Bo Pelini Officially Enters Busey-Zone

Don’t bother me with the pesky fact that the ballot was probably filled out by some mewling S.I.D.

There isn’t a head coach in the history of polling who hasn’t told his mewling S.I.D. exactly where to rank his team.

Oh goody. An afternoon BC post that invites audience participation.

Bo Pelini karate-chopped a puppy in the anus, because its barking “sounded like Chanukkah.”

During the week leading up to the Big 12 Championship Game, Bo Pelini addressed every chambermaid in the team’s hotel as “fuckface.”

Bo Pelini requires his graduate assistants to taste his boogers before he eats them. To prevent a poisoning, of course.

In response to a birthday check that was $5 less than the previous year, Bo Pelini phoned his grandmother to berate her and inform her that she is a “GREASY FUCKING CHEAP-ASS SEWER-WHORE!”

Upwards of 18% of hotel room remote controls have traces of Bo Pelini’s spittle and snot.

I was at the game, so I didn’t see this on TV, but apparently Bo has an older brother named Vince who is even crazier?

Admit it. After every one of those statements, you shrugged and thought: could be.

No.

(1) Bo Pelini doesn’t own a passport (he Skypes with Serbians like the rest of us).

(2) Dan Beebe doesn’t have a desk in his mountaintop lair. Just one of those big world maps spread out on a giant table, with little tanks and airplanes, and blonde secretaries patching through calls from the Eastern Front.

Otherwise, I’m down with these.

I always thought this was called the ‘Tyson Zone’, created by Bill Simmons 10 years ago. No?

One time Bo Pelini DDT’d his dog for pissing on the sidewalk.

Bo Pelini is the actual author behind realultimatepower.net

Bo Pelini has a cat named Don Beebe, because he thinks Beebe is a pussy.

I personally, am amazed at Bo’s restraint. I know that in the land of Pelini—where all the pretty girls wear Red and Nebraska has a talented quarterback— he thinks his Huskers are the best team in the land. He’s still wandering around pulling out his hair and muttering “If the Big 12 hadn’t screwed us by adding that one second on the clock we would have be in the National Championship game.”

I hate to do this, on my favorite website in the history of the intertubes, but wouldn’t it have been simpler (and saved you the explanation of Busey zone) if you had just said that he went Tyson Zone?

I guess you aren’t a sports guy reader (ESPN)?

He used to be my favorite writer on the web until this site took off- yall are much better.

Carry on.

Scooped by a minute or so. Damnation!

I have taken Tyson Zone and updated it for my own nefarious purposes with my own longtime personal favorite – Gary Busey -who consistently destroys anything Mike Tyson ever did.
 
Here’s the h/t to Simmons: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Simmons#Tyson_Zone

Rirruto said:
Bo Pelini has a cat named Don Beebe, because he thinks Beebe is a pussy.

That, and the fact that he can’t spell “Dan.”

Bo Pelini thinks Dan Beebe’s real name is Don, and that it’s a media conspiracy by anyone who disagrees.

Ha ha! Just last night my middle son, a Pepperdine MBA and gifted impersonator, was recounting his run-in with Busey in a Malibu cigar shop where he regaled the crowd of three shoppers with his high school football lament of blowing out his knee so that he could never become the movie action hero he aspired to be. Said he looked like a skeleton with skin sagging off it and dentures protruding thru the lips that ground as he spoke and gnashed when he laughed. The impression had me in stitches, and now this… God bless bull goose looneys for keeping it surreal.

Well maybe he could spell “Dan” if you spotted him the D and the N. Nope guess not.

I can’t look at Cooter Pelini’s face without hearing “Dueling Banjos” and thinking of “Deliverance”.

I truly feel for the underling charged with holding cable for his headset during each game…poor sap must be completely covered in spittle by the 4th quarter.

Tyson is not funny. Busey? Well, that is a whole other country. Did anyone see Busey a week ago on Conan, with the blimp? Wow!

In the course of a single game, Bo Pelini berated his injured star quarterback, threatened another player with bodily harm, verbally assaulted numerous referees, and, after the game, ran in pursuit of the officiating crew and refused to deny a conference-wide conspiracy against his team.

Shit, that actually happened. I’m not good at this game.

Since no one will defend Pelini here, let me offer these plausible explanations for his ranking of the Huskers at #8:

(1) After reading half of the slipcover of Dan Wetzel’s anti-BCS book he put NU in the Top 8, just in case Wetzel’s idea catches on this week

(2) Taylor Martinez’s dad asked him to do it

(3) He filled out the sheet upside-down

(4) He misunderstood Osborne when he told him not to “berate” his players

(4) He misunderstood Osborne when he told him not to "berate" his players
  
He be ratin’ his players high then.

Is it me or does Pelini look like Lord Voldemort with a penis for a nose?

Mexican Chiclets vendors are relentless . . .

In response to a birthday check that was $5 less than the previous year, Bo Pelini phoned his grandmother to berate her and inform her that she is a "GREASY FUCKING CHEAP-ASS SEWER-WHORE!"

Brand new fucking monitor I just spewed my drink on, asshole.

Pelini looks more like a camel to me. Or a gopher.

Blueshorn posts in the Tyson Zone.

I used to be a fan of Nebraska and all it stood for. However, this guys is slowly turning them into a despised, Oakland Raiders, bad guy team. Stoops actually seems like a real nice guy compared to him.

Someone says he looks like Lord Voldemmor (sp).
Some of it is a show. That guy can’t be that mad over every little thing all the time.

The funny thing is that his anger issues lead to them not winning. It was nice to see Musberger call him out on play calling……they had a 17 point lead!

Blueshorn posts in the Tyson Zone.

See what I did there?

(Seriously though, I need a plastic cover over my screen to read this site.)

I rooted against Nebraska because of Bo Pelini. Watching his antics and reading about his behavior during and after game, it is good to know that Tom Osborne has restored the ’Huskers program to its rightful place; a place where the N stands for anarchy.

I can only hope the linemen start popping steroids like aspirin and the running backs drag girlfriends down stairs. Good times. Good, out of control, no one in charge times.

Maybe as a young man he had an accident involving an iron rod piercing through his face and exiting the top of his head.

The lovely Mrs. V speaks of Phineas Gage.

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phineas_Gage

Bo Pellini was recently caught choking Wayne Brady, who himself was in the process of choking a bitch.

Watching the game on Saturday was akin to watching a double-bill of Requiem for a Dream and Irreversible. But there was that moment of grim levity when the replay call went Nebraska’s way. They showed the Husker fans in a couple of shots and pretty much ever one of them had this curious look of regret, amusement, relief and outrage on their faces. Lots of poorly executed high-fives as well.

Really, the game perfectly encapsulated this fucked up football year in the Big 12, much as our game with the Ags perfectly encapsulated our own year.

“Pelini looks more like a camel to me. Or a gopher.”

I’ve spent time in Saudi and Pelini is definitely a rabid bull camel’s doppelganger. Or dingleberry, I’m not sure.
Sam Bradford is this site’s Amer-asian gopher according to some. But I choose to view him as a cross between the Caddy Shack rodentia and ‘Kronk’ from Texas Across the River, (cross-eyed Joey Bishop), but with a much better arm.

Between this and magnus’ post I’d say that Greg Davis getting resigned has lightened the hearts of many a Barker, to the point of opening up a mini-flood of humor.

BE, it’s been awhile since we’ve had much to laugh about. There’s a sense of euphoria in the Longhorn Nation. It’s about time.

Pelini actually said this about himself and fellow Youngstowner Boob Stoopid: “Just good people. We learned to do things the right way. We understand that hard work is what it takes. We learned that from our parents and the people we were around. You become a product of your environment, and we had a good environment growing up.”

I actually understand what makes the Busey Zone more terrifying than the Tyson Zone. There is a difference between crazy and insane. Crazy is reckless and chaotic. It’s doing dumb shit for the sake of doing dumb shit. That’s Tyson. Insane is calculated and frequently very well organized. It’s doing shit that goes against all forms of reason, and yet makes sense if you play by an entirely different set of rules. That’s Busey. No one’s going to be intrigued by listening to Mike Tyson for any length of time. But listening to Busey is like listening to the music of Franz Liszt. You can actually see the genius behind the whimsical madman.

In this respect, I don’t feel Pelini makes it to the Busey Zone. He’s more Tyson than Busey. Tyson is the kind of guy who gets so mad he pisses himself. Busey would just fling feces like a goddamn monkey.

You just called someone Boob Stoopid. Let’s assess.

My favorite Busey moment was his insane reaction to a film interview for the Hunter S Thompson retrospective documentary “Gonzo”. The whole documentary was done in a somber and respectful tone except for the short interview with Busey (whose only real interaction with HST was playing the highway cop who pulls Raoul Duke over in the movie version of Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas.) Busey freaked out about the interviewers starting to ask him questions and had them leave then room and re-enter pretending that they had somehow just happened upon him. I can’t do it justice but it’s a real moment of levity in the movie and they cut it up and scattered it throughout the film to great effect. You really get the sense of how batshit insane Busey is.

Nate f****** Heupel. Thank you for that.

Amazing thought. My friends went throught the same when they were looking for Wicked Tickets. I mentioned to them to Buy Wicked Tickets from BuyWickedTickets . net

“Bo Pelini is the actual author behind realultimatepower.net”

Damn you. I was actually going to post that.

Nothing to see here

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