Longhorn Network Programming Notes

I still haven’t been able to get a sense for who the distribution partners are going to be on this, and time is runing out. The “getlonghornnetwork” site does a shitty job at gathering data, since when you enter my zip (Chicago), it doesn’t even seem to list some of the main options, such as DirecTV.

If we muff the chance to cut a national distribution deal on this, then we’re really missing an opportunity to build our brand. If distribution is designed for the state of Texas only, we’ve screwed it up. You guys want OOS recruits. Well, we need to get on TV nationally.

I’m starting to think that come August 26th, the longhorn network will only be available online.

We need an ATX Erin Andrews:

Rachel McCoy perhaps, oops I think she auditioned on Colin Cowhead and it did not go well.

Think of this as the NFL lockout both sides (ESPN/UT and the distributors) are willing to walk up to the edge of the cliff, hoping the other caves in a little more.

Both sides are used to winning, so it only stands to reason that they play hardball.

I agree that if it isn’t included on Dish and DirecTV, then it is a failure initially.

Paul Bryant = “The Bear”
John Gruden = “Chucky”
Mack Brown = “No Holds Barred”

Who the fuck is writing that shit?

something tells me we won’t see “Longhorns Outside the Lines.”

“something tells me we won’t see "Longhorns Outside the Lines."”

It could be a show where they investigate possible violations at all of our rivals….

“I’m starting to think that come August 26th, the longhorn network will only be available online.”

I’ve started to wonder myself. if it’s shown (included) on ESPN360.com, however, I’d be down with that. At least I won’t have to fork out an extra $19.95 per month for some stupid sports tier on Verizon FIOS.

The only drawback is that I’d have to watch on the computer instead of on my HDTV, but again, it would be a fair price to pay (zilch) for free programming.

If your particular provider doesn’t get picked up, just connect your laptop to your TV with an HDMI cable and audio adapter.

Talking heads, made-up shit. What about live coverage of everything, replays of everything? Where’s the beef?

Over on Texags, they’ve already got some programming suggestions to help fill up the week for the Longhorn network. I’ve stolen some of them for your reading pleasure:

“Where Am I” with Edwin Simmons
“Drive-Ins” with Sergio Kindle
“How to Dodge a National Championship” with Destiny Hooker (OK any show with Destiny Hooker is funny)
“Pursuit Angles” with Blake Gideon
“Horticulture 101” with co-hosts Cedric Benson and Ricky Williams
Motivational Speaking by Augie Garrido
“Travel Organization and Storage” with Ramonce Taylor
“Bosom Buddies II” starring Colt McCoy and Jordan Shipley
“Maximizing Your Payday Without Fulfilling Your Potential” with Roy Williams
Rashad Bobino’s “The Art of Modern Combat”
“How to Stay Young” with Ron McKelvey (Ron Weaver)
“Performance Training the Natural Way” with Roger Clemens
Cleve Bryant’s “Keep Your Pimp Hand Strong”
“Gaming the System from Vegas” starring the three basketball players that go to the “Canadian” prep school located in Vegas
“Apartment Hunters” – Sergio Kindle
“Defensive Driving with Sergio Kindle”
“The Good, The Bad, The Ugly” – starring The OMG girl, Blake Gideon, and Case McCoy
“Basics of the Power Run Game” with Greg Davis
“How to Earn a Degree” with Vince Young
“Roach Control 101” with with John Hagy
“Boating Safety: What You Need to Know” by Cedric Benson
“Hoes for the Bros – A Blueprint for Pimpin Success”, hosted by Cleve Bryant
“Longhorn Insider” with Mrs. Rachael McCoy
“Gossip Girl” with Rachel McCoy
“How to Cope When Things Don’t Go Your Way” with Vince Young
“Anger Management” with Augie Gurerra
“The Art of Fumble Recovery” with Chris Jessie

Hate to say it, but I have to give kudos to KilgoreTrout. Who knew Aggies could be intentionally funny?

“If your particular provider doesn’t get picked up, just connect your laptop to your TV with an HDMI cable and audio adapter.”

I have a 10 year old TV and a VCR, that sit next to my record player. Also, I don’t have a laptop. Am I in business??

Nordberg, you should be able to interface it through your 8-track or reel to reel tape players. Does Bill LIttle have a show? That would pure poetry.

Bill Little doesn’t need his own show. They have decided to put him on in place of the “test pattern” when they run out of other content.

I know it will never happen, but I’d like to see what happened if we could get Bill Little and Bill Byrne onto a threadbare studio set, give them call-in phone and just turn the camera on and see what happened.

maybe it would end up something like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrlS9_n8GX4

FYI for any of you wanting to hit ESPN3/360 on your big-ass TV, grab an Xbox360 and an Xbox Live account – they’ve got ESPN360 built in (as well as netflix and a bunch of other streaming content). That way you don’t have to fudge with HDMI cables and whoseywhatsits.

Don’t you have to pay for the Xbox live account though, TXDC?

• Bill Little’s Brainstorm, erm Partly Cloudy (Sundays, 4 a.m. CT) – Follow Texas’ intrepid bard as he flees male menopause down the bullskatfrost to Schmaltzheim, in search of twisted metaphors, historical references drawn at random from the memoirs of an opium-addled transexual Ranger, and victory-in-defeat tropes fit to spin Bernard Montgomery in his marble tomb. Do not operate hard liquor after watching this program. If you experience a sense of beatific resignation lasting longer than three quarters, call your ex wife. Some wheezy rationalizations have been known to harden into grey lumps in the Marianas Trench and begin petitioning for their civil rights. Bill Little may not be right for you if you have a working memory of hard rock acts from the 1990’s or a will to live. Ask your witch doctor about Bill Little. Please. We have exhausted western medical remedies. You are our last hope. You must warn Earth, but unless …………

Nicely done Kilgore and Spider.

Spider FTW.

Don’t you have to pay for the Xbox live account though, TXDC?

You got the big-ass TV, yeah? Whatchoo care about a peny-ante xbox account cost?

You have to have a cable provider that supports ESPN 360 to have it work with your XBOX.

VIVA AUGIE GURRERA!

The easy fix would be this:

“Coach Mack Brown will breakdown that week’s match-up from the 2005 season — a breakthrough recreation for the sporting world of the Director’s Commentary option commonly available on premium DVDs.”

This is not just true, but remains true whether or not she’s involved with football, television, or sports in any sense.

Ok, I am a TEXAN who is stuck in Oklahoma. Cableone does NOT carry the network. My internet provider is the also cableone..(bundle deal), so how in the he—? am I going to get to see my Longhorns? I do have a MAC, a HD TV and a HDMI cable., a XBOX360 and a XBOX Live account..but if cableone does not support it, then what ? Can I switch my internet to like AT&T or something and get it then.? Please Please HELP, this is the first game I have missed..:(..