YOU SHALL NOT PASS EFFECTIVELY. The Pregamer heads to the Little Apple as the 'Horns attempt their Everest - a win over KSU. Kleinbot 2.0 is in the house. Get excited folks.
So this is what you get for hexing a Christian institution.
Last week was so dismal that we’re going to devote one sentence and one sentence only to it: Thanksgiving night ended with the Pregamer drunk in the shower with its clothes on singing "Ain’t No Sunshine" to a faded picture of Colt McCoy.
Moving on to gladder tidings, the holidays are sneaking up on us rapidly and it’s time to start asking ourselves, "Just what might Jolly Ole Saint Snyder be bringing us this year?"
A lump of coal, that’s what.
Kansas State has a lot of things we don’t. A solid defense stocked with competent upperclassmen. A star linebacker. A maybe Heisman candidate. Ancient wizarding powers we can only assume involve Mystical Power Towels.
But this week, there’s more at stake than the annual purple pain train.
We’ve found ourselves in a classic Catch-22. With a win, OU likely back-doors themselves to another Big XII Title and Johnny "Goebbels" Football’s path to the Heisman becomes that much clearer. A loss this weekend keeps the land thieves from stealing the conference and could send Klein to the other Manhattan, which would definitely rankle our infinitely rankle-able friends in College Station. How’s that for pumping the sunshine?
We’re not saying UT should take a dive, just that we’re stuck between a rock and a couple of overweight rednecks in crimson and maroon cheering us on Deliverance style. But sometimes the only way to exert any control over our rivals is by being out of control. It worked out OK for those guys in Tokyo Drift right? They're still making movies... ...and stuff.
On the bright side, Texas gets to play Grinch to someones holiday plans this year. And isn't that what the season is all about? After all, we know a thing or two about epic late season trolls.
Movie of the Week:
Life of Pi - Far from home, a man finds himself stuck on a lifeboat with a dangerous cat. We don't see this one ending well. Coincidentally, Vegas has the cat by 11 in this one too.
Rental of the Week:
The Color Purple - We don't know what this movie is about because we refuse to watch it. We’re not into horror stories or the decade long franchises they spawn.
BIG XII BOARD GAMES:
Big XII offenses often feel like a high speed games of chess. On the other hand, defensive coordinators seem to be playing a different game altogether. Chutes and Ladders, maybe. With the big break coming up we at the Pregamer took a few minutes to come up with some team appropriate activities to keep our favorite coaches busy till bowl season.
- Texas: Monopoly, provided that Mack gets to start with Park Place.
- Kansas: Weis loves Hungry Hungry Hippos, but the last guy "misplaced" all the marbles.
- Tech: You might think that Connect Four would be too complicated for Tech students, and you’d be right. Tuberville sticks to Go Fish, but refuses to play with anyone till he sees some documentation.
- TCU: Was it Pachall in the study hall with a blunt? Coach Patterson doesn’t have a Clue. He’ll just have to sweat it out a little longer.
- Oklahoma: What’s that game where everyone hates you and you’re ugly and stupid but somehow you backdoor your way into a win every time even though you don’t really deserve it, and you get lucky in games like that one against West Virginia that you should have lost and don’t get me started on Bedlam overtime tackling and your state sucks and nobody likes you because you’re inbred hillbilly mouth-breathing
*redacted*and we all wish you wouldn’t show up to game night and just disappear forever and then maybe we’d all be happy? Oklahoma loves that game.
- Ok State: Mike Gundy’s been playing Operation in the corner for weeks - it’s not going well for him or his QBs.
- K State: Did you know that Ole Man Snyder invented Senet?
- Baylor: Baylor will play whatever game the Wildcats are playing, but be warned: Briles is going to steal the pieces from behind your back.
- Iowa State: Easy. An emotional game of Twister.
- West Virginia: No one’s gonna play Russian Roulette with you, Dana.
BETTER KNOW A ROSTER
- Kip Daily - Was one of Carlton Banks’ chums who got into to a small altercation, scaring his mother, and transferred to a safer locale. We predict six seasons and a movie.
- Tate Snyder - Was going to make a joke about how Coach Snyder could be his grandad. Turns out he is. What a world folks.
- Zach Nemechek - Remember that show "Doug?" Remember the nematodes? We thought those were made up but they’re real animals. It’s some sort of worm. True story.
- Boston Stiverson - our 80s cover band was workshopping this name for years
- Lucas Munds - Our 90’s experimental prog rock band...
- Alauna Finau - is from the majestic island of Compton.
- Kason Hostrup - What happened after baby Jason ate fraternal twin Kasey in the womb.
- Blake Slaughter - overbearing military father, nicest guy on the team.
- Glenn Gronkowski - "Athletic fullback from a football family who enrolled during the spring to participate in spring drills." We have a good feeling about this guy.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, the ‘05 champs gave to me…
Happy Holidays Everyone. Aggies too. See Ya'll after the break.