Analogy -- The Last Refuge of the Desperate for Distraction

No Age? Has BC synergized with Pitchfork Media?

Not that I disapprove…

Pretty brutal, man.

However, the pain I endured while reading was analogous to watching the game.

We played for a national title a few months ago. We’re having an off year after losing a lot of talented senior leadership. The head coach is PISSED and isn’t fiddling while the stadium burns down.
Some of us apparently need someone to hide the sharp knives for a while. It’s not likely to be THE END of Texas football success.

Hide yo wife, hide yo kids, and hide yo husband, cuz Mack’s pissed!!!

Armageddon has BEEN IN EFFECT. Go get a late pass! Step!

@NY Horn

Antoine Dodson came to mind today while watching Iowa State take us to the woodshed. I was screaming at Greg Davis saying, “YOU ARE DUUUUMB!”

Stiendam Hall,

I wish I was as clueless as you. Mack will do nothing about the real problem. He hasn’t in 13 years. VY part 2 is not coming anytime soon. We have nothing on the horizon that will bail us out of this offensive quagmire. That’s the reality.

Now that we’re past the halfway point it’s a little easier to judge the “strength” of our actual wins. Tech is bad. Wyoming and Rice are worse. Nebraska was a perfect storm for us.

Anyway, the point is we are actually a terribly (redundant) consistent team on offense.
W 369 yds – Rice
W 389 Wyoming
W 320 Tech
L 349 UCLA
L 373 Sooners
W 271 Nebraska
L 440 Iowa St. (ha ha) Scoreboard stats, bitches

Anyway, y’all are smarter than me so figure out what all that means other than we have to have our D play good to great and not turnover much to beat anyone with a pulse.

Actually, against bye and/or air we would probably go for 350. Greg has designed the perfect sideways offense. FML.

Give credit to those Cyclones, that’s a good ball club, those kids played their hearts out. We got lots of things to look at and work on before Baylor. This game was the coaches fault. We needed more turnovers and splosive plays. We didn’t do it. They did, so congratulations to…..to…..who is the coach for ISU again?…..no matter give em credit, they deserved it, they outplayed us.

 Now which ones of you primadonnas want some ice cream?

I just want to add another “anyway” to my post. Thank god for Mizzou tonight.

even ou losing doesn’t make me feel better. we’re gonna get steamrolled by fucking baylor. baylor!

It definitely made me feel a little better. Than and my Nebraska friend is REALLY pissed tonight.

Allan Rossington, Gary Collins, Ronnie Van Zandt, Steve Gaines, Artemus Pyle, Leon Wilkeson, Billy Powell (on the piano).

And right now, in addition to being one of the great rock bands of all time, I’d take ’em as our O-line and receivers.

yeah, well nebraska can still win the big 12 and we can’t. i would trade places with them right now.

Wonder what the spread will be with Baylor at home? Do you think they will be giving us 6 points?

I haven’t seen an offense on the field this year in ANY game that I wouldn’t trade places with.

Could it be another 50-7 Baylor home loss for the Horns next week?

No really we actually did beat Nebraska. Y’all aren’t seeing the humor in that.

what’s the over/under on my “actually” and “anyway” in this thread. i go with 19.

Mike Davis and Mason Walters may be the only players on the offensive side of the ball that could play for me. Cody’s trying. I would have to get a game look at McCoy. Some guys are game players.

On defense I could lose Gideon, Chykie, and Dravannti Johnson. Beginning to expose Christian Scott as well now that he has logged meaningful snaps. Chuck him too.

I think they could run Vaccarro down to cover kicks and have 9 safeties and a kicker and do just as well. All those athletes and they can’t find 10 guys that can cover a kick. Mindblowing.

As soon as I say that I realize that the players are probably thinking the same thing being under the thumb of one Greg Davis. No one can flourish with the non-system.

Not only kickoff coverage, but how about returns?

We have two of the fastest guys in the NCAA on kick return and what is our longest return this year? Seems like we don’t make the 20 yard line often…

I think it was Greg’s comment from the presser about needing to figure out how to get DJ the ball more that finally sent me over the edge tonight.

I really wasn’t all that pissed when we lost.

Not even the clock crew had their shit together today. Please reset the clock to 2:46. Reset the clock to 2:46. Reset the clock… 2:46… (crowd applause)

Baylor is bowl eligible, and at the top of the Big XII South standings. Iowa State beats Texas for the first time in ever, and we are not assured of a bowl. Mizzou trades body blows and plays tough enough to take down a #1 ranked OU team. Nebraska goes from a loss to Texas to a firefight win over Oklahoma State, who was undefeated until today. The Dallas Cowboys are 1-4, the Houston Texans still have a shot at the playoffs, and the Texas Rangers are going to the World Series,. Strange fuckin things are afoot at the Circle K.

What do you expect when the year starts with the New Orleans Saints winning the Super Bowl?

I think what makes me the most sad is that I’m seriously terrified about what might go down next Saturday. As a Texas alum and fan, I should never be nervous about playing Baylor in anything. It’s just not right. But here I sit, a week away from playing the fightin’ Bears and I can’t for the life of me think about one good reason that we’ll win that game. Hell, if they score 3 TDs we’re probably toast. I never intentionally skip a Texas game, but I may have to get the wife to make some dinner plans on Saturday because I’m not sure I want to be around for that one. Sad days indeed.

holy shit this was great.

on my drive home before the game i seriously compared our offense to being as conservative as Czarist Russia. no joke.

The more I see of Garret Gilbert, the more I see Chance Mock. A lot of talent with nothing to work with. Every player on offense would be a star on another offense with a different system. Unfortunately, our system cannot use these guys. I have no idea what Greg Davis wants to accomplish for any game. Go deep? Zone read? Pitch? Iso? What?

I waited for three quarters on Saturday for Will Muschamp to punch Greg Davis. We have regressed beyond the Fred Akers yeas of 9-7 and 12-10 victories. We either have to out athlete our opponents for a win (see Rice, Wyoming), hope our opponents lack the personnel for the system (see Tech’s 3-4 defense), or pray our opponent cannot make plays (see Nebraska’s eight drop passes).

We are headed for another 4-7 clusterfuck season. We could grab two victories and back door our way into the Pinstripe Bowl (outdoors in December in the Bronx!). What’s the point?

DeLoss Dodds needs to earn his paycheck. He must tell Mack that Mack can either (A) fire Greg Davis or (B) step down as head coach to become associate AD and head AD in waiting. The offensive coaching staff is the problem. The mess starts at the top and works it way down.

I, and others, have said we sorta resemble Ohio State in that we’re trying to win with defense, field position, and conservative offense… but I think it’s worse than that.

We are Ohio State 1999. The Buckeyes had gone 11-2, 11-1, 10-3, and 11-1 in the prior 4 seasons; they finished ranked #2 twice, and went to the Rose, Sugar, and Sugar bowls in the same four years.

And then in 1999 they went 6-6 with ugly home losses to Illinois and Wisconsin (and we were beaten by Miami, Michigan State, Penn State, and Michigan). There was a new QB who didn’t work out (Steve Bellisari AAAAIIIGHHHH), an overrated defense, and a complete lack of playmakers on offense. After the 1998 season a lot of talent went to the NFL/used up eligibility, and the leftovers just flat weren’t very good. We also had entitled recruits who didn’t work out (Ken-Yon Rambo holla!) and a team that appeared to hate playing football. Finally, OSU had a coaching staff that didn’t have a clue how to fix all the issues.

Texas 2010 is starting to remind me of Ohio State 1999. That ’99 season made the seat VERY hot for John Cooper, and after an ugly ending in the 2000 season he was gone…

Or maybe he’s Lord Cardigan. If Lord Cardigan had started shooting the Light Brigade as it charged with him.

Excellent write-up, Toadvine. This has me laughing still.

@Spit and tears: you’re absolutely right. Some will argue a real fan doesn’t cheer for the home team to lose, but according to your OSU comparison, that may be the only way to go.

@Stiendam Hall: it is attitude like yours that really makes fans on this page go ape nuts. You highlight that we played for NC just a few months ago without holding GDMB accountable for the fact that we should have won that game…and we should have played for more NC than the 2 MB has led us to.

Please, please evaluate GD’s 13 years and tell there’s been progress. GG (or any other QB) will not be able to overcome GD this year. It took VY to save his candyass. So, no need to hide knives. We stink. We know it. The players know it. The only few in this world who do not know it seem to be GD and fans who like to pump sunshine.

Stiendam Hall -

After UCLA, I was inclined to agree with you and extend a little goodwill to Mack. Maybe even after OU considering that we had beaten them the last two years, too.

But fucking Iowa fucking State in Austin? No way.

This was a debacle, pure and simple, and it should never happen at Texas, even in a “rebuilding” year.

In our 2006 in our last legitimate “rebuilding year”, we lost to #1 Ohio State, won 9 in a row, and then Colt got hurt on the road at Kansas State and then Aggie pulled off the 12-7 debacle. We finished 9-3 and went to the Alamo Bowl and beat Iowa.

THAT’S what a “rebuilding year” should look like. We lost three games over the WHOLE SEASON. And now… the season is just past the halfway mark and we’ve already lost three games and have gigantic question hanging over 4 of our last 5 games, if not all 5.

I was OK with the “rebuilding year” Kool-Aid a month ago after UCLA, but this is far far worse than that and, unfortunately, it’s 100% on the coaching staff, whether game day execution or poor recruiting and player development catching up with them.

“Please, please evaluate GD’s 13 years and tell there’s been progress”

No need for that, just look at his previous 8 years: 4 years to turn Tulane into 1-10 team then 2 years bad OC at Arkansas, then 2 years bad OC at Georgia. And then, “The Mack Years”.

Gate, I blame Christine O’Donnell.

This has frankly just been ridiculous. I am willing to give Mack miles and miles of goodwill so long as the team plays hard and puts the effort in. But this piss-poor job of a consistently bad offense and an inconsistent (at best) defense is inexcusable. He and GDGD have managed to waste some of the best talent in the country, and I think the players’ complacency comes from day one. They don’t recruit on the offensive side of the ball because they expect the players to come to them because it’s Texas, so the players expect to win because it’s Texas. In both cases, they just don’t put in the hours and surprise, surprise, we lose.

Stiendam, good results are not always the result of good work. Success can be a perfect time to fix a problem, and the Vince-Colt years would have been an excellent time to get a new OC in. I’m just not sure there is anyone on the staff I would go with. Major has shown nothing (ran a pitiful Syracuse O and was basically run out of ’Bama) and we know everyone else is worthless.

Even that Peter Bean dude at BON is off Greg Davis and Mack Brown, and when someone that usually calm jumps ship, you know this bastard is sinking.

Some off years look worse than others.

If suggesting that Mack Brown and Will Muschamp might be worth keeping around through a tough time or two makes a sunshine pumper, then LET IT SHINE, LET IT SHINE, LET IT SHINE.

If you’re calling for the end of Texas football as we know it AND you were ready to FIRE Deloss in 1997 AND you gave up on Mack Brown after choosing Simms over Applewhite AND you were calling for VY to be moved to WR so he could someday be successful in the NFL, AND last Sunday you were SURE we were going to run the table because we played well in Lincoln, maybe you need some grounding—and maybe you SHOULD hide the sharp knives for a week or so.

for anyone telling us to calm down you should realize at this point that this is worse than the rice and tcu losses under mackovick. if these types of losses are ok with you, even in a rebuilding year, you should be rooting for a different team. getting run over by ISU anywhere in not acceptable.

I was watching the OU-Missouri game this morning and noticed three things that I found a bit distressing.

- the large number of freshmen making an impact on both offensives. This is two teams that have had success moving the football so it is like they don’t have any playmakers and yet there young players on both offenses not only playing, but making contributions (what is particularly frustrating about this is that we have seen multiple freshmen make play and make an impact on the defensive side of the ball for Texas, but aside from Mike Davis I can’t think of too many others on an offense that has struggled all series).

- the creativity in the two offenses to integrate different players in different roles to maximize their talents. The last time I can recall Texas doing this was with Ramonce in 2005. Interesting in that despite how productive Ramonce was running and catching the ball Texa has effectively integrated a player into their offense in a similar role despite the fact the other schools have found similar players in the state.

-I am watching Gabbert connect again and again a Missouri receiver named Jarrel Jackson. Jackson is 6’1, 190 lbs.,is quick enough to run away from the OU linebackers and defensive backs, and can catch the ball. Now, off hand I am not sure if Texas has more than maybe 1 wide receiver who has that combination.

Look at Jackson and see that he is from Jeff Davis high school in North Houston and the only other offer they list for him is TCU. Looking at Jackson this is a kid who was overlooked by the recruiting services which isn’t a surprise because a drive to Williamson County is a long trip to see a game for Ketch. I am pretty sure when I say that the last kid to come out of Davis and really be a prospect was Carl Crawford and kids from the Davis area can’t afford to go to camps. What is even more striking is that the Texas receiving class that year consisted of Brock Fitzhenry, DeSean Hales who Mack had to be begged to take and they still don’t realize he could fill that Ramonce role to some degree, and a late scholarship to DJ Grant.

So why with all the issues involving the Texas offense should this one kid who got overlooked be that big a deal? Not alone except that when I look at the schools that were after him and I compare the athletic ability and explosiveness of their receivers with that of Texas I would take the receivers at TCU or Missouri. Argue you all you want about scheme or development, but you can still see Malcolm is fast and athletic despite his inconsistency. I don’t see that in Kirkendoll or Chiles and I think of players that Texas won’t go after like Stonum because he won’t come to their camp or Jackson who can’t .

With Davis you need a QB who can overcome his scheme’s & playcalling with broken plays and general out talenting. This would have happened to you a few years ago but Jamaal Charles pulled several games out of the fire for you. Recently Colt & Shipley/Quan have won many games in the same way.

As Chip Kelley said this week on an ESPN interview after being asked about doing more with less talented kids:

“Who is it that rates these kids out of high school anyway? Who is it giving them 4 or 5 stars?”

Clueless individuals like Geoff Ketchum—-thats who.

Remember that famous quote about how Texas finally won the 2005 championship game? Mack Brown finally let VY loose. I.e. Mack Brown and Greg Davis STOPPED COACHING HIM. Result = Championship.

I think that says it all.

And this bird you cannot change
And this bird you cannot change
Lord knows, I can’t change
Lord help me, I can’t change
Lord I can’t change

Won’t you fly high, free bird, yeah?

Well isn’t somebody a witty-pants?

Nice write up, but who would be Sista Soldia – Gideon?

Stiendam Hall,

How many “down” years will you put up with before calling for a change? Do you see next year being any better with a quarterback that can’t hit wide open receivers? Is Malcolm Brown going to look like Ricky Williams behind a poorly coached O line?

The way Mack handles the rest of this year and the offseason is going to define his legacy here. He can either step up like 2007 and make changes (which didn’t include touching Davis of course) that set us up for a couple of NC runs or he can turtle like 01-03 and wait until the universe admits he’s correct (or they find VY.)

If he fixes it he can leave with his head held high in a year or two or he can be run out of here next year. I know the man’s done a lot for the school but the pressure of keeping the money coming in not to mention the need to make the longhorn network successful will force UT to make a change.

Fundamentally I think Belmont doesn’t care what a random season ticker holder like me thinks or even if we never win another conference championship but if the stands start to empty and the ratings, donations, and tv money start to slip then sorry Mac here’s a few million dollars thanks for the good work.

I don’t know if it’s going to be Muschamp and for the first time I’m starting not to care. I’m just hoping next time we hire Brown and not Barnett.

Here’s an analogy for you. Our offense is a limp dick Brad Pitt backstage at the Miss Universe pageant.

We’re good looking and should have our pick of any babe on the planet, but we can’t get it up?

Why is that? The answer is that it’s not a physical problem. It’s mental.

ugh, it’s mental like my failed image posting. can any mods fix my fail post?

If Texas could pick any coach at any school – and it essentially can – who would you choose to replace Mack, and why?

It’s easy to demand someone go. Thinking about the “after that” becomes a little more complicated.

How did you find a picture of Mack giving us the Vickey sign? Fat Spanish Waiter, imo.

Great write-up, toadvine.

I’m eagerly awaiting Dave’s arrival to see if he corrects ‘Soldia.’

“Has BC synergized with Pitchfork Media?”

That would be the greatest day of my life.

Sailor Ripley gives us all pitchforks. Is that synergy?

I read BC because it is the only Texas football site with readers who can joke about Pitchfork Media.

There’s been too much serious shit lately. Let’s remember — we’re Texas fans, which automatically makes us better than everyone else, regardless of our football team’s result. Let’s remain imperious.

Toad,

Depends. If those pitchforks are branded, then yes. If they lack any sort of embossing and came straight from a Home Depot off I-35, then maybe.

As for Pitchfork, they’re the only people with greater entitlement issues than us Texas fans. But it won’t stop me from hating GD or that Crocodiles album for being a rip-off of JAMC.

Mack Brown is exactly the same as he was when he got here in ‘98. While he has many, many good attributes, he has one major failing…..THE MAN CAN’T COACH!! And, despite all the good things he has done for the UT program, HE WAS HIRED TO BE THE HEAD FOOTBALL COACH!

I gave up on him at halftime of the ‘02 RRS and, had it been up to me, would have fired him, Reese and Davis immediately following that game. How anyone can get past that string of horse-fuckings from ’00-’04 is beyond my capacity to understand.

I’m a UT alum and have been a UT fan since my first viewing of a UT game in 1952. Yes, that’s right, the Ed Price regime. I suffered through that mess, including the 1-9 record in ‘56 which included a 0-45 loss to OU, a 0-46 loss to TCU and the FIRST-EVER loss to A&M at Memorial Stadium. The Royal years were mainly wonderful, the Akers years mixed, McWilliams and Mackovic downers, with some fits and starts. But the Mack Brown reign, winning percentages notwithstanding, have been the most frustrating, unsatisfying, and maddening of them all. I’ve just about lost the will-to-root-for UT-football.

Fuck my life.

Saltshaker said:

October 23rd, 2010 at 10:49 pm

Give credit to those Cyclones, that’s a good ball club, those kids played their hearts out. We got lots of things to look at and work on before Baylor. This game was the coaches fault. We needed more turnovers and splosive plays. We didn’t do it. They did, so congratulations to…..to…..who is the coach for ISU again?…..no matter give em credit, they deserved it, they outplayed us.

I know what you’re trying to say, but when ISU is near the bottom of NUMEROUS defensive & offensive categories, not to mention their record thus far, this game was completely the coaches’ fault. There is not a more undeserving & unaccountable group in the nation.

So many of you have good stuff to say and likely know a lot more about football than I do. Yes, the game plan stinks. Yes, this player or that player is overrated or some other player needs more plays. Yes, we should do this, that, or the other. But, to me, the most disturbing thing — besides, of course, getting beat in every phase of the game by a lousy Iowa State football team — is the lack of urgency by the players. No passion, little or no fight, just going through the motions. Getting beat is one thing, even by a far inferior team, but it happens on occasion. Not showing up, not getting fired up, not looking like you are trying, that’s just awful. Texas Longhorn football and fans deserve better. Oh, and, Garrett Gilbert appears to be completely clueless, although he’s got the shovel (shuttle) pass to the other team down to perfection, along with the “throw it up for grabs into double coverage” down pretty well. But, regardless, Hook ‘Em and let’s beat Baylor and start the road to recovery!

This game and season falls squarely on the coaches. Our talent level may be down, but this was Iowa State for goodness sake.

I don’t think Pitchfork thinks they’re entitled in any sense. They just really love music, and it shows. And decimal places.

And yeah, GD definitely sucks.

Having led men into battle against Hussein’s Republican Guard (in ’03), that particular paragraph made me laugh hysterically.

Steindam Hall, we were never going to win the war by bombing Cambodia. Likewise, if Brown continues to practice cronyism, then Texas is not going to protect “the DKR House” from RG3 and the Baylor Bears.

Brown should unleash hell upon the DKR Divas – coaches, players, and staff.

$500K/yr for this: http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7313541/?ref=nf

Cartesian,

I don’t think most people are aware of their entitlement issues. In that way it may not be their fault. Also, it seems like Pitchfork loves to hate music just as much as they “love it”.

That being said, it doesn’t stop me from reading.

Being entitled is different than thinking you’re entitled. Texas fans are actually entitled because we are better than everyone else. Aggies think they are entitled because they grab their nuts and yell and shit.

And a better way to put it would be to say the “care” too much about music. They definitely take that shit seriously.

Sorry for the absurdly tangential topic of discussion everybody, haha.

Perhaps it’s my 4th XX in the Continental President’s Club (day pass, not a member), but this cracked me up. Well done.

Picked a bad weekend to return from exile to DKR and watch my beloved Horns. What a mess.

I stink

Maginot Line smack never gets old (unless you’re French).
Also, thanks for the Lord Cardigan reference. I highly recommend spending several minutes reading his Wikipedia entry (will take longer if your lips move while you read).

Fair enough.

How ’bout them Broncos?! And here I thought the Longhorns were the worst team in football!

No, after watching the Chargers and the Patriots I am pretty damn sure the shittiest team with talent in football is San Diego. Actually, I would love to see a game between the Chargers and the Cowboys to make sure which team can do more stupid things to give a way a ball game.

that spit-tears analogy to 1999 Ohio State is so realistic and haunting.

DOB -

I think you’re onto something with the Chargers.

The Longhorns stumble and wobble drunkely, firing their pistol in random directions like Marsellus Wallace after he got hit by Butch’s car.

The Cowboys slowly and methodically blow off each little piggy, one by one.

The Chargers stick a live hand grenade in their pants and stand at the 50 yard line doing Degeneration X-style crotch slaps until it goes off.

Let’s hear it for three of my four favorite football teams! And follow up that sobering sentence with a hearty “GO TITANS”!

I didn’t know Mack Brown was British.

Both bow fingers, indeed.

Question – If we beat Baylor this weekend do we get to unironically storm the field and tear down our own goalposts? Because that would be fantastic.

How do I put on a door handle? It seems very hard to do by myself!! help!