Riding The Swagger Wagon

Swagger and chemistry, baby, swagger and chemistry.

i will ride with you into Mordor

please do not let gideon see this post. he will absolutely blow his load and try up his average of 1.8 targeting penalties per game from last year

Surely if they can’t find swagger, they’ll at least end up with some schwag (and by that I mean longhorn-themed gift baskets, rather than low grade weed).

It ain’t a minivan,
It’s a Sienna van,
You can’t see in’the van,
Cause it’s so tinted, man
I got so many fans
Won’t fit in twenty vans.

Swag.

Dre Kirkpatrick made the diagnosis before we even felt the symptoms.

Swagger is the most powerful force in the world.

You, my friend, are apparently unfamiliar with an unstoppable force known only as The Surge. Only by combining forces with Talent and Perserverence can Swagger overcome The Surge.

Shapiro was giving the Miami players some swag, does that make him a swagger?

Hey Aggies, it’s swagger, not waggers.

Hopefully the HarsApple scheme, since it seems to be an actual coherent scheme, can help find, return, and this time keep some of the swagger for the offense.

HarsApple is my entry for the two headed OC name, it’s pronounced like a Texan would say horseapple and a picture of a horseapple can easily be substituted.

Is all swagger created equal? If Paden Kelley tried to get his Tevin Jackson swagger on I’m sure he’d pull something.

In before Nordberg.

Does one have swagger or a swagger? Or are both possible based on context? This is a useful primer for the season.

This post should have been titled Riding the Ennui Wagon in Search of Anything. For Example, Swagger.

People with swagger are 68% more likely to win at Craps than those without swagger. #lessonsfromlasvegas

“This post should have been titled Riding the Ennui Wagon in Search of Swagger.

People with swagger are 68% more likely to win at Craps than those without swagger. #lessonsfromlasvegas"

And people should learn to keep their damn hands off the table when I’m rolling…if you don’t have your bet down, tough shit…if one of my die hits your meat hooks and we all crap out because of you…then you owe me a ride on the dreamwagon.

Want this team dripping in swag juice

Now I know what happened last year. It’s the age of the internet … someone misspelled “swagger” as “stagger” in an email to the team, and it was downhill from there.

Want this team dripping in swag juice.

Brickhorn gets his at the Yellow Rose, imo.

nmckenzie1 FTW.

It doesn’t matter if the secondary is looser than a Corinthian’s asshole or tighter than Hayden Panettiere, if the swagger isn’t there we’re buggered.

Teams gain swagger by having their coach coddle them to the point where they can’t speak with the media.

We should all hope for Golf Prick swagger.

This is similar to Mack constantly talking about the need for more explosives.

Scipio, have you crunched the numbers on the correlation between the loss of explosives and the subsequent loss of swagger?

You’re all going to be very disappointed when you realize this has just been a drawn-out unveiling of Mack’s new promotional endorsement with 5 Hour Energy.

Scipio – You always leave me entertained.

Boy do I feel stupid. All this time I thought our problem last year was poor player development, incoherent schemes, and idiotic playcalling. Turns out it was just the swagger. Who knew?

This is similar to Mack constantly talking about the need for more explosives.

Scipio did mention Peter North so apparently explosiveness has something to do with swagger.

The surge need not be overcome. One merely needs to withstand It to be successful.

“Manny Diaz sprays himself every morning with Swagger Body Spray. Because he is a Latin.”

http://www.oldspice.com/products/product/61/old-spice-body-spray-swagger/

Where’s Ace when we need him? Manny endorsement, chop chop!

And I thought the off season was over.

List of the twenty greatest Texas players of all time anyone?

Ingredients: Alcohol Denat., Isobutane, Sooner Tears, Dipropylene Glycol, Alpha Wolf Jesus Fire, Hydrofluorocarbon 152a, Essence of HarsinWhite, Propane, Fragrance/Parfum eu Wylie, Isopropyl Myristate, Zinc Phenosulfonate, Incantation of Manny D. as enhancer/preservative

You’re all going to be very disappointed when you realize this has just been a drawn-out unveiling of Mack’s new promotional endorsement with 5 Hour Energy.

Hate to shit on your plan, but Texas will be unveiling Swagger Orange, sold in Longhorn shaped cans, with a wide-mouth tab in place of the ass hole… to satisfy your energy needs.

I like it when Mack keeps it more objective and less existential, like when he says we need 3 TOs every game or the defense has let us down. That’s the Mack I love.

TexasTough -
 
Great ingredients. Well done.

Texastough — nice link. wow, those guys are old spice must really be killing it with taglines like, “Turn up your mansmell.”

Mad Clapper, I think it was “we need 3 TO’s a game from the defense to even have a chance to win”.
I wonder if Muschamp immediately got Jeremy Foley on the line after reading that.

Scipio – As a reader who adulates your writings, may I say I find this one incomplete.

In other news, what is the podcast schedule for this year – great stuff !

I don’t think we should settle for swagger this season – we should shoot for swaggEST.

Stacy Searels once killed a man because he thought he had thieved his swagger. He later found it, but felt no shame.

Texastough — nice link. wow, those guys are old spice must really be killing it with taglines like, "Turn up your mansmell."

They are. Old Spice brand sales are up substantially.

Hey, when yer just about done,
When yer lookin’ fer a roadside park,
To take a nap in.
Fergit that!
Stop at the next convenience store.
Getcha Five Hour Energy.
Getcha SWAGGER Back!

Hi, folks! Mack Brown here.
For Five Hour Energy.
I got my SWAGGER,
How about you?

Swagger on down the road!
Swagger on down the road!
Swagger on down the road!
…
and the colored girls sing
Doot-de-doot-de-Swag-guh!
Doot-de-doot-de-Swag-guh!
Doot-de-doot-de-Swag-guh!

Texastough = Apothecary Now

Want this team dripping in swag juice.

Brickhorn gets his at the Yellow Rose, imo.

Landing Strip, imo.

The Sienna Family has the illest jams.

In other news, the emperor is one and the same.

Dark side!

Does Mack carry a swagger meter to practice to help pick the starting Qb? Did GDGD take it with him when he left?

Great piece, been meaning to find a way to kill all those friggin lack-of-a-natural-predator ants!

To be fair, Mack has been mentioning swagger for years, although he’s ratcheted it up this past year.

I feel like he has been using 2005 as a blue print to win it all again. We had LOADS of swagger then and won a MNC, wants another MNC, therefore must haz swagger! But like Belichick says, you know you can win if you just play smart football and play with energy. Problem is, schematically we weren’t playing smart, the onus was put on the players to overcome these deficiencies with overwhelming skill and/or swagger. This is not a blueprint for success when you don’t have other worldly talent and/or swagger saturation. I think Mack is about to find out how much onus should be on the coaching staff now that he sees what an advantage we will have schematically with HarsinWhite. Or perhaps it’s all just coach speak and it’s just easier to criticize players than coaching assistants.

I also think the 2005 season influenced him in that he fell in love with USC’s power running game when he watched what they did to us during the Natty. Swagger and power running have been a theme for years now on what he wants out of his team. I can’t really blame him for trying to be successful by emulation success, that of 2 extremely talented national championship teams. However sometimes you have to adapt to what you have, and focusing on playing smart football would go along way, because playing dumb football, both schematically and execution wise, was why we lost last year, not the result of swaggerlessness.

Here’s to a 2011 of smart football and dead ants.

Swagger? Surge? Mansmell? Haven’t any of you read Principia or watched ESPN?

It’s all about momentum, you disciples of Leibniz. You need to have the momentum going in to a game, or a down, or a half, because you will have it going out.

Momentum in = momentum out.

Ask that Peter North chap.

Swagger can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only change states.

Swagger can, however, be acquired in bulk. Maybe a trip to Costco is in order.

http://brand-name-discounts.com/prod_images_blowup/OldSpiceSwaggerDeod.jpg

As an extra-special bonus, it may be helpful in the Red Zone.

In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women. – Tony Montana

First they score points.
Then they get the wins.
Then they get the swagger (back).

“Swagger can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only change states.”

So lets see, in 2010 Cleve B. found a way to transmogrify most of the team’s swagger, and Bible took anything leftover to swagger up to the buffet, leaving the team in a state of anti-swagger?

I slept they swagger.

a state of anti-swagger?

The anti-swagger particle (or wave, your choice… both, if you like) has not yet been seen to exist.

In the meantime, we must settle for simple swaggerlessness – or, to revert to the FatherTongue, they can be said to be swaglos.

This underscores my suspicion concerning Rick Perry’s true endgame. So far from leading Texas in seceding from the US, he secretly intends to annex the US.

“Does Mack carry a swagger meter to practice to help pick the starting Qb? Did GDGD take it with him when he left?”

GD’s swagger meter only went horizontally

The Longhorn Volleyball team kicks off the season ranked in the top four for the fifth-straight season…not gazelles, Swaggalopes

swagger can neither be created nor destroyed. It can only change states

I created golf prick swagger.

Observing swagger changes its behavior.

Schrodinger’s Swagger asks if the cat really is simultaneously arrogant and humble?

Bill Little, in his similar fashion, is officially on the swaggertrain:

“regain that swagger that brought Texas football to a similar place in the first decade of the 21st Century.”

http://www.mackbrown-texasfootball.com/sports/m-footbl/spec-rel/082511aac.html

“And in that space, we celebrate with Dr. Cooley in his mandate for optimism, and rest assured by Mr. Hecke.” – BL

“And then he said this, and I am paraphrasing here; as he looked at the weather maps, north of Canada, he could see the stirring of atmospheric phenomena which meant one thing:

Fall is coming."

AMEN

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