Barking Carnival

Hawk Kwan Do is No Can Do. I predicted a 31-13 Longhorn victory and certainly thought we’d cover, but I didn’t expect our scrubs to be in the game with 10:00 left in the 4th quarter.

Beautiful Boulder
Note to Colorado opponents: please never schedule Colorado on Free Cast Iron Paperweight Night. Or […]

The season started for real last night after four games that felt like an NFL pre-season.  This was true not just for the good guys (that would be the Texas Longhorns) but for the entire Big 12 Football Conference.
The results of the games were no surprise at all.  The only thing that came close was […]

Darrell Scott was the biggest recruiting story Texas fans followed for many, many years. It came down to the last week of the recruiting season which is, by far, the exception and not the rule for past 10 years.
Scott was not just a 5-star recruit, but a top 5 national recruit. And he […]

This is the segment in which a cattle gun is placed against my head by Anton Chigurh and I’m told to call it. I have to pick every game, even the ones I feel aren’t subject for righteous divination. I’m much better at picking winners than handicapping, but Anton has no pity. […]

I’ve decided to distract myself from gawking at the smoldering ruin that was my 401K by researching a bit about the Buffaloes. Before the year, I would have been pleased to leave Boulder with a last second field goal for the win. The game set up well for them for a host of reasons. […]

And the surprise starter is sophomore Wally Pipp Demetrius Sumler. Never heard of him. I guess I could do some research, but what’s the point? Darrell Scott is the present and the future.
Sumler is starting because he knows the defense and is better at pass blocking. Fair enough. But he only averaged 3 yards […]

If a team emulates its coach, I’d like to administer a DSM-V to Dan Hawkins. His 2007 Colorado team embodied a whole array of disorders: schizophrenia, bipolar depression, acute psychosis, chronic bedwetting, and disassociative identity disorder. The same football team that beat Oklahoma in Boulder and whipped Tech in Lubbock was also blown […]

Colorado started an initiative to have the first zero-waste football stadium in the country.
Great. So all the shit they throw at opposing fans will now be bio-degradable?
Ralphie’s Green Stampede:
- All food and beverage containers will either be recycled or composted
- Colorado football players will now use earth friendly weapons such as rocks to assault the […]

Colorado coach Dan Hawkins launched into a bizarre defense of the New England Patriots yesterday at his press conference. He was asked and answered a question about leading the nation in 4th down attempts and then started talking about the Patriots.
“Personally, I think it’s awesome because those guys, I think a lot of times people […]

Ugly. Brutal. Putrid. Goat-fucking bad. All would be apt descriptions of the abortion that was week 7. There were no excuses and no bad beats. Well except South Carolina failing to score in the 2nd half and doinking a would-be covering 46 yard field goal. No excuses.

My […]

Missouri - Nothing about Missouri that we didn’t know before the season. Great offense, bad defense. They’ve yet to lose one they shouldn’t, but Gary Pinkel is still their coach. At Oklahoma this week should tell them how good they really are. They get Tech and A&M at home in what will be shootouts, but […]

Gaining some momentum, I’m now a solid 14-10-2 overall and a perfect 4-0 on double unit plays. Up 8 units minus juice ain’t too shabby.
All plays 1 unit unless stated otherwise. Here are the plays.
Southern Miss +11 @ Boise State. Yes, I realize this game is being played on the smurf turf, but this isn’t […]

Dan Hawkins is extreme. He wants you to know this. No limits, man. He’s just livin’ the dream. When he’s not paragliding off of a hot air balloon over an active volcano in Pyongyang, he’s stick-fighting eskrima practitioners in underground cage matches in Krakow, giving a Great White shark a wet […]