Giants Reliever Brian Wilson: Performance Artist

by Scipio Tex on Oct 21, 2010 5:37 PM CDT in Texas Longhorns and Other Football

The Giants have had many good baseball teams over the years, often riddled with talented assholes, but if you want to understand why the City has embraced these guys more than any team in Giant history, watch this:

Brian Wilson owns.

Mental assassin.

Too much awesome on his feet.

Gordon Gekko cell phone.

The Machine.

Rack him.

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G.I. Joe with the slider grip.

by HenryJames on Oct 21, 2010 5:47 PM CDT reply actions

if you want to know who/what the machine is, watch this – he makes an appearance about half the way through:

http://multimedia.foxsports.com/m/video/33885681/the-cheap-seats-brian-wilson.htm?pageid=14987&seek=249.169

by dlonghorns on Oct 21, 2010 6:02 PM CDT reply actions

Let’s get weird.

League might want to say something about him having too much awesome on his face.

by Max Fischer on Oct 21, 2010 6:02 PM CDT reply actions

here it is on youtube, if youre having problems with the fox sports video feed:

Go to the 0:43 second mark. The Machine revealed!

by dlonghorns on Oct 21, 2010 6:03 PM CDT reply actions

He murders souls on the mound.

by Savage Henry on Oct 21, 2010 6:10 PM CDT reply actions

I went to the game the other day, despite being, at best, a moderate baseball fan.

While at the game, I was informed that he:
—Uses black dye to make his beard more intimidating.
—Is from New Hampshire (or Vermont, not sure…not that there is a difference)
—Has a Mohawk (a legit one, not the punk-ass faux kind)

When I was told of these things I was both confused and delighted. Also: drunk.

by RedmondLonghorn on Oct 21, 2010 6:16 PM CDT reply actions

I recognize his beard from any one of a couple dozen ‘Mr. Show with Bob and David’ sketches.

by Woody Bombay on Oct 21, 2010 6:25 PM CDT reply actions

“….the City…..”

You’ve been there too long.

“–Is from New Hampshire (or Vermont, not sure…not that there is a difference)”

Throw Delaware and R.I. in there also. Strange, that’s the opposite of intimidating.

There’s a certain Barker here whose name ends in ‘ized’ that is gripping pretty hard right now.

by magnusbleuveigner on Oct 21, 2010 6:39 PM CDT reply actions

Wow, You know that philosophical party question, “If you could have dinner with 5 people throughout history who would you choose?” He’d be one of them.

Doubt I’d eat much because I would be too busy laughing and looking over my shoulder for the Machine.

by texoz on Oct 21, 2010 8:00 PM CDT reply actions

Firing down another Red Bull as we speak.

by Sailor Ripley on Oct 21, 2010 8:09 PM CDT reply actions

Wow. I’d never seen the fox sports interview. I cannot get enough of Chris Rose’s reaction. I actually teard up laughing the first 3x

by Max Fischer on Oct 21, 2010 8:13 PM CDT reply actions

if you want to know who/what the machine is, watch this – he makes an appearance about half the way through:

Allusion to a character in the seminal classic, 8mm

by Max Fischer on Oct 21, 2010 8:40 PM CDT reply actions

Post modern Kenny powers?

by The General on Oct 21, 2010 9:42 PM CDT reply actions

Define post modern, rube.

by Jas on Oct 21, 2010 10:27 PM CDT reply actions

I think if you got him and Jared Allen together, that would be all kinds of awesome.

by Black out the windows on Oct 21, 2010 10:59 PM CDT reply actions

This is the one where he says he’d have a shot of Jamesons in a sushi roll named after him.

by mashtun on Oct 21, 2010 11:12 PM CDT reply actions

yeah hes pretty sick.

the giants got a likeable franchise, team, and fans. currently. id like em a lot more if i didnt hate california so much.

and one hell of a stadium.

and the sheboygan dogs there are pretty good.

by PVogel on Oct 22, 2010 1:44 AM CDT reply actions

The Cajun hot link is the best thing in the stadium. Highly recommend.

by Black Scholes on Oct 22, 2010 3:02 AM CDT reply actions

Always good when you can get Rome laughing.

Until I was out there a month ago, I really forgot how much that town loved baseball & the Giants. Good baseball city.

by Hiphopopotamus on Oct 22, 2010 8:24 AM CDT reply actions

Brian Wilson is the love child of David Cross and David Sedaris.

by BRAGGonUT on Oct 22, 2010 10:18 AM CDT reply actions

I think David Blaine and David Cronenberg may have also contributed some DNA.

by nobis60 on Oct 22, 2010 10:21 AM CDT reply actions

He is undeniably the man.

by hornseverywhere on Oct 22, 2010 10:32 AM CDT reply actions

That was mesmerizing.

by jc25 on Oct 22, 2010 10:58 AM CDT reply actions

Too much awesome on my feet

I feel the same way everyday.

by Vasherized on Oct 22, 2010 11:20 AM CDT reply actions

Beyond awesome.

Like Goose.

This guy gets it.

I was blown away in the spring by the number of Giants hats I saw in SF. Boston type everybody wears it, even when commuting to work.

by BatesHorn on Oct 22, 2010 12:12 PM CDT reply actions

Very good baseball town. Surpassed only by Boston, St. Louis and Chicago IMO. And arguably NY if you’re so inclined.

by Black Scholes on Oct 22, 2010 1:27 PM CDT reply actions

Shades of Keith Moon—of course Moonie was actually being whipped by a dominatrix during one of his interviews.

by AshtraySays on Oct 22, 2010 10:00 PM CDT reply actions

Josh Hamilton would chew up and spit out this over caffeinated goat (dude is pretty funny though). Story of this post season is Claw and Antlers.

by Art Vandelay on Oct 22, 2010 10:05 PM CDT reply actions

I stupidly delayed reading this cuz I can’t give a shit about baseball (or life after today’s Longhorn performance). Hilarious.

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