This past weekend, those of us who weren't able to drink all day surrounded by beautiful women in a picturesque fall setting in Oxford were treated to a collection of many blow-outs, a few trash fires, and a couple of upsets of highly ranked teams that we all knew would eventually fall apart. All and all, it was a solid Saturday of college football, but I think we are all ready for conference schedules to kick off for real in the next two weeks. In the mean time, let's discuss what we learned this week.
What We Learned
- Let the media blitz surrounding Notre Dame's potential championship run begin. For aficionados of modern high-scoring football, watching the Irish's victory over Michigan State probably felt like running a marathon wearing a sandpaper diaper, but the Irish can certainly stop the run. Have to give props to Manti Te'o, who played like a beast all day after a very tough week for him.
- The Big 10 appears to be a two-horse race between Minnesota and Northwestern. Note to self: purchase industrial-grade glue to huff before all Big 10 games this year.
- Florida St. was finally able to slay the demon...deacons. It's always fun to see an underdog pull an upset.
- Derek Dooley is not only the best dresser on the Tennessee sidelines. He also appears to be their best receiver. The images of despondent Tennessee fans were a fantastic exercise in schadenfreude on Saturday. Many fried desserts were consumed in Knoxville Saturday evening as the bitter tears of defeat added a little salt to the sweet. (Seriously, were CBS cameramen told to focus on crying fat people? It was fantastic.)
- A swollen, stinking corpse is all that remains of the Arkansas football team. If college football was an edgy Western, Arkansas would be rolled into a sty to serve as fodder for their mascot. The remains of this season must never be discovered.
- UL-Monroe was a 2-point conversion away from being in the catbird seat of the SEC West. Here's to the Warhawks putting on a performance against Baylor worthy of firing up the fanboats.
What We Already Knew
- Just when I thought Lane Kiffen was close to harnessing all of the immense talent on the USC roster, Stanford unleashed its army of giant Caucasian defensive linemen who are all indistinguishable from one another and all far too fast and agile to be that large. The Stanford organic chemistry department was overjoyed to learn that Matt Barkley left enough tissue samples on the field Saturday night to fuel a full genome sequencing of the So-Cal surfer bro.
- Despite all our well wishes (or prayers of thanksgiving) upon the news of his transfer to SMU, Garrett Gilbert is still not a good QB. The only question that remains is how in the world did the Longhorns manage to win a game with the combined talents of Greg Davis and Garrett Gilbert. Some questions will always remain unanswered.
- Only one question remains for the 2012 Colorado Buffaloes: Will they derp more than any team has ever derped in the history of derping? Reading the tea leaves, I say yes.