Epic Aggieland Quidditch BroomCock Clash
by Scipio Tex on Nov 11, 2010 3:00 PM CST
Email
PrintOne might expect to see Quidditch at places like Harvard, where the students outscored me on the SAT when they were 8th graders, can trace their lineage to the Mayflower, and are afflicted with nine different varieties of social anxiety disorder. A Comic-Con attendee dressed like Boba Fett who made his own functional net launcher laughs at their awkwardness, but goddamn if they won't be running our country one day.
Behold the game of Quidditch! Fear Sara's dynamic athleticism! Look at these pale, earnest girls who will not fly in front of the Muggles and reveal their wizard nature.
None of these people are having any sex at all.
Now Quidditch has made it's way to Texas A&M, a place I generally associate with being overly peopled by the Ben Affleck character in Dazed And Confused, that dude in high school who tried just a little too hard, always elicited eye rolls when he told of various hunting exploits that no one else could verify ("And as the javelina charged my Daddy, I braced my boar spear knowing that only I could save him...") and derived far too much enjoyment from picking on the freshmen.
Aggie awkwardness was specific and defined with certain boundaries of redassery, groupthink, reactionary narrow mindedness, public ball-clutching, and collie-worship.
But true nerdistry know no walls. And now the same dudes and ladies that foam sword fight at Pease Park have found their way to College Station.
NERDS!
AGGIE NERDS!
The end of the clip is particularly satisfying as the Aggies attempt to sell the viewer on the physical gangsta nature of a game played with a phallic symbol clutched between your inner thighs, derived from a children's classic.
Aggie Quidditch: From the outside looking in, you can't understand it. From the inside looking out, you can't explain it.
39 comments
|
0 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
That’s the dumbest fucking sport I’ve ever seen. It’s essentially basketball with no dribbling and no athletic talent, but with strap-on dildos. Worse than water polo, imo.
I also have to say that the Harvard video has the odor of a sophisticated prank by those ever-mischievous Elis.
by BrickHorn on Nov 11, 2010 3:15 PM CST reply actions
That made me want to jam my degree into a paper shreader.
However, then I realized a lot of schools are doing it – so now I just want to jam all those kids into a paper shreader.
by Ag_in_TX on Nov 11, 2010 3:24 PM CST reply actions
Yes bizzle, but you’d EXPECT it at Texas.
BrickHorn -
You wish it to be so. It is not.
by Scipio Tex on Nov 11, 2010 3:25 PM CST reply actions
Our Quidditch team looks more physical than our football team.
by The Mad Clapper on Nov 11, 2010 3:27 PM CST reply actions
I predict a lot of scrotum and vaginal injuries. With any luck, they’ll be permanent.
In other words, those brilliant Harvard kids are demonstrating Darwinism.
by Texoz on Nov 11, 2010 3:28 PM CST reply actions
WTF? Kids these days…makes me long for retroactive birth control.
by Mr. Orange on Nov 11, 2010 3:52 PM CST reply actions
“This is what we consider muggle quiditch because we can’t fly.” Glad she clarified that for us.
“It’s like rugby on a broom.” Um, cellooo? You’re not really on a broom since you’re a muggle that can’t fly, as was established earlier. What a muggle. Maybe, “it’s like a less physical and dumb version of rugby while you waddle really fast because you’re straddling a broom” is a better description.
by Burnt Orange Wookiee on Nov 11, 2010 4:01 PM CST reply actions
Quidditch is a terrible sport when you can fly: the rules make no sense.
So why you would want to play it without teh magik is beyond me…
by R.C. on Nov 11, 2010 4:02 PM CST reply actions
Are we sure that List Eater’s God is OK with that?
by spider on Nov 11, 2010 4:10 PM CST reply actions
For those who need background on the famous List Eater depicted above:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,141403,00.html
by Scipio Tex on Nov 11, 2010 4:27 PM CST reply actions
Okay, I’m proud to say that I had to look up Quidditch and I just learned what a Boba Fett was on Halloween.
This article needs a BroomCock tag and I long for the day that it becomes part of baseball’s modern lexicon. “Not only did the Cubbies get swept, Doug, but they also got deep dicked!” “Yeah Kip, where I’m from that’s called getting BroomCocked. Hahahah.”
The best part was how authentic the wild boar story was. Had it been plain old ‘Dad’ it would have been all wrong. I think Carlin did a skit on how ‘necks in the South refer to their Dad as ’Daddy.’
by magnusbleuveigner on Nov 11, 2010 4:31 PM CST reply actions
Your football players won’t leave our equestrian girls alone and I’m hearing grumblings that your basketball team has taken to our Quidditch team.
FUCK. THAT.
by ColoradoAg on Nov 11, 2010 4:53 PM CST reply actions
can trace their lineage to the Mayflower
Untrue stereotype.
Quidditch is a terrible sport when you can fly: the rules make no sense.
You can tell the game was invented by a woman because it’s so incredibly stupid. Yeah, I read the first book.
I’d have a lot more respect for the Aggies if they’d lynched that list eater right then and there. She sounds like an epic cunt.
by bigdukesix on Nov 11, 2010 5:20 PM CST reply actions
If one could truly fly like in the book that might be something interesting, but running around on the ground with a long stick between your legs is fucking stupid.
Unfortunately, while watching the video of the Texas team I got this sinking feeling that I now know where GD gets inspiration for the run game blocking schemes.
by Davey O'Brien on Nov 11, 2010 7:15 PM CST reply actions
I haven’t seen or read any Harry Potter, but if there are magic spells involved, do they sound anything like the gibberish the Ags chant about forty times a day, ninety on game day?
Because I can totally see our friends in in state’s armpit (to cop a Bill Byrne euphemism) out there yelling “Cheengo-marino beep-bop caneck caneck, booga booga” as they play this “game.”
by Woody Bombay on Nov 11, 2010 7:42 PM CST reply actions
*in THE state’s armpit
/sheesh, type much Woody?
by Woody Bombay on Nov 11, 2010 7:43 PM CST reply actions
The problem with Texas quidditch is that Dumbledore’s a horrible OC. Sure he’s a great wizard coach, but he has zero understanding of how to develop flight paths for the beaters that build off each other … they just fly sideways all the time.
by BEHorn on Nov 11, 2010 8:19 PM CST reply actions
Is this how old people felt in the 60s?
by Magnificent Bastard on Nov 12, 2010 7:41 AM CST reply actions
Phillip said:
November 12th, 2010 at 6:29 am
If they’re having fun, who cares?
This muggle can see through your wiccan ways.
BURN THE WITCH!
by Texoz on Nov 12, 2010 7:59 AM CST reply actions
So, does anyone play Harry Potter’s role in the LARPing of Quidditch?
If you aren’t familiar with the game, its one of the better rules. Scoring, in the traditional sense of the sport gains you 10 points. However the game goes on until someone catches a small ball, which otherwise is completely outside of the regular field of play. Once you catch that, you gain 150 points, and the game ends.
And yes, people in the books actually catch the small ball when their team is down by more than 150 points, and effectively lose their team the game. Apparently they even kept their starting job after that. And you thought fielding a punt inside the 10 was bad.
Its kind of like baseball. If there was no set number of innings, and there was a bouncy ball in the outfield, that if found immediately gave your team 15 runs and ended the game.
by BoddickerisClutch on Nov 12, 2010 8:46 AM CST reply actions
List eater . . . we do in fact need a short yardage back . . .
by bizzle on Nov 12, 2010 9:19 AM CST reply actions
Look awkward kids!!! With brooms!!!
If they were being true the spirit of the game as presented in the books it would look more like a hybrid of lacrosse, dodgeball and capture the flag and less like a bunch of silly kids attempting to run with a broom lodged between their legs.
At least a couple of the Harvard kids can be counted upon to do things like found Fortune 500 companies, drive investment banks into oblivion, and other tasks of vital political and economic leadership in their later lives …
by LiveBait on Nov 12, 2010 9:58 AM CST reply actions
“List eater . . . we do in fact need a short yardage back”
Bizzle, you’re very rarely in short yardage.
by ColoradoAg on Nov 12, 2010 10:17 AM CST reply actions
I’m interested in a long yardage back, mostly.
by Scipio Tex on Nov 12, 2010 12:51 PM CST reply actions
BrickHorn
You would get your ass handed to you in Water Polo. Check out the US National Water Polo Team those dudes are big and strong. Be careful who you put down, your a keyboard athlete on the internet.
by LonghornXXX on Nov 12, 2010 9:11 PM CST reply actions
Has nothing in common with football. Looks like the receiver block down-field.
by fbomb on Nov 12, 2010 10:18 PM CST reply actions
At last, a game where eunuchs have a competitive advantage.
by horninexile on Nov 13, 2010 9:30 AM CST reply actions
“At last, a game where eunuchs have a competitive advantage.”
I thought that was marriage…
by HornbyMarriage on Nov 14, 2010 5:25 PM CST reply actions
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
