Five-tool Defensive End. Sooner Legacy. Future WWE Star.
Buckle your chinstraps, Carnival-goers. Fake Ken Tremendous and yours truly are about to take you on a whirlwind tour of the Oklahoma Internet media's tireless Sooner coverage. (Yes, Oklahoma has internet access now. It's required under a loose interpretation of an 1837 treaty Andrew Jackson signed with the Chickasaws.)
Before we break all this down for you in the written equivalent of a Bleacher Report slide show, please attach a dull knife to your belt harness, slap yourself in the face, snort some meth, and take a leap of faith ...
First, we have a story suggesting that Kenny Stills knows what it's like to walk in Trayvon Martin's shoes because he dresses gangsta and asks for the tri-color Icelandic Merkin when visiting the hair salon. Topical and relevant, imo. Here's a representative quote from NewsOK's hard-hitting two-question interview:
I don't know too much about this story, but it sounds like, from my teammates talking about it, that he was in a pretty nice neighborhood. They said that he had went to the store, and he had come back with a hood on. Someone was intimated enough that they felt they had to shoot him. I feel it's unfair for people to be able to do that.
Talk about a hot sports opinion! I'm shocked the article doesn't include a disclaimer stating that Mr. Stills's statements do not reflect the views of NewsOK or its parent corporation on the hot-button question: "Is it fair or unfair to shoot a guy to death because of his attire?" Keep an eye on this bold article come Pulitzer time next spring.
As a complement to the resonant "ask Kenny Stills whether hooded sweatshirts are threatening" feature, there's a video of Sooner Schooner Jenni Carlson and some hungover guy with pregnant eyebags talking about why true freshman Trey Metoyer will break all of Ryan Broyles' records and how the rest of the team is pretty average. I actually fell asleep 20 seconds into the video but trust that Stoops was pissed about something but will have it all fixed by the time the Sooners face Texas.
Next, Berry Tramel chimes in with his thoughts. My first thought is, who names their kid Berry?
My second thought is that it looks like Berry and Eyebags might party together. Nightly, until the wee hours.
Finally, I like that OU has some issues in the secondary to sort out, Broyles has left some less talented dudes in his wake at WR, and OU doesn't have a deep or very talented backfield. The white shoe firm of Brown, Gray & Bergeron works in different circles than the ambulance chasers that are Clay, Millard & Finch.
You should also celebrate the fact that not everyone in Norman is happy about Landry Jones returning. Discord! Controversy! Detractors are fleeing the Uncle Rico rickshaw in droves, hitchhiking back to their RV parks while discussing the upside of Blake Bell. Take Steve, for example.
(Steve, you're about to become famous. Please keep commenting on NewsOK blogs after 1 a.m.)
on April 11, 2012 @ 1:08 am
We're totally with you, man. Maybe we'll even start praying with you, even if it's for Landry to immolate himself on the 50 yard line of the Cotton Bowl. Too Soon ... er?
Also, is anyone else unnerved by the implication that Steve ranks OU quarterbacks according to who is the easiest to watch out of his uniform?
Stoops has actually done an admirable job of managing his QBs, transforming rec gym athletes into all conference guys through the Sooners' Stalinesque workout regime and plenty of alone time sharing deep thoughts with Josh Heupel. We'll give you Sam Bradford, he was pretty good. For a cross-eyed Algonquin.
And please, Bob, keep moving Javon Harris and Tony Jefferson around in your secondary. Sometimes, all that's needed for the light to turn on is a position change! Unless there is no light to turn on. The 10-15 yard cushion Harris typically allows while Jefferson runs the opposite direction from the play should suffice for David Ash to hit a wide open receiver. But we know OU only does that shit against other teams.
In sum, we don't think this Sooner squad is capable of dropping 60 on us again but let's check back in August. You'd be amazed what kind of progress can be made during an off season in Norman...
And Jenni should be back from maternity leave by then. Lil' Dusty D, imo.