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OMG WE R SOOO FUCKD CORCH CAPEL!!

Ho hum. Just another Thursday in May for OU's scandalous basketball program. The latest incident has all the role players from a Magnum P.I. re-run:

Oronde Taliaferro, the former Oklahoma assistant basketball coach who abruptly resigned last month, exchanged at least 41 phone calls and 25 text messages over a 10-month period with a Tampa, Fla., financial adviser who reportedly wired $3,000 into the bank account of former OU forward Tiny Gallon.

"I CAN HAZ TINY DOLLAZ?"

We're assuming said financial adviser from Merrill Lynch, Jeffrey Hausinger, didn't come from the Harvard MBA pipeline. Those guys are busy swapping CDOs on Wall Street for billions while this hack is wiring the equivalent of two weeks' fare at the Tiny Buffet from his Tampa pontoon boat.

Like most of the basketball staff at OU, Hausinger is well-practiced in deniability and soon to be jobless. Barry Switzer could teach these guys a thing or two about the proper use of cash runners and untraceable stainless steel briefcases. A good smile can get you past anything, right Switzy?

Research has shown that traveling with young kids at all times conveys a genuine sense of innocence.

This unfortunate mishap for the Sooners overlaps well with their current probation status, which was set to expire Sunday. The goal of completing a calendar decade entirely on probation still looks intact.

WWWWD?

"Get my ass to the league like yesserday."

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Over/under time it takes for a sooner to bring up Vondrell’s DUI as some kind of justification for these shenanigans? I’d guess about 10 replies.

by Flamingmonkeyass on May 20, 2010 12:02 PM CDT reply actions  

Taliaferro looks like a unibrowed, unsmiling Charles Barkley.

by Magnificent Bastard on May 20, 2010 12:03 PM CDT reply actions  

It’s not that OU tries to cheat. It’s that anyone who would chose to be associated with that place already has some kind of serious character flaw.

by MoFo on May 20, 2010 12:22 PM CDT reply actions  

At quick glance that girl’s right hand seems to be yet another violation.

by magnusbleuveigner on May 20, 2010 12:23 PM CDT reply actions  

Mack Brown excluded.

by MoFo on May 20, 2010 12:24 PM CDT reply actions  

And Royal.

by magnusbleuveigner on May 20, 2010 12:30 PM CDT reply actions  

Whooooaaaa Magnus. Easy now. They may lie, illegally pay players, sell crack out of the dorms, be equipped to take on a Mexican cartel, and kidnap their girlfriends at screw driver point, but a child prostitution ring is a little too far.

by 06_UT on May 20, 2010 12:33 PM CDT reply actions  

Sooners are the gift that keeps on giving – quite a knack for finding integrity in coaching hires, no? Castiglione must have photos of someone to have been so effective in keeping them clear of major sanctions.

I’m loving the high-top fade in that last pic. Grady Cavness, holla!

by Levander Williams on May 20, 2010 12:48 PM CDT reply actions  

Over/under time it takes for a sooner to bring up Vondrell’s DUI as some kind of justification for these shenanigans? I’d guess about 10 replies.

So are you setting the line at 10? Or is the line 9.5 and you’re taking the over? What are the odds on said bet? Can I get a ruling from Fading Las Vegas?

by Triston27 on May 20, 2010 12:54 PM CDT reply actions  

Flaming,

Another possible Okie response, “$3,000 for Tiny? I wonder what Texas paid for Durant

Levander, yeah, Big Daddy Kane for the mf’n win. It was a subtle aside about how with OU there “Is Some Half Steppin” concerning NCAA proprieties.

by magnusbleuveigner on May 20, 2010 12:54 PM CDT reply actions  

I have a SIL that’s a coach, and for years he’s simply been called “Coach” by the various family members. Now we all call him “Corch.”

by beowulf on May 20, 2010 1:00 PM CDT reply actions  

Magnus – that’s vintage 1990 for you. I think Smooth Cavness’ fade was a good 6-7 inches tall.

Apparently he’s going well these days, working for Morgan Stanley in Houston and has three boys that play ball in high school & college (saw that in a Chronicle article from a year or so ago).

by Levander Williams on May 20, 2010 1:07 PM CDT reply actions  

Hey everyone, Levander originally had ‘face’ instead of ‘fade,’ but some good samaritan fixed it. Levander was upset greatly by his mistake, fyi, imo.

by magnusbleuveigner on May 20, 2010 2:03 PM CDT reply actions  

When you get to be beowulf’s age and have 30+ relatives in the flock, you start calling them by acronyms.

by Vasherized on May 20, 2010 4:24 PM CDT reply actions  

Thank you, God!
{spoken in the voice of the kid in Animal House who has one of Hef’s bunnies land on his bed}

See, this is why I keep telling myself to write this crap in Word and check it before I cut & paste. If not for spellcheck, we would all be doomed.

by Levander Williams on May 20, 2010 4:30 PM CDT reply actions  

Ou is a football school, always was and always will be. We never got caught. err I mean we never cheated.

by Barry Switzer on May 20, 2010 7:33 PM CDT reply actions  

Guys, Guys,
A throw away cell phone is cheap protection when checking your stock portfolios and other ponzi schemes. You also forgot that I told you to use money orders and use a swiss bank in the Bahamas.
Never text or E-mail, or use a twitter account. $ 3K was way below market value for willy and Tiny. Sounds like a C/W song but it would cause some weird ass TV program to get excited about a few rating points…..
I lasted 20 some years before they got around to me , you have about 11 months and another screw up. Is Barry still involved now that was a slippery sucker to catch. See you in up in the big house.
Bernie.

by B. Madoff on May 20, 2010 7:35 PM CDT reply actions  

This makes perfect sense. Taliaferro leaving at the same time the three McD’s All Americans took off just seemed WAY too coincidental. I know, correlation is not causation, but the writing seems to be pretty clear on the wall.

I do find it funny that the current OU “scandal” involves a player who is no longer on the team (and whose eligibility had not been reinstated) and a coach whose “resignation” looks to have been as voluntary as using SPSS to compile data tables during “guy’s night” at Huckleberry’s house.

magnus, I’d say this is more comparable to Dan Buckner’s situation. If you bring in a bad egg that looked like a good egg until you cracked it open, all you can do is throw it out and try again. Is there an excuse for having this sort of person on your team? No. Is it even more offensive when said person is a coach? Absolutely. But Taliaferro had a good rep, and Capel needed a closer on the recruiting trail.

OU may be a major power in football, but when it comes to basketball, they need to realize that they’re a 2nd tier team in the grand scheme of things. Recruit guys who are less talented and a lot more coachable, and you’ll get consistent 20+ win seasons with trips to the NCAA tournament and the occasional upset year with a trip to the Elite 8/Final 4 and a Big 12 title. Take a look at OU’s current recruiting class, and you’ll see that plan being put into action (albeit, probably quite involuntarily).

Capel himself is a good guy. He could’ve told Damion James and Scotty Reynolds “Sorry, no release” and made them give up a year of eligibility (or in James’ transfer to Texas, two years) to leave. Instead, after being told to piss off when he tried to re-recruit them, he gave unconditional releases. I’m certain Rick Barnes appreciates this. I’m just not sure if Capel has the necessary skills to run a major program in a major conference. Especially one with Kansas and UT in it.

by NateHeupel on May 22, 2010 12:10 PM CDT reply actions  

The information on this blog is as accurate as people finders.

by keith on May 22, 2010 1:50 PM CDT reply actions  

As in unreliable-not very good. But I’m an Okie who went to college in enemy territory.

by K. leechy UT '01 on May 22, 2010 1:55 PM CDT reply actions  

i’m a native texan (Dallas) who went to school in Oklahoma. At times I am so gosh- darn torn. I’m about as torn as Bevo in love with a couple of beautiful bovines.

by Harlin on May 22, 2010 3:02 PM CDT reply actions  

Recruit guys who are less talented and a lot more coachable, and you’ll get consistent 20+ win seasons with trips to the NCAA tournament and the occasional upset year with a trip to the Elite 8/Final 4 and a Big 12 title.

Couldn’t have said it better myself.

by Kelvin Sampson on May 27, 2010 9:31 AM CDT reply actions  

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