Captain America Has A Rabbit Named Oreo

by Scipio Tex on Oct 6, 2011 7:29 PM CDT in Texas Longhorns and Other Football

Fozzy just moved to the front of my beloved Longhorn list. Fozzy could care less what people think and I think it's great. Don't change, man.

Some choice player profile excerpts from the apple of Pearland's eye:

"My rabbit is white and black so I named him Oreo."

I now dub the Fozzy Wildcat the WildOreo, particularly when Jaxon Shipley is the pitch man. And now that Jason Glynn is gone, defenses can't lick the soft center. Good one, Scip! UP HIGH FELLAS

One of my turtles I've had since I've been in college, his name is Franklin. He's the biggest one. I have another [turtle] named Woody who's a little bit smaller. And then I have a really baby [turtle], and his name is Junior," explained Whittaker, adding, "and my monitor lizard's name is Godzilla."

Basically, our senior halfback has the pet profile of a wacky 53 year old divorced woman who feeds macaws crackers from her mouth, wears a house coat all hours of the day, and collects Princess Di commemorative plates.

I also fear that Godzilla is going to kill Oreo one day. Will Franklin protect him? Junior can't do shit, I'll tell you that right now.

It's hard not to wonder how Whittaker juggles it all. So it's only fitting that he draws inspiration from Marvel Comics superhero Captain America who once said, "I can't surrender, I don't know how!" "I consider myself Captain America," affirmed Whittaker. "That's who I most associate myself with as a superhero. I'm always wearing something Captain America."

Fozzy is the baddest motha at the Comic Con, yo.

Fozzy would whip Fat Ninja's ass.

While Whittaker's closet may be filled with Captain America gear, including a comic book backpack he's been sporting around campus, you won't be seeing him portraying the superhero come October 31st.

Captain America backpack = pussy magnet. Step aside, Porsche 911.

"Everybody asks me if I've ever been Captain America for Halloween and I say, `No, I'm not dressing up as Captain America because that's who I am everyday.' So I have to be somebody different."

That's why I don't dress up as Ron Jeremy.

Whittaker is excited for the matchup, and if he can channel his innermost Captain America to help the Longhorns, maybe they will leave Dallas with the win.

Is there any doubt whatsoever that OU is Hydra and Bob Stoops is The Red Skull?

I know how that plays out:

You unmitigated fool! Don't you see I have a BCS game to lose!

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Comments

This ninja right here need (less) Funyuns.

by Young Williams on Oct 6, 2011 7:47 PM CDT reply actions

Young Williams –

You win the callback award. Ha. Well done.

by Scipio Tex on Oct 6, 2011 7:48 PM CDT reply actions

Pretending not to know Fat Storm Shadow’s name is bad form.

by Minnesotahorn on Oct 6, 2011 7:57 PM CDT reply actions

So you are balding, have 7 chins, 3 layers of bags under your eyes, and a beer gut so big you can even see you schlong no matter how long it is?

by Davey O'Brien on Oct 6, 2011 8:13 PM CDT reply actions

What the hell is up with Cal’s uniforms? Are they channeling Zona?

by craigbiggiosdirtyuniform on Oct 6, 2011 8:21 PM CDT reply actions

Awesome.

by Vasherized on Oct 6, 2011 8:29 PM CDT reply actions

Awesome. thanks scip

by Castle AAARGHH!!!!! on Oct 6, 2011 8:33 PM CDT reply actions

“I also fear that Godzilla is going to kill Oreo one day. Will Franklin protect him? Junior can’t do shit, I’ll tell you that right now.”

LOLOLOL Godalmighty!

by Snide Aside on Oct 6, 2011 8:39 PM CDT reply actions

A wonderful bit of levity to lighten the tension. Thank you sir!

by HornbyMarriage on Oct 6, 2011 8:46 PM CDT reply actions

“Fozzy could care less what people think and I think it’s great. Don’t change, man. "

Fozzy Badger don’t care. Fozzy Badger don’t give a shit.

by burntorangejuice on Oct 6, 2011 8:51 PM CDT reply actions

You can see Fozzy’s badass backpack in this segment from the 10/5/11 All-Access show on the LHN.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8aKLtIVXDM&feature=player_embedded

by MidTexHorn on Oct 6, 2011 9:18 PM CDT reply actions

That may be the all-time greatest pet collection of any college athlete since Marques Slocum.

by nobis60 on Oct 6, 2011 9:20 PM CDT reply actions

I wish Fozzy had a Fuck Turtle.

by Scipio Tex on Oct 6, 2011 9:27 PM CDT reply actions

So now we know how he spent all that injury downtime in years past, finding new unusual pets to take care of and hitting the comic book store.

by tdwalsh on Oct 6, 2011 9:37 PM CDT reply actions

Scip, I never cease to be amazed at the pictures you can’t paint with one sentence.

by Blueshorn on Oct 6, 2011 9:43 PM CDT reply actions

…can paint…

by Blueshorn on Oct 6, 2011 9:47 PM CDT reply actions

a wacky 53 year old divorced woman who feeds macaws crackers from her mouth, wears a house coat all hours of the day, and collects Princess Di commemorative plates.

Nice. But are you implying that match.com needs to get its algorithms worked out?

by parlin on Oct 6, 2011 9:53 PM CDT reply actions

Kenny Vaccaro collects Chia Pets. He feeds them battery acid.

by Vasherized on Oct 6, 2011 9:56 PM CDT reply actions

Kenny Vaccaro collects Chia Pets. He feeds them battery acid.

And they LOVE it.

by Tex Long on Oct 6, 2011 10:06 PM CDT reply actions

Don’t mess wiith Kenny Vaccaro’s Chia Pets. They will fucking cut you.

by Walden Ponderer on Oct 7, 2011 6:21 AM CDT reply actions

Mostly I’m just amazed that he didn’t name any of the turtles Greg Davis.

by Editionshield on Oct 7, 2011 7:45 AM CDT reply actions

“Fozzy would whip Fat Ninja’s ass.”

Gives me Wesley Willis flashbacks.

by dukeofohio on Oct 7, 2011 8:15 AM CDT reply actions

I wish Fozzy had a Fuck Turtle.

Pretty sure Kenny V has a fuck chupacabra.

by jc25 on Oct 7, 2011 8:34 AM CDT reply actions

Pretending not to know Fat Storm Shadow’s name is bad form.

Nice to see I’m not the only one disappointed by the lack of obscure G.I. Joe knowledge on display by Scip. That ‘little person’ is embarrassing the Snake Eyes legacy.

Kenny Vaccaro collects Chia Pets. He feeds them battery acid.
Don’t mess wiith Kenny Vaccaro’s Chia Pets. They will fucking cut you.

Holy shit. Normal people just wouldn’t understand.

by texasengr on Oct 7, 2011 12:38 PM CDT reply actions

Franklin’s secret identity is Gamera, who’s desperately trying to amass enough carbon offsets to participate in tomorrow’s tilt against the Red Skulls.

by spider on Oct 7, 2011 1:28 PM CDT reply actions