Texas-Texas AM Is Over: Please Shut The Fuck Up, Forever

That was great

“This was a deeply satisfying game for no other reason than, well, it SHUT THEM THE FUCK UP. Forever. Eternal scoreboard is eternal. I was tired of it. In the media. Online. At work.”

This…

I can’t get the Peter Sellers long-con image out of my head. Surprise!

Awesome post, sir. And Amen.

That rant was…sniff, sniff…beautiful, man.

James Gang, Scipio, and the humiliation of aggy….priceless

Serious x 1000. The second half of the game all I could think about was how utterly, totally wrong all the ESPN cheesybrained commentary was about how it was “such a shame” that the rivalry was ending. Yeah I’m sure ESPN thinks it’s a shame that they’re losing broadcast rights for the game for a few years. But it’s bullshit.

It’s like saying an annual family reunion is a good thing when the only person who shows is your misfit emotionally-retarded stepbrother, and he’s obsessed with peeing in your potato salad when you’re not looking. Yeah OK FINE he’s family. But that particular family bond isn’t worth cherishing. I say, Li’l Aggy needs to grow up. Let him go out in the world and find out what happens when he pees in some ex-con’s potato salad. Who knows? Maybe after a few beatdowns he’ll man up and take responsibility for himself. Realize that when you want what the other guy has, the best thing to do is focus on improving your own lot rather than obsessing over his. Then a reunion might be in order. But not until then.

And can I second the collie comments too? LASSIE IS A LIE. Them’s stupid-ass dogs. The brains of a toy chihuahua combined with the fur-shedding disaster of a long-haired Persian cat. It’s the poodle of British sheepherding dogs and no self-respecting football team should have it as a mascot. This is Texas – pick a pointer or a coonhound or ANY REAL DOG.

Righteous Indignation is righteous.

As somebody who works in politics, the finality of this game is particularily sweet. You never get to scoreboard an opponent to thoroughly in my line of work, so this will linger pleasantly for a long, long time.

How is Texas going to get Chris Petersen to replace Mack after your post?

Well said. After all the shit they were talking leading up to the game (and as long as we can remember before that), the stake in the heart ending was sweet kharmic justice.

Best. Aggie. Joke. Ever.

Scip I thought you work and live in the bay area?

Are there really any aggies there? I’d be shocked if you worked with an aggy

Perhaps the greatest paragraph ever written on this site:
“The rivalry is over. Your natural masters – QBed by a stork that can’t throw twenty yards, bearing gifts of the sweetest Cart McCry karmic payback on popsicle stick calves careening around like a mad, bulimic pinball – reminded you of the proper order of things: God hates all things Maroon, there is no Day Of Thanks for the eternally petulant and mewling, collies are a spectacularly shitty dog breed, you glorify dudes that we used to hang on locker hooks in high school, and no matter the strides your school has taken from third rate military academy to quality state school, you’re still, at the very core of your own self-identity, poor dumb Aggies.”

Outstanding work, Scip. I was secretly hoping Clipper might have a take, but this was exceptional.

This is the article of record for the last A&M-Texas football game in my lifetime. One for prosterity.

It will be C&P’d and sent to various Aggies across this vast land of forever burnt orange Texas.

Great stuff, Scip.

“No, the Aggies wave their Angry Irish Inch around like Harvey Keitel in Bad Lieutenant. "

My irate Irish ancestors shake their smoke-stained shillelaghs at you….while laughing.

Spectacular post. Keeping that one.

Lord. Lord have mercy.

I would seriously hate to be someone who works for Scip, and then fucks something up. It would be like being one of those poor saps in GlenGary GlenRoss, except worse.

“careening around like a mad, bulimic pinball…”

Excellent

Awesome!

This eloquent beatdown of the Aggies was thoroughly enjoyable . . . but to introduce it with James Gang’s “Thirds” was too much. It was the last album I bought in my hometown before beginning my freshman year in Austin. The next couple of hundred albums came from Inner Sanctum on 24th. But back to the Aggies . . . .

My senior year was when A&M ended its losing streak to us, knocking out Marty Akins and winning 20-10. A week later, with a 10-0 record and shot at a national championship, the Aggies upheld tradition and got flattened by Arkansas 31-6. After the game, I had four frat brothers who drove to College Station to rub it in the Aggies’ face. Once they got there, the best they could muster was to yell at people on the street, “Beat the Hell out of SCU.” (By losing, A&M was headed to the Liberty Bowl to play Southern Cal.)

However, as a parting gesture, they stole a College Station city limits sign, put it on the roof of their car, and drove the 100 miles back to Austin. They didn’t have any way to tie the sign down so they rolled the windows down and each guy held on with a hand. It was quite a trophy.

My only regret is that we couldn’t quit playing them in 1975.

I’m gonna remove Bad Lieutenant from my Netflix queue.

This was a deeply satisfying game for no other reason than, well, it SHUT THEM THE FUCK UP. Forever.

We can hope, though Aggy is like the heartbreak of psoriasis.

Peter Sellers’s After the Fox for the long long con, btw.

This!

“Xenu and Reveille are the same racket. Both groups scam gullible, insecure people out of their money with false camaraderie and promises of secret knowledge and belonging; rely on mythology and scapegoating to prop up their belief system; harbor contempt and resentment for those outside of the group; and speak in code and cant meant to infuse buffoonery with tradition and regality.”

& This!

" A&M’s self-identity is the Rube-ix Cube that can never be solved."

Slow Clap, sir! Well done indeed…

I was in a meeting last Tuesday night when my wife called. My phone plays Texas Fight as the ringtone (yeah, I’m that guy), and I couldn’t get to it fast enough to shut it off. While it was playing, one of the managers (who graduated from A&M), said simply without missing a beat, “Y’all are going to lose.” Everyone laughed and I finally got to my phone to silence it.

Yes, yes, and fuck yes. Eternal scoreboard is eternal.

Hook ’em!

Over the past few days I have really come to understand why I really hate the Aggie mentality. Eternal scoreboard may be eternal, but THEY STILL WON’T SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I am speechless. Reading that was like watching Michaelangelo paint, Abraham Lincoln speak, and Deborah Gibson sing.

Well done.

This is great work again.

Traditional rivalries makes college football the best sport on the planet and I don’t like what is currently happening with the sport. However, because a&m used false propaganda at every turn to sell their fanbase and justify its own actions on the move to the SEC, I wanted nothing more than a victory to get the Ags to STFU. Now, as Scip pointed out, we only have to hear chants of SEC when Georgia, FL, Bama, and LSU are rolling their asses. Bowtie, McKinney, Sharp, and Stallings are leading them down a primrose path and this will be a 100 year decision they will truly regret. They will find that football really ain’t that fun when you don’t have a built in rivalry. I also like how they are running around trying to anoint a built in rivalry. These guys are so stupid that the don’t even realize how rivalries are formed.

A&M is fucked

DAYUM!!!! Scip, that was pure GOLD!

I’ve hit BC about 30 times a day, waiting for this.

Total annihilation in prose.

Well worth it.

Ghost writer for Family Guy!

So say we all.

Did you see who the SEC appointed as their annual cross division rival?

FUCKING MISSOURI!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

I don’t normally enjoy gloating. It’s bad karma.
But it’s impossible not to enjoy this. Still, I’m such a “nice” guy (or a hypocrite) that I am SOOO understanding with my Aggie friends at work. “Tough about those ref calls, but, you know, Texas got some bad calls, too.” “Yeah, that Sherman…” Crap like that.
Meanwhile, internally I’m laughing my ass off!

Finally! The departure of the Ags treated with all the reverence and delicacy it deserves!

Best ever. I envy your abilities. Thanks for writing what most of us feel but are unable to articulate.
As a SEC member A&M will contribute to championships like victims contribute to a natural disaster.

Amen!

Vince Young : 2005 National Championship Game :: Scipio : This post

Very nice write up Scrip. A very satisfying win in the end for the Longhorns, and one that only Hollywood could come up with in a cheesy, slapstick- seriously that just happened comedy.

The best result so far is that this board, which is rooted in some of the best college football analysis, has been free of those worthless trolls. Oh, and eternal scroreboard (didn’t realize how good that would feel to type.)

Keep up the great work & Hook’ Em!

Scip-outstanding read as always. A real pleasure, Thx again.

This has Michael Moore written all over it.

Poor Lassie – Timmy is stuck in the well and never coming out.

“Maybe after a few beatdowns he’ll man up and take responsibility for himself. Realize that when you want what the other guy has, the best thing to do is focus on improving your own lot rather than obsessing over his.”

Hmmm. It never crossed my mind that Aggie is just like the Occupy movement, but you’re right.

“collies are a spectacularly shitty dog breed”

I love that line.

“collies are a spectacularly shitty dog breed”

Judging by her avatar Sasha won’t approve this comment …

Amen

Thx for that. Outstanding work.

For aggy:

and

Thanks kind Sir, that was a truly delicious read! God, in all His mystery, does really demonstrate contempt for those cantankerous and impertinent dumbasses. This game is simply another data point supporting this conclusion. Eternal Scoreboard is such a sweet, sweet way of ending it with those punks!

Maybe by the time they finish their retooling in about 10 or 15 years they will crawl their way up into a Cotton Bowl matchup with us. I might be amenable to whipping their ass again at that point. For now, I’m good.

" He looked like a scorned Amish fluff boy at a barn-raising"

had to chuckle out loud at this gem

Greatness, as usual. There are three parts to my post-aggie glee:

1) We won.
2) Our offense was dreadful, and we won.
3) The final drive included a referee judgement call that will irk them like a stone in their shoe FOREVER. Never mind that the call was correct. It is a string of potentiality they can hold on to—forever. If the call had not been made, they could have fulfilled some destiny. If we had beaten them 77-0, they would have to just take a deep breath and know they got licked by a better team. Instead, the have this unchangeable judgement call they can blame for cheating them out of their huffy good-bye. But the blame never satisfies, because in the end they lost—and we won.

“I am speechless. Reading that was like watching Michaelangelo paint, Abraham Lincoln speak, and Deborah Gibson sing.”

I bet you were touching yourself while she was singing, am I right Big Ern?

Scip.Best.Poster.On.The.Internet

Thanks, your wordsmithing gets right to the point, entertains, and never fails to deliver. As someone else mentioned, thanks for encapsulating my thoughts so beautifully.

Just think. They’re the ones that wanted this asskicking to be primetime on Thanksgiving night.

This is absolutely priceless. Why aren’t you writing a book?

“but who better than Scientology’s greatest public advocate to serve as our Beatrice in a journey into the Dantean torment of Aggieland?”

Great article. Nothing will ever beat the open-mouthed shocked look on the faces of 80000 aggys as time ran out on the clock. Priceless.

I think my favorite/least favorite thing about our aggieëctomy, since a sebum-link sheen of hathos smears our every encounter like ectoplasmic gravy, is their present claim that we’re not playing them next year because we’re “afraid.”

And here I thought we weren’t playing them next year because we’re not in the same fucking conference any more and already have our OOC schedule, but maybe the problem is that I don’t speak aggie.

For aggie to insist that we continue to have a relationship AFTER they spent months blaming Texas for their every move, that they were leaving because of unequal revenue distribution (that they voted for), that they were leaving due to LHN (after snubbing our invitation), or that they were leaving due to our arrogance (in which case, they should have bolted about the time Grover Cleveland offered Queen Liliuokalani her throne back) is like Jennifer Jason Leigh trying to make up with us after sticking her stiletto heel through Dan Beebe’s eye.

And that was after she killed the fucking puppy.

The Texas program is on an upswing in a weaker conference. The aggies are limping into a stronger conference with an incompetent staff they can’t afford to fire anymore. Who’s afraid of what?

The future is aggie’s punishment for what they are. There is no escape.

Sigh – Scipio Tex, you are sharper than a hounds tooth. The description of tAMU is excruciatingly succinct!
I would ask that you risk unknown contamination and post this on TexAgs. The responses would be good for another few hours of laughter.

“Xenu and Reveille are the same racket. Both groups scam gullible, insecure people out of their money with false camaraderie and promises of secret knowledge and belonging; rely on mythology and scapegoating to prop up their belief system; harbor contempt and resentment for those outside of the group; and speak in code and cant meant to infuse buffoonery with tradition and regality.”

You’re a lousy fucking softball player, Jack.

Scipio Tex – If, for any reason, I may somehow offend you – please accept my deepest apologies now.
My fragile ego would not be able to endure your ice pick penetrating and ascorbic attack.

I could only read your article in bits and pieces as I spent most of my time in front of a dictionary and old undergraduate books by Shakesphere.

Your treatise on A&M is the best I have read and should be must reading by all newbies to this blog.

Well done!

“Forever” is a long, long, long time….
http://twitter.com/#!/trenthunter01/status/141675149115133952/photo/1

my god.. spider’s addendum was almost as good as the real post. hat tips all around.

here is a cleaner link:
http://p.twimg.com/AfdUzCjCEAEMLE2.jpg

Thanks, mattdubya. May a squadron of lovely vaginas find its way to your crotch by day’s end.

I’m bookmarking this page. Yearly reading, IMO.

Good one Newy.

Yeah, Spider knocked it out of the park too.

Scipio Tex, you acquitted yourself nobly. Thanks for the read.

Well played, sir.

I wake up, drink my coffee, and read this…aka gonna be a good week as I am still dealing with lame excuses from aggies at law school about how they should have won.

Hitler’s take on it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pkGY5E3fXs&feature=related

Vaginas all round, then, except for those who don’t like them or don’t need another.

Chortle! Beautiful!

/Collies suck.

Collies suck.

Here is a case in point: We All know aggies, I bet we all know A LOT of aggies. We also know how religiously dogmatic they are about their symbols and traditions. I’ll bet you know more than a few that have maroon vehicles. Do any of them own a Collie?

In the made for TV movie “Texas Justice” which is based on Gary Cartwright’s book about the Cullen Davis murder trial, Cullen is quoted as saying that his father had sent him to a&m so that “I wouldn’t get any smarter than he was”…don’t know if Cullen actually said that, but I am sure Stinky Davis had a thought or two along those lines

Magnificent!

I’ve never owned a collie or known anyone who did, but I did watch a BBC documentary that featured “the world’s smartest dog”, a collie from Austria. This dog had a >450 word vocabulary, which is higher than any great ape has ever achieved, not to mention most Okies. The dog could also learn new words or commands after only two repetitions. So that’s something, isn’t it?

What does this mean for Aggie Rick? Seriously…

Bill’s weekly wednesday:

“I’m hearing the Queen of Hearts solution from Alice in Wonderland from many of you. We need to set aside our disappointment and build from here. We all need to remember our coaches and players put us in position to win all our games this season, and once we take the emotion out of what went wrong, we will find a way to fix it.”

OK, so the coaches and players put the Ags in position to win all their games, but the fans and Bill lost half of them? Got it.

TAMU is the spring of endless folly.

If some patient, and perhaps cruel, soul eventually manages to explain this post to an Aggie; they may claim the written evisceration amounts to abuse.

That was the best post I’ve ever read on the internet. The “natural masters” paragraph was one of the best pieces of writing I’ve ever read. Thanks Scipio.

A bevy of vaginas cannot cure aggie penis envy.

“Now run along to the SEC and let your hearts swell with pride as LSU, Alabama, Florida, and Georgia win championships while you pretend you had something to do with it. Let’s hear it loud and proud: S-E-C! S-E-C! S-E-C!

A new identity, once again derived by your self-definition against others.

Poor Aggies."

^
Poetic non-fiction at its finest.

Yoda says, “Hmmm… instant classic, this post is. You Aggies seek your fortune elsewhere, do you? You always struggle, but seldom achieve. It is not the force, but the galactic farce, that is strong within you. When the pain of loss is all you know, your turn to the dark side will be complete.”

“"collies are a spectacularly shitty dog breed"

Judging by her avatar Sasha won’t approve this comment …"
_____________________________________
I would like to clarify that my dog is a SHELTIE, not a Collie.

Though, I will say that my dog is very big for a sheltie (about 45 lbs). And the current A&M dog looks really small for a collie. Collies are usually about the size of a german shepherd, and Reveille looks closer to my dog’s size. So either they picked a very small collie, or they got it wrong and have a sheltie for their mascot.

And for the record, that is why my handle is Sasha is a Longhorn Dog. My dog’s name really is Sasha. And she is NOT an A&M dog. EVER. See how happy she is in my avatar?

On a side note, I had considered having my handle be Sasha is a Horn Dog, but I didn’t want to tarnish my dog’s reputation. ;-)

I would like to clarify that my dog is a SHELTIE, not a Collie

That what I thought, a Sheltie, isn’t that short for Shetland Sheep Dog?

Epic win.

What say we all chip in on a goodwill going-away present for our Collie Station amigos…maybe an industrial size jar of KY to ease the anal poundings they’re gonna be absorbing on a weekly basis in the By God S-E-C?

Last i heard, Dodds was on the phone scheduling Mike leach for Thanksgiving, saying something about playing the aggies master.

Aussies are much better sheepdogs than Collies, in my experience. Of course, I ought to say ‘goat’ dogs, since I’ve never had any experience with sheep, even if I I do live in College Station.

I am still giddy about Thanksgiving, BTW, for all the reasons outlined here. And being a graduate of The By-God University of Texas living in College Station, I have to tell you, this was as satisfying an ending to this farce of a rivalry as any I could have imagined.

It will take two more decades to finish its death throes… but agroid culture is now officially dead. The body hasn’t assumed room temperature yet, but the heart has officially been removed from the body.

This calls for another snifter of brandy.

@Team Dirty Leg,

Yep. Sheltie is short for Shetland Sheep Dog.

You know what would be great? If I was Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, but instead it was Nov. 24, 2011 every day.

If I had LSUfreek’s skills I would gif that.

First of all, monumental post, Scipio. I will read and reread and laugh for years to come.

I am struck by several things in the aftermath of the game, the rivalry and many of my personal friendships with Ags. Foremost, is that none of them – not a single one – has called me to congratulate the Horns on a well-fought game. No one has called, not one. It’s been a week. I know it will take them some time to absorb the loss, and they will be back at it with all their blather, but for now all I hear is crickets. Which is nice….

After reading all the posts, I have become convinced that this rivalry ain’t coming back any time soon, and that any time spent lamenting that fact is a waste. Rivalry? 76-35-5. It’s over. More crickets.

It would be interesting to analyze the numerous Aggie collapses in the second half this year to catalogue the number of personal foul penalties called against the Aggies and how those impacted the games in critical situations. When the personal foul was called in the final UT drive, my only reaction was to laugh. My reaction to A&M’s whining about a bad call? Crickets, man, crickets.

Craig James is horrible, just horrible. “Those running backs have to keep their feet low to the ground.” (whuh??) “The defensive front for A&M has to prevent any more trickeration by Texas.” (there’s that word again…) Clear to me that James HATES UT. If we have any pull with ESPN at all, James should never broadcast another UT game.

I suppose going forward the lyrics of “Texas Fight” may need to be rewritten, but for now the line “and it’s goodbye to A&M” can be sung with new meaning and zeal. Perhaps once in a while we could all just leave that line out and the band could tacet for 2 bars while the crowd makes cricket noises. Just a thought, there.

27-25 (Crickets….)

Angry Irish inch…classic

Angry Irish inch…classic

Hedwig will be in touch with you shortly (an inch, perhaps) regarding your unlicensed use of the term “angry inch” with or without additional adjectives.

bobby burton does say things sometimes that i absolutely agree with, and today was a red-letter moment of that. among other things about the ags, he had this to say:

A&M will only be as attractive as the coaching staff makes it. That includes winning, style of play on both sides of the ball and atmosphere amongst the players and how the players feel on campus.

A major issue with A&M over the past 10 years is how some athletes have felt about their experiences at A&M. You can’t have a potential NFL running back telling his younger brother to go somewhere else. That’s not how a school’s success builds upon itself.

he then followed up with:

I also think the move helps TCU because they are elevated to major conference status.

I think the move ultimately hurts A&M. The move to the SEC was a real bad decision IMO. They’ve now ostracized themselves from the very state that feeds them. The grass isn’t always greener.

that’s about as clean a take as i’ve seen from someone who often speaks highly of them.

In spite of what other might think, certainly, there has been alot of valuable information and facts in this posting. Fantastic websites and content!

He so accurately describes aggie that I am speechless and limp with hilarity.

That was spectacular!

A lifetime’s achievement in a single post.

This has been a special, selfish week. Thanks for this uplifting gift.

Primo!

perfect,

poooooooooooooooor aggies.

sherms fired.. way to limp into the SEC aggies

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