Barkers Have Spoken: One Out of Five Idiots Likes Texas to Win it All

Happy St. Patrick's Day. I hope you're at a bar drinking Guinness.

Just 60 minutes after tipoff, Huckleberry has already written a custom script that tallied the votes for which team you roundball rubes think will cut down the nets.

20% of entrants in Beat the Barkers 2 picked the surging Texas Longhorns to coast through its soft six game slate and cut down the nets in Houston, returning to early season form with double-digit victories in every game.

Meanwhile, I have Ohio State beating Kansas. But I hope you guys are right.

Kansas: 42 - Lock!Chalk!

Ohio State: 22 - Jim Tressel has already sold the rights to Jared Sullinger's Final Four jersey.

Texas: 18 - Delusional fanbase, imo. Get back to me when ESPN acquires rights to the tourney.

Duke: 5 - Surprisingly low. The back-to-back hopes of Blue Devil Nation rests on the road that Kyrie Eleison Irving's fragile toe must travel --> Arizona...Texas...UConn...Ohio State...Kansas/Pitt. Frodo had an easier path to Mordor. HenryJames had an easier path to heterosexuality. Then you have that "Uncle Tom" Grant Hill trying to steal Juwan Howard's unrealized glory. Too many distractions.

Pitt: 3 - Vegas has a lot more confidence in Jamie Dixon's squad than you do. Have you seen this guy's hair? It exudes confidence, swagger, and clutchiness. Ashton Gibbs feeds off of it in clutch situations. The fact that only three of you recognized this is disappointing but not surprising. Keep Dave Wannstache as far away from the Toyota Center as possible and Pitt just might have a chance.

Notre Dame: 1 - Does Hugh Ramsey have the luck of the Irish? Well, today he does so might as well pound some Guinness before the Irish inevitably get pounded. Has a mock turtlenecked-coach ever cut down the nets?

North Carolina: 1 - tjarks has buckets, wants nets. He probably wins it if the Heels just make the final. Enjoy Nova Scotia with sizzlechest.

42 22 18 5 3 1 1

Winning lotto numbers? Mayan Calendar Cipher? BC IQ regression analysis? You be the judge. But I'm feeling better about going out on a limb with that Kansas / Ohio State final.

Celebrity Final Fours

Semifinal winners italicized. Winner astrik'd.

Trips Right

Ohio State*
Texas
Wisconsin
Notre Dame

Scipio Tex

Ohio State
Texas
Pittsburgh
Kansas*

HenryJames

Ohio State
UConn
Pittsburgh
Kansas*

The General

Ohio State*
Texas
Pittsburgh
Louisville

A Tex Devil (defending champ)

Kentucky
Duke
Wisconcin
Kansas*

Jesse Eisenberg
This kid has already seen the fucking future, might as well check out his bracket. Yes, of course Duke wins.

Ohio State
Duke*
Florida
Kansas

Huckleberry
... cue the Craig Way orgasmo call "AND THE TEXAS LONGHORNS ARE CUTTING DOWN THE NETS IN HOUSTON!11!

Ohio State
Texas*
Wisconsin
Louisville

Meanwhile, the madness has begun. Morehead State's nuts were resting softly on Rick Pitino' chin, up 15-2 on the Cards before Rick politely declined and unleashed the hounds. Tie game. Game over for Morehead and we're all losers there.

Butler and ODU are trading gritty buckets down the stretch and the Bulldogs could sink Old Dominion's cinderella hopes before they even had a chance to beat Pittsburgh.

Things I remember after filling out my brackets every year: Never bet against Gonzaga and Butler in the first two rounds.

Don't worry, everybody's Southeast regional bracket will be covered in beer and red ink.

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