Georgia Red Panties & Semi-Bribes: Muschamp Watch Goes Hypervigilant
Georgia's AD is officially out and that has ramifications for Texas and our succession plans.
It wasn't just that former Georgia AD Damon Evans was convicted of a DUI, it was also the embarrassing circumstances surrounding the arrest. He provides an excellent example of how not to be caught driving when plowed.
Some learning points, Carnivalers:
1. As a married father of two, don't be pulled over with a female passenger who is not your wife. Particularly one named Courtney. She should also not declare to the officer that you've "been dating for a week."
2. It is best not to have Courtney's red panties sitting on your lap.
3. Do not offer a bribe to the officer by proposing that you're not offering a bribe. Your rhetorical ironic proposition offers no cover.
4. Do not allow Courtney to be so obnoxious that the officer arrests her for disorderly conduct.
5. Do not air a pre-game communique before every home game proclaiming drunken driving to be unacceptable; and that "If you drink and drive, you lose."
Here is what you should do:
1. As you're being pulled over, Courtney will start to wail. Fix Courtney with a withering glare. Then say these words: "Bitch, be cool. Not a goddamn peep or I cut up your Discover card."
2. Deftly place red panties in center console.
3. "Hello officer, my niece and I are just returning from Twilight III. You Team Edward?"
4. "Slurring words? Benadryl. I'm allergic to peach blossoms. Or are you suggesting that I'm slurring words because I'm black? Kidding. Kidding! Just putting that out there. For the jury."
5. "Yes, I'm the Georgia AD. Perhaps you've seen my pre-game talk titled Forgive And Forget: We All Make Mistakes And Christ Teaches Forgiveness Is Love And Let's Not Get Caught Up On Judging Others Because Who Among Us Is Without Sin?"
As I wrote in assessing our external threats in May, when you have Top 10 jobs, the primary issue is timelines, not program differentiation.
Texas is a better job than either LSU or Georgia, but both LSU and Georgia are Top 10 college football jobs. That’ll do if your goal is to become a legend and win national championships. The difference between the 8th best situation in the country and 1st or 2nd is essentially irrelevant if you want the future now.
And yes, my hubris is such that I am now quoting MYSELF. Basic point: offering that Texas is a better gig than UGA is essentially irrelevant once you cross a certain threshold of program quality. You can recruit there, you can win there, it's a good gig. Better than the Tennessee job Muschamp barely passed on.
There are some who believe that a new AD could actually be good for Richt's job security, but I don't buy it.
Bottom line: become a Georgia Bulldog fan. If only for the red panties.
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Funny post, but this doesn’t seem like a cause for concern as far as Texas is concerned. A new AD doesn’t immediately throw the incumbent coach on the chopping block (or at least, in a rational world it wouldn’t.)
Now if the new AD were Richt’s ex-wife…
by the technicals on Jul 5, 2010 3:19 PM CDT reply actions
^great writing. concern & concerned in the same sentence. I apologize.
by the technicals on Jul 5, 2010 3:19 PM CDT reply actions
Team Edward? bravo. You have a bottomless literary quiver of poison-tipped barbs.
If you’re not earning money from your writing skills, then allow me to plagiarize so that I can feed my staving children and/or my online gambling habit.
by texoz on Jul 5, 2010 3:22 PM CDT reply actions
Luckily they don’t have Alabama or LSU this year. Richt should be able to have a nice year and buy at least one more year.
by anonymous on Jul 5, 2010 3:28 PM CDT reply actions
so he was essentially going down between the hedges?
by Art Vandelay on Jul 5, 2010 3:29 PM CDT reply actions
anonymous -
Unfortunately, UGA’s problem of late has not just been the big boys. They’re losing to Kentucky and such.
the technicals -
New ADs are susceptible to “something must be done” if there’s another disappointing campaign. A program that was just recently in contention for best program in the SEC is now miles behind Alabama and Florida, sweating Auburn and Ole Miss, and demonstrating a bit of a knack for losing to SEC dregs.
You’re right on the schedule though:
09/04 -Louisiana-Lafayette
09/11 -at South Carolina
09/18 -Arkansas
09/25 -at Mississippi State
10/02 -at Colorado
10/09 -Tennessee
10/16 -Vanderbilt
10/23 -at Kentucky
10/30 -Florida (at JAX)
11/06 -Idaho State
11/13 -at Auburn
11/27 -Georgia Tech
I see 8-4. Better win that bowl.
by Scipio Tex on Jul 5, 2010 3:37 PM CDT reply actions
"If you drink and drive, you lose."
Pete Townshend’s barrister would get him acquitted on research angle alone.
by parlin on Jul 5, 2010 3:42 PM CDT reply actions
DUI Fail.
As any golfprick will tell you:
If you’re shit canned, the only thing to do is clam up and start asking for an attorney after handing over your ID and registration.
Or put the Panties on your head and go out in blaze of glory.
by Bateshorn on Jul 5, 2010 3:46 PM CDT reply actions
"Hello officer, my niece and I are just returning from Twilight III. You Team Edward?" – Priceless
by Currently in Rehab on Jul 5, 2010 4:22 PM CDT reply actions
The only decision make of note in Athens is still Dooley. If he has the/a hand in the hire, then that bodes well for Richt. If this had happened a year or two from now and Richt was still viewed as underperforming then it would be of much greater concern to me.
Mack is about to close on a class that has MNC potential. I have to wonder if this could cause him to stretch his timeline for retirement. What will be the catalyst for him to hand over the franchise? He’s got this thing on auto pilot; that’s where any concern of mine lies.
by blackscholes on Jul 5, 2010 4:52 PM CDT reply actions
Bateshorn brings up a good point. I think a DUI tutorial from Golf Prick and/or Clipper is in order.
by ColoradoAg on Jul 5, 2010 4:59 PM CDT reply actions
I just have to think Mack and Will have talked this shit through, otherwise he wouldn’t be passing up Auburn and Tennessee level jobs. Certainly Mack has promised him the gig in the next couple of years, otherwise Muschamp wouldn’t still be here.
I mean, right? Coordinators don’t say no to Top 10 programs. Ever. Can you think of another one? They also don’t turn down Top 10 programs that are offering a pay increase of 300%.
by nordberg on Jul 5, 2010 5:52 PM CDT reply actions
I think you are correct in part on the Georgia is as good as Texas is available thing but I think Georgia is outside tier 1. Maybe high tier 2. Of course since Muschamp went to Georgia it might make it seem tier 1.
by hornin hong kong on Jul 5, 2010 6:25 PM CDT reply actions
“Coordinators don’t say no to Top 10 programs. Ever. Can you think of another one? They also don’t turn down Top 10 programs that are offering a pay increase of 300%.”
Unless it’s to return home!
by Horn3232 on Jul 5, 2010 6:26 PM CDT reply actions
hornin -
Name ten better jobs. You’ll start struggling around 8 or 9.
by Scipio Tex on Jul 5, 2010 6:30 PM CDT reply actions
What makes Georgia better than the Tennessee job?
by Newy25 on Jul 5, 2010 6:44 PM CDT reply actions
A new AD doesn’t immediately throw the incumbent coach on the chopping block (or at least, in a rational world it wouldn’t.)
This is the SEC we’re talking about here — and rational world doesn’t come to mind.
Don’t forget now that they are swimming in ABC/ESPN money it is easier to pay your mistakes to go away and to spend whatever you want on your next hire.
Coordinators don’t say no to Top 10 programs. Ever. Can you think of another one? They also don’t turn down Top 10 programs that are offering a pay increase of 300%.
Again, this is the SEC we ar talking about. Tennessee is not a Top 10 program, and as Scip pointed out Georgia is a better job.
by srr50 on Jul 5, 2010 6:50 PM CDT reply actions
Newy -
Georgia has a natural recruiting base.
Tennessee doesn’t.
by Scipio Tex on Jul 5, 2010 6:54 PM CDT reply actions
What makes Georgia better than the Tennessee job?
Recruiting — Georgia turns out three times as many quality high school football players as Tennessee, and it shares a border with talent-rich Florida.
by srr50 on Jul 5, 2010 6:58 PM CDT reply actions
According to all time wins, Tenn is a top 10 job having won a National Championship as recently as 1998. It’s all semantics because Georgia comes in at Number 11 on all time wins and is essentially a top 10 program. It’s been a long time since GA won their only title and they have essentially been irrelevant on the national scene outside of 2 or 3 seasons under Richt since V Dooley left. What Georgia has that Tenn doesn’t is home grown talent. Georgia continues to have a tough time keeping that talent at home as Florida, Tenn, and even Alabama seem to win their fair share of recruiting battles within the state. Georgia desperately needs a coach to keep that talent at home while competing hard for the fertile Florida recruiting ground. Athens is a great town, Georgia is a good school and there are many other built in advantages where one can win titles at the school. Second tier? I think not.
by Groundhog Day on Jul 5, 2010 6:59 PM CDT reply actions
Regarding recruiting . . . It’s more than than a three to one advantage for the state of Georgia. In 2002, a Tennessee assistant told a friend that Gwinnett county in the northeast Atlanta metro area had more Division I prospects than the entire state of Tennessee that year. The Vols used to recruit Georgia well. In 1997, Tennessee signed the top three rated prospects out of Georgia (including Jamal Lewis). A lot of Richt’s success and lot of Phil Fulmer’s downfall was Georgia shutting down the border to the Vols. If you’ll remember, Fulmer’s best years came when Ray Goff and Jim Donnan were killing time between Vince Dooley and Mark Richt.
Eric Berry is the only thing the Vols have gotten lately . . .and that was primarily because Berry’s dad was a former player.
by cirque du salado on Jul 5, 2010 8:03 PM CDT reply actions
Since 2004-5, Georgia has failed to keep the following notable players in red and black: Calvin Johnson, Kyle Moore, Duke Robinson, James Davis, Eric Berry, Jonathan Dwyer, Cameron Hayward, Cam Newton, Josh Nesbitt, Jarvis Jones, Greg Reid, and two five star receivers from last year in Markieth Ambles and DaRick Rogers. That is some serious talent.
by Groundhog Day on Jul 5, 2010 9:43 PM CDT reply actions
^ and it’s not like they can fill up a class of 25 of equal in state talent like Texas can when they let 2 or 3 studs go elsewhere
by dick on Jul 5, 2010 9:48 PM CDT reply actions
Lets say for instance that Muschamp does leave next year for Georgia or Lsu, assuredly that will force Mack to rethink his early retirement strategy. Especially with the cash UT would throw his way when they begged him to reconsider.
by Jigglebilly on Jul 5, 2010 9:52 PM CDT reply actions
I have to think Muschamp knows full well that Mack Brown’s recruiting on defense went to a brand new level when Boom got there. For UT to force OU to change their recruiting tactics was unheard of. Muschamp has to know if he even gets half of the talent as exemplified on groundhog day’s list to stay, then he’ll have a legit SEC contender on his hands.
by NateHeupel on Jul 6, 2010 8:53 AM CDT reply actions
UGA is losing recruiting battles to GaTech. That is as much concern in Athens as their mediocre on-field performance.
Sharing the state with big-time SEC brethren is viewed as inescapable. Splitting talent with the Bees is a major no-no.
by Matt Cotcher on Jul 6, 2010 9:22 AM CDT reply actions
Interesting points and info. on Georgia recruiting. Where else can you get that kind of knowledge from posters?
Georgia has a lot of talent, but they still have to compete with SEC raiders, and Tech and the ACC raiders to a lesser extent. That is a lot of competition. Right now there is basically none in Texas. OU wins maybe one or two heads up a year and LSU very occassionally for an East Texas kid. A&M? Hahaha…. The only reason Mus would leave is if he is not sure about when he will take over. If he thinks it will be more than 5 years, his hand might be forced. Otherwise, he gets the big picture. Texas is where he wants to be.
by Bartoncreek on Jul 6, 2010 10:32 AM CDT reply actions
If driving around Atlanta all likkered up with a panty-less stripper riding shotgun is wrong, well then I just don’t want to be right.
by TOR on Jul 6, 2010 11:15 AM CDT reply actions
“2. It is best not to have Courtney’s red panties sitting on your lap. "
Does it get better or worse if, when said panties are on one’s lap, Courtney is wearing them at the time?
by NateHeupel on Jul 6, 2010 4:08 PM CDT reply actions
Does it get better or worse if, when said panties are on one’s lap, Courtney is wearing them at the time?
In Georgia? I would say worse.
by srr50 on Jul 6, 2010 4:39 PM CDT reply actions
I cannot fathom the embarrassment that Evans has brought upon himself. Wonder how quickly he sobered up during/after that traffic stop, as panic set in? Holy freaking cow. $550K/yr job in your thirties (!), gone. Wife and kids. DUI conviction. National laughing stock. How quickly things can turn around.
On the bright side, it gets former Horns out of the news.
by sinless1 on Jul 6, 2010 6:57 PM CDT reply actions

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