Houston decides to win multiple national championships

How you might ask?

By hiring the greatest coach in football history.

That’s right.

The Major.

Now there are some other candidates thought to be on the short list, and they might be granted courtesy interviews. But it’s The Major’s job to lose.

The Houston Chronicle understands this and headlines their article about the coaching search, UH coaching candidates include Applewhite.

Two questions remain however. Can Houston afford The Major, and will the Major turn down every coaching job in the country to come to Houston?

UH paid Art Briles about $900,000 a year, and that’s the going rate for a lock of The Major’s hair. So they’ll need to ad at least one more zero, preferably two. And how do you expect him to turn down the Patriots’ offer to fire Belichick and hire The Major to replace him? So they need to make the job more attractive. They should turn River Oaks into The Major’s own fiefdom and allow the peasants that remain there to grow food for his table.

At a minimum.

  1. Geoff K
    November 30, 2007 at 9:37 am

    The Major should replace Greg Davis and then slowly ween out the clapper.

  2. Geoff K
    November 30, 2007 at 9:46 am

    HenryJames do you work at all? The only reason I ask is because I spend all day at work scouring sites for the most recent Texas football related news and you always beat me to it. Either you have completely unrivaled interweb search skills or are presently unburdened by the rigors and toils of the nine to five work week.

  3. BrickHorn
    November 30, 2007 at 9:47 am

    Major Applewhite was conceived in a night of unholy passion between Vince Lombardi and Pam Oliver and born from the leg of Bear Bryant. He is a Winner.

  4. HenryJames
    November 30, 2007 at 9:49 am

    I’m a stay at home mom.

  5. utstudboy
    November 30, 2007 at 9:59 am

    stay at home mom = drink all day long

  6. Geoff K
    November 30, 2007 at 10:01 am

    HenryJames you keep up the great work. Without your updates my workday would be completely unbearable. I would probably quit. I cant tell you how many times a day i hit the refresh button on this website.

  7. Geoff K
    November 30, 2007 at 10:06 am

    ohh by the way, can you convince Scipio to do a end of season/pre-bowl wrap up. I am very upset that he didn’d to a post mortem on “that” game. I feel I need Scipio closure on the trainwreck which has been Akina/Davis v.2007

  8. Mockingbird
    November 30, 2007 at 10:50 am

    Michael Haywood is on the short-list, too. (Mastery of locating Kirspy Kreme on a GPS at a moments notice)

    The Mack Brown coaching tree is spreading like an unkillable weed. I see his vision for the future. Assimilate future opponents with his proteges and reap the payback.

  9. kchorn04
    November 30, 2007 at 11:01 am

    He insistance on being all time QB without any remaining eligibility will ulitimately keep him from being hired as a HC everywhere except in Canada. Canadians are weird.

  10. hiphopopotamus
    November 30, 2007 at 12:30 pm

    Hopefully the Louisiana Monroe game wasn’t shown in Houston.

  11. BrickHorn
    November 30, 2007 at 12:53 pm

    Hopefully the Louisiana Monroe game wasn’t shown in Houston.

    You can’t blame that loss on The Major. He had food poisoning that day. And some Indian guy kept calling his hotel room the night before. And his knees hurt.

  12. The Clapper
    November 30, 2007 at 12:56 pm

    I can’t believe you want to “wean me out” in favor of the Major. He’s never won a Big XII championship like me and Frank.

    Don’t do it again.

    Two claps.

  13. Lazlo Hollyfeld
    November 30, 2007 at 1:13 pm

    Ketchum works? I thought he just sniffed jocks.

  14. HenryJames
    November 30, 2007 at 2:53 pm

    ohh by the way, can you convince Scipio to do a end of season/pre-bowl wrap up.

    Scipio does his own thing. And by ‘own thing’ I mean he’s a molester. Of children!

  15. SizzleChest
    December 1, 2007 at 12:07 pm

    Scipio likes that they have small hands. You figure out why.

  16. Stoops Lover
    December 2, 2007 at 1:33 pm

    Bob Stoops has small hands

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