Gridiron Kickoff: Slightly Abridged Transcript

And by slightly abridged transcript I mean I'll loosely paraphrase the few notable moments so that you can read entirely too much into what may or may not have been said. Nevermind how we got a copy of the video; FanTake is basically Fight Club with an extensive secret network of roadies, valet parkers and snuff film cameramen. Did you think Chooky just gave random Chem-Can handies for the fun of it?

Craig Way leads off with a fantastically unfunny story about getting pulled over on the way there. The nervous murmur after the apparent punchline is great though. Should've gone with 'drunk Asian woman in a coma' imo.

Bill Little prays as awkwardly as he writes. "We thank you for the chance to play a game. For the parents and all those who lift up in celebration and support and desolation, we thank you." Seriously. God's wondering WTF just like you are. He continues to ramble about oblong balls and soldiers and Coaches who Teach and Young People who Play and who knows what else.

Matthew Payne is the Executive Director of the Austin Sports Commission who'd like to thank... I'll go ahead and fast forward if it's all the same to you. Chairman of USA Football Carl Peterson extends his appreciation to Austin for... UIL Athletic Director Cliff Odenwald thinks this event is just... I don't do this much fast forwarding when I TIVO a Cinemax movie.

Ron Franklin, Mack Brown, Greg Davis and Will Muschamp. Mack confirms Notre Dame match up. Franklin suggests the possibility of making the match up permanent. Mack thinks that'd be nice but doesn't know if it'll happen. Franklin asks about Realignment. Mack knew we'd be fine wherever we wound up. He wasn't worried about that, he's worried about Rice.

As we all are really.

Mack mentions the possibility of Texas and A&M not playing and what a shame it would be. That doesn't really jibe with Powers' statement that such a thing was never really considered.

Franklin asks Davis about Gilbert. What changes in the offense? Not going to use Gilbert in the zone-read. Going back under center to emphasize play action. Mack chimes in that we will be in the shotgun ' a bunch'. Greg: "Yeah, we'll be under center quite a bit. And in the gun quite a bit."

Okay.

Franklin: Running backs? Davis: Start the season with Fozzy and Tre Newton. Those two separated themselves during spring ball. Franklin: Mason Walters? Davis: Muschamp wants him on defense. Doesn't say he's ready to go though. Franklin: Receivers? Davis: Thinks Malcolm Williams will have a break out year. "It is important that you catch out there though." Oh snap. Davis: Players have talked up Mike Davis this summer.

Franklin asks Muschamp about interior line. Muschamp: Kheeston Randall's going to have a special year. We're going to throw the three freshman to the wolves and find out what we can do. Franklin: New linebackers Benson, Jackson and Hicks? As a coach you know they're going to be ready at some point but you have to figure out when. Alex Okafor weighs 265. Mack and Will compliment 'George' (Pflugerville head coach George Herman) for sending them a man.

It's funny to watch Muschamp start to take on the Mack persona.

Franklin: Is it quicker to get LB or DL ready to play? Muschamp: Closer to the ball, the more difficult for young players. Playing as freshman sometimes has more to do with maturity than ability. Mack chimes in with description of how the freshman practice separately from the veterans at first so they get to see how the older guys practice and how there's never a lazy step and coach started that when he got here in '57 and...

I snap out of my Mack Brown hypnosis a few minutes later with my finger about to hit the 'complete order' button on $570 worth of officially licensed apparel from the Co-op.

Franklin: If you've got a lot of talent you want to play all of it right? Muschamp: Once a 280 lb. guy is tired he's done. He can't recover like a 180 lb. cornerback might so we try to limit DL to six consecutive plays although the hurry-up can interfere with that at times.

Franklin: Earl Thomas was good? Muschamp: Yes. Yes, he was.

Franklin: Special teams? Mack: Don't want one guy doing kicking and punting if possible. Franklin: New deep snapper. Mack: Bad if people now his name which is Alex Zumberg. Close enough to Lumberg for Office Space joke? It would be but Scipio already played that card today. Franklin: Creed or motto? Creedo? Mack: Team came up with 'Every Play, Every Day'. Nothing embarrasing this year thankfully.