Diary of an Aggie Fan in Lubbock

please tell me this story is not true…

Oh man.
 
The hysteria, the serial overdramatization, the righteous indignation, the total implausibility of events – I think you’ve captured the zeitgeist pretty well. Unfortunately, it could have easily been written by Bill Byrne and that guy is actually IN CHARGE OF STUFF.
 
BTW, If you’re going to copy and paste something off of Texags.com, you have to post a link Dedfischer. You know that. Now I’m going to suspend you, techtard.

Tell it again.

Whooop! Careful, Scip as he might throw some battery encrusted tortilla’s at your head at the next staff meeting.

Wow. That was some great shit. Who will post it TO texags.com?

They peed on your Grams? Wow.

I mean, that’s almost as bad as throwing cowpatties in the team bus. Amazing, right? Our fightin’ men had to endure the indignity of smelling cowshit. In Lubbock!

Damn sandsips have no respect for TRADITION.

Whoop!

Drew ’92

so awesome

So, this was written by Bill Byrne?

When did they start to suck so bad……

Good shit, ded.

And they call themselves, “The Aristocrats!”

Your talents are wasted here. You should write for the Red Ass Battalion or whatever passes for a paper in Colley Station these days.

anonymous -
 
That was fantastic.

I feel like I’m a pretty savvy fellow and I still wasn’t sure this wasn’t legitimate frontier gibberish until granny burst into flames.

Anon at 6:25, very nice.

I thought the fact that you had other ags near (with only trivial help) but werent helping when it counted. Awesome! LOFL! I think my spleen is bleeding!

It’s not quite, “Diary of Anne Frank,” but I do look forward to your reports from Norman and Manhattan, as well as your home hosting skills for Baylor and UT.

I laughed for ten minutes. The pico part killed me.

Odds this letter is adopted as gosple by aggie faithful? I’m gonna go with about 65%. But its only that low because aggie id leaving the conference

i love how Tech fans are making the story bigger, yet getting mad at others.

Half my daughter’s face was melted off and we had to break out our 12th Man ponchos to protect ourselves.

Hahahahahahahaha!! That has to be one of the funniest things I’ve ever read! Bravo dedfischer!!!

It’s a good thing that SEC fans are notoriously polite, mild mannered, genteel, southerners that don’t take their football too seriously. Nothing but rainbowss and glitter in Fayettenam, Baton Rouge, Starkville, Knoxville, Columbia, Auburn, etc. for the Ag faithful.

You didn’t used to have a dog named Rusty, did you?

Dear Steve,

Be thankful the Fightin Texas Aggies won, you and your family got off easy.

Gig’ em

Dr. Mike McKinney

For a split second I feel I was there for about one line of this heeeelarryous story!

Steve,

I’m extremely sorry to hear about this and it doesn’t surprise me one bit. I had a very similar experience when I lost my mother in ’95. Godspeed and I hope your wife and daughter recover quickly.

Gig ’Em,

Dave ’83

P.S. Old Army! Whoop!

Steve,

You shouldn’t feel remorse about your mother’s carcass. You did the right thing that any good Ag would do by protecting your wife and daughter. Believe me, I’ve been to Lubbutt and this story sounds right on par with what my family went through. Thoughts & prayers.

Gig ’Em,

Frank ’77

No mention of GAP t-shirts? I demand a retake!

Hard to tell if Frank is being serious or not. Give us a sign.

Anything about Aggy is funny shit, regardless if it’s true or not…

Can’t. Stop. Laughing. HOLY FUCK

Steve,

I had a very similar experience in Lubbutt. None of these things actually happened to me, but I could tell the fans around me were thinking of doing all of those things. Attending games in that place is torture, but that’s what being a football fan is all about! Whoop!!

Sips Who are Posting,

You have your priorities all wrong if you think this is funny. Football is about respect, honor and howdy. Clearly the BOMC has convinced you that humiliation and murder are an acceptable part of football. I fear your thinking will only get worse without our uplifting influence in the conference. My only recommendation is that you join the military, so that you can come to understand the values that truly matter like duty, servitude, and dog worship.

Thanks and Gig ’Em

Joe
Fighting Texas Aggie Class of ’91

Oh how Aggies miss the Nebraska fans who were the co-classiest fans in the conference! Two out of every four years the Ags would congratulate themselves on this fact. Pretty classy of the Ags to recognize Nebraska as their equals. Classy classiness all the way through and through.

Now I’ve got to go add to the urine bottle I carry with me to Aggie games so I can “baptize” the Vietnam veterans in attendance.

…while another stole my wife’s chicken soft taco and began skull-raping her with it in the ear.

I lost it.

The skull-raping line killed me. Well done, ded.

Admit it, you’re also Aggie Rick, right?

I grew up in lockney, my cousin is Mayor of Floydada when he’s not running the print shop. I had heard of the Texas Aggies but had never met one in person until i moved east. Even then, the real game was between Tech and Texas.

RomaVicta, you have something against Vietnam Vets? If you get anywhere near Forney, give me a shout, i will give you a one time only, tour of my woodshed.

Chamber of Commerce material, imo.

For some reason, I have a mental image of the Gap Kid holding that taco . . .

Calling ACE and Thujone for pictorials

What is the tradition for the Ags when something like this happens to them in Lubbutt?

“Uncle Bill, please tell me another football fairly tale!”

“Ok, little Cletus…It was the night before Baylor and all through the farm…”

I can’t wait to see what happens to Steve when he visits Death Valley.

ded, FTW.

I’m just embarrassed there were 60,000 of us standing around watching this happen.

Monty, one of us is having trouble with their irony meter. I’m honestly not sure which one of us.

Good bull.

Every single one of those atrocities was formed somewhere in Aggie lore.

So it was just like a visitor attending an aggie game in college station. Never seen worse fans than aggies. Tech’s are no picnic either, but their bad manners result from stupidity.

Aggie anger, rudeness and mistreatment of other fans stems directly from an inferiority complex and the emotional trauma of wearing the ugliest color in the world.

Howdy,

I’m shocked by the extremity of the Tech Turds, but not surprised by their depravity. Lubbott has long been the armpit of Texas and embarrasses us good Texans. Maybe we need to add reinforcements next time we visit…..oh wait…..we never have to visit that God-forsaken land again. The Fightin’ Texas Aggies will represent Texas in the SEC – where real football and fans reside. We’ll leave the GAP Kids at ITTech.

Now, the tsips are runnin’ scared after their whoopin to daddy Stoops. We’ll stomp them this year and after the Texas Legislature compels them to play us again (or we’ll meet in the MNC game….LOL Texas in the MNC game again….not with Mack), we’ll stomp them some some more. Since 1980, we lead the series you know. We only the count the modern era.

Whooop!

Buck ’88
Lt., US Marine Corp (awaiting Sniper School assignment)

you lost me at aggy, tl;dr

Last year my friends and I had a great time in College Station for the Mizzou game. Early game, victory, and then hanging out in bars with Aggies. They were very cool, bought us drinks, and gave us advice. Several separate Aggies said, upon learning we go to a South site each year, “whatever you do, DO NOT got to Lubbock.”

Assuming we’re still in the Big 12 in 2012, we’ll be going to Lubbock. Can’t wait to see what it’s all about.

General madness. We’re all fucking crazy, you know.

This: “To say the least, I wasn’t feeling badly when DeMONSTER Moore ended Eric Stephens’ season.”

The aggy justification and adolescent nickname feel all too real. Bravo, sir. Truly inspired.

ded—-hilarious!

PS—-don’t know that the agroids could give any advice that would be worth taking.

dedfischer…you’re not even funny at all, you’re an a$$

The only true statement in your entire post is that Damontre Moore did indeed end Eric Stephens’ season with an after-the-play cheap shot, not unlike the after-the-play cheap shot another Aggie put on Colt McCoy.

Real funny making up nicknames like DeMONSTER and Cart McCoy and tu…. you Aggies must have a required Freshman course in nicknames.

Aggies have no class, and little room to talk about Tech fans. You remind me of the little kid who can never keep up with his big brother (Texas), so he tries to pick on the kid next door (Tech). Problem is, he gets his a$$ kick by the neighbor kid about half the time.

Can we just delete BBob’s last post and have someone privately email him?

Hell no we can’t delete BBob’s post. It’s the best one so far.

I was in shock. For once in my life, I had no response for that.

BBob thinks ded is an Aggie.

That’s gotta hurt ded.

Tech fight—Kinda like a chick fight but with more hair pulling and less effective punches.

Hey, I’m fairly new to the site, and if dedfischer’s article was 100% satire, then I apologize for the name-calling.

However, if he is an Aggie and honestly believes that the hit on Stephens was cool, then I stand by everything I said.

sadly, either way….there are plenty of ags who think that hit was great and still smile when they think of the hit on Colt back in 2006, and that was my point all along.

Wait, I just thought of one.

Bbob,

Every bit of that day was true and it was obviously another documented event of a cover up by the sand fleas. If you don’t believe me, go RE-READ the part about the incident with my mother by the dumpster. THE COPS WERE IN ON IT TOO!!!

While clueing in BBob maybe someone else can clue in the ReveilleProud goober?

BBob, try reading more and posting less, just about everything posted to this site is intended for entertainment purposes.

I’m obviously way overmatched on this thread, and somewhere left of left field.
I bow to your superior literary skills and satirical ramblings.
Maybe ReveilleProud and I can meet for lunch some day and argue about articles in The Onion.

I’ll head back to my desk at Cap Metro…..

BBob, I always find it funny when people get mad at others for whenever they do stupid things and others happen to point it out. I’ll try not to fling anymore stones while standing near your glasshouse ego. Carry on good sir.

Just read it again.

I could only feel how bad my knees hurt from grinding on the asphalt surface of the Rosa’s parking lot and how bad my wife’s head was aching from the pico pressing against her brain.

I can’t read a it a fifth time. I can’t.

I like how every account of an Aggie going to Lubbock for a football game reads like A Clockwork Orange.

Haha…. well done.

I’m surprised any ags made it out alive…and more surprised the ags bus wasn’t tipped over while still at the hotel…

Buck is funny.

I don’t get the thing about A+M playing in the MNC? Is that “Mounted National Championship?” Or is this a “don’t ask, don’t tell” kind of thing?

If there will be anything I miss about Lil’ Bro’s move to the Big, Bad, Super Duper, No, It Really is the Bestest College Football Conference In All The Land… $EC,! $EC! $EC!…

it will be the obviously too easy by half, just like fishing with dynamite way it is to ridicule all that is Aggie. Fortunately for us, as long as Aggie employs such mental giants as R. Bowtie Loftin and Dollar Bill Byrnes the self-parody that is the A&M Athletic Dept. will never stop.

99% of Steve’s post is true. The only inaccuracy was the age of his daughter. She is actually 10, not 9… but the in-stadium murder of his mother by way of maltov cocktail… that actually happened.

Also, the hardcore aggies replying to the thread are really aggies, they’re not part of the joke… in fact there is no joke, none of this is funny, it’s all serious…

A provocative account of true life events. Where can I send flowers for Steve’s grandma? Personally I think Steve’s wife came out easy. I mean the skull fucking was inevitable so I presume she simply paid back and enjoyed herself. Right?

And speaking of Rusty, I’m hungry.

October 2, 2011
Michael L. Slive
Commissioner
Southeastern Conference
2400 Dale Ernhardt Jr. Drive, Trailer 23
Tuscaloosa, AL 56843
Re: Request for Assistance
Commissioner Slive:
This letter is intended to inform you of a misunderstanding we had regarding our recent application to join the SEC, and to seek your assistance in rectifying the situation. As you are aware, Texas A&M University takes great pride in its athletic accomplishments and is an outstanding academic center. Our recent decision to leave the Big 12 Conference was designed to enhance these attributes.
In considering the conferences in which Texas A&M would have the best fit, particularly as a football program, it was decided in a meeting amongst our Regents that the Southland Conference was the best overall fit. We have played a number of teams from that conference over the last few years, and hoped to build new regional rivalries that would be attractive to our fan base, while maintaining the competitive edge that Aggies expect from their football program. (You should have seen how happy the fans were when we roasted Stephen F. Austin last year 42-7—now that’s football!) Apparently, however, some notes were incorrectly transcribed, and the next thing you know, we accidentally submitted an application to the Southeastern Conference. I am sure you can see how such a thing could have happened.
It probably was just as surprising to you that we submitted an application to the SEC as it was to me. After all, we haven’t beaten a team from the SEC since 1995. Most of our incoming freshman wouldn’t even be able to remember that game! I mean, seriously, we certainly would not have knowingly applied to be a member of a conference like that. I probably should have recognized the mistake sooner, but I’ve been flustered recently by this whole Longhorn Network situation. In any event, it wasn’t until this weekend when people kept saying that the Arkansas game would be a conference game next year that made me recognize the error. "What?! I thought, we wouldn’t want to play Arkansas in a conference game! Every year! That’s crazy!" That would mean we’d have to play Alabama and LSU, also. That would be inconsistent with our goal of actually someday winning a conference title, a goal that has proved elusive to us for the last 14 years as a Big 12 member.
So, I looked into things a little closer, and found the source of our error. I really, really apologize for the confusion. The President of Sam Houston State and I had a chuckle over the whole mess this morning. He assured me that the Southland Conference would not let our mistake hold up our approval for competing in that conference beginning July 1, 2012, but we will need the SEC’s permission, given that you formally accepted our erroneous application. Thus, this letter is intended to seek your permission.
Please, please, please, please, please do not make us play Alabama, LSU, Florida, or even Mississippi next year! You’ve seen us. We’re 0-7 and we haven’t even played SEC teams ranked in the top 10. Have mercy! You don’t want 13 members anyway . It’s an odd and unlucky number. So this works out best for all involved.
Again, my deepest apologies for the transcription error that caused this unfortunate misunderstanding. We need to get our schedules arranged with Stephen F. Austin, Lamar, and Sam Houston State quickly, so we would really appreciate your approval of this request at the earliest opportunity. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
R. Loftin
R. Bowen Loftin
P.S. In the alternative, Texas A&M would be willing to play in the SEC provided all games are limited to only two quarters. Four quarters is a lot to expect out of student-athletes.
Cc: Commissioner, Southland Conference

Hope eveyone has already seen that. Stolen from emial thread author unknown.

I can’t stop laughing. I have been to almost every Big 12 stadium and it always cracks me up the way that the Aggies describe going to Lubbock. I went in fully expecting to experience various acts of sexual humiliation and domestic terrorism as soon as I pulled onto Tech’s campus. Instead, I just got really dry skin from the lack of humidity out there and large coke for the price of a medium because they ran out of cups. I was expecting the “A Clockwork Orange” experience, and instead got basically the same treatment I got in Waco.

Many of you are aware of a tweet from a Texas A&M official that their team buses were spray painted and animal feces were spread inside of the buses early Saturday morning. The clear implication of the tweet was that this was the responsibility of Texas Tech fans or students. Texas Tech has conducted an investigation regarding this allegation, and has discovered the following:

“The buses were not spray painted. Instead, washable shoe polish was used on the windows of one of the buses.

“No feces were found either in or on the buses. Fish bait was dropped onto the floor of one of the buses.

“The alleged ‘vandalism’ was cleaned by the bus drivers and Holiday Inn staff before it was seen by the A&M official who tweeted the information.

“While incidents such as the ones alleged are inappropriate and strongly condemned by Texas Tech, it is no less wrong to condemn the entirety of our university, students and supporters by posting inaccurate information on the internet for the purpose of sensationalizing the actions of one or a very few. We are disturbed by the careless use of social media to share these inaccuracies.”

“We also saw a report of a savage beating to an Aggie family, which included assault & battery, an ethnic food sexual assault and a murder of an elderly woman. While we confirmed a body of an elderly woman was found, there was insufficient evidence to bring such an assault to the Grand Jury. We regret that some Texas Tech students may have been involved and we received this statement from one of the accused:

“I don’t regret anything.God puts people in certain situations for a reason. He’s the only person that can control my destiny. He’s the only person that knows my future. There was judgment from a lot of people. The only person that can judge me in this world is God. I don’t regret any of the pain that I’ve been through. I don’t regret anything that has happened to me. I don’t regret the situation that I have been in. I learned a lot from that situation.”

On behalf of Lubbock and the entire Texas Tech University I want to apologize for our fans. It’s a shame that our beautiful town and stadium has gotten the reputation it has because of some of our rowdy students.

I can NOT believe one of our boys jammed a taco in your wife’s ear. That is just horrible. I doubt it was monkey poo that got rubbed on your daughter, but the odds of it being horse or cow dung are quite high. The same thing happened to me my freshman year.

Again, I’m sorry. I’m so embarrassed.

Thank you, Ded, for helping us laugh about life. And love. Again.

I think I passed y’all in Idalou. You remember us showing sheep together in San Antone?
A tard fom Eden won the class. Man I wish I had of been there to help but were just finishing up at prairie dog town.

Jimmy 88

It was me! I ate a bunch of Josie’s burritos before the game (with extra beans, hard boiled eggs, and fish livers), kicked over my neighbor’s 3-year-old daughter’s soccer goal, rustled some cows, robbed an aTm machine, ran rampant through Lubbutt throwing batteries at elderly cripples and shoe polishing church vans, shoved a goalpost up your aggy nanny’s butt, punched myself in the face with both fists, bitch slapped a collie, took a nap…zzzzz….then for my grand finale, I pooped on your bus!

I read it again. And I have a fondness for Pancho.

allsome

Awesome. I’ll added it to my collection of Aggie in Lubbock lore.

I doubt this is true..but if it is..then AWESOME!!!!!

This story is hilarious. You’re wife got what she deserved as well as your mom and daughter. Had you not been such a bitch you would have stood up to these “tards” you speak of like a man and maybe prevented such hilarious acts from happening. Not to mention nobody believes any of this story is true because you can’t even remember your daughter’s bday. Long live the Tech traditions of ear fucking opponent’s wives and being men. Maybe you Aggs should take note and learn a thing or two.

Gonna get hazed even harder in the SEC

Can’t handle our campus? Can’t handle our frat boys? Seems like you just brought this on yourself. I’m a frat boy and my suggestion is to not wear your shitty colors to our campus. But dont worry yall are pussys and aren’t coming back cuz you weren’t man enough to stay in the big 12. Good bye and good riddance, Faggies.

Guns up!

that’s what you get for being such a b*tch

Odds that Bill Byrne will tweet this and somehow exaggerate the details even further? I’m going with 96%.

I have a ton of friends that go to a&m and several went to the game, and i swear this is so close to how they were acting after the game. Here are some comments from one of them…

“I never said that. But the students (the undergraduates, mind you) were absolute brutal and unlike any other place I have ever seen. The alumni were apologizing before, during, and after the game. People on my row were pelted with tortillas, batteries, and drinks.”

“There were times tonight that I feared for my safety, but it was so worth it. We never have to come back here! GIG ’EM AGGIES!”

“I can’t even begin to describe some of the things I have seen this weekend. These people are NOT normal.”

Then he got his car broken into the night before the game and this is a response to it…

“WOW!!! TYPICAL TARDS!!! when you hear stories about cars getting vandalized you think that it happens rarely and it would never really happen to you….Obviously not. tards are the lowest scum in the state of texas”

Fucking aggies.

You Aggies are idiots!

it’s spelled, “aggy”

I went to a SEC school… And I think tech sounds awesome. We don’t allow pussies in the SEC can we trade y’all for Tech? I think they wiont get raped as hard as y’all will.

Go dawgs

Thank you for the auspicious writeup. It in truth was a amusement account it. Look advanced to more brought agreeable from you! However, how could we keep in touch?