Texas-Baylor 2010 Offense Preview: Bad vs. Worse?

Oh man.

“a disjointed defense that’s exploitable for any offense that operates with some precision and pace.”

Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!

“disjointed defense that’s exploitable for any offense that operates with some precision and pace”

(Lloyd Christmas voice) So, you’re saying there’s a chance? (Lloyd Christmas voice)

Kansas is worse on D. Much worse.

If DJ Monroe were on our team, I would try to get him isolated in space on some of these guys.

Dude is so elusive his own coaches can’t even see him.

Now, that’s some speed, right there.

Finally a nickname for the offense. The dead kittens.

I can’t wait to see what’s in the mystery package! It’s like Christmas in a Juarez barrio. Maybe it’s a craft-leather bullwhip, some bootlegged Whitesnake cassette tapes, or sombreros made in China. Maybe its some raw sewage. Maybe it’s a brick of raid-laced shwag. Maybe it’s a raped and mutilated maquiladora. But I bet whatever it is will be revolting.

“I won’t have to hear broadcasters blowing former Baylor safety Jordan Lake as he works his way to another bullshit All-Conference team while giving up 70 yard touchdowns looking like a coach on the field”

The template that Blake Gideon is following to a T.

Someone get BG a mohawk and some badass red contact lenses!

Awww, what’s in the box, WHAT’S IN THE BOX??

These previews are definitely funnier now that we’ve lost all hope.

At least we all know what to expect for the first 1 to 3 plays of the game.

Pass. Complete! Tackled immediately. Second and 12.

Pass. Complete! Tackled immediately. Third and 14.

Pass. Complete! Tackled immediately. Fourth and 7.

Punt.

What a day, sports fans. Garrett Gilbert has completed his first fifteen passes without a miss. For fifteen yards. But Texas does have a first down on the Unsportsmanlike Conduct penalty on the Bears, for pointing at Texas players and laughing aloud.

The obvious strategy for our offense is to prevent the Baylor defense from causing turnovers.

I’m going with bad for 200, Bob.

Worse is next week.

Come on Horns, beat the mighty Baylor Bears! You can do it if you play your best. You just have to believe (and ignore all play calls coming from GD.)

Get that guy a Moosehead

After reading that, I need several Mooseheads and maybe a few beers as well.

Detective Mills you made me laugh out loud.

Worst is the incredible display of gutless pitching dumbassery I just witnessed.

Hopefully Nolan headlocks and gives them The Ventura in the locker room.

Who knows what will happen when the Resistable Force meets the Movable Object.

Good stuff. A lot better than the drivel posted on “inside Texas” and I actually pay for that. Not after this year. Scipio you are the best.

But Britt Mitchell will not be spared. That 280 lb piece of furniture opposite him will look like Bruce Smith.

And a Whitesnake cassette with Crying in the Rain would be a nice present. Maybe I could sneak it into the Adzillatron controller, like in Diamonds are Forever, and wreck the whole Round Rock Express game day template.

Smoke up, Johnny!

When I look at this (previously) glorious program, with everything in place, all the money, talent, etc., I think of the Michael Lewis book Moneyball.

I forget the exact numbers, but basically he said that the very very worst teams in baseball, with say a payroll of only $20 million, will win no less than about 55 games. And the very best teams, with say a payroll of $200 million, will win no more than about 115 games. The point was to show that the marginal cost of a win is very high if your solution to winning is throwing money (talent) at it.

All around college football there are programs that have found ways to win with average talent. Development, scheme, chemistry. We have none of it. Our exposure, revenue, and networking within the state have allowed UT to get some of the very best talent, but it seems to be the only thing we rely on anymore, and talent alone just doesn’t get it done. We are the New York Mets of college football.

I don’t know how you do it, Scipio.

It’s a Sisyphean task to analyze each game of a season that’s as excruciating as 3 hours at a strip club with no happy ending.

Our offense excels at cock blocking.

^^^^Please make that a BC t-shirt.

Texoz, there’s some magic on those tapes right there. “Our offense excels at cock blocking.” Pretty much everything wrapped up in six words, plus the bonus of a sex reference, a football reference, and a software reference tucked in there (kind of). Perfect for a BC shirt.

If there were ever a game where DJ Monroe should play this is it. Doubt we’ll be able to run “between the tackes” due to their huge DTs. DJ needs to play into the game plan and Gilbert needs to complete passes. If we lose this one we could easily lose every game the rest of the season. Unbelievable that it’s come to this given how individually talented most of our guys are.

What’s in the box?

An official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle!

I, for one, may shoot my eyes out.

And RE:

you probably have a good sense how to attack these guys

Big DL like that would probably tire quickly running sideline to sideline, right?

1. Cut a hole in a box
2. Greg stuffs his junk in that box
3. Texas fans open that box

And that’s how you get the offense we got!

We’ll win.

What’s in the box or hole reminds me of the time we went fishingin biloixi. After the casinos this cab driver asked if we would like to pay for the services to receive a quick BJ. It sounded too good to be true so we said no thanks.
Shockingly the cab responds “normally tourists say yes since it’s only 20 bucks to put your junk through this hole (think porky’s shower scene). They are happy with the situatio. However I’m with you guys, it could be guy or girl behind that wall.”

Our offense is a Biloxi Special.

jinx – circle gets the square on that one. very well done.

Don’t look now but TCU is us. How did that happen Greg? What is your theory?

When I ponder our offense, “glory hole” is not the first thing that comes to mind.

Sodomy laws, on the other hand …

I want it pointed out that Mysterious Package had his name long before this post.

Now that the season is in the dumpster it would be classic Davis to show a balanced attack featuring crossing routes, a couple of sluggos for TDs, gashing the middle of the field, 100 yards receiving by a TE, and probably a counter trey or two.

We win by 50 and it feels like a loss.

I cant even process how bad that would all suck.

Anybody want to give me odds that we slam DJ Munroe into the middle of the line for a smoooth 10 carries for 16 yards?

May I suggest Texas come out in all-black jerseys with no names on the back?

I mean, it is BAYLOR, you know.

“Anybody want to give me odds that we slam DJ Munroe into the middle of the line for a smoooth 10 carries for 16 yards?”

Not a chance in hell!

I just hope he doesn’t fumble because then we won’t see him again until he is in the NFL.

Bullzak – I have nightmares about that exact scenario. Our offense gets a little something going, we manage to win most of the rest of the games, by that time people have generally forgotten the putrid first 2/3 of the season, have some hope, and GD stays indefinitely.

DETECTIVE~!

I have nightmares about that exact scenario.

Of course you do. That’s because you’re an Arrogant Bastard, a typical Texas fan who thinks a 9-3 season and a win in a Toilet Bowl is a Bad Thing.

Somewhere Mike Leach is laughing his ass off – and that’s a lotta laughing.

I may be an arrogant bastard, but the nightmare is because 100 other D1 teams wouldn’t touch our offense with a 10-foot pole (they might like to touch our players, especially guys like Nutt, I’m talking scheme). If we don’t start doing something rational that has some football sense on O I’m going to jump.

Speaking of, did CTJ finally do it?

 
Of course you do. That’s because you’re an Arrogant Bastard, a typical Texas fan who thinks a 9-3 season and a win in a Toilet Bowl is a Bad Thing.

Say, would you happen to be an Aggie performing weddings in the Maldives?

Texastough, CTJ posts on shaggybevo and I think he’s supporting “banner-gate.”

So, yeah, I think he may jump out of a banner-carrying prop plane as it flies over DKR.

Just rolled into Austin for another fun-filled Horn game. I almost blew it off, but figured I owed it to Colt to make the effort. 320 miles is too far to drive to watch GD’s offense, so I’m not sure how many more games I’ll see this year. Fuck you, Greg.

Say, would you happen to be an Aggie performing weddings in the Maldives?

For the right offer, I could be.

This week, tho’, I’m waiting to see if we can match a record that actually predates the world-famous agy MNC of 1939 – back-to-back losses at home is claimed not to have happened since 1938, but I don’t see how the ‘56 team avoided that.,, maybe the schedule didn’t have consecutive weekends in Austin or maybe the only time it happened was their one win. Where’s my record book?

“If DJ Monroe were on our team, I would try to get him isolated in space on some of these guys”
—love the truth-based sarcasm, bro’.

“Opponents are completing 63.7% of their passes against Baylor at 6.7 yards per attempt, so this is a group very much inclined to keep the receivers in front of them and make the tackle and avoid the big play. A pretty toxic combination when paired with GD’s horizontal instincts.”
—toxic, yes, but also a GD wet dream, since he’ll relish “taking what the defense gives us” in that manner.

Any bad fan lectures or protect this DKR house castle e-mails this week?

Here’s what Greg Davis has in the box:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhwbxEfy7fg

Get ready for it.

Do note that Timberlflake is wearing burnt orange.

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