Squeeze Army

Go back and read those sentences in Christopher Walken’s voice. You’ll be glad that you did."

I did.

I was.

“I hear constantly from those of you who communicate with me”

I also hear constantly from people who communicate with ME! That is just too weird.

I made a tinfoil hat, and now I, too hear constantly from strange people who communicate with me. If I had gone to aggieland, I could have saved myself the cost of the tinfoil.

Whoever those guys are that keep turning the ball over are complete fuck-ups! You should blame them, not the offense.

Heh heh.

Nice work, as usual, FKT.

Note to Fake Ken. cc to Bill Byrne

The name of the game you seek is already known. It is called Aggie football.

You’re welcome.

Sounds like Bill Byrne has channeled his inner Jack Handy:

“When you hold onto your ball, really tightly, no one can take it away from you. Unless it’s a Grizzley Bear. And it’s mad.”

First of all, I like our chances of sending those impertinent turd burglars off to the SEC! SEC! SEC! with a stinging home loss. That is going to be vintage sweet nectar along the lines of personally dancing on their field after closing out the SWC on their punk asses in 1995!

With that out of the way, I am REALLY, and I mean REALLY going to enjoy watching those goofy little retards get their asses handed to them in the coming decades. It will be just like a replay of their Big XII experience – which I have enjoyed immensely. You simply CANNOT beat 3 and 4 touchdown losses at home to the Iowa States and Mizzou’s of the world. THAT is comedy gold!

Maybe in 15 or 20 years when they have a couple of baby steps behind them and they luck out into one of their 8 – 4 type of high water years I can revisit the joy of seeing their homely faces up close and personal as they meekly shuffle out of the state fairgrounds when we whip their asses in the Cotton Bowl. Of course, that presumes that they peak in a down year for us, so what are the realistic probabilities of that happening? Til then, I’m gonna have to sustain myself on a series of additional 3 touchdown losses at home to Mizzou, I suppose.

How that asshat continues to keep his job and make boatloads of cash is beyond my level of comprehension. Just one of these rants and should be enough to get him fired.

Drink of choice for the night: Sierra Nevada Torpedoe

Lol I Dan Quail’d that one

I joined the Carnival late. Were we this funny when we were 5-7? Or too busy trying to find pitchforks?

A bud of mine, who earlier this year took the day off in order to start tailgating in College Station for the OSU game, has his head buried in his head moaning that they are going to really S-U-C-K their first few years in the SEC.

(but he doesn’t regret the move)

Shortly after the agroids dismantled SMU, local talk radio legend Chip Howard (if you’re ever unfortunate enough to be in Bryan/College Station betwixt 4-6 pm on a weekday, tune to 1150 AM and pretend you’re hearing it all in Christopher Walken’s voice… you’ll be glad you did) compared the Fightin’ Texas Aggie offense of 2011 to the USC offense of 2005, and exclaimed, “It would really surprise me if this unit doesn’t turn out to be better than that Trojan offense.”

The comedic value of agroid simply cannot be replaced. Fortunately, the hygienic value of agroid is very easily replaced, otherwise I might actually miss these guys.

“…If anyone on our staff knew the specific answer, we would solve it.”

Wow. Sounds like aggy is on top of this whole losing thing.

OH my. is this real? are byrne and little in some kind of competition for senility? maybe they just have a private bet as to who can make the most idiotic pieces untill there is official recognition

Rolling.

Thanks.

Bill Byrne has nothing on that aggy cheerleader running for President. Surely, we will always get to tell aggy jokes and laugh at their strange and sicko ways?

I admit that Walken’s reading is better, but try Philip Seymour Hoffman channeling Capote. That works too.

This is a joke, right? This is somebody pretending to be the athletic director of a major university and writing like a retard, because nobody who holds such a position could actually be that stupid. I mean, no university would ever allow that. It’s just a parody. Right?

The sad fact is this is real. Oh my lord he should just not do this.

“Were we this funny when we were 5-7? "

Oh yeah, it was.

A different kind of funny though. Kind of like “The Day the Clown Cried” funny.

and a hat tip to you FKT, with the adding of Christopher Walken’s voice to dollar Bill you have kicked it up a notch. From here on out dollar Bill will always be coming across with that smooth Walken vibe.

I have a sickness for Aggy losses and the only cure is more cow bell, IMO.

Is Bill Byrne beergut?

How. Is. Dollar. Bill. Real?

“We are off to Manhattan, Kan., this weekend. For a preview of SEC football, you need to look no further than the Kansas State offense and defense, and special teams. Their offense is predicated on keeping the ball away from their opponent while their defense and special teams win the battle for field position. I am very impressed with their kickoff and punt returner.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reading between the lines, Bill Byrne is saying “K-State is just like the SEC teams that will throttle us starting next year. The Wildcats are good in all 3 phases of the game, so even if I’m not impressed by our own team, I’m certainly impressed with everything that KSU has to offer. Whoop!”

If ever there were a Big 12 AD Follies program, Bill Byrne would win going away (pun intended).

This was Wednesday? Is it too much of a coincidence that the same day Bill said “but it can’t have a third quarter” that another prominent Aggie forgot the THIRD item on his plan? Perhaps he took Bill’s suggestion too seriously. He should have named the first, second, and fourth department he’d eliminate.

Anyway, shouldn’t he be running for president of the SEC instead of the US? Listening to the Aggie propaganda you’d conclude that that’s the most powerful position in the country.

The key to understand Aggie actions is to first remember Aggies are always delusional (not sometimes, not on certain items (SEC), always). If they win, it’s followed by delusion, if they lose, delusion, when they make a decision, delusion. If we win, lose, or make a decision, delusion.

I can’t believe this is real.

Other than the Jay Mohr bit, which always cracks me up (well, maybe YOU), the funniest thing about this is that Aggie fans write their A.D. advising the coaches to teach the players to wrap up and not fumble.

I had to look at the actual page to see if this real. It is.

Wow…

How that asshat continues to keep his job and make boatloads of cash is beyond my level of comprehension.

Two words: women’s sports. He gets big bucks every time chickball, soccer, and the other non-revenue sports do well. It’s a great gig (‘em!) for him, and quite frankly I couldn’t invent a better match for their school than the clodhopper that is Bill Byrne.

Anyway, shouldn’t he be running for president of the SEC instead of the US?

Not a chance. The SEC would never elect a commissioner/president who is as stupid as the original Aggie Rick. The United States? Unfortunately not so smart. Pray for us all.

I would rather shit my pants

It is SOOOOOO incomprehensible to me for Deloss to ever bring the attention on himself like this. You have to wonder, if you are a head coach, what it means when the AD issues an opinion on what is right or wrong about your sport.

Bill – you are a CEO. Act like an executive instead of a sports blogger. The fact he gets away with it shows what a collection of dumbasses constitute the Agroid fan base.

Fantastic issues altogether, you simply won a emblem new reader. What may you suggest about your submit that you made a few days in the past? Any positive?