You Are Not Black Enough For Bernard Hopkins
by Scipio Tex on May 13, 2011 2:46 PM CDT
in Pop Culture
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PrintAnd neither is Donovan McNabb. Know this.
What's that? You think you're pretty black? I'm here to tell you, you're not.
Do you think Dwyane is a perfectly good spelling of Dwayne/Duane/Don/Dan/Kevin?
Can you quote lines from Dolomite the way white nerds can quote entire stanzas of Monty Python?
Are you, in fact, actually black?
Doesn't matter. Bernard thinks your blackness lack-ness.
Bernard "The Executioner" Hopkins, the craftiest counterpunching pugilist of our lifetime, the 46 year old medical marvel who can still sleep men half his age, a man brave enough to stomp on a Puerto Rican flag in front of a room of Puerto Ricans, will be defining blackness from now on. Consider this your notification.
You're welcome.
Bernard was kind enough to share a list of other things Not Black Enough.
Not Black Enough for Bernard Hopkins
Donovan McNabb
Norway
Paul Bettany
Tipping
Mini-Coopers
The white Olsen twin
Goths
Donovan McNabb again
Greg Gumbel
Anyone in roller skates
Any Cosby kid, even the black ones
Lennox Lewis
Kid, from Kid & Play
Play, from Kid & Play
Grady from Sanford and Son
The entire cast of Good Times
Cornel West
Black Ops
Black boxes
Blackmail
Black markets
Men In Black II
The Apollo Theater
Chicken and waffles
Rastafari
Howard University
Muslim Bakeries
Jack Johnson
George Washington Carver
Senegal
Jim Brown
Malcolm X, after 1964
Shaft
Angela Davis
Surprised me too.
The color black
Isaac Hayes
Black N Decker
Christian Okoye
Motown
The surface of Pluto
Any absence of visible light
Just Black Enough
Bernard Hopkins
Michael Vick (before he pussed)
Terrell Owens
**
In his public statements, Bernard has only released the names of three people or things Black Enough. I expect that list to expand to five, possibly six (Meryl Streep?), when Bernard has a chance to get around to it.
Stay tuned.
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He said McNabb was just a guy with a tan. Is Black Shipley black enough? Vince?
by KilgoreTrout on May 13, 2011 2:57 PM CDT reply actions
If Isaac Hayes is not black enough, Black Shipley is not black enough.
I believe that Vince’s aura of blinding greatness prevents proper categorization, but Bernard Hopkins has only provided us with three names of appropriate blackness. Vince is, regrettably, not listed.
by Scipio Tex on May 13, 2011 3:07 PM CDT reply actions
I killed a couple of white people, am I black enough?
by nordberg on May 13, 2011 3:15 PM CDT reply actions
I assume the absence of Blacula was a simple oversight on your part.
by uthookem on May 13, 2011 3:15 PM CDT reply actions
I killed a couple of white people, am I black enough?
No. Serial killers generally hunt in their own ethnicity.
by Scipio Tex on May 13, 2011 3:16 PM CDT reply actions
No. Serial killers generally hunt in their own ethnicity.
He’s norberg.
by PatronSaint on May 13, 2011 3:17 PM CDT reply actions
And that tells you all you need to know about OJ.
by Scipio Tex on May 13, 2011 3:20 PM CDT reply actions
Just spitballing here:
Maybe Black enough: Nat X, the Magic 8 ball at my desk, the Ace of Spades, Nene Leaks, Robert Johnson, Poke Salad Annie, Mike Tyson
Not Black enough – Jackie Brown (if she was Jackie Black, maybe), Jack Black, Samuel L. Jackson, Spike Lee, any Wayon’s family member
Not Nearly Black enough – Condaleeza Rice, Benson, Billy Dee Williams, Carl Weathers, Eddie Murphy, Whoopi, Oprah, Blackula
by KilgoreTrout on May 13, 2011 3:23 PM CDT reply actions
This may shed some light
candidates for “black enough list”
black chicks
latinas
white chicks
asian chicks
Kendra Wilkinson
the N word
Febreeze
- subspenders definitely not black enough
by Texastough on May 13, 2011 3:29 PM CDT reply actions
Not Nearly Black Enough – Billy Dee Williams weeping for James Caan
Not Black Enough – Billy Dee Williams destroying the Death Star
Maybe Black Enough – Billy Dee Williams in a Colt .45 commercial
by nobis60 on May 13, 2011 3:31 PM CDT reply actions
We, the Asian deregation, serect…..The Wu Tang Cran.
by magnusbleuveigner on May 13, 2011 3:44 PM CDT reply actions
Tipping
Kid, from Kid & Play
Play, from Kid & Play
lol’d at these.
by bigdukesix on May 13, 2011 3:46 PM CDT reply actions
Can you quote lines from Dolomite the way white nerds can quote entire stanzas of Monty Python?
Under that ethnic background test, I’m a full-fledged Mulatto.
by BrickHorn on May 13, 2011 3:56 PM CDT reply actions
Things Bernard Hopkins once considered sufficiently black, but has recently come to consider inadequately black in light of modern advances in quantum cosmology: black holes.
by BrickHorn on May 13, 2011 4:08 PM CDT reply actions
Octoroon at best.
I got your octoroon hangin’, you no-bidness, born-insecure, jock-jawed mutha-fucka!
by BrickHorn on May 13, 2011 4:11 PM CDT reply actions
Contrary to a recent online poll, I am not black. Fo the record.
by Vasherized on May 13, 2011 4:14 PM CDT reply actions
Vasherized is whiter than Cate Blanchett’s ass nape.
by Scipio Tex on May 13, 2011 4:18 PM CDT reply actions
I’m so white I’m basically black.
Were you really conceived in the back seat of a Dodge Charger in the parking lot of the Dallas Nightclub?
by Vasherized on May 13, 2011 4:25 PM CDT reply actions
Not sure who got served here. Isn’t anything called Wadlington whiter than white itself?
by Texastough on May 13, 2011 4:36 PM CDT reply actions
If we’re going by last name purely, Vasherized is much blacker than Scipio.
by magnusbleuveigner on May 13, 2011 4:44 PM CDT reply actions
“I’m so white I’m basically black.”
It could go either way. Half of your name is the whitest thing ever, and the other half, well, isn’t.
by nordberg on May 13, 2011 4:45 PM CDT reply actions
- reason black guys don’t play hockey= don’t want to be around white guys with sticks.
- it’s cold out there
ah, when snl was worth a shit
by ballrific on May 13, 2011 4:46 PM CDT reply actions
It could go either way. Half of your name is the whitest thing ever, and the other half, well, isn’t.
Doug Williams, imo. Was the first (and only) black guy to ever quarterback a Super Bowl winning team black enough?
by magnusbleuveigner on May 13, 2011 5:04 PM CDT reply actions
jack johnson didn’t cut it? get outta here.
any word yet on how nina simone fared?
by huh? on May 13, 2011 5:34 PM CDT reply actions
It could go either way. Half of your name is the whitest thing ever, and the other half, well, isn’t.
I always knew Vasherized was really Vinny Del Negro.
by BrickHorn on May 13, 2011 5:43 PM CDT reply actions
Scipio is putting the African in Scipio Africanus
by nobis60 on May 13, 2011 5:52 PM CDT reply actions
Zach Galifianakis was on SNL recently. He said that he’d been using a lot of Axe body wash, but that since he lived in a predominately African American neighborhood he pronounced it “Ask”.
Lord Wadlington – could be a pimp, or the pet name of a little girls stuffed animal penguin.
Steve Urkel – not nearly black enough. Older wife beating Jaleel White – Maybe
by KilgoreTrout on May 13, 2011 10:10 PM CDT reply actions
Motorhead’s rendition of the ace of spades is very white
by EnglishAg on May 14, 2011 12:59 AM CDT reply actions
Not Black enough-
The state of Oregon, Star Wars, Barking Carnival, ice hockey, Russian Literature, BYU.
by PVogel on May 14, 2011 6:07 AM CDT reply actions
I find this all extremely racist, which is almost enough to make me black enough, even though I’m technically half German and half Scotch/Irish.
by burntorangejuice on May 14, 2011 11:52 AM CDT reply actions
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