Avatar: It's Not Your Father's Ham-Fisted Allegorical Morality Play!

I approve this message.

That is all.

Your HDTV isn’t 3D-compliant? Mine is.

avatar sucked

I agree with your take… great visual affects but; overused, green, poltically correct, hollywood storyline. It started innocent enough and in the begining I was intrigued, but as the predictable plot unfolded the more annoyed I got. My 12 year son liked it.

Shouldn’t the samurai be wearing a dress? All 4 of those comic book characters look like they could be a part of the Village People.

I went last week with friends and enjoyed the innovation and the viewing experience. That considered, I walked out laughing at the stupidity of the story and exhausted from how overtold and overwrought it is at this point.

The bad guys in this movie are basically as follows:

1) Humans
2) Capitalism
3) America

This is all from James Cameron, of course. This is a man that has benefited from points 2 and 3 moreso than almost any other person in the world over the past 30 years. He’s a billionaire with accolades, largely driven through risk-taking in conjunction with faithful financial risk takers betting on him with hundreds of millions of dollars at stake. This is the kind of movie that wouldn’t get made anywhere else in the world, like so many others of his creation. This is the same fuckhead that requested a moment of silence in his rewards speech for the last Titanic risk he put out there as a movie for those who had fallen in the tragedy and then, literally in the next breath, declares himself “king of the world” and tells everyone to go out and party until they can’t walk.

The “humans are ruining earth, we caused global warming” storyline is now outpacing the nuclear holocaust storyline from the 50’s and 60’s. The problem with it is that the “nature fights back” theme is so hilariously stupid every time these buffoons put it on screen that it’s laugh-out-loud embarrassing. “The Happening”, “The Day the Earth Stood Still”, “Avatar”, blah blah blah. The list is far longer. The only thing saving Avatar from the toilet like the rest of these flicks is the revolutionary effects intertwined into it. If global warming is real, and winters like this one and the last, as well as the reality that we’re basically in between ice ages makes it tough to believe, but if it is real, we sure as shit aren’t causing the planet’s impending doom. We’re arrogant enough to believe that we are, though, and that should surprise no one. Of course Hollywood is attempting to piggyback on the hysteria, make a buck off of it, and then tell us all that they actually created the awareness for the issue in the first place as they cackle to the bank.

In regard to the anti-American theme, it’s fine if someone wants to call it an anti-Imperialist theme, but let’s face it, this was about some Hollywood shithead’s interpretation of right now. They made the American capitalists and militarists into mouthbreathing, bloodthirsty buffoons that were only held off and run off by the do-gooder scientists ashamed of their own origins and DNA. No fucking wonder this movie is an absolute blockbuster in the non-English speaking world. “Those evil, evil Americans are ruining our natural resources too!!! If those meanies would leave the oil to us, we’d be using it and making our nations rich with it in about 2000 more years. They should just let us wait!!!”

Honestly, the only shame I’ve felt lately for growing up in the greatest country in the history of the world is that we allow douchebags to put forth garbage like this and then laud them without condition. The storyline was worse than bad, it was specifically and intentionally offensive, and not in a productive, artistic manner. I walked out of the film more entertained by mocking the utter douchery that is James Cameron and the shithole he calls home, Hollywood, than with anything I actually saw in the movie. Special effects, making animated characters look like real actors, 3-D, big deal. Save the money. Every movie will look like this in 5 years and some of the stories will be worth watching.

Black Vulcan looks like he would make a badass safety and El Dorado is missing his wrestling mask. Apache Chief wants you to smell his finger.

Isn’t this the same dork who got everyone in America to fawn over Titanic? One of the most sappy movies of all time?

I have to say I agree 100% with Close To Jumping even though I have seen neither movie.

And Samurai has a dinky sword.

CTJ is now in charge of all movie reviews. 2 a week, minimum. Get cracking.

The redundancy of “allegorical morality play” is too pedestrian for comment.

That said, Minnesotahorn, I refuse to see this unless you can assure me the Sigourney Weaver character is eaten alive by Ewoks.

That I would pay to see.

Yikes. Perhaps CTJ should be a bit further removed from the “fate is a bitch” game before he takes up the assignment. He still sounds pissed off. I’m still numb.

We’re trying to set up a Siskel & Ebert thing with CTJ and SLX.

It’s for quality like this, I keep coming back. Thanks MH. CTJ with the grand slam over centerfield.

I hear Cameron is putting out an alternative ending on the Blu-Ray Disc where the humans give the Na’Vi cases of Wild Turkey, free dental care and Bingo Casinos. Problem solved.

“The redundancy of "allegorical morality play" is too pedestrian for comment.”

Ha. You’re absolutely right but for whatever reason I really wanted another couple of syllables in that title and was hoping no one would call me on it. Bastard.

CTJ for the win. Well put.

Enjoyable action flick with outstanding effects; predictable, message-driven Hollywood storyline. Fun, as long as you keep those things in mind. Viewing the 3-D version is a must.

Cameron understands that non-conformity is the greatest conformity of all, and it’s made him silly rich.

The absence of frontal nudity discredits the film completely.

“The bad guys in this movie are basically as follows:

1) Humans
2) Capitalism
3) America

This is all from James Cameron, of course. This is a man that has benefited from points 2 and 3 moreso than almost any other person in the world over the past 30 years. "

CTJ, by your statement above, are you implying that Cameron did not benefit from being a human, or that he is not human?

This was Pocahontas with more fight seens and better graphics. I was waiting for someone to break out in “have you ever seen the wolf cry by blue corn mooooon…”

In addition to more fights being seen, it also had more fight scenes.

CTJ you are correct.

Not to mention the fact that perhaps the only industry less sustainable than the oil industry has to be the movie industry. "Hey I have an idea lets fly a thousand people and hundreds of tons of film equipment to New Zealand to make a movie/morality play about how “the American military establishment” is raping a moon of its natural resources."

I assumed his benefiting from being human was inherent. I have some smart little dogs, but they’re not going to be forming sentences any time soon, much less directing $500million movies.

http://failblog.org/2010/01/10/avatar-plot-fail/

Check this out….awesome

New movie plot: Alien comes to earth and takes the form of a human to be a movie director and teach Americans the evil of their capitalistic ways. In the process, the alien becomes as corrupt and evil as said Americans by profiting from capitalism. Can the alien be saved and return to his nature loving ways? Only with the help of some random disenfranchised white dude…

Probably already been done though…and by Cameron.

USA!!! USA!!!

CTJ—-That is one of the best posts ever. James Cameron’s hypocrisy concerning anti-capitalism is only surpassed by… [Edit] Magnus you’re drifting into politics here so I’m going to cut you off. I realize that this entire post rests on the edge of a blade in that regard and CTJ’s post meanders over that way as well but he gets a pass for being a main contributor here along with the fact that if I edit him he’ll burn my house down.

No hard feelings I hope. MH [Edit]

It’s pretty much like Star Wars meets the Lion Kong meets Transformers, with a little bit of Captain Planet thrown in. I give it a big thumbs up for spectacle. If I want stories I read. I like to see shit happen in 3-D, and shit happens in Avatar.

“They made the American capitalists and militarists into mouthbreathing, bloodthirsty buffoons”

I partially agree.

American militarists and corporatists (that’s more accurate than “capitalists”) are bloodthirsty but they are definitely not buffoons. They know exactly what they want, how to get it, and don’t give a damn how many blue (on Earth: brown) people have to be slaughtered to get the job done.

[Edit] Apart from your last comment which would instantly melt down this already teetering thread I’m going to let your post stand. Mostly because I want to watch CTJ disembowel you and then play with your blood. If he cares enough to. MH[Edit]

Wow, the best thing you just named was ‘The Lion King.’ No thanks, I’ll save my dollaz and fat consumption from bottomless popcorn.

Whatevs, man, I just like 3-D. And explosions. The voices are just distraction.

I’m glad that edit took place, usually you have to take a contrary position to Colin’s side to get edited.

I was about to throw my computer at the next “brown” person that walked by.

Typical Hollywood, eco-sensitive, Oprah-ized, anti-capitalism retread. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz………………..

‘Spectacle’ is the ONLY reason to see this movie.

What’s most shameful in all of this is Cameron got a WGA nod for this P.O.S. story.

I need the insurance, or I’d revoke my membership.

I like to think of story lines like this one and Wally as satire. They are geared toward the 90 IQ crowd while the 110 IQ crowd that backed them laugh all the way to the bank. That said, the visual effects are worth seeing, just know that the storyline and ending are dripping with the saliva of mouthbreathers.

Colin—

The problem with people who want to argue across party lines is that some of us don’t give a flying fuck about partylines. I find all of politics in its current state to be disgraceful, and the discussions around the topic even worse. It’s mostly bored old men and militant lesbians that wish to engage. I am not sure which you are, but judging by your handle, I’ll assume the latter. In any event, fish somewhere else.

We capitalists will continue to focus on other priorities and just throw money as necessary as the rest of the world to shut it the fuck up when its agenda doesn’t jibe with our own.

I loved the movie. I would not recommend seeing in 3D if you get motion sick easily. The person I was with was miserable the whole time. She didn’t puke, but there was puke on the side of the trash can outside the doors when we left, so I know she wasn’t the only one with a problem.

We capitalists will continue to focus on other priorities and just throw money and bombs as necessary as the rest of the world to shut it the fuck up when its agenda doesn’t jibe with our own.

FTFY

Signed,

Militant Old Man Lesbian

Just more Bollywood oops I mean Hollywood garbage. Most movies today are just exercises in how much money can be spent on gore and visual effects.

“Most movies today are just exercises in how much money can be spent on gore and visual effects”

The answer to that question is, NEVER ENOUGH.

“We capitalists will continue to focus on other priorities and just throw money as necessary as the rest of the world to shut it the fuck up when its agenda doesn’t jibe with our own.”

Or like when, say, a giant fucking earthquake hits an impovershed nation and we’re the first to respond. Where’s ALL the Socialist Utopias money and aid? Is Sweden (my father’s homeland) sending over an aircraft carrier Colin?

Feel free to interchange the word “earthquake” with “tsunami” or all the other shit our money goes to.

I’m leaving to go drink beer. I fully expect this thread to be a disaster zone when I check it later tonight.

“but let’s face it, this was about some Hollywood shithead’s interpretation of right now”

My quibble with your otherwise impeccable rant is that it’s not an interpretation of “right now”, but rather “six years ago”. IT’S ALL ABOUT THE UNOBTANIUM!

For my part, the one thing I remember about the otherwise bland Na’vi is that, like HenryJames, they’ll stick their dicks into anything. Trees, humans, the ground, birds, horses, deer, each other … doesn’t matter!

MOML

Hey if you don’t like the policies of the US government you should vote for someone to change them. Whats that you say, you voted for the current government of Nobel Peace prize winners.

HA HA HA HA . HA HA HA HA

Roach,

Your message will self destruct in 3, 2, 1……

Top 5 Movies that should have been in 3-D:

1. Predator
2. Weekend at Bernie’s
3. Gleaming the Cube
4. Midnight Express
5. The Great Muppet Caper

Also receiving votes, T.A.P.S., Barton Fink, PI, Jewel of the Nile, Leaving Las Vegas and the cult favorite Ski Patrol.

Oh gimme a friggin’ break. First off, CTJ went off on a rant that has almost completely nothing to do with the movie. Avatar wasn’t a fucking take-down of capitalism.

I’ve read a lot on the subject and I can’t find any chapters in any books about plundering the land of natives for profit. I watched this horrible (minus the CGI) flick and I don’t recall the evil corporation/quasi-governmental organization enslaving the blue bastards or training them to replace Webmasters.

If anything, Cameron’s story for simpletons was criticizing a particular form of “capitalism” that occurs when a country’s government goes about opening up markets for favored corporations or extracting resources in a manner that’s environmentally questionable and without adequately compensating the native population…blah blah blah.

Some of you need to get your panties out of that wad, put down that copy of “Atlas Shrugged”, and step away from the computer.

MOML

Hey if you don’t like the policies of the US government you should vote for someone to change them. Whats that you say, you voted for the current government of Nobel Peace prize winners.

HA HA HA HA . HA HA HA HA

No, that’s not what I say.

 I didn’t vote for Obama or McCain. Really, what’s the difference? I wrote in my ballot for Ayn Rand (R.I.P.) – President and Hugo Chavez – VP. I figured all of us capitalists are going to hell anyway; might as well have fun watching the shit hit the fan.

It’s cute how when the well known of this site argue, one of them changes their name. I’m guessing Woody Bombay or NateHuepel as MOML. Probably the dastardly Huepel.

Three types of people that like this movie.
1. The dumb fuck that doesn’t understand the message. Or..
2. The person that relies on the paternalistic nature of the govt and agrees with the message. Or…
3. ghostofagroundgame-and I have a feeling that not only did he get the message, but he also subsribes to it. He’s a lawyer afterall.

All are equally bad.

The correct title of CTJ’s penultimate post:

Why Capitalism Stomps A Mudhole In Nature’s Ass

No magnus, it’s me.

And I’m with you and CTJ in that this movie sucked. But the level of sensitivity on display here is really fucking pathetic.

The sudden substitution of the word “conservative” for “capitalist” is almost as telling as the hyperbolic outrage that this movie might-could-just-maybe be ‘criticizing’ American imperialism when Cameron made all that money off our system (!!! :-( ).

Yawn. Come off it. It was a shitty movie with a theme that’s AGES old.

Eathrquake, Tsunami, Massive Corporatist Fuck Up….yeah those are the things are money go to….not in any particular order…guess which one has more moeny thrown at it?

Nice Mike. I hope the curse continues and Nature wins in a squeaker.

*our

Please tell me you don’t launch into a tirade when you arrive home and your 5 year old is watching FernGully.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0104254/

Made in 1992. Nearly identical plot to Avatar. Those anti-American bastards.

And I meant “substitution of the word CAPITALIST for CONSERVATIVE…”

Whatever. That’s a path I don’t want to go down tonight. I need a beer.

@MOML

Nice, well you’ve earned your right to complain then.

FYI Atlas Shrugged may be the worst piece of “literature” I’ve ever read. All 1200 extra pages of it. Clearly Rand was being paid by the pound.

Its kind of self indicting that some of you go straight for the word America. From my understanding the “corporation” is supposed to represent the giant multi-national and their hired security. That’s not an American phomena. Could have been a Chinese company a British company, a German company. The problem is, if he created a Sino company or a European company, they complain to the point of having the film banned in their country or even protested. The rest of the world is FAR more sensitive to criticism than we are. Plus, if you’ve followed Cameron’s work, they are always far more popular world-wide than domestically. This film is no exception as its already #2 all time and #1 all-time in several countries. He pretty much had to make the characters American, but there was nothing uniquely American about the company. The story IS a western/new world story. Some of you don’t like that, but its not the last time that story will be told, and it should be told because we still seem to have not figured that story out.

BTW, Avatar has now made $450 million domestic(#4 all-time) and $1.4 billion world-wide(#2 all-time). Titanic may fall believe it or not.

“1. Predator
2. Weekend at Bernie’s
3. Gleaming the Cube
4. Midnight Express
5. The Great Muppet Caper”

Not bad. My Top 5 for movies that should have been 3-D:

1. Star Wars
2. Boogie Nights
3. Miller’s Crossing
4. Saving Private Ryan (at least the beginning)
5. Halloween.

And magnus — I got the message, just found it so moronic, in both presentation and substance, that I immediately disregarded it. Like I said earlier, if I want deep thought our political moralizing then I don’t look to Hollywood. But I have to think about shit all the time, so when I’m watching a movie in a theater I want to see things happen. So I like the spectacle, a lot. Was glad to have seen it in 3-D IMAX. I’d never watch it on a small screen.

Fuck, it was MIKE all along!!! Sonofabitch, I should have known.

Corporatist = successful capitalist.
successful capitalist – govt intrusion = continued success
successful capitalist + govt intrusion = inevitable help from the same govt. that just screwed them. Gotcha. Thanks Mikey, I don’t know where I’d be without you.

Man, I can’t sit through the opening of Saving Private Ryan on a 13" tv, much less 3-D. That shit still trips me out.

1. Wild Things
2. Wild Things 2 (Beware, you can’t follow it unless you’ve seen the first one.)
3. Basic Instinct
4. Weekend at Bernies
5. Obese Police 1-4

So by “govt intrusion” you mean policies – lobbied and paid for by corporations, enacted by Republicans and Democrats alike – designed to REMOVE restrictions on “successful capitalists” thus encouraging them to take on as much risk as they can and leverage themselves (by means of complex bundled financial “instruments” that not even they understand) to the point where there is no way they could survive the inevitable bursting of the bubble that many economists and other capitalists warned them about? Pardon the run-on.

Gotcha. It’s just so hard to get it through my head. LESS regulation and LESS enforcement would have prevented the whole thing! Well that and less Fannie/Freddie, right? Am I on the right track?

Perhaps we should all stick to sports. No more movie “reviews”.

I enjoyed Mike/MOML’s rants. I enjoyed typing mine too. I do think I get taken way too seriously most of the time on this board, but that also kind of makes it fun.

In regard to the use of the term “America”, it was intentional and the requisite rebuttal supplied by rantanamo is pretty much the clockwork expected response. Sure Cameron gave a half-hearted attempt to show Ribisi’s character somehow being conflicted. Sure Stephen Lang’s character was reluctant. Sure they never mention specific nationalities in regard to the corporation. So what? It’s all thinly veiled and let’s not play stupid that it was meant to imply anyone else beyond us. Hollywood has zero credibility in regard to this kind of shit and they damn sure don’t get the benefit of the doubt.

As to the conservative/capitalist stuff, that, again, is projection by people spoiling for a boring ass political argument. I don’t equate the two, personally, and I am not an extremely conservative guy if the turret was intended to be pointed at me. The capitalists certainly weren’t very conservative in their donations last fall. Money can cross party lines, whether you wish to see it any other way being irrelevant.

Then when said “successful” capitalists fail, they suddenly abandon their principles and turn to Mommy Government (which just so happens to be full to the brim with their alumni) for a “loan”.

Privatize the gains, socialize the losses. “But they paid it back!”

Have you ever thought we might be on the same side here, Magnus? We both love America! And Football!

CTJ – Touche. And it wasn’t aimed at you, per se.

I’m done with politics for the night and the cleaning crew keeps passing my office waiting for me to leave. Another productive Friday at work.

Ah yes derivitives. You haven’t done your proper homework sir. Use the youtube machine and get caught up with the rest of the class. Start with the guy that takes in the rear. See what the wonderful proponents of regulation were saying circa 2003. Contrast that with your percieved notions of what the stereotypically captitalistic policy makers were saying? Then check out our buddy from Conn. that’s not going to run again. Aren’t they pro heavy handed government regulation?

Mike I’d love to stick to sports with you, but I don’t recall somebody using the very clever and angelic handle of “Mike” before.

Govt. intrusion = tax burdens, on everything, not just capital gains. You’re not very good at these math equations are you.

It’s the age old adage, “All Conservatives are capitalists, but not all Capitalists are conservative.” Or something.

“Privatize the gains, socialize the losses. "But they paid it back!"”

Ah, now we are on the same page. Time to finish cleaning up Mike’s office.

“We’re trying to set up a Siskel & Ebert thing with CTJ and SLX.”

That’s pretty much the best idea you’ve had since I’ve known you.

I enjoyed the shit out of Avatar. Center row, center aisle in IMAX 3D. As soon as they wheeled out the paraplegic Marine I set phasers to Eye Candy. Part of finding happiness in life is appreciating the vintage you’re sampling.

Alright you condescending asshole:

Govt. intrusion = tax burdens, on everything, not just capital gains. You’re not very good at these math equations are you.

Who’s talking about fucking tax burdens here? I’m talking about the whole system that was rigged in the favor of these mysterious “capitalists” you keep talking about.

You know, like the ratings agencies that were paid by the very “capitalists” they’re presumably supposed to be a “check” on for triple A ratings on derivatives and other complex financial instruments that any real capitalist worth his salt knew were bullshit? All under the disingenuous guise of “freedom of speech”?

Who is it that isn’t good at equations? The only one you seem to understand is “taxes = bad”. Great, but my point is that the only interests represented by EITHER of the two main parties are those of the crony-capitalists you seem to think are fucking saints.

And WTF with your memory man? I’ve been using my NAME as a handle here for the entire past football season. Where in the Bible was Michael ever referred to as “Mike”?

That anyone would expect a James Cameron movie to be a searching examination of the human condition is the silliest thing I’ve heard in a while.

Ghost, at least, gets it: $300M movies are intended to MAKE MONEY — and this will, in spades. Hence, it’s a huge success. You want art? Go to the museum. Literature? It comes in things with pages.

i cannot laud BEHorn enough for his concise reduction of the (non-political) debate on here…

im just still silly pissed it is getting craft awards of the type that did not help generate the physical aesthetic, primarily the script. its the type of story Pat Robertson would get behind with a boner.

Locked thread bitches! Who could have ever seen that coming? MH