A Message from Jamie Pollard
by Fake Ken Tremendous on Oct 20, 2010 10:03 PM CDT
in Texas Longhorns and Other Football
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PrintHello, fellow Cyclones. The Athletic Department would like to share some exciting news with ISU alums, fans and well-wishers - the adoption of a new Cyclone logo!
While the old logo has served us well throughout the years, we believe this new design will better capture the essence of what Iowa State stands for.
By now, you are all familiar with the current logo. It has been our university's face to the sports-spectating world for nearly a decade.
There it is. Clean. Simple. Elegant. It's a classic, almost archetypal, symbol that conveys one, coherent, easily-understood idea: cyclone. There's simply no mistaking what that angry bird with a tornado for a lower body, a human-like torso, muscular arms, and four-fingered hands grasping a banner that reads "Iowa State Cyclones" represents. It's universal. It's obvious. It's clear.
Perhaps too clear.
Just once, I'd like someone to look at the Iowa State logo and think "What the hell is that supposed to be?" We're Iowa State, for crying out loud. We need something to differentiate ourselves from the pack. Something unique. Something that allows our fans to proudly exclaim: "Those slow, undersized players getting their asses kicked out there aren't just your run-of-the-mill cyclones. They're the Iowa By-God State Cyclones!"
In sum, we need a cyclone logo that is something more than just the obvious and cliched aggregation of a tornado, a cardinalis cardinalis, and a half-naked, four-fingered bodybuilder.
It is that drive to differentiate ourselves from the herd that spurred the Athletic Department to create a new, unique logo for our University's sporting teams. A local graphic artist and cartoon enthusiast was commissioned to design dozens of concept sketches, some of which are reproduced below.
Concept 1: "Contemplative Tornado-Burping Skeletor"
Concept 4: "Gargamel-Headed Flamingonado With Crab Claws and Iowa State Pennant"
Concept 18: "Fraternity Pledge Tornadoctopus Leering Up an Anime Schoolgirl's Skirt"
While the concepts pictured above were certainly intriguing options -- and, unquestionably, apt representations of what it means to be an Iowa State Cyclone --, we ultimately settled on a revision of the current logo. As you will see, this revision represents a significant departure from the Bauhaus-inspired, straightforward minimalism of the flying-enraged-bird-headed-tornado-monster Cyclone logo. Put simply: after years of using an understated, bare-bones design, we're finally jazzing it up with a little detail.
Without any further ado, I proudly present the new and improved Iowa State Cyclones logo:
Pretty sweet, right? A few notes are in order to explain the new additions:
First, we wanted to ramp up the logo's ferocity. The old angry bird is fierce, for sure. But we wanted something fiercer. So we gave the bird fire-breathing snakes for hair, and put him in the same kind of kick-ass tank that Uncle Sam used to tear Saddam Hussein a new spider hole.
Second, you'll notice that the new design portrays the bird-tornado having six hands instead of two. That's an impressive 200% increase in the total number of hands compared to the previous Cyclone logo.
Third, the tank is running over Count Chocula because, let's be honest, the dude had it coming. I'm not saying I know anything about it. I'm just saying that when you run your mouth and don't repay your debts, accidents happen.
Fourth, the Cyclone bird-tornado-man is holding a moneybag. That's a bag full of cold, hard cash money. The kind every Cyclone alumnus and fan would use to "make it rain" and show his bitches a good time out on the town, yo.
Finally, on the tank is a humorous bumper sticker inviting people who have complaints about the bird-tornado's driving to call a fictitious telephone number, "1-800 eat shit." This sticker was included because that's how Iowa State rolls. If you don't like how we Cyclones drive our tanks, you can eat shit.
And that goes for you, too, Count Chocula.
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Holy shit you do win! I would have voted for concept 4 (it’s the crab hands), but you’re right, Count Chocula did have it coming. I hope Frankenberry someday gets a similar comeuppance.
by Canuck Horn on Oct 20, 2010 11:20 PM CDT reply actions
This is the best post this site has ever produced.
I am laughing so loudly I woke up my dogs across the house.
Thank you.
by Sailor Ripley on Oct 21, 2010 12:49 AM CDT reply actions
Your finest. You should receive a triumph through the tailgate on a chariot with us lesser BC writers collecting the finest meats, drinks, and straight cash in BC tote bags as our homage to you.
by Nickel Rover on Oct 21, 2010 1:30 AM CDT reply actions
hahaha
holy shit
good stuff.
the count chocula addition is glorious. its the little things.
by PVogel on Oct 21, 2010 1:32 AM CDT reply actions
I’m speechless.
I started chuckling early and the Tornadoctopus put me over the edge.
by Scipio Tex on Oct 21, 2010 1:43 AM CDT reply actions
I’m not saying I know anything about it. I’m just saying that when you run your mouth and don’t repay your debts, accidents happen.
Pure win. Thanks for this, Fake Ken.
by parlin on Oct 21, 2010 5:15 AM CDT reply actions
Nice work Fake Ken, but -1 for lack of Taz.
by Magnificent Bastard on Oct 21, 2010 7:45 AM CDT reply actions
Beautiful. Thank you! Concept 18 is particularly fine art!
by Tony Montana on Oct 21, 2010 7:45 AM CDT reply actions
/fraternity pledge anime. Holy shit.
I think FKT may have just won the first tote bag.
All the more reason to come to the tailgate on Saturday. This mascot-melding lunatic will be in attendance. Good luck trying to figure out which one he is…
by Vasherized on Oct 21, 2010 7:49 AM CDT reply actions
It’s all good. One leetle problem, tho’ – the snakes appear to be belching feathers rather than breathing fire.
Consider finding a chemical engineer to assist with creation of t-shirts and ball caps using phosphorus or perhaps disposable cigarette lighters to produce actual flames. This would allow ISU fans to intimidate opponents’ fans every bit as much as the teams put fear into their on-field and on-court oppos.
by Tex Long on Oct 21, 2010 9:01 AM CDT reply actions
Fantastic. Still laughing, though starting to concern others in the office. Flamingonado, Gargamel… I need plastic ones for the front yard.
by Spastic Synapse on Oct 21, 2010 9:29 AM CDT reply actions
One more example of why BC is the premier college sports blog on the interwebs. You guys are amazing.
by Blueshorn on Oct 21, 2010 9:57 AM CDT reply actions
“Third, the tank is running over Count Chocula because, let’s be honest, the dude had it coming. I’m not saying I know anything about it. I’m just saying that when you run your mouth and don’t repay your debts, accidents happen.”
…Had me crying with laughter.
by texasengr on Oct 21, 2010 10:16 AM CDT reply actions
the obvious and cliched aggregation of a tornado, a cardinalis cardinalis, and a half-naked, four-fingered bodybuilder.
So true. Eschew cliché. That’s how they roll.
by sinless1 on Oct 21, 2010 10:24 AM CDT reply actions
Amazingly creative! genuinely laugh out loud stuff
by Nero on Oct 21, 2010 10:29 AM CDT reply actions
The interwebs is on notice. Who the hell has the brilliance and balls to run count chocula over with a tank? I may print out copies of the final and hand it out to ISU fans on Saturday.
by Burnt Orange Wookiee on Oct 21, 2010 10:49 AM CDT reply actions
That was regoddamdiculous. Pollard is a pimp. No one else in collegiate athletics would have the balls to embrace a cartoon octopus shitting a tornado while scoping anime meat curtain.
by ACE on Oct 21, 2010 11:18 AM CDT reply actions
Allsome. Holy crap this is epic. Literally had to wipe tears of laughter from my eyes.
by burnt orange outrage on Oct 21, 2010 11:46 AM CDT reply actions
Wonderful. The craziest shit to come from Iowa State since Larry Eustachy was getting his party on with co-eds at Missouri, and far more hilarious. The only way this could be better would be if it was the cold open for a new episode of Parks and Recreation.
by hongabear on Oct 21, 2010 12:36 PM CDT reply actions
Holy shit that was funny.
I missed Count Chocula completely until I saw the comments and went back.
by Levander Williams on Oct 21, 2010 2:59 PM CDT reply actions
“…the same kind of kick-ass tank that Uncle Sam used to tear Saddam Hussein a new spider hole. "
Actually, that is the tank that Uncle Sam used to drive Hitler and his band of ghouls out of Western Europe and into a bunker where the pussy shot himself…
by Chase on Oct 21, 2010 5:50 PM CDT reply actions
What burnt orange outrage said.
I laughed for a half-hour straight, tears streaming the whole way. My family nearly called the guys in white coats and butterfly nets!
Pure, unadulterated genius.
Good choice with Count Chocula. (was Scott Baio not available?)
Thanks, man.
SOL
by Streets of Laredo on Oct 21, 2010 9:10 PM CDT reply actions
Fake Ken, where were you when we were voting on the new logos a few years ago? Option four would’ve kicked the ass of the new, focus-grouped bland-splosion.
by I am a Cyentist on Oct 22, 2010 4:11 PM CDT reply actions
God damnit. I’m obscenely jealous at just how much funnier you are than me. But good heavens man, thank you for fucking sharing. This post is absolutely outstanding.
by SydneyCarton on Oct 23, 2010 9:15 AM CDT reply actions
Where’s the image of a carnivorous cardinal atop downed steer like a buzzard?
by Phaeded on Oct 23, 2010 3:44 PM CDT reply actions
Man those slow, undersized players sure did kick Texas’ nothing but 4 and 5 star player team ass. I guess you could say that Mack Brown can’t coach.
by Mack Browns shitty coaching on Oct 23, 2010 3:54 PM CDT reply actions
Just because my Clones beat the ‘Horns today doesn’t mean that I didn’t almost wet myself laughing at the snakes/tank/bumpersticker “update” for Cy. Good job outta you, FKT.
by CYlent Bob on Oct 23, 2010 3:54 PM CDT reply actions
Great win, Cyclones. But that makes your mascot logo no less funny. As you well know.
by Scipio Tex on Oct 23, 2010 6:14 PM CDT reply actions
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