Inside the Tote Bag: 3.28.12

Do things Al Golden's way or he'll find somebody who can. Anyone, really. And if your name happens to be Eric Winston, Bryant McKinnie, or any combination of those names that would be really cool too.

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Yes, this is a real advertisement from a campus gym in Coral Gables soliciting walk-on linemen. You can laugh long and hard as if the 1990 Cotton Bowl never happened. We would totally kick their ass now!

Do you ever wonder what all of Bob Dylan's drummers are up to these days? Me neither. But as a huge fan of the FX series Justified, where appalachian pot growers, meth peddlers, perpetual parole violators, and moonshiners all get wrangled by one very badass federal marshall in Raylan Givens; then you might appreciate the casting of Mickey Jones as drug dealer Rodney Dunham on the show.

Here's Mickey on the skins during Dylan's famous concert at Royal Albert Hall in 1966, when Bob first went electric and pissed off the hard-core folkies, who we can all blame for uninentionally starting the hipster movement.

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Dumb guy in Tennessee tries to get smarter, fails first test. Unfortunately for Vols fans, that guy is QB Tyler Bray. Just keep talking and an honorary tote bag awaits you. We'll go ahead and send it to your parents' house to make sure you get it.

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Paul Johnson needs a little work on his sales pitch to in-state recruits. Georgia Tech has zero commitments for the 2013 class. Mark Richt already has nine. This might be why.

"I think there are a lot of attractions to Georgia Tech," Johnson told the AJC. "The biggest thing we try to sell is that you can get a world-class education and have a chance to play on the BCS level in a great city … so we feel like we can check every box. "You certainly hope [top prospects from Georgia] would take a long hard look at Georgia Tech and what it has to offer."

Mike Sherman likes this.

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With four teams still dancing in the 2012 tourney, Wiggin_X is in first place in the Beat the Barkers bracket bonanza, but Never Posted Still Smarter (best handle ever?) is right on his heels. All that matters is that I'm still beating Brickhorn. Unfortunately, he has Kentucky winning and I have Ohio State cutting down the Nets. The fact that Huckleberry agrees with me is disturbing considering we've never agreed on anything. Our local hoops guru, Tjarks, did not fare so well with his Invasion of Normandy bracket strategy, but he had the right idea with Florida and NC State making deep runs. Balls, that man has.

Get ready to hear the inevitable "Could Kentucky beat the Charlotte Bobcats?!" mouthbreathing in the coming week. Regardless of the result, I will be disappointed if Pitino doesn't shank Calipari in the gut during the post-game handshake, win or lose. They pretty much hate each other and anybody that's not a Lousville or Kentucky fan pretty much hates them, but I've always liked Slick Rick. As far as X's and O's go, both guys can flat out coach and that Bill Self guy isn't bad either. Rick Barnes thinks their defenses could use some work while Bill Simmons thinks Anthony Davis isn't being used effectively.

What do you think, rational sports fan?

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NFL SEASON TO BEGIN WITH GLORIOUS COWBOYS LOSS

What is this cruel headline, you ask? Is it a sadacious plot by an Eagles sympathizer? MWAAHAHAHAA.

No, it's what even Cowboys fans now know to be true inside the dark cavern of their hearts because Jerrah's boys will face off against the world champion New York Giants on annual kickoff day, which is naturally held on a Wednesday this year. Can last year's contest -- where Tony Romo overthrew a wide open Miles Austin and then lost on a last second blocked field goal -- possibly be duplicated? Only if it happened again in the exact same sequence.

BRING THE OFFSEASON SMACK. Even you, Redskins fan...

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via misterirrelevant.com

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Speaking of RG3, Jim Irsay has a twiddle for you.

Although we wholly approve of trolling Redskins fans in any form or fashion, Irsay's twitter feed in general reads like he's the Smithers of NFL owners, toying with unworthy fans while he pets a nearby mink. He's a smart guy (definitely smarter than Pat Bolen), but it kind of makes you want to punch a billionaire in the neck. And this riddle obviously means the Colts will draft Andrew Luck.

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Craig James' fiery plunge into the seventh level of hell is going swimmingly well and he doesn't need your vote if you don't think Mike Leach is a bully.

Craig is quickly reaching Matt Millen levels of public embarrassment and we are all winners for it. An honorary tote bag shall be dispatched to his helipad at once! Seriously, how can you not vote for this guy knowing what potential media carnage awaits should Craig James get elected to the US Senate?

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