So long and thanks for all the wins:
As yet another regular season begins to wane, we at The Pregamer are left asking ourselves, how does one say goodbye to someone with whom we share so much history? Sure, the last few years haven't been as kind, but the decade before was pretty great right? Yes, he's getting old and is super white, but gosh darn it we loved playing together.
So here's to you, Floyd Casey Stadium. They say they only appreciate you after you're gone, so we'll set the demo charges after this song (free verse of course).
You've been kind to our backup QBs.
In 2005, Matt Norgren fumbled the ball on his way to the endzone, but you knew better and bounced the ball back into his hands in stride. It was his only rushing touchdown, and now he's dating Lindsay Lohan. Thanks Floyd Casey Stadium.
You've been mean to our foes.
In 2004, you beat a #16 Texas A&M team in overtime - a trolling that was 19 years and 10 home losses in the making. That game modernized Battered Aggie Syndrome. Thanks Floyd Casey Stadium.
You've been like a home away from home field for us.
The Longhorns have won a lot of games in Floyd over the years. And what can you say for the Baylor team themselves? How do they say goodbye? I mean, they probably won half the games they played in this stadium. Maybe? Don't know, don't wanna bother looking it up. Thanks for that too.
Fun fact. The nickname for Floyd Casey Stadium? The Case. And If that's not a perfect juxtaposition of our chances Saturday I don't know what to give ya.
So here's to you Floyd Casey Stadium. You played hard to get for years, but the tarp's off and you're shaking your nasty bits--all 3,000 of ‘em--for one final showdown like some sort of Stadiums Gone Wild, Spring Break Edition. Let's make it a fond farewell.
Better Know a Roster:
By now, you better know this section. This is where hate, heckle, and taunt the opposing team. "Oh but don't poke a bear," you cowardly suggest. Bears actually seem pretty susceptible to even the gentlest of taunting, so maybe we'll go easy on the Baptist Bears...
Kaz Kazadi, Strength Coach - His birth name is Muadianvita Machkaz Kazadi. I see why he goes by Kaz.
- Casey Horny, Ast. Dir. of Ops. - I hate to bash a Longhorn graduate, but he named his daughters
- Carsyn and Breslyn. Spelled with a y. With the last name Horny. They literally cannot not be strippers.
Baylor Black LB - Started college at Mary-Hardin Baylor, transferred to Baylor after briefly considering North Baylor, South Baylor, and Baylor Baylor State.
- Raaquan Davis LB - Long lost Wu Tang Clansman.
Ahmad Dixon S - Ah yes, Baylor co-eds likea that Dix.
- Andrew Frerking QB - Andrew Frerking Frootball! Coined it.
- Clay Fuller WR - Oh look it's Baylor Putin! You know Putin would play for a bear team.
Cody Wetsel S - Loves pretzels, allegedly.
- Prince Kent DB - Would be a cool name if his brother wasn't called Clark.
- Kiante' Griffin, DB - Personally, I've always found fava beans and human liver to pair better with merlot.
- K.J. Morton CB - KJ!!!! YOU ARE EVERYWHERE ON EVERY TEAM. HOW IS KJ A THING!!!!?!?!?!?
- Brody Trahan LB - [In Keanu Reeves voice] Yea. So my name is Brody Trahan. But you can, like, call me BroHan.
Aiavion Edwards LB - Aiavion: Tackle Desire. Aiavailable [sic] for $49.99 at Nordstroms.
K.J. Smith DE - WTF PEOPLE? THATS LIKE 8 KJs in the Big 12 this year. HOW IS THIS HAPPENING?!?!?!?!1?!? THIS IS THE SECOND TEAM WITH MULTIPLE KJS ON IT..
Jerod Monk TE - Didn't know Baptists did the monastery thing. What's next, dancing?
Lache Seastrunk RB - You find me a language, any language on the ENTIRE planet, where L-A-C-H-E spells LAKE!
- Beau Blackshear DL - Beau Beau Blackshear, have you any wool? No.
Shock Linwood RB - Pregamer respect. This guy's name is awesome.
- Bryce Hager LB - Come to think of it, Bryce Petty is kind of the Sammy Hagar to RG3's David Lee Roth. (Briles is Van Halen)
- Spencer Drango OL - is a lot less impressive unchained than Jamie Foxx.
Peni Tagive DE - Has a penny. To give you. Nice fellow, that Peni Tagive.
- Lynx Hawthorne WR - Are you shitting me? Lynx? Jace has been douche-throned.
Tejas Chaos: A quick moment to thank the guys who helped me make this article all season, and all the funny guest spots from around the SB universe. Now to continue tradition:
The game starts with Briles powersliding across midfield in the flaming bear car. By the time the fire is put out Baylor is up by 400 Baptist Bucks, and they never look back. You hear that Mack?? Motivation - I brings it.
Jprizzle: 4-0 Texas.
DailyHexan: As the pragmatic (read: intelligent) one of the bunch, I'll say this: by 2:30 kickoff, we'll already know whether we control our own destiny, and will have atoned with 100 Hail Mary's for rooting for OU [shudders]. And if Mack is one game away from being one game away from "all the Tostitos," ...THEN WE WILL BE ONE WIN AWAY FROM NOT GETTING NICK SABAN, WHO IS AN ABSOLUTE SURE THING TO COME TO TEXAS YOU GUYS. So root, root for the fighting Briles's. Baylor 42, Texas 34.
VY Pump Fake: Set up by a miraculous Case McCoy scramble, Texas wins 27-25 on Anthony Fera's last second 40-yard field goal. Baylor fires Briles, hires an up and comer from UH, which actually is just Briles again.
Somehow, we stand on the brink of an unlikely Big 12 Championship. Who know's what could happen....