The Arab Spring Has Nothing On Joe Pa Fall.

See Scip, this is just awesome. Kudos.

That was awesome, but damn you. You’ve got me researching physics & math at 7am.

I’m going to stop at Specs on the way home and get a case of Heisenberg.

B-E-A-Utiful!

You have certainly captured in one post the current American zeitgeist.

This is my favorite in a long time….the precautionary tourniquet is particularly choice. Well done sir.

Great work as always. Reminded me of the “Storm of the Century” episode on It’s Always Sunny.

We’re going to keep showing empty streets until they come out and perform like angry monkeys.

500 angry monkeys just vowed to Occupy Scipio over that insult.

“Almost as if observing can influence the behavior of the observed.”

I whispered Heisenberg as I read that. heh.

Occupy Barking Carnival… oh wait… I guess I am already here…

Your racial stereotyping of reporters, coaching legends, and sexual sadists knows no bounds and stretches the very fabric of satire to unacceptable levels.

resignbynoonkthxbye.

One Riot, One Ranger.

One Disturbance — Five Thousand Reporters.

Say what you want about Texas fans sitting on their hands too much… at least we don’t make utter obscene asses of ourselves mau-mauing for unlimited catamite access on behalf of our coaches and donors.

Scipio, it’s a crying shame you weren’t around during the days of the Texas Ranger (roughly WWI to the end of the Vietnam war, when the admin got full-blown acid reflux over where student humor was wending). It was the official humor magazine of Texas Student Publications, and you’da been a definite asset.

Not soon enough.

Like I said before, the only difference between Happy Valley and College Station is a coach with 409 wins…..

What’s more, Heisenberg’s applies any time a measuring instrument is used; no consciousness is assumed on behalf of the particle.

Your attribution of consciousness to college students, though understandable…

Very nice.

I realize it is slightly pedestrian to point out favourite lines, but “These anarchists are making us do CARDIO” might need to be my new sig (if I had a sig).

If you haven’t heard the This American Life story from Penn State (episode 396), it is well worth the listen. I realize that every college has a party culture, but these guys are pretty hard core.

It’s beautiful man…..it’s beautiful!

Scipio you’re crushing it this week. Thanks for finding some modicum of humor in this whole nasty business. Of course with the ESPN anchors almost begging the kids to riot they make themselves oh so easy targets. Like how most of the kids in the “riot” were too busy filming each other with their cameras.

Like I said before, the only difference between Happy Valley and College Station is a coach with 409 wins…..

And sheep can’t talk.

This looks an awful lot like Gregg Doyel’s twitter feed Wed night. The Geraldo of CBSSports.com

“A student wearing glasses just yelled out, "Heisenberg"”

Seems more like a University of New Mexico thing…

As usual, you have captured the spirit of the situation.

I was particularly disgusted the minute it was announced that Joe Paterno had been fired all the sports journalists started acting like it was some sort of travesty.

Sports journOlist:
I don’t see how Penn State can possibly move forward from this tragedy until all the people involved have been removed from the situation, yes they need to fire them all. . .

Sports anchor:
This just in, Penn State has fired Joe Paterno

Sports journOlist:
Clearly, this is a situation where the facts should have been allowed to come out. It’s a tragedy that the man who has stood for everything that is good in college sports has been fired without due process or even the courtesy of an in-person visit.

Splendid work.

There are roughly nine sports journalists in the United States right now – all of them work for Yahoo! Sports.

We need something to call the rest of these folks.

I vote “buckrakers”.

ESPN’s coverage was hysterical. They do stage settings brilliantly, but they revert to amateurs when unscripted events start dictating production

Split screen – one live, one taped. Oh, the live feed just put the camera on the ground – what a compelling shot of cables and feet. Back to press conference video, but leave that live bug up. Wait, no, take it down. Where’s Rinaldi? Go back to that Paterno video. Can we split screen that? Oh, wait, the audio’s the only interesting thing in both videos….

Even better, you can almost see the consultant on their shoulder, whispering in their ear that these are the moments that can make or break a journalism career.

We have a word for that in sports that these media types love to throw around with abandon.

Choke.

Scip, you are simply a – and I don’t use this word casually – genius.

Can someone start a Longhorn Network Open Thread???

Hilarious! Open feeding, haha!

ya i got to say the number one sign that nothing interesting is happening is when everyone is videotaping as opposed to joining in. this goes for rock concerts and everything else

Heisenberg Barley Wine: Uncertainty guaranteed in 16 oz. or less!

But seriously, Scip: two posts, two references to “ribbons of shame.” Am I just not hip to your grok?

Say what you want about Texas fans sitting on their hands too much… at least we don’t make utter obscene asses of ourselves mau-mauing for unlimited catamite access on behalf of our coaches and donors.

Nor draw sabers on cheerleaders, nor saw down oaks to punish marching bands, nor cite female marching band members as a threat to national security, nor pin down female corps turds and punch them in the tits for trying to join an elite close-order marching squad (before depositing her in a sack in a field somewhere).

Nope, that would be The Other Place.

Somebody get that idiot off the goal post.

Somebody get Wally another bourbon ….

Great work. Journalists cannot be mocked enough.

The cries of “Oh My God!” heard in the video weren’t about the van getting tipped over. They were for the Asian kid in the hoodie winning the bet to funnel six Natty Lights before the side view mirrow touched pavement – and having extra time to ask a reporter for another.

“Reporter: It’s something primal. Guttural. Aggressively unintelligible. Is it Farsi-Esperanto?”

You, sir, have some very unique and marvelous synaptic connections…well done.

The headline on the TV would be:

Breaking News… Breaking News…. Now happening…..

Vanatics riot at Penn State?

Van dalism?

Scipio, when I grow up I want to be you – though I believe we are right around the same age. You are a literary genius, Brother and I am totally not bullshitting. Across the spectrum, your prose delivers. Bravo!

Ask them if Penn State’s football team should wear ribbons of shame instead of shoulder pads.

Try and picture this without laughing. Furthermore, though I try, I cannot picture them doing anything but sulking mid-field with pink and purple streamers, looking up at the other team like sad puppies that have been reprimanded for peeing on the rug.

Good stuff. Very Trey/Matt-ish. In fact, it’s probably better just to imagine the whole thing in Trey/Matt’s voices.

If i were hiring today and a Penn St grad came in, No thanks.

I don’t think the micro brew caused this, this is definitely acts brought on by cheap brews, i see Key Stone leaving his grill to join in. On second thought Key Stone is smoother than that.

You guys really should charge for this. It is priceless.

Now I am simply going to have to start a microbrewery just to make a beer called Heisenberg. And perhaps a Higgs-Boson Pilsner.

It’s ridiculous that I get to read this for free. Inspired.

Hats off!

What’s more, Heisenberg’s applies any time a measuring instrument is used; no consciousness is assumed on behalf of the particle.

The uncertainty principle appplies at all times, but is only apparent when there is an observer – i.e., it’s only noticeable when there is a noticer, instrumentation other than built-in receivers notwithstanding. There are no particles, only standing waves. The inescapable conclusion is that every “thing” is conscious, including the nonexistent particles, which includes students, faculty, and journalists of both words and pictures – moving or otherwise – as well as mere observers of the seemingly unconscious such as you and me.

In the words of the late, great Mick Jagger, You Can’t Always Get What You Want. I want to believe that what we got was What We Need, but somehow that part has eluded what little powers of observation I’ve been able to focus.

Hilarious.

It’s really true too, you’ll never meet a more pretentious group of people than national news reporters and they love to lord it over the rest of the staff. Sports is like it’s own little world in the newsroom that no one really takes seriously, so sports guys are always trying to get in on some moralizing and act all serious and important.