Riding The Swagger Wagon

Mack Brown on swagger and the 2010 season.

(All real quotes from this summer)

Choosing a QB

"We want somebody that can get the swagger back and make sure that the rest of the kids know that this person's going to lead them to victory."

When swagger is missing, a good QB finds the swagger! And then uses the swagger to make wins. The first place I'd look is the laundry hamper.

Conan, What Swagger Is Best?

"We've got to force more turnovers and we've got to play with more confidence and a better swagger."

Swagger is variable in quality. One must aspire to better swagger; rich Corinthian swagger.

I believe it was St Jerome who said: Good better best. Never let it rest. Until the good becomes swagger and flows like a Peter North money shot.

Swagger is like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone

"We lost our swagger," Brown said. "And then people start playing better against you, because they feel like they have a better opportunity to win. Sometimes in the past, people would not think they could come into Austin and win. We let that slip away, for whatever reason, as a group."

Swagger can be lost like car keys or reading glasses. Or it slips away like a three year old in a grocery store. Teams sense this and pounce by asking you to move your car, or read fine print in a contract, or by calling child protective services. Sometimes when you look for the swagger, the other team won't even help you by saying, "Getting colder....cold...cold...colder...you're freezing...wait, warm, warmer, burning up!"

Other teams - why won't you tell us where the swagger is?

Young Coaches Reek Of Swagger

To get the swagger back, Brown overhauled the coaching staff.

Swagger is so powerful, it can cause coaching gentrification. Manny Diaz sprays himself every morning with Swagger Body Spray. Because he is a Latin.

Conclusion

Swagger is the most powerful force in the world. Those with swagger control the planet and can alter matter with their minds. Sure, bravado is nice. And derring-do has its merits. But neither can compare to swagger.

Swagger can kill fire ants!


Swagger could kill all of these ants

Not So Fast

There are other opinions on swagger. Grumpy, stupid opinions that understand the difference between cause and effect.


Which is the emperor?

The book Patriot Reign documents that when the 2002 Patriots were struggling after their 2001 Super Bowl season, several players told the media that they needed to recapture "their swagger."

Head coach Bill Belichick heard about it and addressed it in a team meeting:

You know what? We didn't have a 'swagger' last year. What we had was a sense of urgency about playing well, being smart, and capitalizing on every opportunity and situation that came our way ... It wasn't about a fucking swagger. You can take that swagger and shove it right up your ass, OK?

Whatever, Bill. I'm riding the Swagger Wagon to the Dream Stable so I can saddle up the Hope Pegasus. Who's with me?

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