The S.E.C. is D.O.A. and This is W.H.Y.

no such thing as karma

Troofiness is here.

AOL? They still make those?

And who is the stump-humping fuckwit of whom you speak? Wait, wait, let me check.

Nevermind guys, I have no more shit to give.

While I was still in college (albeit graduate) one of my HS classmates became the first genuine Millionaire of the group. He had quit HS three months before graduation (yes, he would have graduated) because he got a job offer he couldn’t turn down (plumbing). Less than ten years later, he owned the business and similar ones in several other small-to-midsize towns nearby. Stupid is, as stupid does.

I always knew there was a reason why 4 SEC schools have the same fight song and 5 are named Tigers.

Cool story, brofong.

Hey Man,

They are all basically the same team with the same fans. The world ends on 11.5 in Tuscaloosa when LSU rolls into town.

“This will all make sense when The Longhorn Network buys ESPN next year, Texas and Notre Dame form a new conference — THE BIGGEST TWO — and whoever wins that one contest automatically plays in the BCS title game. "

Best conference realignment rumor ever.

Say what????

Hell of an article. Great job!

I really hope you had a pinch in when you created this masterpiece.

Does this mean Texas to the ACC is a done deal? Or is that a head fake to make the Pac 10+N let you keep the LHN?

I feel that Clipper Cooper would approve this message.

slow clap begins…

This, of course, is predicated on the notion that those of us in SEC territory give the proverbial rat’s ass about what Clay Travis thinks.

If — and this is a stretch — it can be proven that what he does rises to the level of emergent cognition.

Speaking on behalf of the cabal that runs Crimson Caravan, not a one of us has ever mentioned anything regarding Texas, or any reasoning as to why the Longhorns might or might not want to be in the SEC.

Speaking for myself, I equate you more with the stoner hipster mindset, and I base that on what I learn from constant communications with a number of internet professionals who call Austin home.

(We do, however, applaud your assessment of the Mississippi schools, and revel in your ability to downshift from Latin to Geaux-speek without throwing your linguistic clutch. Also, your citation of Diophantus and Fermat brought a hearty chuckle, as we reminisced about past references to modular math and time management.)

Vulcan,

This Internet professional who calls Austin home would like you to know that the Crimson Caravan is exempt from this thesis, having already demonstrated an IQ well above the average SEC / primate level, as exemplified by that fine letter about the Mad Hatter’s unique space/time continuum.

Well, wins would be much harder to come by in the SEC, no doubt. Let’s face it, Texas isn’t used to not being 1st (except FB – thanks, Mack! – and BB – thanks, Rick!). No one on the 40 Acres is excited about a proposition where Texas isn’t virtually guaranteed a top 2 position in conference every year.

Even OU knows this. That’s why they aren’t entertaining the idea of joining the SEC either.

Although I HATE the SEC – I think it’s full of people wearing WWJD bracelets who wouldn’t think twice about lying, cheating, or stealing in order for their favorite team to win – I think it may be the only destination where UT can bring in the LHN w/o much trouble/headache. Although good for the ego & the pocketbook, the LHN brings too much baggage.

Ah, the Captain Kirk rules. I was soundly flogged when they found her in my footlocker but it was worth the try.

I haven’t typed “LMAO” in quite some time (with good reason), but this piece was worth it. +1

Great article filled with truths or should I say troofs. However, I can see your initial problem rights here.

On Wednesday, Matt Hayes….

I didn’t know he was even still writing, or even more alarming that anyone still reads it.

That said, I will create an effigy of Dodds myself and piss all over it prior to dragging through my dog’s shit in the backyard if we actually go to the ACC. Especially with news today that FSU’s regents may be discussing a move to the SEC.

You get all sorts of saucy when Target brings out a new bargain fashion line.

Any post involving a Tiberius sexual prowess reference starts out with an automatic 3 stars and builds from there.

But wait…y’all know Clay Travis is a lawyer, right?

(snicker)

Bravo. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time! Sheer genius.

Another thing to consider. Texas’s winning percentage against SEC schools is 67.3%. That’s good enough to place #2 among all SEC schools, just behind Alabama’s 67.5%.

The only two SEC schools we have a losing record against are S. Carolina (0-1) and, strangely, Vanderbilt (3-8-1). Except for LSU (we’re 9-7-1 against them) and Tennessee (2-1), we have dominated the big boys (Bama, Florida, Georgia, Auburn). Against those upper-tier SEC teams, Texas has a record of 28-13-3 (68.3%). Our historical record against the other top SEC football program, Arkansas, is even better.

Why, again, should Texas be scared of a group of teams it has historically dominated?

Though I’m probably the likeliest guy on this board to end up shit canned at the bar of Applebee’s (Brenham store #783), I laughed my ass off.

You guys were like Siamese triplets joined at the head on this one.

Are you guys roommates?

I am at the moment speachless, laughing and slow clapping…

Nunna’s postscript, +1.

Like to hare-lipped me.

1. Culture
2. Academics

I guess #3 didn’t need to be written (cough, Cam Newton). I really think the culture of cheating is just at big a reason as the other 2. I also think that behind closed doors this is one of the things that A&M is counting on to “level the playing field with tu” and return to the glory years of Jackie.

Vulcan, I think you only have to look at your response and compare it to that of Kilgore Trout to see what you’ve invited in (conditionally of course) from College Station. You have our condolences.

Also, and a bit off topic, isn’t it true that Florida or any other SEC member can veto FSU’s (potential) entry under the existing rules in the SEC based on prior existing team in a state?

Fucking funny.

@Jake — Yes.

Our understanding is there is a Gentleman’s Agreement among the single-school states in the east (Georgia, Florida and South Carolina) such that they’d form the voting bloc to prevent entry from other schools in those states. (Three X’s to nix.)

I don’t know anyone here who seriously thinks that FSU, Tech or Clemson can get in over that cabal.

That’s why there’s been more talk about Virginia Tech and Missouri — even one of the North Carolina schools. The egg to crack there is the idea that the ACC really would be vulnerable in a Mega-Conference world, and that those who jumped first would have the advantage of ending up where they wanted instead of where they have to.

Some (me not included, necessarily) believe the Big-10 and the SEC will snack away at the ACC and Big East, until there is enough leftover for the remnants to merge into another mega-beast.

I love game theory as much as anyone (The Axelrod stuff from Michigan is amazing, even today.) But the machinations required to engineer the BCS future is enough to make your head hurt.

@Jake — regarding your first reply…

We’ll look at Texas A&M the same way we do Mississippi State.

Rednecks in deep red — just replace the cowbells with male cheerleaders.

http://cdn.synthtopia.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/more-cowbell-snl.gif

I think the cheating is reason #1. The academics can’t matter since the Big 12 is worse than the SEC on that front. The culture thing is also probably overstated, and I think we are a closer football culture to the SEC than to the mean football culture in the Pac. Even in our down years we were never as apathetic as UCLA is when they are down.

If you insist on defining the SEC through Clay Travis and Harvey Updike, then we will have no choice but to retaliate with George Bush, Phil Gramm, Ken Lay, Jerry Jones, and anyone else in Texas who convinced everyone they were the smartest guy in the room despite the lack of any real supporting evidence whatsoever.

Say his for SEC Fan — he admits he’s a redneck, he’s knows he’s obnoxious, and he knows you can’t argue with results.

(sigh)

Poor Aggies, the SEC is afraid of Baylor’s high powered Lawyers and a X Governor putting the 217 million dollar can of whip ass on them. Who is afraid of who ?

Goober Glory – meh. SEC college kids aren’t, for the most part, rednecks. They’re mostly suburban kids two or three generations removed from the country, pretending to be rednecks. And that’s why A&M is such a good fit – pretend rednecks now have a pretend army.

And incidentally, all those folks you named have either Aggie or Razorback connections. Your folk.

Thanks for this, Mr. V.

Enjoyed the hell out of it.

The Paul Rhoads Scholars are headling ACL next year. ACL just doesn’t know it yet.

I can play drums. Anybody have a guitar? Vocal stylings? We can borrower LonghornScott’s wardrobe.

TPRS > MGMT

"Most ideas scribbled in margins are simply forgotten, lost, or were never worth a shit to begin with, and it will be in the margins of college football history (it’s a huge book) that the SEC’s fate will be similarly written, their majestic decade of the Oughts all but forgotten once the era of Super Conferences leveled the cheating playing field, and the NCAA finally enforced a fifth grade reading level in order to be an eligible student athlete, or a coach, in Les Miles’ case.

I’d suffer a ruptured spleen if the almighty SEC gets taken down by its own act of initiating the Realignmageddon Sequence through the incorporation of the Aggy-virus. Following the core meltown, and being immune to the noxious effect, Aggies will rest atop the SEC gridiron with no effort beyond violent nut squeezing on the sidelines.

Goober Glory remains amazed that a consortium of such skilled debaters and rhetoricians can look straight past a moniker like Goober Glory without noting the potential sarcasm.

Sorry, but Texas made Gramm, Bush, Lay, Jones, and Delay relevant, no matter their origins, to the detriment of us all. The last time we had a federal government that didn’t make you feel like an LSU fan during a Les Miles 2 Minute Drill, 1-2-3 in the pecking order ran Arkansas, Tennessee, and Georgia. Coincidence? I think not. And the off-the-field bonuses of that era simply cannot be rivaled by the Reign of the Texas Three or the the B1G’s current resident in the White House.

This shit runs deep, if you look hard enough.

Dagga – I said SEC Fan, who outnumbers SEC Graduate 10-1 and creates those special YouTube Meltdown Moments. On the bright side, if you want to believe Flannery O’Conner, we’re far better off with The Misfit channeling his angst through a 65-inch flat screen in front of an I-phone rather than terrorizing the Georgia countryside or ripping out banjo licks in a holler soon to become a TVA lake.

Bevo: “Quod erat demonstrandum, baby!”
SECond class citizen: “Ooh! You speak French!”

Funny stuff, Goober and Vulcan.

Oh and I love Paul Fienbaum on XM. Whether you like anything he or his guests on a particular day, listening to the call-ins are worth the price of admission. Hell, I spent the first 18 years of my life in Alabama and I can’t understand what most of those folks are saying. But whatever it is, it’s fucking hilarious!

Goober – on that last point I think we’re all in agreement.

But also, as an SEC guy you must stop poking fun at UTexas for Texas politics when damn near all those political types come from A&M, your newly-adopted billygoat farm. The SEC flag is now firmly planted in the seedbed of Texas crazy. Your rights to make fun of it as an SEC fan are totally done.

Of course, take off the SEC-fan mask and you may (and probably should) resume.

Now, if we could also convince you to take Baylor…

Vash said:
“I can play drums. Anybody have a guitar? Vocal stylings? We can borrower LonghornScott’s wardrobe.”

Magnus pulled me aside at the last tailgate and told me that he really likes to play the skin flute. I’m not much of a musician so I don’t understand exactly what that is, but he sure seemed like he was passionate about it.

Now, dat der be sum funy shit, Boodreaux!

The collected rogues gallery of politicians from the South and Texas couldn’t hold a candle to the depredations visited upon us and our great land by those from the hallowed halls of the Ivy League.

I understand the academic argument . . . AAU and all the reserach grants . . . . no partial qualifiers . . . I’m cool.

Compare Oklahoma State to Mississippi State . .. or Iowa State to Auburn . . . What school in the Old Big 8 could be considered an academic overlord to the SEC schools? If academics didn’t bug us in 1994, why now?

The cheating bugs me more than the academics.

I hate to be contrary, but has anyone actually looked at the latest US News ranking?

UT 45
Baylor 75
Mizzou 90
ISU 97
Kansas 101
OU 101
OSU 132
KSU 143
TTU 160
Average: 105

Vandy 17
A&M 58
Florida 58
Georgia 62
Alabama 75
Auburn 82
Tenn 101
SC 111
UK 124
LSU 128
Arky 132
Ole Miss 143
MSU 157
Average: 96

SEC’s highest ranked school is higher than the Big 12, and the lowest is not as low (haha: Tech).

While I agree that of the remaining conferences the SEC is the worst academically, it is still better than the conference Texas is in now. All of this assumes that we can agree that US News rankings are a good way to gauge the issue.

It’s all about improvement if you’re relocating, Andrew. And going to the SEC wouldn’t accomplish that. At least not academically.

I think it’s safe to say nordberg just won the internet for the day.

Wait a minute – Aggies run Texas and controlledl the power centers in DC for the last two decades, and yet they’re the ones with the inferiority complex? I’m confused.

At any rate, clearly the quality of Aggie Power Broker will improve with their move towards the SEC and away from a U-Texas-centric B12. On behalf of the Free World, thank you for inspiring this transition.

Opening sequence of last night’s LSU-Miss St game said it all. When the landmark for the town (Starkville in this case) is a water tower, it is a bad sign. I was reminded of high school games vs. Rosebud-Lott, Hearn, Cameron, Elgin, and A&M Consolidated. They were bigger, stronger, and often older than we were (at Cameron, the D-tackle’s kid was screaming “Go Daddy!” from the stands). They were also dumber than a box of hammers. Elgin parents once egged our team bus. Del Valle tried to set it on fire. Really.
     Since then, I avoid those towns, their Golden Corral/K-Bobs, and at all cost, their moonshine-in-a-Mason-jar watering holes (Free Bird!!!). SEC road trips promise similar let downs even if we win the game (is Nashville not the lone exception?). Football or not, where do you want to travel, LA or Knoxville? Seattle or Auburn? Frisco or College Station/Starkville/Tuscaloosa?

Tom was recently perusing the USNWR Academic Rankings.

a+, boys.

Other than the being scared part, the guy has a point. Also, it would really piss the ags off and that would be fun to watch.

Thanks Vash: good stuff to read on the red eye out to LAX & da Rose Bowl
on a side note I wonder how many $EC readers think when you refer to "Rhoads Scholars ", that you’re talking about Iowa State football players.

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