The Nutless Husband's Guide to Reality TV
by BrickHorn on Feb 18, 2010 9:50 AM CST
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PrintHere's a little pop culture crap to take our minds off of the Great Roundball Abortion of 2010.
I remember June 22, 2002 fondly. That's the day I was publicly neutered and my balls were placed in a jar of formaldehyde that sits as a trophy on Mrs.BrickHorn's vanity married to my lovely wife. Since that beautiful summer Saturday so many years ago, I have been fortunate enough to enjoy a panoply of vapid female-targeted television programming. You see, women are capable of watching a shocking amount of utter bullshit. That's why Oprah Winfrey is a gazillionaire. And, when you marry a woman, she has the right to demand that you sit with her, for several hours each week, to ingest a stream of mind-numbing, testosterone-depleting horseshit.
This shitstream of broadcast pablum comes in several flavors, including shows about:
• People cooking food you will never eat
• People buying or making clothes you will never wear
• People doing mundane, stressful, unenviable tasks like buying a house or planning a wedding
• Shallow people seeking deep emotional bonds with other shallow people
• Celebrities and pseudo-celebrities living their ridiculous lives
Over the last few years, the vacuous wasteland of “reality”-based television has grown so bloated that it is impossible to keep track of what particular flavor of video manure your brain is consuming at any given minute. But, never fear, fellow nutless husbands. The Barking Carnival has asked me to review some highlights from this wife-mandated parade of television inanities so as to better educate our married readers to the daily threats facing their minds and masculinity. Knowledge is power. The kind of power you used to derive from functioning gonads.
Anyway, here are a few worthless female-oriented reality shows I vaguely remember viewing within the past week:
The Bachelor
This is the Cadillac of female-targeted reality shows. Never mind that the quality of American automobiles has declined in the past thirty years and the Cadillac brand is no longer an appropriate metaphor for "best." You get the picture – The Bachelor is the best. I think. It certainly is the most interesting.
By now, everyone is familiar with the premise of this show. Over the course of several weeks, one guy chooses a mate from a group of 25 relatively-intelligent, pretty girls. The show is currently wrapping up its 14th season. So, since the show first premiered in 2002, that’s 14 guys, 350 girls, and zero successful matches made. ZERO.
And therein lies the true beauty of The Bachelor. This show offers an eye-opening exposition on human sexual sociology. In a matter of days or weeks, two dozen women all miraculously fall in love with the only guy available to them romantically. And he inevitably fails to reciprocate, at least in a long-term sense. He is a man, however, so he's not above a little good-natured fondling of pretty much every single girl involved. This reveals a fundamental truth about male reproductive behavior: where a man has reproductive options, he will not voluntarily choose monogamy. Instead, the sexually-appealing man will play the field until he perceives his philandering years have run out. I, on the other hand, married at an extremely young age.
The show also reveals that women are competitive, petty bitches when love is on the line. I can’t even begin to fathom how improbable the Bachelor ladies’ unanimous swooning over a single randomly-selected eligible bachelor would be in the real world. But it happens, every season. The Bachelor is, within the bounds of a given season of the show, the Last Man on Earth. And the ladies act accordingly, pulling out all the stops to win the affection of whatever random dude the producers selected for them to fight over.
If your wife is going to bully you into watching one of her weeknight estrogen fests, I recommend The Bachelor. It is the Granddaddy of Female-Oriented Reality TV. But, ironically, the show's producers have inadvertently woven a dualistic parable into the fabric of a dating game. While superficially celebrating the fantasy of romantic monogamy, the actual substance of the show reveals a misogynistic truth: 25 silly tramps may think they've found their one, true love, but, really, he just wants a good time from as many of them as possible before he moves on with life.
So, crack open a beer and enjoy the glorious triumph of man over woman. Vicarious or not, it's a victory for our team.
The Real Housewives of Orange County / New York / Atlanta / New Jersey
If I wrote synopses for TV Guide, this would be my summary of the Real Housewives franchise: "A hand-picked group of aging local trophy wives fight a pathetic battle to preserve their quickly-deteriorating beauty while engaging in petty bickering. For an hour. Seriously, find something else to watch."
In any case, the show's title is completely misleading. If these were indeed real housewives, the whole show would be about the wives forcing their husbands to sit next to them on the couch while they watched their own reality show.
Property Virgins
This show's formula is simple. A buxom, overly maid-up Italian real estate agent guides naive young couples looking for their first home through a series of fully furnished, but otherwise empty, houses.
Sandra Rinomato, star of such hits as "Property Virgins" and "Hose Appraisers"
After taking a brief look through the house, the MILFish "real estate agent" seduces the couple into a three-way in the oversized jacuzzi tub, right? Wrong. Unfathomably, without having sex, they leave and go to see another house. I know what you're thinking. "Oh, so they get it on in the second house, huh?" Nope. Instead, we see the couple tour yet another house, sit down and discuss the homes they've seen and then decide which one to buy. And then the show ends, without even so much as a bare nipple.
"Property Virgins" is perhaps the biggest tease on television. The whole thing plays out like the prelude / plot-building portion of a high-end porno. Even the title reads like it came straight off of Vivid's release list. But despite laying the perfect narrative foundation for some lucky dude to engage in the archetypal cougar / young hottie double-teaming, the show's producers elect instead to treat us to footage of a real estate closing.
"And here's the bathroom, complete with a three-person jacuzzi tub, which we will inexplicably not be having sex in."
My theory is that this show is the product of a vast conspiracy of American women to convince us that a young, red-blooded American couple and a sexy real estate agent can walk through an unoccupied home without having sex. That is an outright lie, and should not be tolerated.
Millionaire Matchmaker
In this show, the long-lost transvestite/transgender twin of the math teacher from Better Off Dead tells actually-pretty young ladies that they aren't pretty enough to date her barely-millionaire idiot clients.
Separated at birth?
I do not like this show, or its star, at all.
Keeping up with the Kardashians
Okay, so this is probably the most confusing half-hour of television since the backwards Seinfeld. Let me see if I can explain it. The show centers on the Kardashian family. Kris Kardashian, widow of OJ Simpson attorney and noted Armenian Robert Kardashian, is the family matriarch. She has remarried to America's hero of the 1976 Olympics, decathalete and cosmetic surgery victim Bruce Jenner. Together, they raise Kris' six children, four of which (three girls and a boy) resulted from her first marriage.
One of Kris' daughters is the whiny-voiced World Champion of Celebrity Ass, Kim Kardashian. Kim used to date some dude named Ray-J. Together these two otherwise-not-famous individuals shoestringed their way to fame by releasing a sex tape. She and her booty now date NFL star and noted Heisman thief Reggie Bush.
Not to be outdone, Kim's younger, heftier sister Khloe recently married NBA star Lamar Odom, resulting in confusion as to the reason for Khloe's self-assessment that she is "big-boned." The other sister, Kourtney, has an on-again, off-again relationship with her baby-daddy, who appears to be one of the fungible, self-absorbed bankers from American Psycho. Like Sailor Ripley, he wears a paisley nightrobe without ironic intent.
Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!
The other three Kardashian children - Kendall, Kylie and Krob (pronounced "Rob") - are far less interesting and make few appearances.
The show chronicles the Kardashian-Jenner family as they act out a series of obviously-scripted - yet still somehow completely uninteresting - vignettes. Pretty much the same shit happens every show: first, there is a buildup to some family, relationship, or stray-dog-related crisis; next, there is an emotional climax as the crisis comes to a confrontational head; and finally, the crisis is neatly disposed of as the hostile parties reconcile (or, in the case of stray dog crises, the dog is put to sleep).
Coincidentally, I follow the same cycle of buildup-climax-disposal when I view photos of Kim at CelebrityNudes.com.
The Champ
Between the formulaic plot lines, Bruce Jenner's ghoulish plastic mask of a face, and all of the black athletes involved, I often confuse this show with the Harlem Globetrotters episodes of Scooby Doo.
In conclusion, you should avoid watching any and all of these shows. Go for a walk. Read a book. Hang-glide. Plot to overthrow HenryJames and usurp his authority as the new Dungeon Master. Just do something - ANYTHING - productive with your life, and let me write about the trite crap I waste my life watching on the television.
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Sorry man. This is just depressing. However, your post has served to remind me to be thankful of my DVR that is bursting with programming acceptable for non-eunuchs.
by SydneyCarton on Feb 18, 2010 10:08 AM CST reply actions
Proud to say I’ve never seen one second of any of those shows, and haven’t even heard of a few of them.
by nordberg on Feb 18, 2010 10:22 AM CST reply actions
No comment (in case my wife ever reads Barking Carnival).
You need to get some quality programming in your life before you completely devolve into a little bitch.
Start with Party Down on Starz. Mix in some Breaking Bad & Mad Men on AMC. Bring out your inner serial killer with Dexter on Showtime. Or if you’re really sadistic just watch our basketball team.
Or just watch some DVDs of Deadwood or The Wire. Just never publicly admit to any of this shit ever again.
Deal?
by Vasherized on Feb 18, 2010 10:25 AM CST reply actions
Thankfully, my wife doesn’t watch any of that shit, but you left out American Idol and Dancing with the Stars. Either, our wives have mutually disjoint TV habits, or you’ve got a fully functioning mind block in place since seeing Emmitt Smith do the foxtrot. If it’s the latter, I’m sorry.
by Magnificent Bastard on Feb 18, 2010 10:36 AM CST reply actions
I watch Property Virgins with the girlfriend, but in my defense, she netflix’s The Wire for me, and just got me Hurt Locker. Plus she watches UT football with me, so I’m willing to compromise.
And I work a shit ton of x-box into the rotation when I can.
You are right, I keep thinking that agent is going to unbutton her top, pull the wife/girlfriend to her knees and they get to work, but it never happens. So frustrating.
Hey, don’t judge, you know everyone of you guys that did Valentine’s Day at home on Sunday watched figure skating if you wanted to get laid.
by Bateshorn on Feb 18, 2010 10:45 AM CST reply actions
Good thing my flight was delayed , this made me LOL.
“The kind of power you used to derive from functioning gonads.”
Very good description of our almost basketball team.
by skymonkeyhorn on Feb 18, 2010 10:50 AM CST reply actions
Great post! May I suggest an alternative? Get a little netbook and cruise the web while your wife is watching womanly dreck. A wireless router will keep people from tripping over cables. You do have to have a bit of parallel processing capability to converse with your wife but, since women mainly want to talk and are not that into listening, mostly all that is required are banal, generic statements of agreement.
by kafka on Feb 18, 2010 10:57 AM CST reply actions
That was a great read but I’m suspicious of all the man-love for Mad Men. It’s an interesting program but ultimately I feel like I’m watching a soap opera for men.
ESPN classic has been good to me recently.
by Nickel Rover on Feb 18, 2010 11:10 AM CST reply actions
No, Soap Operas for men would be professional wrestling.
by SydneyCarton on Feb 18, 2010 11:25 AM CST reply actions
Mad Men is just Sex in the City: 1960.
Your penis has obviously inverted itself if you enjoy watching it.
by 06_UT on Feb 18, 2010 11:32 AM CST reply actions
Anyone else getting the “Healing After Adultery” ad, HowToSurviveTheAffair.com? I think this is google ads pointing you in the right direction to solve your shitty tv woes.
by Triston27 on Feb 18, 2010 11:38 AM CST reply actions
I don’t watch Mad Men, but I do very much enjoy this:
by Bateshorn on Feb 18, 2010 11:42 AM CST reply actions
If any of those Kazakian girls were my daughters I’d tell them to get a real job-non- strip /non-exhibitionist position, actually…dare they defy me. Just another reason why I and so many others have given up on tv. Good article, btw.
by Vineland Reporter on Feb 18, 2010 11:55 AM CST reply actions
My fiance also currently enjoys dreck such as “The Ultimate Cake Off” and “Bad Girls Club.”
How’d you happen to miss those gems in your synopsis, BH?
by Mister Mike on Feb 18, 2010 11:57 AM CST reply actions
Never mind that the quality of American automobiles has declined in the past thirty years and the Cadillac brand is no longer an appropriate metaphor for "best."
Terrorist.
by milksteak on Feb 18, 2010 11:58 AM CST reply actions
They’re attention hoo-ahs.
by Snooky Guidette from da Shore on Feb 18, 2010 12:06 PM CST reply actions
I would rather watch any of these than sit through another episode of sesame street with my 2 year old.
by Savage Henry on Feb 18, 2010 12:10 PM CST reply actions
Thank you for reminding me how lucky I am. Currently, I come home from work to my fiance cooking an amazing dinner with the TV already on whatever college basketball game is on that night. When (if) the game gets shitty, instead of turning to some God-awful shows like those, she likes to watch Man vs. Wild/Survivorman, Anothony Bourdain – No Reservations or something on the Discover Channel and History Channel.
Now, if only I could get her to like baseball too…
by Lucky on Feb 18, 2010 12:24 PM CST reply actions
Savage Henry, you don’t know what you’re saying…
by Nickel Rover on Feb 18, 2010 12:25 PM CST reply actions
Indeed. There is some educational value in Sesame Street. Compared to the shows listed, it’s like taking a grad school course in biology.
by Mister Mike on Feb 18, 2010 12:28 PM CST reply actions
CSI and its subsidiaries are my albratross. Every time I walk in the room and she’s watching one, I ask if anyone has masturbated on the victim’s body yet.
by dedfischer on Feb 18, 2010 12:29 PM CST reply actions
I’ll take y’alls word for it. I do have to sit through project runway every now and then.
by Savage Henry on Feb 18, 2010 12:53 PM CST reply actions
I wonder where these “celebrities” (tv sitcom, reality shows, Britney wannabees) received their formal education from? Is it all just smoke and mirrors with these assholes? What-they don’t like being public people when you start to disagree with them and question them. Oh, ok, they want to be “public” whenever they feel like it (when the special lighting is following them around).They can’t shine the Cookie Monster ’s shoes.
by Vineland Reporter on Feb 18, 2010 12:58 PM CST reply actions
I was going to write a long diatribe on Trips’ post-mortem, but this will likely get more views and not make me nearly as angry.
The trick, like any other one in a successful relationship, is compromise. For example, I watched 20 minutes of the Kardashians yesterday and almost tore my eyes out. But I also watched the Texas-Mizzou game, in which I actually tore my eyes out. I kid.
But seriously, I can get her to watch my programs if I sell it right:
- Friday Night Lights: High-school drama, just like The OC!
- The Office: Jim and Pam are the new Ross and Rachel!
- LOST: It’s very mysterious and has a lot of wizardry stuff, not unlike Harry Potter!
- South Park: Ok, I’ve got nothing. But it’s funny!
On Mad Men:
I thought I would hate Mad Men too, but I in fact feel the exact opposite. It truly is one of the best shows on television. It’s not like Sex and the City at all (trust me; I’ve watched my fair share of episodes). If anything, it’s like The Sopranos, only instead of an awesome illegal job, he’s got a day job just like the rest of us. The dude loves what he does but hates the politics, has a family he loves but can’t stand, and wants to figure out a way to cheat work, life and his wife in order to get what he wants. Only instead of having to look at Edie Falco and Aida Tuturro, you get to look at January Jones and Christina Hendricks. Give it a chance.
by jc25 on Feb 18, 2010 12:58 PM CST reply actions
My Dad’s criteria for “what we could watch on the shitbox,” circa 1994, as follows:
1. Incorporates a ball (but not soccer)
2. Has frontal nudity
3. Has James Garner in it
4. “there’s none of that rap shit.”
5. Involves the sort of slapstick that creates mass-havoc in a Special Education setting.
by ChicagoTTU on Feb 18, 2010 1:27 PM CST reply actions
Since the interwebs hate me, I’ll try again, you watch Mad Men for this reason alone, and change the channel when she’s not on:
http://theryancokeexperience.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/christina-hendricks.jpg
by Bateshorn on Feb 18, 2010 1:33 PM CST reply actions
No cable or tv, but ESPN360 to help take care of sports. The upside is I was only vaguely aware that these shows actually existed. The downside is that I’m often stuck watching DVDs of shows the wife likes (and I may have actually liked at one point) again and again and again. Sometimes (e.g. Arrested Development) this is ok, but other times (Friends or Mad About You) this is excruciating.
Compromise is good, though, and I do get my way whenever football or basketball games come on. In my experience, though, multi-tasking during Nad-free TV does not count as quality time. Engaging in it thus decreases the likelihood of “quality time” afterwards.
I hope I’m never in the position where I have to choose between watching figure skating (or worse, “ice dancing”) and not getting laid.
Loved the post, obviously stirred up a lot of sentiment here.
by fitzhume on Feb 18, 2010 1:36 PM CST reply actions
Lucky, that shit will all end once she is no longer a fiance. She just roping you in. My wife started on the Millionaire Matchmaker lately and just looking at Patti’s face, much less her mohawk assistant is enough to turn my stomach. She’s basically a high end madam for douchebags.
by KilgoreTrout on Feb 18, 2010 1:45 PM CST reply actions
Your description of the Bachelor is spot on. I would like to know why the men keep fucking crying all of the time. Including the current dude from Texas. Get it together, goddamn you. You’re representing our state. I’m pretty much kicked out of the room ten minutes in when I start offering my commentary on what I’d require from each lady to progress them to the next round.
The reality shows I can handle are Ultimate Fighter and International House Hunters. And I like the 30 for 30 doc series on ESPN.
I watched three hours of Millionaire Matchmaker one night in a strange fugue. It’s absolutely crucial that all of you watch some of this show if you want some realistic idea of what it’s like to date in California.
The highly paid matchmakers are:
A hatchet faced brunette – the owner – who hails from the East Coast and has synthesized every trait that I despise about women from LA and the East Coast. Phyiscally ugly and demanding (East Coast) and vapid and starfucking (LA) with equal measures of bicoastal materialism. She also is Exhibit A of the current trend of unattractive women who believe themselves to be attractive because they wear expensive clothes and accessories.
Her assistants are a pink haired LA womyn who cuts on herself and has her faced fixed in a permanently shitty expression, and a fat hipster with an unironic mohawk who looks like every fucking waste of space I see loitering around Santa Monica’s outdoor mall whenever I’m in LA.
These three are believed to have particular insight into the kind of women that a 80 hour a week male business owner in his early 40s really wants.
I can’t watch any of the CSI shows. I like some dumb televison. I like some smart televison. I don’t like dumb television that dumb people think is smart. It’s the Da Vinci Code of TV shows.
by Scipio Tex on Feb 18, 2010 1:48 PM CST reply actions
I just buck the trend. The more public people are, the more private I become. Maybe that’s the celebrity of the future; since just about anyone can become famous now( thx 2 the internet). I was in the hospital last year ( for some extensive tests) and I tuned into TMZ by “mistake” (ha-ha )for maybe about 8 times.Each & every time they had on this homeless “kolert” woman. I was hysterical. There is definately a method to Harvey’s madness! Only in America can an “actual” bag lady be a featured guest. Now that would be interesting television if Conan should embark on such an endeavour.I just might watch that.
by VinelanD Reporter on Feb 18, 2010 1:51 PM CST reply actions
Watch Dexter on netflix. Fuck that other shit. Yay for slimeball defense attorneys and their hell spawn.
by NY Horn on Feb 18, 2010 1:52 PM CST reply actions
I like Pawn Stars and Chelsea Handler’s boobs.
by dedfischer on Feb 18, 2010 2:17 PM CST reply actions
Vasher,
Dexter is the shit. I’m in the middle of season 2 and I just can’t get enough.
BrickHorn,
What, no Grey’s Anatomy? …Ugh. I’m starting to feel bad because of the frequency with which I tell my wife the things she watches on TV are stupid.
by texasengr on Feb 18, 2010 2:32 PM CST reply actions
Shows I occasionally watch in spontaneous back-to-back episode binges instead of sitting around doing crack:
Million Dollar Listing — which 21 yr old deuchebag should I pay $88K to sell my mansion?
Househunters — Vicariously shopping in the Costa Del Sol. Yeah, I’ll take the 3 story villa.
Criminal Minds — A notch above CSI schlock, keeps the killer in me at bay one.more.day.
Jersey Shore — Uh, we got a situation! Fist bumps n’ key bumps, Yay-oooo!
Whale Wars — The most inept, international collection of morons ever seen on one show.
by Vasherized on Feb 18, 2010 2:44 PM CST reply actions
Can’t y’all just watch TV in another room like my wife and I have done for 15 years? If I walk into her domain she is yapping on the phone with one of her girlfriends, while reading a magazine, but can tell you everything happening with her TV show. I hide back in my cave surfing channels looking for a girl who might get undressed or kiss another girl during timeouts of sporting events.
by Art Vandelay on Feb 18, 2010 2:50 PM CST reply actions
How in the hell has nobody mentioned Ace of Cakes? If I watch that damn show one more time I am going to say F-it and head north, Survivorman style. It has to be right up there with the matchmaker show.
On the plus side, she does like survivorman, which goes a long ways.
by lazer2280 on Feb 18, 2010 3:17 PM CST reply actions
Truly hilarious but isn’t the solution to your problem just buying another tv? What am I missing?
by ransomstoddard on Feb 18, 2010 3:19 PM CST reply actions
Ransom -
isn’t the solution to your problem just buying another tv? What am I missing?
My overwhelming desire to complain about something.
Vash (and others with programming suggestions) – Thanks. Aside from LOST, I’ve all but given up on keeping up with the latest television series. Now that our video store is closing down, we might finally join Netflix and start catching up.
Kafka – I usually spend the wife-TV time in front of a laptop, reading the latest crap posted by you degenerates. I wish I had one of those limited-angle laptop screen thingies so I could surf for porn instead.
Scip – God dammit. I knew I should have farmed out some of the writing. Next time I post a piece on Millionaire Matchmakers, you will be my ghostwriter. Great stuff.
by BrickHorn on Feb 18, 2010 3:29 PM CST reply actions
My overwhelming desire to complain about something.
I cannot relate
by ransomstoddard on Feb 18, 2010 3:31 PM CST reply actions
Not even a single mention of Mad House on History? Missing out on the best show on cable.
by NY Horn on Feb 18, 2010 3:44 PM CST reply actions
Brick, your anniversary is my birthday. I was turning 24 and can’t recall what I did that day as I don’t give two shits about birthdays, but after reading this, I’m glad I didn’t get married.
The only reality show I watch is ‘The First 48.’
I might have to check that one out about LA. Anyone that gets laid in LA is either a great liar, or honestly does/has what I’m lying about. Next time I’m out there, I think I’ll “be” Eric Weddle.
The “Krob (pronounced Rob)” was the tits.
by magnusbleuveigner on Feb 18, 2010 4:27 PM CST reply actions
Live TV is the problem.
Theres plenty of good TV that has existed, its just not out there now. Queue up some of these on Netflix / Hulu and surely you will find enough hits that both you and her can watch together to sate the “Watch with me” time. Then she can watch her crap alone.
In no particular order:
Friday Night Lights
Band of Brothers
The Wire
Dexter
Seinfeld
The Cosby Show
X-Files
Arrested Development
Scrubs
Battlestar Galactica
First two seasons of 24
BBC The Office
Firefly
Sopranos
Futurama
South Park
West Wing
Sports Night
Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Rome
If you and the wife cant find a few out of that list that you both like, check each other’s pulses.
by Boddicker Is Clutch on Feb 18, 2010 4:28 PM CST reply actions
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is outstanding, IMO.
by lazer2280 on Feb 18, 2010 4:42 PM CST reply actions
Demonstrate value
Engage physically
Nurture dependence
Neglect emotionally
Inspire hope
Seperate entirely
Dennis’ rules to live by.
by magnusbleuveigner on Feb 18, 2010 4:48 PM CST reply actions
A thread like this means it is really the off-season. OK, I’ll bite.
We watched the first season or so of the Batchelor and lost interest. It was a running ad for our culture’s worst gender stereotypes. The individual contestant I liked the best was a cute female physician who got one look at Jesse Palmer’s phony act and bailed.
You nailed “Real Housewives”—real narcissists is more like it. Yuck.
Haven’t watched the rest of the ones you mention.
We watch “The Biggest Loser” on NBC pretty regularly. It is the show where a group of morbidly obese people go to a fat farm in the high desert above LA and are tortured several hours a day by trainers while eating pretty closely supervised diets. My wife is in the mental health field specializing in weight/body image problems and keeps up a running commentary on the psychology of compulsive over-eating as it plays out in the show. Rather than demeaning, this show can be uplifting as some of the participants get a handle on the issues driving their weight gain and discover their inner workout warrior.
We also sometimes watch “What Not to Wear” and “Say Yes to the Dress.” I use the term “watch” loosely in my case as I usually get Sports Illustrated read while my wife watches those.
by hopefulhorn on Feb 18, 2010 4:51 PM CST reply actions
M- Move in
A- After
C- Completion
The Mac System
by lazer2280 on Feb 18, 2010 4:56 PM CST reply actions
- Archer
- South Park
- American Dad
- Tosh.0
- Better Off Ted
- Party Down
- Breaking Bad
- The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret (Pilot only right now)
- Top Gear
- Craig Ferguson
- Always Sunny in Philadelphia
- Cleveland Show (grudgingly)
- Family Guy (Has fallen off severely)
- Overhaulin’
- Iron Chef
by MagicSoccerSpray on Feb 19, 2010 2:25 AM CST reply actions
by MagicSoccerSpray on Feb 19, 2010 2:33 AM CST reply actions
My wife went to high school with that doucher on the Bachellor.
by Jigglebilly on Feb 19, 2010 11:19 AM CST reply actions
My wife suckers me into watching the Bachelor about half of the time. This is mostly because I own our netfilx queue and she gives me crap about getting Hurt Locker, Public Enemies, and Good Bye, Lenin in a row. However, your write-up was right on. I just laugh because I know all of the emotional baggage that has to carry over into the “marriage” from the “bride” knowing the bachelor schtooped many of the other girls that she got to know.
In other news, this was gold:
I can’t watch any of the CSI shows. I like some dumb televison. I like some smart televison. I don’t like dumb television that dumb people think is smart. It’s the Da Vinci Code of TV shows.
by mikecrabtree on Feb 19, 2010 11:50 AM CST reply actions
Why do the powerful Jews in Hollywood keep churning out movies and television series about Italian-Americans behaving badly, or Germans behaving badly. Why not movies about Jews behaving badly? You never- if ever- see that.. You never hear about the American Jews who spy on America for Israel compromising the security of the free world.. You never hear about Israeli attrocities. Its always one-sided. What about a series about annoying, crafty, ugly Yids in The Catskills.
by VinelanD Reporter on Feb 19, 2010 12:38 PM CST reply actions
Brickhorn,
Way to draw out the anti-semites, asshole.
by magnusbleuveigner on Feb 19, 2010 3:19 PM CST reply actions
Way to draw out the anti-semites, asshole.
Hey, we made fun of the Kardashians on this thread as well. But I guess nobody remembers the Armenians.
by BrickHorn on Feb 19, 2010 3:59 PM CST reply actions
Expect to hear from our lawyers.
by The Turkish Government on Feb 19, 2010 4:32 PM CST reply actions
Kardashians are relevant, afterall. No haters. God loves us all. We all came from Adam & Eve. Peace out, world. P.S. I like Real Housewives of Atlanta, myself.
by Do not divide and conquer on Feb 19, 2010 6:21 PM CST reply actions
Reality shows (like some blogs) are always “testing the waters”. A sports reality show during the football off-season might be interesting. I do not know if there would be enough interest in seeing football players outside the field, however. People might not give a shit. The Kardashians has Reggie and that is why I watch it because I am a Saints fan.
by Tom S on Feb 19, 2010 6:46 PM CST reply actions
“Jew tits” is absolutely tasteless. You should be ashamed. They’re called joobs.
by magnusbleuveigner on Feb 20, 2010 9:03 AM CST reply actions
Mine likes Law and Order and it’s 25 spin offs and the CSI shows. I think they are all the same as I don’t know if I’ve ever made it through an episode. She also watches my least favorite show of all time, Grey’s Anatomy.
However, the solution is very simple. Just make fun of the shows relentlessly. Explain the absurdity of every scene. Comment on the hot chicks. She will not require your presence during her television time very long at all. All you need is more than one television.
As for shows you can watch together, my chick digs Dexter and Big Love. They are decent television. Also, chicks can still watch Survivor and it is still semi entertaining.
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by Malena Hutchens on Sep 3, 2011 4:36 AM CDT reply actions
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