglishAg on Nov 5, 2009 3:41 PM CST reply actions

so what sport is this again?

by dick on Nov 5, 2009 3:45 PM CST reply actions

Hi!

by Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!® on Nov 5, 2009 4:33 PM CST reply actions

“On further inspection, I’m pretty sure that’s a picture of Mila Kunis holding a beer. With her foot.”

I’d still hit it, monkey foot be damned!

by Jigglebilly on Nov 5, 2009 4:39 PM CST reply actions

I’d still hit it, monkey foot be damned!

Me too. But I’d insist on talking like Charlton Heston and referring to her as a “damned dirty ape.”

by BrickHorn on Nov 5, 2009 4:41 PM CST reply actions

EyesOfTexas, I can tell by your list that you are a wise and discerning individual with exquisitely impeccable taste…

by The Bobs on Nov 5, 2009 6:23 PM CST reply actions

HJ has a bedazzled Yankee skin for his Treo. The fag.

by sizzlechest on Nov 5, 2009 7:22 PM CST reply actions

This is why I love motherfucking Barking Carnival.

Hilarious thread.

Is the Arrested Development movie a go?

by Bat Shit Crazy on Nov 5, 2009 7:47 PM CST reply actions

HenryJames is the George Steinbrenner of Barking Carnival. Feared by some, mocked by many, loathed by all.

I’m definitely tired of all of his macho head-games.

by bigdukesix on Nov 6, 2009 12:25 AM CST reply actions

Your triumphs mean nothing. You can sit on it and rotate.

I fear no reprisal.

by bigdukesix on Nov 6, 2009 12:27 AM CST reply actions

Baseball impossible. Man with four balls cannot walk.

by Confucius on Nov 6, 2009 8:23 AM CST reply actions

http://bit.ly/i3uhp

by The Hairline of Wade Boggs on Nov 6, 2009 10:19 AM CST reply actions

You couldn’t get a discount on an $11 beer? Doesn’t the “but ma’am, i have a monkey-foot hand…” get you a discount? guess not when you have $200mil in bills to pay.