The Week That Will Be (11.05.2011)

Last Week: 4-2 ATS 4-2 SU
For the Year: 29-25 (.537) ATS 36-18 (.667) SU

We learned last week that a game with 186 passing yards between the two teams (Michigan State/Nebraska) is about as exciting as it sounds, and we didn’t even have Grantland Rice around to spice it up...

…we learned that Clemson is Clemson and the ACC is the ACC…Texas Tech would be a nice fit if realignment should choose…

…we learned that Andrew Luck is fallible, but not by USC, and that the officiating crew in this game pulled a nice double duty as the home plate umpire in Game Seven of the World Series…

…we learned that Baylor is not the nation’s leader in yardage efficiency as the Bears actually out-gained Oklahoma State 622-599, but had only 3 points through three quarters. Yardage Efficiency is a complete made-up stat…I think. Don’t look that up.

…we learned that no, Toto, Kansas State is not in Kansas anymore as Oklahoma kicked their ass all the way to Saskatchewan (spelled it correctly on the first try, score). Oklahoma gained nearly as many yards as from Manhattan to Saskatchewan, 690 in all (In actuality Manhattan, KS to Saskatchewan is 2,299,868.67 yards).

…And finally, we learned that for at least one night, Texas can dominate a conference opponent once again.

Anyhow…

With Halloween over and Thanksgiving fast approaching, we here at The Week That Will Be want to take some time this week and help you make those holiday plans a little easier by giving you our annual Bowl Projections…

The Tired of Hearing About It Bowl – Conference Realignment vs. Conference Realignment

Screw it, we’re going intrasquad here, because honestly when has so much been made about so little? When the biggest move is Boise State joining the Big East, something is wrong here. Texas A&M was allowed to hold college football news hostage for the last three months when they’re going to have to fire yet another coach for pulling a Franchione here pretty soon. Missouri has the football tradition of Prairie View and they’ve dominated the headlines the last month. Just get it over with already.

The It’s Me, Not You Bowl – TCU vs. Kim Kardashian

TCU was a member of the Big East for almost a year—Kim Kardashian was married to Kris Humphries for 72 days…but TCU never actually played any games in the Big East, so these have to be about the equivalent, right? Kardashian’s deal with E! to televise her wedding might have been more than the Big East’s football television contract, especially when the networks notice that Houston, Air Force, SMU and Navy have been added to the roster.

Let’s just hope that TCU doesn’t run back to Reggie Bush. That might be awkward.

The Inevitable Bowl – Oklahoma vs. Kim Kardashian

Oklahoma looks like they had Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian playing in the secondary against Texas Tech…Texas Tech goes out, starts Bruce Jenner and Kendall Jenner at linebacker against Iowa State, gets reamed by an Iowa State team that couldn’t stay within 16 points of any other conference team, but yet Oklahoma moves up to 7th in the human polls and 5th in the computer polls because Kansas State’s magic finally ran out. They’ll likely win out since Oklahoma State urinates all over themselves at the mere sight of an OU logo…which will put them in the BCS Championship Game should Stanford fall along the way somewhere.

And you know Kim Kardashian will be on with Barbara Walters and Diane Sawyer next week balling her eyes out, meanwhile she probably couldn’t even tell you her husband’s first name or which team he used to play basketball for when there was an NBA. She’ll get back with Reggie Bush, or start dating Cam Newton or somesuch and we’ll have to hear the dumb broad’s story again, which E! will gladly fork over $30 million to show her next wedding.

There has to be some Vegas casino taking prop bets on this. Someone check into it.

The Opposite of the Midas Touch Bowl – Will Muschamp vs. the cast of Boardwalk Empire

While this season of Boardwalk Empire is all about what happens when everything goes to the dumper, Will Muschamp is quickly finding out in Gainesville that yelling and screaming and cussing and chest bumping and getting a lot of views on YouTube doesn’t win football games, nor does a good portion of your team getting kicked off the squad for (not even synthetic) marijuana possession or other assorted mischief. Muschamp will get a couple of years to install his system, of course, but there is already some rumbling going on in Florida, and Mack Brown’s voodoo doll might just work again.

The Let’s See How Many Times We Can Mention Kardashian Bowl – US Weekly vs. HornMafia
Last mention, I promise.

The Alamo Bowl – Texas vs. Arizona State

I figure Texas drops one more the rest of the way, setting up a rematch of the 2007 Holiday Bowl. Texas fans chant "Rudy" out of habit.

The Orange Bowl – Clemson vs. West Virginia

The nation is shocked that the Orange Bowl doesn’t sound like it will suck for the first time since Tom Osborne was coaching.

The Sugar Bowl – LSU vs. Boise State

LSU gets yet another home game while Boise completes an undefeated season with a trip to New Orleans…a week earlier than they wanted.

The Rose Bowl – Nebraska vs. Oregon

Nebraska tries to downplay their last trip to the Rose Bowl, a shellacking in the championship game against Miami, but then promptly get their ass handed to them by Oregon. Tom Osborne moves to get Pasadena banned from college football and changes conferences again.

The Fiesta Bowl – Oklahoma State vs. Stanford

Stanford tries to replicate Miami’s 1987 Fiesta Bowl swagger by getting off the plane wearing….pocket protectors. Oklahoma State still loses.

The BCS National Championship Game – Alabama vs. Oklahoma

Pork rinds are at a premium in New Orleans this week as Oklahoma backs into yet another BCS Championship Game…and promptly gets their ass handed to them again.

On to the games...

Oregon -16.5 @ Washington:

It is the last game at Husky Stadium…at least this iteration of it before it undergoes a $250 million renovation, but don’t expect any heroics from the home team.

Washington has held serve with most on its schedule (thus the 6-2 record), but has given up 116 points to the two powers it has faced this year, Nebraska and Stanford. Don’t expect any less from an Oregon team that is averaging 526 yards per game.

Oregon 48 Washington 27
ATS – Oregon
SU – Oregon

South Carolina @ Arkansas -5:

South Carolina has been somewhat lackluster on offense, especially since the dismissal of Stephen Garcia, but their defense has been nails, only giving up 37 points in five games, albeit against Vanderbilt, Auburn, Kentucky, Mississippi State and Tennessee. The Gamecocks boast the 3rd best pass defense in the country, but I think they’ll be out of their element here against an Arkansas team that has struggled somewhat, but should be looking forward to being home again.

Arkansas 31 South Carolina 17
ATS – Arkansas
SU – Arkansas

LSU @ Alabama -4.5:

This year’s version of the "Game of the Century" matches these two SEC powers, one of which leads the country in scoring defense at just under a touchdown a game, the other one that allows about 11.5 points per game.

So you know about the defenses…but Jarrett Lee at LSU was supposed to be an afterthought this year, but he leads the country in TD/INT ratio (13/1) and leads the SEC in passing efficiency. The Tigers also feature a pair of physical running backs in Spencer Ware and Michael Ford.

For Alabama, A.J. McCarron has been a Greg McElroy starter kit, throwing for 10 touchdowns to only 3 interceptions, and executing perfect handoffs to Trent Richardson and Eddie Lacy.

This should be a close out throughout, but it just comes down to me that I trust Alabama’s skill players more than I trust LSU’s. Alabama’s only home loss since 2007 was a one-point loss to national champion Auburn last year, so it will be a feat for LSU to come in there and get a victory.

Alabama 24 LSU 17
ATS – Alabama
SU – Alabama

Kansas State @ Oklahoma State -21:

Oklahoma State’s offense gets all the accolades, and while their defense doesn’t have the prettiest numbers, it does lead the country in turnover margin at 2.38.

The key here is if the Cowboys can stop Kansas State’s running game and get their offense back out on the field.

The Cowboys seem to be on a mission this year, and although K-State could certainly run the ball and keep it close, in Stillwater I expect OSU to step up on both sides of the ball.

Oklahoma State 48 Kansas State 21
ATS – Oklahoma State
SU – Oklahoma State

Texas A&M @ Oklahoma -13.5:

The Aggies entered the season ranked among the Top 10 best teams in the country, but they enter Norman unranked with a record of 5-3 and staring at a .500 record with Kansas State next week. I don’t see the nation’s worst pass defense (giving up 318 yards per game) getting healthy against the nation’s second best pass offense (averaging 396 yards per game).

A&M won’t have to worry about blowing a second half lead this game, as they won’t be in it.

Oklahoma 45 Texas A&M 23
ATS – Oklahoma
SU – Oklahoma

Texas Tech @ Texas -14.5:

Let’s get two things out of the way quickly here: 1.) I don’t know how the hell Texas Tech beat Oklahoma looking at their other games this year; and 2.) Quit it with this notion that Texas Tech will be "angry" coming into DKR and looking to atone for last week’s blowout loss to Iowa State.

The former first: Tech doesn’t get "angry", they get "drunk", eat balls of bovines and then pass out in the yard of some frat house. They’re good for about one spoiler victory a year, but then they go back into their shell and meander through the rest of the season only to end it in a mid-tier bowl game, where they apparently get drunk the night before the game and then get blown out.

The latter next…In their season opener against Texas State, they were down at the half and gave up 256 rushing yards; against Nevada in Lubbock they needed a touchdown with :36 seconds left and gave up 562 offensive yards in the process; against Kansas they were down 20-0 almost immediately and gave up 478 yards to that team we saw last week; against Texas A&M they gave up 31 first half points; Kansas State put up 27 points in the second and third quarters; and finally, if you take away the one sack, three Iowa State rushers had 100 yards.

Tech is as dangerous as ever in the passing game, but their running game has been DOA since the injury to Eric Stephens…contain Seth Doege and you beat Tech, simple as that.

On offense, I would be disappointed if the Longhorns don’t run for 200 plus yards. Iowa State was able to hold on to the ball for more than 40 minutes last week (which Texas did against Kansas as well). Run the ball, control the clock and hit their receivers in the mouth. Tech has six turnovers in their last three games, so they like to give it to the wrong jersey, too.

This one could be dicey, but c’mon, does anyone expect Tech to show up for two road games?

Texas 31 Texas Tech 20
ATS – Texas Tech
SU – Texas

For entertainment purposes only. Save your money for your date with Kim Kardashian. Oops.

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