2011 Texas AM Football Preview: Aggie State of the Union

That was a triumph. I was laughing the moment I saw Listeater flying away on a Quidditch broom with SEC banner waving proudly.
 
The interplay between Byrne’s creepy I’m-just-barely-hanging-on 700 Club picture with the bats reduced me to paroxysms of laughter.
 
And the prose topped it off.
 
Well done.
 
ps Aggies are going to give you grief for not discussing the appropriately named Nehemiah Hicks at TE. Stupid t-sip!!!!!!!!!!

The 2-loss bit killed me. Well done.

Quiddich Listeater is a triumph.

F’n gold, well done.

If you don’t take the time to watch the video, you’re seriously missing out. The parade of women’s sports teams winning titles after A&M: Home of Champions is worth the price of a WNBA ticket to see the Houston Sparks.

Well done. I can take the bashing.

A little lazy on the defense analysis, but that isn’t really the point of SOTUs, is it?

“Late-peaking Texas will steal a win in College Station”

Wager?

Quality montage, imo.

I like Coryell Judie and Steven Campbell. Hunter and Frederick are solid. Porter is the only guy in the front 7 worth mentioning now that Miller and Patterson are gone.

I don’t see why everyone’s so down on the Aggies move to the SEC. They have a lot of money and they have the ability to sell Texas kids on staying home and playing in the best conference (read: NFL prep) in the country. What does Auburn have that A&M doesn’t?

Fantastic. Really, really well done.

Ded – no thoughts on Damontre Moore?

Scip, I think Nehemiah is a better TE than anybody currently on the Texas roster. I thought Hutto would be within the previous staff’s recruting radius. Our no name defense will be better than last year’s group sans Von. Toughest games are OU and Arky. I don’t see us losing to the Horns at Kyle this year. The fast approaching LHN must have the Koolaid flowing freely in Austin. Listeater quiddich was a nice touch. Evan Eike is a Sr. but not currently a starter. Shep Klinke and Brian Thomas are the starting guards. Biggest OL weakness is backup Center.

“What does Auburn have that A&M doesn’t?”

Anonymous bag-men? Oh wait, you’re right – they’ll probably be fine.

Oh yeah, I forgot about Moore. He’s certainly good. Hicks is the best young TE in the area until you get to that freak out at New Mexico.

Thanks to all for the kind words. I’m glad y’all enjoyed it.

I can’t take credit for the quidditch image. That bit of genius was the work of Vash and (I’m guessing) ACE. Great work, guys.

I apologize for the lazy analysis on the defensive side of things, although I tend to think that the high-level type analysis is more applicable here than a run-down of personnel. Also, I find it funny that no one complained that the special teams section was lazy.

“What does Auburn have that A&M doesn’t?”

National Championships after WW II.

I think the Aggies will have a rough go early in the SEC, but they’ll be good after a few recruiting classes under their belt. They don’t have any competition for the guys who can’t qualify for Big 12 admission standards in Texas and will attract enough blue chippers on top of that to certainly play with UT or OU any given Saturday. My guess is that they wish they would have slow played a few of their early offers. It will be interesting to see how this affects the decisions of guys like Javonte Magee and Collin Blake as a litmus test.

I was looking at their schedule and I see 6 loseable games for them:

Arky
@OU
OSU
Mizzou
@Tech and
UT.

I’m almost guaranteeing a loss to OU, I think we are going to be hell on wheels by Turkey day and give them a 1995 style send off (ending the decade of dominance and winning the last SWC title) and aggies being aggies I figure they will split the Tech, OSU, Mizzou and Arky games.

So I’m calling it 8-4 and nationally irrelevant, but better than they’ve been for most of this century, with a loss to daddy. Even if I’m wrong and it’s 9-3 or 10-2 I don’t see a BCS bowl for them with the best team they’ve had in 14 years, and a loss to the 4th place team in the SEC West in the cotton bowl seems like a nice way to kick off what should be a brutal buttfucking of a 2012 season in the SEC, replacing most of their skill position talent.

Buh Bye Ags, thanks for the memories and the constant source of amusement. Good luck to you in the SEC SEC SEC. Share in the reflected glory of Bama, Auburn, Florida and LSU national titles with the same fervor as Vandy and South Carolina, while we print money, control the air waves and vie for our own glory as opposed to settling for conference pride.

You’ll miss us every thanksgiving, but don’t worry, you can probably still get your UT fix when you turn on the TV and see us playing the Domers in your former spot on our schedule in years to come

Thanks for that. I laughed. I cried.

I’d love to see an “extended mix” version of your farewell video. Certainly there’s enough material out there to cover the length of the entire song, right?

that was epic, good job, the video had me in stiches

*stitches

Your lazy hipster lawyer analysis simply cannot be duplicated.

I have been waiting for the Aggie state of the union! Friggin brilliant! Check out Ryan T’s Chuck Norris fan page!

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Ryan-Tannehill-Facts/102829339788162

HorninATX — Isn’t the definition of insanity doing the same thing and expecting a different result?

There’s no scenario where A&M ever surpasses OU or UT for recruiting dominance in Texas under the current system. Now they don’t have to beat both schools to get to the BCS while competing with players who are objectively worse. Maybe some years the #3 group of Texas kids will be better than the #1 group of deep south kids, but they will always be worse than the #2 and #1 group of Texas kids.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that FSU and Miami became national powers when they weren’t in the same conference as UF.

UF was a football irrelevance until Steve Spurrier. Miami was a national brand before then.

Scip, I think Nehemiah is a better TE than anybody currently on the Texas roster

Damning with faint praise, and all that.

That video was perfect.

Meat judging National Champions! Perfect touch! Hahahahahahahahaha

That was awesome.

The bat guano reference cracks me up.

Well done.

Just think, our receiving corp would be bench warmers if having to compete with the Ags……..thank you so much for you time Bobby Kennedy.

Also, I find it funny that no one complained that the special teams section was lazy.,/em>

Actually it wasn’t too far off (though it was a bit lazy not to mention Judie returned two punts for TDs last season).

I think ded is pretty spot on, A&M hung with Arkansas last season and I think after a few adjustment seasons will be fielding a pretty competitive SEC team. Our past few seasons have been awful largely because we had no one that could bring it on either line, Sherman has rebuilt those units from the ground up and we’re finally solid in the trenches. I think it’ll pay off but time will tell.

Its tempting to think that A&M might start beating us out for recruits if they have the SEC card to play. But there’s nothing stopping recruits now and we don’t lose many we want to SEC. A&M will still be in College Station peddling its farmer-meets-homoerotic-militia vibe, so my guess is that 18 year old kids with any sense still choose LSU, Bama, Arky or any of the others if they really want SEC. Since they can do that anyway, that means the ones we want still choose the good guys.

tjarks said:

August 25th, 2011 at 12:48 pm

I don’t see why everyone’s so down on the Aggies move to the SEC. They have a lot of money and they have the ability to sell Texas kids on staying home and playing in the best conference (read: NFL prep) in the country. What does Auburn have that A&M doesn’t?

tjarks, have you ever been to College Station? It’s hard to sell farm land to stud recruits!

Yeah, why would Houston and East Texas kids want to play close to home and in the SEC?

This was a triumph
We’re Making a note here. Huge success.
It’s hard to overstate our satisfaction.
Aggie football. We do what we must because we can.
For the good of the all the state…except the ones who aren’t ags.
But there’s no sense crying over every Texas loss,
when we head out east it we’ll be glad we’re not Deloss,
and the football gets played
and our asshole be frayed
by the conference that chants its own name.

We’re not even angry.
We’re being so sincere right now.
Even though you beat us two of three times.
And took all the re-cruits
When those recruits, would be, all mine
As they made the NFL I was so happy for you
Now this flashy new conference is something we like
It will raise our profile and we’ll start the fourth reich
So we’re glad tu got paid
because we never would have made
it to the conference that chants its own name

We’re going to leave now
We think we prefer to head out east
Maybe you’ll find someone else to play you
Maybe the domers.
That was a joke. Haha. Fat chance.
Anyway this league is great
it’s so prestigious and rich
Look at us still talking while there’s football to play
When we look back here it makes us glad we didn’t stay
We’ve got titles to win
They even might involve the men
In the conference that chants its own name.
And believe us we chant our own name
We feel fantastic we’ll chant our own name
While you’re dying we’ll chant our own name
And when you’re dead we will chant our own name
SEC.
SEC.

“Now they don’t have to beat both schools (UT and OU) to get to the BCS”

Right. Now they have to beat Alabama, Auburn, Arkansas, LSU, plus the possibility of Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, etc… They were number 3 (for now) in this conference. Where will they rank over there?

This move isn’t about football pecking order for the Ags. It’s about having a conference home in 5 years.

Pretty good attempt on the video – abrupt ending though.

There will be a new Hitler rant video in the next few days on this topic that you boys can look forward to.

Each return to Bill Byrne’s photo brought me greater joy. Thank you.

Aggies’ OL is actually a bit overrated, everyone is projecting growth from their talented tackles and interior OL. They weren’t always keeping Johnson and Tannehil’s shirts clean last year and if they improve by smaller measures than expected we could do some real damage on the edge.

Regardless of that I think we make hay inside against their interior OL with stunts and Randall. That’s probably our only chance because we aren’t going to hold up against those receivers.

I smell fear.

Golf clap. You are really a funny writer. So good.

Nickel, I’d wager that offensive linemen are up there with quarterbacks and corners for the improvement from their freshman year to senior year. Time was, offensive lines were only full of red shirt juniors and seniors. Hell man, those tackles have only had one year in a DI strength program.

“I smell fear.”

Don’t be afraid. I am sure the SEC will be very gentle with you.

ColoradoAg: Sure, it’s very likely that Joeckels and Matthews become All-conference level tackles this season but it wasn’t the case last year. Just pointing out a potential snag in your offense.

Pure Gold, Brick.

Ned Stark thinks this move will end well. And he would know a thing or two about moving to a tougher conference.

Ag_in_TX

The Hitler video? You are calling your shot with the tired, worn out, unoriginal Hitler Pissed Off at “X” video? How about some Yo momma jokes instead. That is really weak sauce, man.

Masterful.
When the Ags get to the SEC & hear that “SEC” chant will they think it’s a mating call?

“Yeah, why would Houston and East Texas kids want to play close to home and in the SEC?”

They can already. It’s called LSU.

Good job, dude. Good job.

Nice song choice too.

… wager?

Maybe. How bad you figure you’re gonna whip us?

Picture this! Aggie fan at Kyle Field hissing at an Alabama fan with the score 55-14 Alabama! Bwwwaaahahahahahahaha!

NFL offense with an SEC defense. That is what you are getting with the 2011 and future Fighting Texas A&M football team. This is our year to not only wreck shop one last time in the B12, but to take our destruction out on the national scene as well. So yes, it is time to take your towel out and wave it ’round your head just like a helicopter.

Texas A&M has the most national championships over the past 3 years of any team in the nation. Let that sink in for a second.

We have never finished in sole last place of the B12 South.

Additionally, we have men’s basketballs second longest streak of making it to the second round of the NCAA tournament for a team that has not won a regular season or conference tourney championship.

Yes, we are all that. Whoop!

Hopefully your jaws are off the floor after realizing the extent of our national athletics prowess.

The second The Supreme Commander Mike F’g Sherman steps foot in the SEC he is the most dynamic offensive force the conference has ever seen. This man turned Brett Favre into the QB he was. The man can sleep through the combine because he can mold any talent into an offensive freight-train.

SEC defenses thrive on stuffing unimaginative, boring offenses year in and year out. As The Commander has shown, he can take a backup QB and a couple of frosh OT and win the B12 South! No 3 yards and a cloud of dust here baby!

The only human that can compete with The Commander as the SEC’s most dynamic force is Johnny Football, who will take over for Tanne after this year and lead us to an initial SEC championship and a back to back MNC. I get wood thinking of that little firebrand.

So long suckers, it is time for Aggies across the world to take our rightful spot on top of the college athletics pyramid.

Whoop! (double up) Whoop Whoop!

I heart Aggie Rick.

You Longhorn folks sure do spend a lot of your lives obsessing about Texas A&M. But they are your older brother, so perhaps it’s natural for you to spend hours every day following their every move.

Don’t hold your breath waiting for the Pac12 to call you with an invite. We don’t want you. Never did. You’re stuck with future home conference schedules that look more like the ConferenceUSA than a BCS conference: Houston, KSU, ISU, Mizzou, Kansas, OkieLite, baylol, and Lubbock High.

Good luck finding subscribers to your LHN. ESPN is going to learn the hard way that it bought a loss leader.

There is so much gold here, I don’t know where to begin.

“NFL offense with an SEC defense…SEC defenses thrive on stuffing unimaginative, boring offenses year in and year out.”

Where are these players for this “SEC defense” going to come from? Your defensive recruiting has been less than stellar. You do realize that one of those fancy SEC defenses beat you last year in your last game of the year, right?

“We have never finished in sole last place of the B12 South.”

Are really bragging that you have never been in last place by yourselves?

“I get wood thinking of that little firebrand.”

You get “wood” thinking of another dude?

Aggie. The gift that keeps on giving.

Aggie Rick

You left off all the EMPHASIS! words and you didn’t throw in a single tu or whorns.

try HARDER next time

You get "wood" thinking of another dude?

If that at all surprises you you apparently don’t browse Shaggy much.

AggieRick is an Aggie caricature, fwiw.

The sad thing is it’s hard to tell.

horninatx said: August 25th, 2011 at 12:59 pm

"What does Auburn have that A&M doesn’t?"

National Championships after WW II.

Plus four undefeated seasons and two Heisman winners. And better looking women.

ESPN knows it bought a loss leader. UT still gets paid.

But aside from the national championships after World War II, four undefeated seasons, the two Heisman winners, the tradition of winning, and better looking women – what does Auburn have that they don’t?

After my post I started wondering if Aggie Rick was real. It IS really hard to tell. Well done, my friend. Well done.

BOC, half the fun is watching those that take AggieRick seriously start to either holler “amen” or “WTF”. Not supposed to let them off the hook that easy.

“But aside from the national championships after World War II, four undefeated seasons, the two Heisman winners, the tradition of winning, and better looking women – what does Auburn have that they don’t?”

A tree? Oh wait…..

Well, I was actually wrong. It’s three heisman winners.

Damn! :)

Oh, and an in-state school who is their primary rival and vice-versa.

And oak wilt.

If a 9-3 Texas A&M is going to do so poorly in the SEC, how would a 5-7 Longhorn do in the mighty SEC?

Or even in the Pac12?

Pac-10 doormat UCLA, a team not known for being physical, lined up, ran right at you, and steamrolled UT-Austin last year…on your home field, no less. And they did it with a run-only offense that everyone in the stadium knew was no threat to complete more than a handful of passes. Even with nine defenders in the box, you couldn’t stop them from running over you.

Frankly, Boise State and BYU are much tougher opponents for Pac10 teams than UT-Austin has ever been.

I agree, golden work Brickhorn, thank you.

Aggie Rick’s comment was on comedic par with the original post—no small accomplishment.

yea except that whole rose bowl thing, joe

USC, Arizona State and Washington disagree, Joe.

Brilliant

You know what I like most about JoeJamail? Well, other than the millions of dollars he’s donated to Texas….I like his inclination to talk Pac 10 in a post that has literally 0 to do with Pac 10. Change the game Joe!

Great work!

Good one Brick.

Joe – no doubt TX had a bad year, but basing our supposed competitiveness in the PAC 12 on one year has aggy long division written all over it, just as does basing your ability to compete in the SEC on one decent year. Aggy has won 57% of their games since being involved in the Big 12, and that number drops to 54% for conference games. Give us some stats that don’t just incorporate extremes to back up your argument and we’ll stop laughing.

“But aside from the national championships after World War II, four undefeated seasons, the two Heisman winners, the tradition of winning, and better looking women – what does Auburn have that they don’t?

The aquaduct?

JoeJamail – I can’t believe UCLA did that to the best UT team in 10 years. Oh wait, we were an abortion on the field last year. UT fans know this.

I think most PAC10 fans can remember the first few days of ‘06, when we beat their best team ever for a little trophy that you probably don’t care about. Two years ago we gave it a shot, so maybe you can think that far back to our MNC game against your new SEC buddies.

Sadly, you had your best year in the past 10 last year and still got your poo pushed in by an average SEC team.

We have nowhere to go but up. Let’s see if you can match your previous ceiling before you lose a ton of seniors and then navigate the SEC (where, honestly, I would love to be if they would promise to make kids go to class and stop paying players. Enjoy the football, lament the damage to society)

ColoradoAg said:
August 25th, 2011 at 1:43 pm
“Yeah, why would Houston and East Texas kids want to play close to home and in the SEC?”

Because they know a ‘Kentucky’ type school when they see one and they would would rather play in a city like Austin! Come on Aggy… you have to do better than that…

I have a theory that Aggie RIck is really Scip. Too much hilarity in those posts for him to be real.

I shared that video on Facebook. Great post, BrickHorn.

This one is a thing of beauty, an instant classic, one for the ages!

I’ll second that 6544……time to start the campaign for Brick’s Pulitzer Prize

Thank you for all of the farewell wishes, my friends in Austin.

My secretary has informed me that there is a movement afoot to raise a statue to Yours Truly in honor of the soon-to-be-fulfilled dream of all Aggiedom, our forthcoming SEC Championship. I would like to invite all of you, my friends in Austin, to donate to the fund. As soon as more details are available, I will post them here for your edification. You might be interested to know that the proposed statue will be just under ten feet tall (twice life-size) and will be complete with spinning bowtie and animatronic eyebrows. At this time, it is anticipated that it will be placed strategically in the Pet Sematary.

Woop! Double up! Woop! Woop!

so what’s going to happen to aggieland outfitters??? If we don’t play them, the whole saw ’em off is pretty useless

I’ll never forget the “it was like the Alamo” game against Tech. I happened to be in Lubbock that weekend and got to witness the madness that were the Red Raiders that weekend. Leach was just starting to show the personality we would all come to know and laugh at (post game comments: “Sometime a pirate can beat a soilder,” just classic), and the Techites were not yet used to regulary thumping the goosesteppet and were utterly euphoric. What a weekend.

So long Ags. I don’t really wish you luck, but I assure you you’re gonna need it where you’re going.

Now that was funny.

Another Insider article:

http://college-football.si.com/2011/08/25/a-modest-proposal-sec-growth-goes-national/?sct=cf_t11_a1

The second The Supreme Commander Mike F’g Sherman steps foot in the SEC he is the most dynamic offensive force the conference has ever seen. This man turned Brett Favre into the QB he was. The man can sleep through the combine because he can mold any talent into an offensive freight-train.

I just didn’t want the video to end. Honestly.

A&M 2011 is the proverbial hillbilly penis wolf in sheep’s vagina clothing, a veritable SEC powerhouse playing among the weaklings of the lowly Big 12. Had me spewing coffee through my nose.

Let’s see you have 2 or 3 new coordinators , no quarterback, a brand new secondary, and a bunch of your fat little girlfriends playing offensive line ?

Yeah you’ll beat us at Kyle with that. How many of you guys will sack up and show up for that beatdown ? Not too many I’d guess.

I love BC because of the sickly brilliant writing like this.

HotRod, if championships were awarded to “cool towns” the last MNCs wouldn’t have gone to Auburn, Tuscaloosa, Gainesville, and Baton Rouge.

cool places!

You’ve obviously never been to Gainsville or Auburn, bro or you’re blind as a bat (no pun). There’s more delectable snatch in either place in any given year than you saw in Colleyville during your entire eight years of school there.

Oh, but you’re gonna love Starkville, a/k/a College Station East.

It’s hard not to like Ag96 and AggieRick

Fantastic piece Brick. It will be a while before the Aggies realize what they have done, there really is no way for them to comprehend it yet…..they are Aggies. I could care less. There is no point in arguing, let’s just kiss and say goodbye to our little brother…….Arnie Grape. I’ll miss that goofy bastard.

Aggie Lurking said: August 26th, 2011 at 6:26 am
“Let’s see you have 2 or 3 new coordinators , no quarterback, a brand new secondary, and a bunch of your fat little girlfriends playing offensive line? Yeah you’ll beat us at Kyle with that. "

Yeah, we probably will.

‘I don’t see why everyone’s so down on the Aggies move to the SEC. They have a lot of money and they have the ability to sell Texas kids on staying home and playing in the best conference (read: NFL prep) in the country. What does Auburn have that A&M doesn’t?’

How ’bout a bunch of dead oak trees?

Very very funny! Poor faggies, I’m almost giddy thinking what awaits them in the SEC. It’s like a cheap horror film, where the cluesless teenager doens’t know you’re not supposed to enter the abondoned house next door to the high security prison on halloween night to help the nice man in the orange jump suit holding the rather large knife behind his back. But they are aggies after all, so lets rewind it and watch it again.

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