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All content herein has been triple fact-checked by our editorial staff, who just returned from South Bend, California, and Hawaii with answers. Can an Oprah interview be far away?
- November, 2009 - Following Notre Dame's loss to Stanford, Te'o meets eyes with Kekua's Facebook profile from across a crowd gathered outside of the stadium.
- June, 2010 - Te'o breaks up with his previous girlfriend, a weathered copy of the 1997 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.
- 2011 - Kekua contracts leukemia as a side effect of her pioneering work on cold fusion energy at Stanford's Alfred Einstein Institute of Advanced Scientifics.
- 2011-2012 - Te'o develops a deep and meaningful relationship with a pixelated image of a pretty woman.
- January, 2012 - The couple's first foray into cyberintimacy ends awkwardly when Te'o informs Kekua that he has put on a robe and wizard hat.
- February, 2012 - Te'o and Kekua's lone videoconference via Skype (screen capture below). Te'o describes it as "the most beautiful videoconference of my life."
- April 8, 2012 - Kekua visits the Te'o family home for a brief moment during the wee hours of the morning and, without disturbing the sleeping Te'os, leaves dozens of colorful, candy-filled eggs scattered throughout the yard as evidence of her visit.
- July, 2012 - Planning for a prosperous future together with Kekua, Te'o invests his life savings with a Nigerian prince he met via e-mail.
- Summer, 2012 - Kekua is seriously injured in a car accident, lending further credence to the argument that Twitter accounts are bad drivers.
- August 1-14, 2012 - Over a tragic two-week period, Kekua falls victim to a jetski accident, a javelin mishap, a lumber yard fire, an alien abduction, a narwhal attack, an assassination attempt, a fission reactor meltdown, and a sasquatch bite.
- August 16, 2012 - Canadian scientists link both narwhal attacks and sasquatch bites to sudden onset Leukemia, which can, like, kill you.
- September 12, 13, 15, and/or 16, 2012 - Kekua finally succumbs to fake leukemia. She is survived by her on-line avatar, the Facebook profiles of her imaginary family, and Manti Te'o.
- January 16, 2013 - Deadspin breaks the shocking story that Te'o's gorgeous, Stanford graduate, polymath girlfriend who no one has met in person and who just happened to die within hours of his grandmother's passing may have been fake.
January 17, 2013 - Skip Bayless admits to once being Catfished by a cajun truck driver, who now lives with him; Tom Rinaldi nominates Te'o for an honorary Heisman trophy; Cincinnati Bengals scouts flock to South Bend.
January 18, 2013 - Upon learning of the Te'o-Kekua story, Colt McCoy, Kurt Warner, and Tim Tebow express disgust that a high-profile football player would ramble in post-game interviews about an intense personal relationship with an unseen and unverified entity.
What does the future hold for Te'o and Kekua? Stay tuned to Barking Carnival for exclusive coverage of this adorable, mischievous twosome!