SB Nation Conference Re-draft: Fourth and Fifth Rounds Complete
by Vasherized on Jun 24, 2011 6:15 PM CDT
in Texas Longhorns and Other Football
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PrintThe Big Board will be updated later but here are the latest results of the Great Offseason Timekiller Project 2.0.
Round 4
Red Cup Rebellion: Stanford
The House of Sparky: Tennessee
Big East Coast Bias: Michigan State
Team Speed Kills: Texas A&M
Black Heart Gold Pants: Miami
BC Interruption: Wisconsin
Round 5
BC Interruption: Washington
Back Heart Gold Pants: Auburn
Team Speed Kills: Arizona
Big East Coast Bias: West Virginia
House of Sparky: Syracuse
Red Cup Rebellion: Arkansas
By picking up U Dub and Wiscy, our conference continues its reign of re-drafting terror over the competition by locking down two more huge state schools with highly respected academics, competitive athletics in primary revenue earnings sports as well as ancilliary activities like hockey (Wiscy) and hackey sack (U Dub), yet another major media market in Seattle (along with a minor one in Minneapolis), and a double portion of semi-hot tang that takes a while to thaw out after winter but looks like the real goods after a 12 pack of Moosehead. mmmmm...12 Pack.
Uh, road trip?
The picks in rounds four and five were actually better picks than some of the schools that went too early in rounds three and four. Our competition is finally catching on to our cohesively executed strategy of dominating geographic regions, TVs, cash money, and bitches. Each school is also a dominant in-state brand that carries national respect. As opposed to, say, A&M. or Louisville.
As my financial advisor likes to remind me, Past performance cannot guarantee future results. My response is usually "Could it get any worse? What the hell do I pay you for?" He's like Murray on Flight of the Conchords in a Jos. A Bank suit. So don't bring the fantasy hate when we have to draft Clemson in the tenth round. We've gone on a hell of a run but there's no way it can last unless our fellow Commissars start drafting kickers in the 7th round. i.e. Iowa State, Bates, IUPUI.
Official conference names have been selected except for the derelicts over at Team Speed Kills, whose synapses have been slowed by PED samples Nick Saban thought he was sending to recruits.
Red Cup Rebellion is The Cult of Les Miles.
House of Sparky is The House of a Thousand Sanctions.
Big East Coast Bias is Conference TMZ.
Team Speed Kills is The House of 35,000 Sanctions until they pick an official name.
Black Heart Gold Pants is The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
BC Interruption is The 12 Pack.
As our commissioner likes to say, "All your TVs are belong to BEVO*".
12 Pack programming will be available on the Longhorn Network nationwide through your local cable provider.
Who wants in?
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Our competition is finally catching on to our cohesively executed strategy of dominating geographic regions, TVs, cash money, and bitches.
Really need a home and home with the Barking Sarks. Or even two away games.
by Drew Dunlevie on Jun 24, 2011 6:31 PM CDT reply actions
I almost fell out of my chair laughing at the Murray in a Jos. A. Bank suit comment.
That’s also why our conference rules … FOTC references FTW.
by Brian @ BCI on Jun 24, 2011 7:05 PM CDT reply actions
Also, one of our readers thinks the Washington > Auburn pick is fail. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?
by Brian @ BCI on Jun 24, 2011 7:07 PM CDT reply actions
Next targets for us, following same strategy:
Cal, Iowa, Kansas, Maryland, Virgina, Colo, Utah, Mizu, Illi
And other considerations, for later rounds, but beyond our goal-set of large, state flagships:
Duke, Pitt, Ariz St, Georgia Tech, TCU, BYU, Boston College (for our sponsors), Boise State (we owe them), St Johns (for the Garden), Penn, Hawaii (for fun)
Will be interesting to see how many Big 12-2 get left out:
Baylor, ISU, KSU, TTech, OkState? – the worst showing of the four power conferences?
by tek78704 on Jun 24, 2011 11:00 PM CDT reply actions
Okie State will get drafted for T Boone’s pickins. That’s about it for the Big 12-2.
by Vasherized on Jun 24, 2011 11:51 PM CDT reply actions
If you look at some of these conference configurations, I think Kansas State, Texas Tech and Oklahoma State will all come off the board. TSK or House of Sparky will definitely pick up a few of these.
Worst showing of the power Six might be the Pac-12 … Utah (poor), Oregon State (meh), Washington State (awful).
by Brian @ BCI on Jun 25, 2011 5:48 AM CDT reply actions
Sorry, but as an ex-TV guy I couldn’t help but weigh in on your comments about Seattle and Minneapolis.
Seattle just last year moved past Tampa, going from Market 14 to Market 13.
Minneapolis remains at Market 15.
I’m curious as to how you draw that line, because within the industry you’re either in a top-10 market or you’re not.
by Vulcan on Jun 25, 2011 8:08 AM CDT reply actions
Gotta think UConn, Iowa, Missouri, Oklahoma State, maybe Kansas all come off the board this round … all fine by me.
by Brian @ BCI on Jun 25, 2011 9:38 AM CDT reply actions
Don’t a little more than half the teams in a conference need to be dogs? Else the conference champs will seldom be undefeated?
by Flash on Jun 25, 2011 11:35 AM CDT reply actions
Self-respecting Wisconsin coeds drink Molson Canadian. Moosehead is for frat daddys.
by Matt Cotcher on Jun 25, 2011 12:00 PM CDT reply actions
@Flash — Are you advocating that we sandbag the rest of the draft by picking up UTEP, North Texas, Houston, Rice, Baylor, Texas Tech and Texas State so we can put the Longhorns into the title game every year? ;)
by Brian @ BCI on Jun 25, 2011 2:11 PM CDT reply actions
Oh, one other suggestion… BC, to nail down all corners of the country.
by Bob in Houston on Jun 25, 2011 11:31 PM CDT reply actions
I may have missed on the humor side — but isn’t Minnesota located in Minneapolis?
Wisconsin, the No. 4 pick, is in Madison, and locking up that and Milwaukee is fine. But it ain’t Minneapolis-St. Paul-Bloomington-Brainerd.
by edsp on Jun 26, 2011 11:04 PM CDT reply actions
Going off of just tek78704’s list, I’d have to put my wish list at this point as:
1. Cal – flagship school, SF market, great academics, awesome olympic sports.
2. UVA – flagship school, DC market, great academics.
3. KU – flagship school, hoops
4. Col – cool town similar to Austin, Denver market
5. BYU
by wethorn on Jun 27, 2011 1:05 PM CDT reply actions
He’s like Murray on Flight of the Conchords in a Jos. A Bank suit.
As you can probably guess, I have a deep appreciation for Murray, but it always baffles me why people aren’t more selective with their financial advisors.
by Hiphopopotamus on Jun 27, 2011 2:40 PM CDT reply actions
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